Haha my posts are like, once a week now. I just realised that I have a few draft posts that never got posted! Probably because internet wasn't working and I was too busy to come back to post. Anyway, that was about Janice Roxanne Cheyenne's netball game at Pasir Ris Crest, and Eunice Andrea and myself went down (thanks to Auntie Adeline who fetched us there) to support. And another one involves my results for the previous school semester! I did quite okay la, but when I received my result I have no idea whether to be happy or sad, because I didn't know what was good or what was bad! But after asking Matthew, now I know. Satisfied la heh!

I really really do want to spend more time blogging! But nowadays when I come online I'm just on email and on MSN, and occasionally on Plurk and Facebook. Or else I'm mostly out of house enjoying my holiday free time. It's really great not to be studying! But there's still some work to be done la, and I cannot imagine what it will be like when school term begins again, it'll be back to rushing and late nights and early mornings and loads of work and very little time. Been going out a lot these few days. And, my table is full of birthday presents and Christmas presents and cards! Very messy, but I'm lazy to clear it and I haven't got the time too.

And without me realising it, the year has crept by once again. Staring at the beginnings of next year. Time really flew! Okay I shall leave the reminiscing post for 1 January. I'm just sleepy now. Watchnite service tomorrow, then stayover! And worship leading tomorrow, Friday, and on Sunday, on all the covenant signing services too hahaha. Last year I was similarly involved in worship leadings and messages and stuff, so I didn't have a formal chance to sign all my covenant cards during service time. I shall try again next year.

This year's Christmas was more Christmasy than last year's, largely due to carolling and more activities to do. On Christmas Eve we were travelling all over to different families to celebrate with them with our songs. I realised that there are still a lot of corps people that I've never talked to in all my years there. And the terrible thing is, people more often recognise and know me, but I'm at a loss at who they are. So I'm striving to be more sociable and talk more to people. But back to carolling, it's a great experience and I really enjoy sharing the happiness of Christmas. Thanks to Debra who gave me motivation to push for it this year, although I didn't plan it haha.

And actual Christmas day for the past few years was typically service in the morning, followed by frenzied huntings of which Christmas card and gift belongs to whom. But this year I just sat there and I didn't move, because I mailed out all my Christmas cards in advance! I've kinda given up trying to get presents for everyone, cos I realised if I'm lazy then that person will just get a soft toy, which is not the most practical gift ever. Cards are the way to go, with sincere messages. Hahaha! Thanks to all for all the cards, presents and well-wishes.

In the evening was Ms Angelin Wong's wedding dinner! What a day to choose to get married! But yeah it was a really joyous occasion, and the dinner was splendid. Great catching up with old classmates and old teachers too, haha it was quite pleasant to meet some of my former teachers (who still remember me). Five years since I graduated! I'm really really old.

Merry Christmas. It's nearing end of the year again, time to rest and reflect.

Weekend was spent doing all the Christmas-ie stuff! Hahaha. There was a Sunday School party going on yesterday, and my cell group was helping with the decorations, games and worship segment. Saturday was doing up the Christmas tree, blowing up tonnes of balloons and decorating the hall with whatever stuff we could find. And the actual party was woahh quite rowdy, but the children enjoyed it. Worship was interactive hahaha I managed to find impromptu volunteers to help me with drums.

And in the midst of it all, there was a kettling slot available on Saturday, as there was a cancellation and someone had to fill the time slot. A few of us went down to ring the bell at AMK Hub. And, in the evening, it was carolling at Sin Ming block 26 and at Ardmore Park! Both were equally blessed, it was quite an exposure at block 26 to get to talk to the less-fortunate, sing carols and pray for them. Ardmore Park was like some hotel haha, and it was just as nice to sing for them and bring cheer to their party.

Okay, I aim to finish up my Christmas cards today, and mail them all out.

4am in the middle of the night, and I'm kinda wondering if it's still worthwhile to sleep. Hahaha. Strangely, my mind's kinda blurry but I'm still half lucid. And I realised I kinda miss this space for all my thoughts and ventings and everything. In my haste to complete the stuff that I have to do, I've neglected this except for the occasional post. Shame, really, cos I do need to reflect and revise on my life.

And considering that at 2am I was still at Marina Barrage just now! First time there, great catch-up with Sherwin Fabian and Cephas (in Singapore for Christmas holiday). And I'm taking the time out to enjoy life without studying or much church stuff. Of course, Malaysia was really just enjoy enjoy, loads of shopping and eating and sleeping. Cycling at East Coast this morning, Bugis (first time in years too) on Sunday, kettling, worship workshop, getting my Christmas cards and resolving to write them by end of this week. I'm going to mail my cards out this year, because I know if I leave it to Christmas morning to give out, on Christmas eve I will still be writing cards.

Been thinking that I haven't really lacked any physical thing that I need at all this year. Somehow God found a way to provide, and even for the whimsical wants, I've gotten them somewhere somehow. I needed a particular textbook, and tadaa the used books forum had it. I thought about getting The Message Bible translation because the language is really strong and bold, but Uncle Franklin just gave it to me for Christmas. And ukulele! Hahaha Mat gave me for birthday, but I've yet to fiddle with it much yet. Can't wait! And I remembered I was kinda worried when university just began, because I was thinking how to support myself financially. Somehow money just wasn't an issue for me at all this whole year.

And I'm to meet some insurance agent at 10am later. It's not my first insurance meetup hahaha but I feel old, like I have to make life decisions. Hahaha I don't know what's into me either, I haven't got the slightest interest, but she was quite persistent on the phone so I just orh okay let's meet to talk this further. Aiyaa, she said 20 minutes of my life, so I thought let's just be nice and hear her out, and probably decide again later?? And it's like those poor guys giving out flyers by the escalators and everyone just shuns them, so I help them by accepting one, even though it's probably going to end up in the bin.

Okay. 4.30am. I could sleep for a while.

Was at AMK Hub doing kettling today with my cell group! My last kettling was 3 years ago at Raffles City, with a previous cell group (when Jolene Ming Hui were still teeny weeny kids hahaha). Have been unable to commit to any kettling slots for the past few years because of army. But now that it's holidays and I'm back from Malaysia, I was looking forward to all the Christmas stuff that will happening this year. And when Cecilia told me there was a cancellation today, I seized the chance to ring bells and wear red aprons!

It was quite fun hahaha, although there were more of us than required. Thanks Celine Cheyenne Eunice Charmel Sangavi Andrea Jerrold for coming down.

Blogging in Malaysia now, I'm staying somewhere in Kedah at my auntie's house. We've been going shopping at all the big supermalls within this area, was at Butterworth and at Bukit Mertajam. And last night was my cousin's wedding dinner! My mum's family is really huge, I have a lot of aunts and uncles just from my maternal grandma's side alone. My granddad had 3 wives so I really can't remember everyone of my aunts uncles cousins, and now there's even cousins' kids! Makes me feel like I'm ready to get married right now.

Hoping we have enough time in the last few days to go up to Penang, so that I can go Penang Corps hahaha. And it's quite logical la, since we came from Penang airport. Okay, till I'm back in Singapore on Thursday.

It's finally the end of my exams and studying and staying up late at night trying to cram some last minute stuff in. The papers were mostly okay la, although for one or two papers I neglected time management and didn't write as well as I wanted to. Hahaha aarghh but it's all over!

And it's like I lost all semblence to what I've been doing for the past few days! Been carrying around a bunch of notes everywhere I went in the past two or three weeks, and suddenly exams are over, I'm sitting around aimlessly without anything to read hahaha.

Was down at William Booth's SFOT library this afternoon with a few of the church people. The original plan was to go shopping at RSI but they were closed for staff Christmas party! So we managed to gain access into the library instead, and woaahh they have resources for Bible study and so many topics! Okay it's not the most comprehensive library, but it's small enough to make you feel that you can read every single book inside it.

Will be away at Malaysia for a week from tomorrow. Visiting relatives and wedding.

Been trying to get into the mood of running these two weeks! Aaron, Tim and Dezmand are strong influences in my decision to dig out my running shoes again. Another factor is with the passing of my 21st birthday, my IPPT window is officially open (I have a lull period of 8 months due to late ORD and late birthday). Hahahaha. Technically speaking I have a year to clear it la, but I really need to get my fitness in check. My runs are getting better, although I have aching muscles every day haha.

And tomorrow is Japanese Studies, which is MCQ, which I really don't like because the tendency then is for it to be super detailed-driven and tricky. If it's essay I still can anyhow write la. But MCQ aarghh, means I really have to memorise every useless detail.

Okie. Back to the course pack.

I like to think how relationships are both a process and a product. It takes intentional effort to maintain and build up trust, and the culmination of what results is essentially a testimony of what went into it. I know I'm not the most persistent person to do that. Have that tendency to abandon things halfway especially when it is just developing into something better. But I'm bored laa, I just don't have that strong commitment to sustain it.

And maybe that's why I have so many disjointed and dysfunctional relationships. And it makes matters worse when all those unburned bridges still provide a gateway to the memories. I don't like it, memories have a way of diluting and distorting things.

I really should just try to put my selfish pride away. Mending is better than ending. 

21st November came and left, haha just another day to add to my 7671 days on earth hahaha. I feel very old and very young at the same time, neither fully adult nor still considered a teen. Time spent mostly studying! Falling behind in my revision as I would have wanted it to be. But I did have some celebrations here and there, so thank you thank you!! Some of them turned up in pink tee shirts ahaha! Appreciation to all the Facebook messages, SMS-es and calls and MSN and greetings too! My Gmail was an innocent sufferer:

And I thought I was too old for duckie stuff too, but turns out I got the most duck-related presents this year. I think it's quite convenient, especially if you like ducks or cows or snails or whatever, then the greatest tendency is to get you all the ducks and cows and snails for your birthday and for Christmas. My ducks for this year, among other presents:

THANK YOU ALL!!!! Appreciated and grateful!

Andrea asked me why we seldom sing Hillsong Kids songs for worship, because she said she heard Sunday School playing a few of the songs for their worship. So that kinda prompted me to go dig out the Hillsong Kids albums that are sitting rusted in my iPod. And I have to admit, it's really quite nice! It's easy to sing, the lyrics are really straightforward and direct too.

But I've got a slightly bad experience with Hillsong Kids! Hahaha the last time for YP Sunday, the Sunday School teachers requested for "You're The One", and if you go listen to it, it has millions of synthesized sounds and techno beats! It's a great upbeat song, just that it's quite hard to reproduce it with a normal worship team with guitars keyboard drums. And I remember fretting for days, trying to experiment with different styles in order to retain the energetic nature of the song. Hahaha which is partly the reason why I ignore Hillsong Kids when it comes to worship planning, too much artificial sound and too hard to recreate haha.

Okay la, at least now I will listen to those albums more. Kids' voices are kinda cute. Andrea nice and pretty laa hahaha thanks thanks!

Through some last minute invitation, Eunice asked me if I wanted to accompany her for a day trip to Kukup and Johor Bahru last weekend. One of her auntie's church activities and a few of her other aunts and cousins were going. And I was thinking oh well it's the last week of lessons, so I could make use of this one-day holiday opportunity before I start my revision for exams!

Quite glad that I went. I was afraid I will be shy because I don't know anyone from that church and I don't even know Eunice's auntie and I don't know the itinery and I don't know what to expect. But turned out I knew Sophia (Gracehaven social worker) whom I was introduced a few months back, and the people were really nice, so it wasn't that awkward. And the places were some pineapple museum, boat trip to Kukup fishing village and shopping at JB. With loads of food and travelling haha. Okay la it really was quite interesting, apart from shopping because everything is pretty much the same as in Singapore and Eunice and I aren't shopping enthusiasts.  

Had fun today, thanks Eunice for the company and for all the *ahem* hahaha.

I'M VERY HAPPY TODAY hahaha it's the last day of lessons and school for this semester! Okay haha that's excluding the fact that I still have exams in about 2 weeks time, but no more lectures and tutorials and having to wake up early just to be on time. And and, submission of Japanese Studies project today, and another submission on Saturday (Cultural Studies which is comparatively much easier than the headache Japanese one), which brings to an end my terribly disjointed sleeping hours. Next sem I must avoid modules involving group projects as much as possible, it gets my blood boiling brr brr brr. And I thought minimum I have to stay in school till 4pm to be in time for project submission deadline, but I was out of school by 12.30pm today hahaha this is splendid.

In any case, this is entirely over. Time for a good night's sleep tonight, and then studying for exams.

Next semester I am sooo going to fight for all the modules which does not require group work! I think I have relatively nice project mates, as in that they are nice friends to have la. But I think it's a totally different thing when it comes to academic writing! UGHH I think it really gets on my nerves and I don't want to complain complain complain. I rather do a solo piece of work and if I get lousy grades or if I make a really bad mistake, then at least I can only blame myself.

And it's crunch time now, my last two projects are due by this weekend. Following that is revision and exams. Oh well, getting really busy to have much spare time at all.

And today's the first official and real Tues where I don't have to stay in school till 6pm and get caught in the traffic jam back home.

I feel quite terrible neglecting this virtual space to organise my thoughts. Even though my blog page is my internet browser home page, so everytime I open Mozilla it "invariably and inevitably" opens up to my blog. But I've really been too busy in school or in church or doing other things. Tonnes of stuff in my to-do list and every day it's a battle with the clock to finish my work on time so that I can get at least 4 to 5 hours of sleep. In the past I would adopt the work-first-sleep-later mindset, but I can't do that now haha age is creeping up with me. If I don't sleep enough, the sleep debt rolls over and accumulates and drags me under.

Highlight of the week was meeting Jaslyn by a chance encounter in school, and we spent my 3 hour break studying eating and her providing valuable insights for my life. Haha which was really enlightening, because my thoughts are in shambles now and that was just what I need.

And getting rejected to donate blood again! I want to be a willing blood donor, but they keep rejecting me! This time due to stupid cough syrup, because it might pose some allergic reactions. And this is the third time! First was in JC when I wasn't 18 yet and I didn't sign the parental form. Second was fever a week ago, so I can't donate. But it's really silly because I have no phobia of needles and they poked me at least twice in army to draw blood. In the end, of Rachel Dezmand Cassandra and myself, only Cass passed all the tests to donate.

Okay. Will try to update this space more if I could.

Kinda depressed, because I've got a ready-made "how to share the gospel" sermon outline that I planned to use for tomorrow's message, but I lost that piece of paper! I have no idea where it disappeared to either, it was lost in school, and I'm quite sure I kept it in my folder, but it just mysteriously went missing. And I'm quite sad too, because it was a letter/note from Chris Chen which I've kept for 5 or 6 years too! Maybe God's trying to tell me not to be lazy and to just come up with the points myself, rather than just basing it entirely on Chris' outline ahaha.

In any case I've reached the end of my school week. Which is really great haha.

It was Andrea's birthday today, and Eunice Joelynn and Charmel tricked her into coming for guitar lesson at church just so that we could celebrate for her! Not the best surprise hahaha but it was still fun, and we had a hoot of a time with the vacuum cleaner. Here's the compiled pictures:

Just came home not too long ago from Gracehaven! It's the last service for this year because they usually have a break in the long school holidays. And to "commemorate" that, it was a combined worship service from the bands of all three corps! Kinda massive, but the transitions were smooth and everything was pretty fine. And tonight was one of the few worship leading nights that I'm actually lucid throughout and able to focus clearly.

Think this entire Gracehaven project for this whole year has impacted my personal spiritual journey in quite a significant manner. It puts in perspective for me what it means to worship in a Salvation Army church. You know, like it's one thing for your own heart to God, but there's another for your hand to man. And Gracehaven is sort of like the epitome of my outreach to the lost, last and least haha. Okay they're not really that lost, last and least. But every time I'm there, be it to lead worship or to distribute posters or for games or meetings or whatever, my heart really goes towards the children over there. It can be simple as seeing their names on the whiteboard with all the notices and birthday reminders, or them studying, little sights like that which break my heart.

Dunno la, I'd like to think that God's going to come one day and POOF, everyone's saved including the Gracehaven children and all's fine and dandy. But truth is there's a strong need for ministry in that area, and I really want to do something. Maybe I should just consider working full-time there la hahaha. And when I took the corps' worship ministry to Gracehaven, I wasn't expecting 100% dividends and I was thinking that let's just commit to half a year and see where it takes us. Then half a year became a full year, and each time it's still refreshing and it's still a revelation.

Worship's kinda limited, you know. Like what we do onstage is just kept up there, but there's not much interaction and nothing really life-changing is going on. But it's still somewhere and somehow and something, which is why I'm constantly amazed at how God turns our junk into something magnificent. It's not all music and airy-fairy stuff either. There are some genuine friendships made and I'm thankful for that. I do see them around at various combined meetings or activities, and each time it's heartening to know that God is getting them to where he wants them to go.

But yep. It's been a good experience there this year. Kinda glad that it's over, because it was a massive emotional toll on me, even though each time we're just playing for 20 minutes up there. At the same time, it's kinda sad that the year just flew by like that and we're hitting November. Catharsis hhahaha. In any case it's been good, and ministry isn't ministry without heart to God and hand to man. My thoughts are with Gracehaven.

I've finally reached the end of this week! And in good measure too. I've had 3 project assignments and reports to be submitted by Thursday or Friday, and I'm mightily glad to say that I'm completed with all of them! That's quite a significant amount of work off my back for this semester actually.

And first thing I need to do is to catch up on all the lost sleep. All the late nights trying to rush the final final draft cumulated in an immense amount of sleep debt. And this weekend shall be more relaxed instead of trying to rush work!

Too busy for anything. I'm not really looking forward to the start of this week because I've got three deadlines to adhere to Thursday or Friday! They're relatively easy and manageable la, but the thought that I have to spend significant time on them is really quite daunting!

Anyway, I'm trying to start my exams revision. It's not till end of November, but if you put it in perspective, it's actually slightly more than a month away. And I've realised this year that a month's time is actually not very long, so I'm trying to re-read all my readings and tutorials and lecture notes so that I'm not caught out 2 weeks before exams and I still haven't started anything. Gives me some measure of peace and frees up time for other things.

Matthew sang 'Did you feel the mountains tremble' on Friday, and Chris led it too this morning. That song feels very 1990s because I heard it for the first time when I was still in Sunday School pre-teens or something, and how I remember Ben Wong and Sharon were practising it for worship when I was in Sec 1 but they didn't sing it in the end because it was too high. That song has always been marked by a sense of grandeur and magnificence, don't think I've had opportunities to sing it much over the years (I've certainly never led it before), but it's just reminiscient of how I liked the analogies to nature and how God is bigger than that, with all that sympathetic background things going on.

And a small trivia. Hillsong's 'Hosanna' is pretty much a common song to everyone in church now, but I've only truly really fittingly led it for the first time last Sunday at Gracehaven. Haha.