"...there seem to be very few, in the style of Novel, that you can read with safety, and yet fewer that you can read with advantage. - What shall we say of certain books, which we are assured (for we have not read them) are in their nature so shameful, in their tendency so pestiferous, and contain such rank treason against the royalty of Virtue, such horrible violation of all decorum, that she who can bear to peruse them must in her soul be a prostitute, let her reputation in life be what it will. But can it be true - say, ye chaste stars, that with innumerable eyes inspect the midnight behaviour of mortals - can it be true, that any young woman, pretending to decency, should endure for a moment to look on this infernal brood of futility and lewdness?"

-Extract from James' Fordyce's Sermons to Young Women.


Okay, not taking into consideration that this is extremely chauvinistic, it actually is quite funny in a damning way. This was an 18th century English text targeted at women for a more feminine behaviour in accordance to the societal background of that time period. I'm not trying to repress the feminist movement or anything, but I just think that even till today, women are still judged by certain society notions and are still expected to subscribe to a mannerism that is remarkably favourable for men. That said, if every girl who enjoys reading is seen as a prostitute, then I wouldn't be surprised if prostitution were to be the single trade that accounts for excellent economy.

CHIJ St Nicholas Girls' School's funfair yesterday was quite funky. I went down with Tim in the afternoon after lunch with Khairul at City Hall. It started raining when we reached there, but it wasn't too bad. Met David and Yurong and Joel, but they left shortly after. So what Tim and I depended upon was Rui Jun's consistent issuance of funfair coupons. Hahaha oh yeah Debra and Coleman joined us at intermittent periods too. But mostly, I was alone with Tim. Follow the story thus far? Yeah we ate, drank, played rip-off games like sliding cups and shooting and stacking up cans and fishing. We won some brown bears, some purple cow, and a lot of car shades thingy which Tim says is going into the corps van. Hahaha! I met my sister somewhere along the way too. And I met Dora Tan too. Then at 5pm, Coleman, me, Tim, Rui Jun and Debra all went to watch the cheer-leading. They had some funny Guinness World Record attempt for most number of people running a relay in 24 hours.

Funfairs allow me to indulge in my frivolous mood. SNGS is a nice school with nice people too.

Out of absolutely nowhere, I suddenly find myself having to make decisions regarding church ministries again! Here's the lowdown: Ben just asked if I would like to consider giving messages on Friday nights like once a month, then Cheryl messaged me to inform me that I've been nominated for worship leading roughly once a month too. And my reaction is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because I wasn't anticipating this at all. Right now my current personal stance is that I'll only help out if needed, or I'll volunteer as long as my schedule (what with army) permits. But to ask me to commit to regular things like these is a bit out of the blue. Not that I'm saying I want to shirk all responsibilities or I don't view myself involved in such leadership roles just because I'm in army or anything else. I just feel that it might be more sincere if you take time out and talk to me nicely in person, instead of plonking my name straight into the schedules. And no this is not an attack on Ben or Cheryl either, cos they're nice people and to be fair, it still required a decision on my part before this is instituted.

Yurong thinks one good performance is all it takes for people to come swooping down and asking you to help with this or that. And she sort of said to view this as a "privilege". But I think somewhere along the way, there's quite a huge blur between what is considered honourary and what is considered a necessity. I think that if you show promise in something, it is not quintessentially compulsory for you to develop it into a talent; but rather, you should always have the choice to either pursue it part-time or full-time.

Thunderstorms are expected at most areas of Singapore in the late afternoon. There's a strange sense of foreboding when you see a lightning bolt strike from the sky, and the anticipation of the thunder that precedes after. It is especially so when the lightning strike is extremely close to your area, unlike hearing distant thunder and going "oh, it's going to rain".

I'm supposed to be on standby to go on boat patrol for Mas Selamat this whole week, but they relaxed it a bit so that I can get out of camp for a while, but I must still get back in time if there is an activation. Honestly, I really think he's no longer in Singapore already. I chanced upon this article in Channel News Asia's website, and this guy thinks that it's quite implausible for him to be still hiding in the forests. "What has he been living on? Coconuts?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Oh. Try saying this tongue twister: Ned Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot, but Shott swears he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott himself, then Shott would be shot and Nott would not. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott but Nott. It's not easy to say who was shot and who was not, but we know who was Shott and who was Nott.

Yellow shorts! Okay other than being garish and crude and outlandish, I think they resemble Mickey Mouse (his trademark yellow shoes).


Demonstrating the "perfect boyfriend shoulders". I think this is blatantly false, because if that were the case, then where are all the girls in my life!!

The more you think of Easter and all its connotations, you cannot help but feel despair at how worthless, pathetic and useless all of us are. That we require a huge divine intervention to suffer and die for us. That we are still unrepentant. That we have a long way to go before measuring up to expectations. And, to quote, how "God subjected himself to all our screwed-up Machiavellian manoeuvrings, just so that His greater purposes could be accomplished". We're quite screwed up actually.

So Good Friday came and went without the supposed disaster that I envisioned it to be. Hahahaha do you know I have a 15% chance of freezing up on big occasions? And every time there's something major to be done, I'm always afraid that it might be one of those 15%. But yeah, Good Friday youth service was quite smooth. I missed the morning service because I overslept in the morning, and the night before was dinner with Yurong and Adriel at J8 then the Holy Thursday thing and the prata outing with Eleanor that never happened. Alicia chose songs that were fitting for the occasion, though the three-and-a-half hours of practice gave me a sexy raspy throat. The message was too complicated for me to deliver heh I need to learn how to simplify explanations. After all of that, went for late supper with the people! Accompanied Tammy all the way to her home after that, then we talked on the phone for like an eternity because we keep going off the main subject.

And today, went out with the all-guys cell (Ben, Dezmand, Wilson, David) with the intention to get to MacRitchie's Tree Top Trail! Hahaha when we set out the skies were very dark already, and it rained steadily heavier until we were halfway there when it started pouring really heavily. I can't explain the lunacy of wanting to go jungle trekking in a thunderstorm. Sought shelter eventually at SICC's carpark and solved a difficult Sudoku puzzle! Hahaha by then the rain got a lot lighter for us to walk in, so we got out. Was already wet from rain, but I got even wetter from a bus that splashed up water from a huge puddle. Then I met Tammy at Thomson Plaza while the rest went for dinner. Then we explored Thomson Plaza! Oh man the place is so boring but we managed to waste a lot of time over there.


Drenched in rain.


Freshly dead monitor lizard. How morbid.



Oh oh oh. I think she's plain adorable. Hahaha AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH this is so wrong but yar. Shut up all of you.

Why is it that every Good Friday or Easter Sunday becomes a time for all of us to confess about our mistakes? It's as though every such season is a dumping ground for our current sins, and ditch it for a life otherwise better. Okay in a sense it is fitting for the occasion, because it's our redemption from condemnation and whatnot, but surely we don't have to wait till Easter just to do that. Ideally it should be something that is ongoing. You ought to live a life that, being conscious of your salvation, is as pleasing to God as it is free of sin. But people don't really do that. And when Easter swings by once a year, they realise how rotten they truly are, then they start to confess and repent. It's easy for this to become cyclical after that.

I speak not from judgmental perspectives of all the people who have confided in me. It's more of my own remorse, and the feelings of inadequacy that renders all of us helpless once in a while.

A lie is a lie is a lie. Never trivialise or over-sensationalise things which are of the same breed.

Okiee. In kinda of a hurry, so this will be short! Yesterday night was at Parkway Parade with Khairul. And today's church! Met a new friend, Salinder from Sri Lanka! Had lunch near J8.

I'm very happy today. It's like, learning how to fall in love, in a different way altogether. Glee.


Shermin, Salinder, Sarah and David.


Tammy, and our cheapo attempts at a neoprint.

This post is going to be mashed up into one huge chunky paragraph. Read on only if you can stomach it. This week was kinda dreary and teary-eyed tired. Guard duty on alternate days, and the rest of the time were spent hiding from the rain. Slept like nobody's business! Hahaha rainy weather makes for excellent sleeping but it's terrible because I have stuff that needs to be completed and I'm not making any effort to do them. But Tuesday's nights out was funky. Tammy managed to get Step Up 2 preview tickets, so Yurong and Amelia and I joined in for the fun at town. Sometimes I wish I had really cool dance moves instead of those cheesy swivels-and-zoom-zoom moves. Oh I met Sok Huang, after an absence of more than a year. And Dismas, which Tammy really admires. Then on Thursday evening I sort of made a rash decision to apply off for Friday, because Aaron's enlisting into army. Heh I'll never forget the day of my own enlistment, because it's significant in a life-changing way and you want friends to see you off. Anyway, yar I booked out on Thursday evening. And I just happened to be messaging Tammy, and she told me of her hare-brained scheme to study overnight at Changi airport with Amelia! The plan was to study until it was dawn, then we'll go straight to Pasir Ris to go find Aaron. I decided to be equally crazy, and went down to the airport at midnight to read my Pride and Prejudice. Isaac joined in too. Blah it was quite hilarious everyone fell asleep at different times, and it was freezing cold. I realised that the airport is almost a non-function at night. All the shops are closed and there's very little flights. I only slept for an hour and a half! Had breakfast, then took a bus down to Pasir Ris. Eventually met everyone who came to see Aaron off, then he was in a frantic rush to try and get on the bus hahaha. Breakfast again, then I made another hasty decision to accompany Yurong back to her house! Kat gave us and Shermin a ride down to Yishun, then we went down to Bukit Timah area. Yurong's home is unkempt from messy attempts at trying to keep it clean. Helped her with her chord sheet while she went bathing, then got delayed by 20 minutes because she took her own sweet time. They were going Peacehaven to go interact with the old folks over there! On the way back to Bishan we bought magnets and paper clips. Then I went home while all of them headed out for Peacehaven. At around 2pm I headed out for Nee Soon Camp! The occasion was Khairul's graduation ceremony because he just finished his medic specialist course. And the weird thing is, he invited me to go instead of his parents. Ahh never mind. It was just some general ceremony, shake hands receive scroll, then sing some song and say some pledge. I helped him put on his medic armband hahaha. And took pictures for him. And enjoyed the free food, which was quite marvellous. Yum yum. Then at around 6pm I went down to Tanjong Pagar after that! There was some World Vision gathering for all of us child sponsors, sort of like to clarify doubts and explain the proceedings of the programme. I sat through the videos and presentations with glassy eyes because I was dead tired. One of the staff who is working there used to be a sponsored child, then she was telling her experiences. Quite good, I must say. I think I must have been the youngest person in that room! I wonder how my Priya is doing now. She haven't replied my letter which I sent a month ago. Okay after that ended I came back to Bishan, met David along the way haha. Then we had a short cell group. And I'm back home after that. I'm super tired now. It's been an extremely packed day with a lot of travelling. I went all over Singapore today! East, west, central, north, south. Okie. Time for bed.

Update on weekend!

Saturday 08032008: Was supposed to meet Khairul for breakfast, but it became lunch instead. I went all the way down to Pasir Ris. Then from there, we decided to go Changi Village. Then over there, we decided to go to Pulau Ubin. How spontaneous could we get! So we took the bum-boat there, ate at Ali the headman's shop, then went walking around. We got as far to some little beach just out of the jungle's clearing. Then we made it back to near the jetty in one huge loop by the seashore. Well okay the place was supposed to be locked up, so we climbed over the fence. Then there were this large group of people with bicycles who were right with us, and they had trouble trying to cross the rocks by the sea (together with their bicycles), so we gallantly went to help them! They were from City Mission Church and they have their services at Meritus Mandarin on Sundays. Then we came back to Changi via bum-boat again, then we argued for half an hour because Khairul wanted to go Sim Lim Square to find his PSP but I didn't, and it ended acrimoniously with him going on his own and me going home.

Sunday 09032008: Sunday service in the morning, and like almost all Sundays I spent the rest of the afternoon in church. Well okay I was trying to do the message for Good Friday. Then somewhere along the way I ended up playing bridge, then there was a bit of singing here and there because Yurong's leading worship.

Baahh. I need to be more disciplined and more productive if I really want to write my "Hannah and the Monsters".

Here's a salutatory toast to these two girls who, despite my discontented life this whole week, managed to put a smile both on my face and in my heart.

To Girl #1: You probably don't even know I exist, but I know you are kinda real, so that's all that matters. All you need to do for now is to keep existing in my life, as the mere sight of you brightens up my day. This is both awesome and peculiar at the same time, largely because this is supposed to be happening, but I can't help but think how long more does it have to be like this. I like quite a lot of things about you. I like it when you wear your pink shirt, because you look cute in it. I like the way your eyes grow big with anticipation. I like how your hair is always in that funnily-high ponytail. So yar, thank you for your exuberance, which I suppose I can regard with quite seeming accuracy, from the way you embraced that weird swinging thing.

To Girl #2: Ahhh you and I both know we exist, but I bet you don't know that I've started to grow fond of you. Just like all your other silly stalkers. You're too endearing, and you don't even realise it. Isn't that cute? I'm certain we can be the best of friends, but not anything else because I know clearly what my boundaries are and I wouldn't cross it for a million bucks. I don't know who else in the world would sit with me patiently and talk about the most random and weird things. And in vastly animated spirits notwithstanding. You are totally unpredictable. You don't think twice about ruffling my hair when everyone else hesitates to. You stunned me with that guttural intone. And you continue to surprise me in everything, even when I try my best to return the favour and watch you do that dramatic WHOOAAAAA thing.

I'm in a rather foul mood now. I hate it whenever I am the subservient creature caught in the "greater scheme of things". I guess there's quite a significant portion in me which demands to be in control most of the time. I hate it when people overwrite my decisions or determine my next course of actions. Why can't everyone just live their own stupid miserable lives instead of trying to impose their bearings on someone else??

Raah. That runaway terrorist Mas Selemat Kastari is not helping things either. My camp is using his escape as an excuse for heightened security. Basically they conduct spot checks for everything else other than for that crippled mother-toad. They check for contraband items such as PSPs and thumb-drives and cameras and pirated VCDs instead. Here's to those drunk people who are checking for these instead of looking physically for him: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'VE GOT MAS SELEMAT HIDDEN IN THE POCKETS OF MY JEANS? Why don't all of you deploy yourselves along the whole stretch of Picadilly Road in one straight line, ten metres apart from each other, and look like some tough dude?? That makes a great photo opportunity for the newspapers, and it shows the public that you guys are doing something.

I'm annoyed that I'm the one getting all the flake when the whole thing probably isn't my fault. I'm quite cheesed off that everyone else is so nonchalant about it, or they run away for various excuses and leave me all alone to deal with it. What the hell can I do about it!!

And I'm utterly sick of waiting for something to happen. If there is no eventual outcome, I couldn't be bothered less to do anything more. You guys treat me like some invisible shit to be thrown at wherever needs help. Nobody appreciates the time and effort that I take out from my wretched schedule to do the stuff that no one else wants to do.

I'm sick of waiting for you to look my way. So how about I give up totally about you, and live a happier life without you tormenting my heart. You don't know how cruel you can be. Heck, I don't even know why I'm still caring. Even a twelve-year-old slaughters the competency of your thinking skills.

Shall we talk about what's dolorous next?

It was an extremely scatterbrained day spent with Tammy today. Courtesy of our ETEP last week, all of us had a day off from army today, and that explains why I'm out on a Tuesday. We went to J8 after Tammy's school to go to the bank! Haha she needed to open a bank account while I wanted to apply for a debit card. And right after that was done she went to apply for a Body Shop card too. I was supposed to go apply for Popular membership but I was lazy to do so. And we wasted our money on those turn turn turn machines. Winnie the Pooh, Minnie Mouse, some sweet potato and tomato thing in the shape of private parts hahahaha!! Then there was some DVD shopping, and wanting to eat at Macs but never did so, and looking at cameras. And deciding whether we needed a new watch or not. Should I buy an Adidas watch or a Swatch watch!!! Both are equally priced, but the Adidas one comes in many different colours and looks funky, but the Swatch one is totally grooving for me!! Sigh sigh I hate dilemmas like these.

Okie! Thanks Tammy for a very distracting but fun day. Gotta go!

Here's an update of my weekend. Saturday was largely spent in town with Yurong. She had to go collect her phone after sending it for servicing, then we walked around aimlessly after that, and eventually got down to eating dinner over there. Then we came back to Bishan and watched Juno at J8! Haha for her it was back-to-back movies, cos she's watching the Death Note show after that with Aaron and Clarence and a few others. Today was spent mostly in church, cos after service in the morning we had a leaders' meeting. And after that, I got out to J8 again with Wei Ting, Biru and Dezmand. Now I'm homeeeeee.

Yeah I know this sounds kinda mundane but I'm a happy person. Haha I'm just glad to be out walking around instead of bumming at home.

Juno is a good movie. My choice excerpt: "You should have gone to China. I heard they give away babies like free iPods. They shoot ‘em out of those T-shirt guns at sports events." HAHA! Read in the papers yesterday that China's one-child policy is skewing up the population demographic and leading to imbalance of gender ratio. I remember studying that in Geography and doing detailed analysis on all the data of China's population growth and all that stuff. Strangely, it all seemed very morbid to me when you realise that all those possible scenarios that you predicted has actually come true.

Oh. The Juno script is available online. Go read it! I spent an hour reading it last night and I thought it was well-worth the time. Reminded me strongly of Arthur Miller. Well, Juno won an Oscar for Original Screenplay, so I guess that was that.

Eh, I think I should stop being so cynical about people being in relationships and loving each other. I mean, I'm very happy being single now, so I don't see a need why I need a girl in my life (as of now). But yeah, someone sent me an encouraging message about why I shouldn't just write it off like that.

One more thing, should I go and try make friends with my new eyecandy?? She's working at one of those chocolate candy shops at J8, and I think she looks cute. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man here we go again.

This week was my first year ETEP, spending four days on an outfield exercise to evaluate our operational readiness and assess our proficiency in our mission tasks, that sort of thing. Lack of sleep, back pain, lack of appetite, terrible food, mosquitoes, were huge riddances, arranged from most annoying to least. To make matters worse, we had to re-do one mission because of the minor mistakes. And I snapped off the antenna from a signal set, and I also lost an important CONFIDENTIAL document with all the various codewords and stuff. That means I'll be hauled in to submit a lot of statements. And I got screwed for being "fashionably dressed" because I've got the smiley face mosquito repellent patch stuck on my uniform. And I didn't wear my webbing, which got me into trouble also.

Aargh. Horrible week spent outfield. Sometimes I think my attitude's a bit too flippant. But I don't really care! Aargh.

I think you're really cute. But what in the world must I be thinking! You're way too young!