Kinda depressed, because I've got a ready-made "how to share the gospel" sermon outline that I planned to use for tomorrow's message, but I lost that piece of paper! I have no idea where it disappeared to either, it was lost in school, and I'm quite sure I kept it in my folder, but it just mysteriously went missing. And I'm quite sad too, because it was a letter/note from Chris Chen which I've kept for 5 or 6 years too! Maybe God's trying to tell me not to be lazy and to just come up with the points myself, rather than just basing it entirely on Chris' outline ahaha.

In any case I've reached the end of my school week. Which is really great haha.

It was Andrea's birthday today, and Eunice Joelynn and Charmel tricked her into coming for guitar lesson at church just so that we could celebrate for her! Not the best surprise hahaha but it was still fun, and we had a hoot of a time with the vacuum cleaner. Here's the compiled pictures:

Just came home not too long ago from Gracehaven! It's the last service for this year because they usually have a break in the long school holidays. And to "commemorate" that, it was a combined worship service from the bands of all three corps! Kinda massive, but the transitions were smooth and everything was pretty fine. And tonight was one of the few worship leading nights that I'm actually lucid throughout and able to focus clearly.

Think this entire Gracehaven project for this whole year has impacted my personal spiritual journey in quite a significant manner. It puts in perspective for me what it means to worship in a Salvation Army church. You know, like it's one thing for your own heart to God, but there's another for your hand to man. And Gracehaven is sort of like the epitome of my outreach to the lost, last and least haha. Okay they're not really that lost, last and least. But every time I'm there, be it to lead worship or to distribute posters or for games or meetings or whatever, my heart really goes towards the children over there. It can be simple as seeing their names on the whiteboard with all the notices and birthday reminders, or them studying, little sights like that which break my heart.

Dunno la, I'd like to think that God's going to come one day and POOF, everyone's saved including the Gracehaven children and all's fine and dandy. But truth is there's a strong need for ministry in that area, and I really want to do something. Maybe I should just consider working full-time there la hahaha. And when I took the corps' worship ministry to Gracehaven, I wasn't expecting 100% dividends and I was thinking that let's just commit to half a year and see where it takes us. Then half a year became a full year, and each time it's still refreshing and it's still a revelation.

Worship's kinda limited, you know. Like what we do onstage is just kept up there, but there's not much interaction and nothing really life-changing is going on. But it's still somewhere and somehow and something, which is why I'm constantly amazed at how God turns our junk into something magnificent. It's not all music and airy-fairy stuff either. There are some genuine friendships made and I'm thankful for that. I do see them around at various combined meetings or activities, and each time it's heartening to know that God is getting them to where he wants them to go.

But yep. It's been a good experience there this year. Kinda glad that it's over, because it was a massive emotional toll on me, even though each time we're just playing for 20 minutes up there. At the same time, it's kinda sad that the year just flew by like that and we're hitting November. Catharsis hhahaha. In any case it's been good, and ministry isn't ministry without heart to God and hand to man. My thoughts are with Gracehaven.

I've finally reached the end of this week! And in good measure too. I've had 3 project assignments and reports to be submitted by Thursday or Friday, and I'm mightily glad to say that I'm completed with all of them! That's quite a significant amount of work off my back for this semester actually.

And first thing I need to do is to catch up on all the lost sleep. All the late nights trying to rush the final final draft cumulated in an immense amount of sleep debt. And this weekend shall be more relaxed instead of trying to rush work!

Too busy for anything. I'm not really looking forward to the start of this week because I've got three deadlines to adhere to Thursday or Friday! They're relatively easy and manageable la, but the thought that I have to spend significant time on them is really quite daunting!

Anyway, I'm trying to start my exams revision. It's not till end of November, but if you put it in perspective, it's actually slightly more than a month away. And I've realised this year that a month's time is actually not very long, so I'm trying to re-read all my readings and tutorials and lecture notes so that I'm not caught out 2 weeks before exams and I still haven't started anything. Gives me some measure of peace and frees up time for other things.

Matthew sang 'Did you feel the mountains tremble' on Friday, and Chris led it too this morning. That song feels very 1990s because I heard it for the first time when I was still in Sunday School pre-teens or something, and how I remember Ben Wong and Sharon were practising it for worship when I was in Sec 1 but they didn't sing it in the end because it was too high. That song has always been marked by a sense of grandeur and magnificence, don't think I've had opportunities to sing it much over the years (I've certainly never led it before), but it's just reminiscient of how I liked the analogies to nature and how God is bigger than that, with all that sympathetic background things going on.

And a small trivia. Hillsong's 'Hosanna' is pretty much a common song to everyone in church now, but I've only truly really fittingly led it for the first time last Sunday at Gracehaven. Haha.

I'm kinda sianzxz now, because I dropped my laptop!! Okay la I'm blogging from this current laptop, so I don't suppose there are any functionality damages. But there's a small crack on the bottom left screen exterior. There's nothing wrong with it actually, it's not affecting the screen display and there's no difficulty closing the laptop, but just that small crack which is a real downer hahaha. Okay la if I don't even tell you that there's that deficiency, you wouldn't even notice it! But not noticeable doesn't change the fact that it's not there!

This is a real shame because laptop is about 3 months old only?? The same goes for my phone haha. Within like a month after I got it, it succeeded in getting nasty scratches on the shiny front. Dropped on the bus when the bus was braking and then it scrapped against the floor. Hahaha my laptop dropped while I was swatting a fly and talking to Eunice at the same time. Not her fault, the fly's fault. And I destroyed a thumbdrive in that process too, the thumbdrive split into two and I'm able to see all the blinking lights and whatever that's going on inside. Haha!

But I'm thinking that this is a good thing, because now I would be more liberal with my laptop and my phone! Like I wouldn't mind using it in harsher conditions now, or I wouldn't really mind if it gets an extra knock or scratch or something, or if it gets dirty or smudgy I wouldn't be as fastidious to wipe clean every smear. It's the same for us with every new gadget isn't it? We'll protect it with our lives, and take extreme care not to get it scratched dropped whatever. Until it suffers its first mishap hahaha.

Think I need to start detaching myself from getting too personal with all my belongings. Then if it gets lost or damaged or whatever, I wouldn't feel so terrible. But it's hard to leave out that sense of belonging, you know, like if I get a new car, the tendency would be to protect and maintain it too, considering the amount of money I spent. I think don't get too caught up with human stuff of this world is a good thing. In heaven there are probably everlasting iPods and HP laptops and Sony Ericsson phones that will never get scratched. Hahaha or maybe we don't even need that for heaven.

Nursing a throbbing headache and a very bad sore throat and cough. Aiyo hahaha I think I talked too much while giving tuition. But yeah, it's really terrible because I can't get out of bed this morning for service. But maybe it's because of the 4am Geog project last night too?

In any case, Gracehaven worship was pretty fine. This time it was slightly less active than the previous? But it's still good la, always a priviledge to lead worship there and talking to some of the children who always say hi to me. I think it takes quite a conscious effort to keep my eyes and ears open amidst the noise of all the instruments! To either hear them singing, or to listen to God's voice. Leading worship is sooo much different from giving a message, cos of the musicality that just keeps going and you really have to be on your toes for anything.

Alright, today was a good break. Next week is another school week again, time to go back to studying!

Sleepless at 3.30am in the middle of the night, but it's cause for celebration because I FINISHED GEOGRAPHY ESSAY, for both tasks! Okay technically speaking it's not printed yet so it ain't finished, and it's still subjected to my partner's comments on my final drafts. But this Geog took way too long to complete. But in any case, it's over, at least for my part. Now I can't wait to get to bed, and looking forward to Gracehaven in another approximately 16 hours time?

Forgot that there was Corps prayer meeting yesterday night, despite receiving the SMS reminder that was sent out. And this is the second time that I've missed a prayer meeting which I wanted to attend! Last week I kept in mind Hui Min's youth prayer meeting, but at the actual time that it was happenening, I was happily doing projection slides because I thought I had all the time in the world. But yeah, prayer is very important.

I've been really busy with a lot of work and I've barely got time to do anything else. And the tendency is to start getting impatient at every small thing and complain and complain and complain! Khairul is like my sponge haha he absorbs all my gripes about irritating people ranging from flirtatious, scandalous, immature, incompetent to idiotic. But I really cannot help it la hahaha I think next semester, as far as possible I'm going to take all the modules that doesn't require group work of any sort.

The importance of sleep is imperative too. I realised that if I do not sleep at least seven hours a day, I won't have sufficient energy to last through the day. And it's like a snowball effect, the tiredness accumulates and the sleep debt has to be paid off. So I'm aiming to calculate stringently the time that I'm required to be awake next morning, and then go to bed diligently at that time. No matter how early in the night (although that's quite rare haha my usual bedtime is 1am).

My phone rings non-stop throughout the day. You've got to be a Sec 1 and 2 cell leader to appreciate this though. Hahaha!

Gracehaven worship this Sunday. This has got to be one of the calmest lull before the actual storm. I'm absolutely NOT nervous or anxious at all, partly because I've got my mind full of other things, but the lack of worry makes me worried, like have I forgotten to do something or whatever. I know that I haven't been the most stilled or most calm person the past few days, so maybe I really do need to quieten down myself a bit for this weekend and let that authority take over. I keep wondering how God makes the junk that we create into something that is acceptable and pleasing, and how God makes an art of my imperfect worship leading and playing. Kinda incongruous, but I'm not on Singapore Idol, so it really really really isn't a performance la.

Letting go, it's been a tiring week with not much breather, and the weekend looks to be very, very, very busy. Haiz..........

Really don't have the time at all to do "frivolous" things like blogging hahaha, although I could still be found on Plurk and Twitter. But compared to emotional catharsis, this is so much better, blogging gives me a perspective not found from limiting myself to a sentence or 160 characters!

Anyway, been busy with a lot of school work and studies and rushing a Geography essay which has taken far too long to complete. I spent 2 nights on the introduction alone! But the amount of work I did was equivalent to actually going down to the library and getting sources okay, so I commend myself for all the good publications from e-books and e-journals. If not I'm busy settling admin stuff, which just really means that I need to hire a secretary, and I'm studying. It's a bit nerd nerd no life, but I've got time to go play too la hahaha.

And finally began teaching tuition for this girl! How do you tuition Literature haha I ran out of things to say after an hour. But yep I realised that A'Levels are so much easier than whatever I'm doing now. Maybe it's an age-related thing. The older you are, your level of understanding increases. Whatever that was complicated to me at 17 are easily grasped concepts now. So that means going to university at 21 holds a slight advantage over the girls at 19!