I'm still stuck slightly in a melancholic mood from yesterday's bad bad day. But it's a very major improvement okay! Instead of mopping around everywhere, I'm quite determined not to let my disappointment affect my mood today.

I accompanied Samantha home after her school ended today! I really had nothing constructive to do, so after I went to the library to borrow some magazines, I met her at J8 and went all the way to her home. Just to keep her company. Hahahaha now that I'm thinking back, I thought it sounded silly! But it's okay. I gave her the purple cow that Tim and I won from playing some game at CHIJ SNGS's funfair a while back.

Then I went back to Ang Mo Kio Hub to meet Qiling for Suki Sushi buffet!! She's just back from Europe less than a week ago, so we just had to go stuff ourselves full with Japanese food. Didn't finish one plate of sashimi (because she kept ordering), and the staff charged us for that! But I thought it was our fault anyway. Then we went walking around in AMK and had a great time catching up on each other.

Hmm. I think it's inherent in our human nature for all of us to be selfish. We all want some form of recognition so that we feel that we belong. There's always a tiny voice in us screaming for control whenever we feel we're losing grip of everything. I think I constantly need reassurance that I am in charge and that I am always on top of things. I like to take control of the situation and I want to know exactly what is happening. It's okay if things are not done according to my plans, but I must be part of the organisation. And right now, I feel like I've lost touch completely. If this were some other circumstance, or if it involved some other people, I would have just let it slide. ButI just can't get it out of my head.

HAIZZZ so emo yellow banana. Okay here's something else then. I finished reading my sister's copy of A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. It was one of the better novels that I've read this entire year. Realistic, poetic, lucid prose, insightful authorial intrusions, vivid, funny, ironic, brilliant narration. Everything I like about Mark Haddon. If you've read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by the same author, you'll probably recognise some of the common traits and themes, like, for instance, the main characters both like to run away, then they have some crazy adventure hahahahaha. But I especially like the fact that their entire family is dysfunctional in some small way. Everyone has flaws which needs to be addressed, and it pokes fun at the societal inadequacies while trying to show how all these mad people try to overcome the prejudices. If you know me well enough by now, I'm a sucker for these kind of books or films. Think in terms of the movie Little Miss Sunshine, or my previous book Pride and Prejudice. OH OH OH. When the main character was going crazy, it strongly reminded me of King Lear, the thought processes and the mannerisms.

Yeah. I'm tired. I fiddled around on my guitar today, and I realised that I can play some songs now which I previously could never ever figure out the strumming or chords or whatever. That means I'm improving right? I'm a rock star hahahahahahaha.

Today was a very very very bad day indeed. It all started when I found out about some things today. I don't really need or want to know it, but it left me feeling very disappointed because everyone else seems to understand it more than I do and I felt like I'm a totally clueless failure. Then I thought I'm being a tad too selfish and immature. I don't even know whether I have the right to be angry, when I clearly didn't reciprocate the same requests which I'm demanding now. And I became such an emo yellow banana that I lost my appetite for lunch, and there was this point when I couldn't stand the pretentiousness of it all, so I just stopped talking to anyone.

My lousy mood continued into dance practice. Okaaay I was making quite an attempt to not be so stuck up and trying to be more enthusiastic, but I couldn't really concentrate. Apologies to Hui Min if I snubbed you the wrong way okay!! And sorry to Khairul also, because I was supposed to go Expo for a book sale with him but I rats out last minute too. After that ended, Tammy sort of convinced me to go J8 with her, and she made me feel a bit better. But halfway through dinner with her, I received a message with some terrible contents. And it sort of went downhill from thereon again because I got really worried. What do you do in these kind of situations?? It sort of got resolved, but that wasn't without a lot of distress on my part. (Always here for you yar?)

Bad bad day.

Today's message and worship was very meaningful. It was like some spiritual revival, and it reminded me again of all the reasons why I still continue to commit to this church even when I could have easily gave up everything. For the record, I just told Kathryn that I'm fine with leading worship on Sundays, even though the prospect of a much larger crowd still terrifies me.

I told Eleanor that I sometimes suffer from really horrible moments of stage fright. She didn't believe me one bit. But when I told her everything exactly about my fear of water and automobiles, she didn't scoff or say I was silly, unlike many others who did. She said that I am Guan You, and I'm the last person she expects to freeze on stage because it just doesn't happen. And that confirmed my commitment choice and boosted my morale 300% because of the sheer weight of the faith.

I think I said something before about people hesitating to ruffle my hair or poke me. Now all of a sudden everybody's messing up my hair and poking me. It makes me feel like a little boy hahahaha. And that's okay with me, as long as you are motherly or fatherly enough to make me feel like I can trust you.

I think I should just sleep go sleep off the emo yellow banana feelings.

It's been a very very long week. Combat shoot on Monday. I did my very best to contribute to the overall score okay, but my night shooting was quite bad because the target was really very hard to see. But it's okay, I think my detail rounded off with one of the best results. Then we were off for a 2-day outfield component training. And of all places, it's at Ama Keng, which will always be in my memories because it was the place where all my nightmares began hahahaha. And the past two days were spent largely at Kallang old PCG base, doing miscellaneous stuff for NDP in the waters. I'm becoming better at operating the boat okay!! Lesser bumps and knocks. And getting a nice healthy tan.

Yesterday, SOMEONE poked me constantly on my knee for twenty minutes!!! I didn't have the heart to resist, but hey I'm not some soft toy okay!!

Okay this is a bit out of the blue, but I discover that sometimes I actually enjoy having awkward conversations with people that I know I will be uncomfortable with. Or they are not very comfortable with me. I like all the pregnant pauses where both of us are trying to find a topic to talk about. I like how both of us cannot look at each other in the eye because it's awkward. And I like how both of us constantly fidget uneasily and are always glad for any interruptions.

Okay. Here's a totally frivolous and bimbotic way to end this post. I want my sunshine girl!! HAHAHAHA!!

Okayy I ended up with another sunburnt face for the weekend. Yesterday was my first of many weeks covering safety in the waters at a NDP combined rehearsal. Basically we just have to ensure there are no other vessels in the involving waters, and looking out for any casualties blah blah. Hahaha first dips on all the action for NDP! This year's air show is really good with a lot of nosedives and close-formation flying. The fireworks for last night were only like a fraction of what's going to be for the actualy NDP, but it was still impressive. Reached home very late at night, feeling all dizzy from bobbing up and down in the waters. I need to improve on my boat parking alongside! Oho, met Khairul at one of the medical points too!

Today at church was another new experience. Joined in for Aunty Toh Tzu's pre-teens thingy instead of service. I think I really admire her for her passion and zest in this ministry, because I can tell immediately how difficult it is already! MUST HAVE LOADS OF PATIENCE. But the session was good, and I'm bewildered to know that there are actually quite a lot of twelve and thirteen year-olds.

After that was dancing rehearsal again! Aiyooo I think Wei Ting's moves are really too sexy for me, but she claims it's cool hahahaha. Today's much much better, cos it was slightly easier. I think I'm never cut out for dancing, but I'm surprised that I can remember the moves quite easily so I'm not that terrible okay!! Then after we came back from lunch at Ang Mo Kio, we worked it through with Tammy (who arrived later). Then I took buses with her to accompany her home.

I'm still getting a lot of comments after leading worship for Sunday service last week!! Today I walked into church and one of the adults started telling me how much she enjoyed last week's worship and she couldn't find me after service last week so she waited until today to tell me. Then I keep getting references like I'm a good singer and I've got a really high voice. Then after service more people kept saying the same things. AAAHHH I like positive comments and encouragements, but I feel very embarrassed! I just say "thank you" and smile really brightly, even though I don't think I'm really that great, but I read somewhere that you shouldn't downplay your own credits when someone compliments you, because it's a bit rude and it might be never-ending from there on. Next time I should just sing really horribly so as to lower people's expectations of me hahahahahaha!

Anyway I want to express my horror at something!!!! Just a few days ago, I was chatting with this girl on the phone, then halfway through, I found out that she's actually in a bathtub bathing and talking to me with her phone on loudspeaker! I'm not naming her (and I hope she doesn't reveal it either), but I'm just very very surprised hahaha! Is it me that's being paranoid, or does everyone do that? I don't know, but I find it very disturbing to know that my friend is naked while talking on the phone with me. I know I can't see her but still I think it's inappropriate!

Me: Bunnies can hop around!
Her: Squirrels can climb trees!
Me: Bunnies can run really fast!!
Her: Squirrels can fly!
Me: Since when??!!
Her: Haven't you heard of flying squirrels?

Don't worry my dear friend, I still think you're very cute, but please don't bathe and talk to me at the same time again!!

Took leave today, just so that I can have a proper cell group outing (instead of all those trips to Kopitiam to eat hahahaha)! So Shermin, Samantha, Celine and me went cycling at Bishan Park! There wasn't anything much to see, but we went to the playgrounds at both Bishan Park 1 and 2, then cycled to anywhere interesting that we could find. Saw a dead rat that probably just died not long ago. Said hello to random kids or people hahahaha! I ended up very tired! I think I'm getting too old for thirteen-year-old pursuits.

Then Shermin had to leave because she had to go back to school to do her project. So the rest of us went to J8 for lunch at Macs, then we went to watch a movie! Somehow the movie choice came down to The Happening. It's this really cheesy B-list horror show, just in case you haven't heard of it. Okay the plot idea was quite intriguing, but seriously the directing and the acting of the movie was very bad! Hahahaha I am always of the belief that even if your actors are really horrible, you still can redeem it if the direction of the show is superb. But this was like BLEARGHHH. Sam and Celine both had their eyes (and sometimes ears) shut during all the scary moments, so I don't even know why they want to watch it in the first place!!

It's a funky day today. I enjoyed myself. =)

Okay. I need to go. Leading worship for youth service tonight.

Okayyy let me indulge in some of those silly stuff that people post on blogs because they've ran out of everything else that they could talk about. So the first one is some quiz thing that Jeremy tagged me, and then the second one is this handwriting analysis of me from this website http://www.handwritingwizard.com/



Tagged by : JEREMY

Rules & regulations of this quiz is...

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Q: If your Lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?

I would be really =( and I might even ='(

Q: If you can have a Dream to come true, what would it be?

For me to live in the Land of Ice Cream.

Q: What will your dream wedding to be like?

Something simple, or depending on my wife.

Q: Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?

No.

Q: What's your ideal lover like?

Aargh! There are a lot of qualities!! I'll leave this for some other time.

Q: Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Loving someone.

Q: How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

As long as my patience allows.

Q: If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?

No big deal, cos she doesn't know anyway! But I'd be quite sad la.

Q: Is there anything that made you unhappy these days?

Ehhh a few things that are bugging me?

Q: Is being tagged fun?

Yesh. But I'm unlikely to pass this on.

Q: How do you see yourself in ten years time?

Enjoying life's challenges.

Q: Who are currently most important people to you?

Family, friends.

Q: What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

I FEEL LIKE BOXING HIM SOMETIMES BECAUSE HE'S SO PLAYFUL.

Q: Would you rather to be a single & rich or married but poor?

Single and rich.

Q: What's the first thing you do every morning?

Yawn.

Q: Would you give all in a relationship?

Aha, probably not.

Q: If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?

The prettier one hahahaha.

Q: What type of friends do you like?

Crazy and weird ones.

Q: Do you have a pet?

Hamster once, terrapin once, goldfishes many many times.

Q: What type of friends do you dislike?

I dunnoo!! Maybe pretentious ones??

8 people that I'm tagging:

Baahh. Do this if you really want to!!

Handwriting analysis

Guan You is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes.

Guan You will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls Guan You an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." He doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Guan You is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Guan You is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Guan You doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Guan You will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Guan You believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Guan You will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Guan You's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Guan You slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Guan You can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Guan You is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Guan You basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

Guan You is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Guan You has a need to be in control of his own life. He is a strong individual that can control situations to his advantage. This person can take control of a situation. He likes control and has the ability to control people without getting them offended.

Guan You is very self-sufficient. He is trying not to need anyone. He is capable of making it on his own. He probably wants and enjoys people, but he doesn't "need" them. He can be a loner.

HAHAHAHAHA I think it sounds like almost like me! Especially the "ambivert" part and the sitting on the fence thing and the demand respect one. But when they started describing the switch to lower gear for optimum goodness knows what, I started thinking that they've lost the plot!

Crazily short weekend, but it was crazy in its own ways too! Yesterday I went for lunch with Priscilla at J8! Ate at Pastamania, then some shopping, and eating some walnut and peanut paste dessert. Hahahaha she actually sat on the floor in NTUC while I was choosing my toothbrushes! Then after that I went down to corps for worship practice, because they wanted to try a few new songs.

Then today, I led worship for Sunday service! First time leading for service okay!! But it was quite good. My voice didn't die on me. Then Wei Ting had this short dance practice for YP Sunday hahahahaha I cannot imagine the sight of me dancing. The moves were way too sexy for me! Then we went to J8 and ate at Yoshinoya. Then shopping, and then came back to corps and played guitar and sang songs for fun.

Gotta gooooooooo.

Oh my gosh it's very late now, and I'm very tired and sleepy and I have a sunburnt face. Was out the entire day in the sea today! We're supposed to build this gigantic water floating platform for the fireworks launching for NDP. It's very manual work involving cranes and you have to physically lock all the pins and bars and tie ropes and tighten screws and fix all sorts of attachments and use crowbars to pry open things DOES THIS SOUND VERY TEDIOUS? But it's not as complicated as it sounds, except that it's really heavy duty. The highlight of the day was when I accidentally inflated my life-jacket when I was trying to unhook some chain. Hahaha I was lying on my stomach and the life-jacket suddenly just swelled up, so I ended up like some bloated goldfish, then I sat by the side feeling totally defeated.

And now I'm really dizzy, because I've been zooming around in a boat all day long, and climbing in and out and in and out of the boat to fix whatever things, and I feel like my room now is bobbing up and down because of waves or something silly.

I feel very stressed!! I keep thinking that I will end up being very nonchalant about things that are very important for me to keep working on. Then everything will snowball and go downhill and then before I know it, it's too late to rectify anything. AARGH. But how how how how!! It's always easier said than done, and I still have to think of creative ways to solve the problem. Aiyo I'm going to get a headache at this rate.

And lastly, today is quite a sweet day, because somebody did something sweet for me and I think it's very sweet, so it's a sweet day today. Hahahaha this is a bit duhhhhhhhh!!

Yesterday I was on the phone with Eleanor for about 10 minutes, and she became the first girl to tell me that if she still couldn't find any guys worthy enough for her by the time she's 30, she'll marry Johann Pachalbel's Canon in D major. Yeahh, you didn't read wrongly, she wants to marry this Baroque piece of music. Oh well, that's not the worst I heard. About two or three weeks back, Cephas told me that there were at least 3 girls in his life who all want to marry the same piece of music.

Gosh. Are there really so few nice guys in the world!!! Must women resort to pledging their future to a timeless classic? IS IT EVEN LEGAL. With all due respect to Pachalbel, I think his Canon is an outstanding achievement. It's famous, it's popular, it's chord progressions are simple yet elegant, and it's garnered inspiration for millions. But I wish that it were less attractive so that we guys can have more girls.

Ah haha let's see what I've done today. Early in the morning, I got out of bed at 7am just to be in time for nature guiding with Catholic High juniors! Ms Angelin Wong told me earlier in the week that there was going to be some revision and assessment of the new nature guides, and I happened to be free so I went along. Every other time that she asked me, there's always something else that clashes, or I'm just crap not free, so this has got to be one of the rare times where schedules do not collide. And once again, it's nostalgia flooding back. I'm the oldest (and the pioneer batch) there okay! Took this Sec 1 junior named Wilson on a revision tour. It's surprising how I still can recall all the flora and fauna information that I learnt from Green Link or nature guiding days. But I've forgotten almost every other Maths-related topics HAHAHAHA. Then a thunderstorm started and we had to end it early. Oh oh I finally got to learn how to make that rubber seed wind funnel thingy.

Then after that was over, I headed to Vivo to meet Khairul! We went to eat at Carl's Junior, then we were trying to decide if this two Victoria JC girls were twins, just because Khairul thought they look alike. I didn't think so!! And I bought new clothes!! Aww c'mon it's the Great Singapore Sale, although I don't think the shirts that I bought were really on sale hahahaha. So I spent like almost $100 today on new clothes and food and drinks and whatever other miscellaneous stuff. Then we went to Parkway Parade for fun. Seriously, I think it's uber boring over there! Nothing interesting at all, and whatever shops they had over there were sleazy. And then over there we were again trying to decide if this girl wearing a "Little Miss Chatterbox" shirt was attached to this other guy who was studying with her. And then we were trying to peek at another girl wearing "Little Miss Trouble".

And that's that. Here's a separate update of the earlier happenings in my week. Wednesday's medical appointment at Alexandra Hospital was creepy. The doctor asked if I wanted to try acupuncture for my back pain because it can ease the sprained ligaments. So she took out this acupuncture needle and poked me on the arm just to let me have a feel of it. I thought other than a small prick, there was no other pain at all, so I said okay let's try it. Then she immediately got me into another room and immediately started poking like five million needles on my back!! Okay I think there were only like 6, but I was just very shocked that she's beginning the sessions immediately because I thought it'll start at least during the next appointment or something!! But yeah that was that. First encounter with acupuncture. After that I went to Vivo to have Carl's Junior dinner with Ben Ng. So today's Vivo escapade is not the first in the week.

And I ran 5km on Monday, 5km on Wednesday, and 3km on Friday. Never ran so much at all for this whole year, because I was largely excused from physical training due to my back pain. I'm sooo out of shape and out of breath.

Okie. These are pictures of the giant tarantula and the giant praying mantis at J8!! Sarah and I both think that the giant tarantula is too hairy for its own good hahahaha.

I think this happened like more than a year ago, but it's one of those think-about-that moments in my life which you don't forget in a hurry. Okay here it goes: Yurong and I were fiddling about with a guitar, then Matthew (obviously he's still in Singapore at that time la) came over and joined us. Then for some reason, the topic shifted to Jars of Clay, and Matt started playing "Love Song For A Saviour" on the guitar. And I knew like most of the song's lyrics, so I just kept singing and he kept on playing. And then I remember him telling me to go dig out their older albums, because they've got really meaningful music.

And so I did! Hahaha I kept meaning to do so, but I was lazy for a million various reasons. But recently I was arranging and tidying up my music playlist on my iPod, then I remembered Jars of Clay, and Matthew's mesmerizing song, and so I went searching for it. Golly, listening to all the old tracks blew me off my feet totally. It's nice spelt N-I-C-E, and it's thought-provoking in every manner and extremely poetic and elegant and very simplistic and direct. Aaahh it made me feel like I could melt! Try listening to songs like "Fly", or "Worlds Apart", or "I Need You", and maybe you'll get a clearer picture of what I'm driving at.

There used to be a time when Christian worship songs were full of powerful meanings, and a kind of minimalistic approach to the music. David and I had this conversation a little while back, and we both referred to "that era" of good worship songs. I mean, even contemporary worship songs at that time was awesome. Specific examples like Hillsong's music back in the 90's with "Power Of Your Love" and "Shout To The Lord", or Delirious? and their first few albums like Cutting Edge. In my opinion, that was the time when you could truly call it a praise and worship session. I'm not saying that it is now all degenerated into garbage funk, or that today's worship songs are no longer as good. I just think that the evolution of music in this genre is getting more and more contemporary to suit changing times. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I just prefer it when it was a lot less loud and rock and a lot more focus on reflection and declarative praise.

I'm writing this because I'm feeling a bit dissatisfied at the worship music I'm hearing today. The previous bands which used to churn out excellent songs that I liked are giving in to more modern demands, such that it loses all the subtle, poetic touches that I prefer. And that's not to mention it's a lot more cryptic, or haphazard, and less structural. I think you don't have to turn every single song into a rock anthem! I like simplistic worship. Okay this is a lament on songs with little meaning! Hahahaha! Songs with lyrics like "Everybody jump around / Jump jump jump..."

Okie. I promise I will return you to your occasional feed of the more normal posts, instead of rants like these.

And and and, I cannot resist this! ADORABLE (Especially me hahahahahaha)!