One thing that is beginning to irk me (and probably bugger at myself to do something) is seeing some of the youths being a bit too liberal with vulgarities and swear words on social media. It's probably not too common to open my Facebook and Twitter and be greeted with words that probably should be symb*lized or striked or in any form of censure suitable. And all the more disturbing if they are friends from my church and I know them well enough and I really really don't see the need for such strong words. Well, "strong words" is probably an euphemism hehh.

Well I definitely would understand, and in all honesty and admissions of guilt I have cursed and swore and fallen more times than I should into that trap before. I came from an all-boys primary and secondary school, and boys of course hold nothing back from swearing! Well okay not so terribly in primary school. We were still measurably innocent, so we will play games like "bus first bus second then bus what?", or there's the "sack A sack B then sack what?" hahaha! I can't believe I used to think "sexy" was one of those huge vulgarities! Then of course, someone in the class will eventually learn some swank Hokkien curse, so we upgraded our pronunciation games to "translate chicken white in Chinese". And whenever some unsuspecting guy says it, either unknowingly or he really does not know the meaning, there will be a huge uproar ORH HOR HE SAID SEXY ORH HOR HE SAID A BAD WORD.

If saying "sexy" was the worst sacrilege and the biggest sin in primary school, then I wished you could hear the kind of language that we use to converse in secondary school! It was a marvel how we can use the infamous "fuck" as a noun, adjective, verb, adverb, pronouns if we can wrangle it, hahaha you name the parts of speech and we'll fit it somewhere somehow into the sentence. We had teachers hauling us up for tongue slips and forcing us to look up the word in the dictionary and copying word-for-word the definitions listed in it. We heard stories of certain individuals who dared utter as tiny a breathy hint of some fricative "ffffuuu" in front of the principal or the discipline master, and he was forever an untouchable legend. Christian or not, churched or unchurched, it was the only true way of talking to a fellow teenager really. You simply have to include some form of it somewhere in your speech.

Then we all graduated and entered junior college, and all of a sudden all forms of swearing and cussing and vulgarities died to a minimum. Because there was this huge jump from an all-boys school environment into a co-ed (girls!!!!!!) one, somewhere along the way we all came to some tacit agreement that we cannot appear uncouth or vulgar. We pepper our converses instead with mild versions like "bloody" or "effing" or "fishcake". Kind of like a regression really, everyone became hyper-conscious of being cultured and civilized. But the saving grace for those sailors at heart was during literature class, when we learnt that "fuck" and "prick" and "cunt" and all sorts of other swear words were perfectly acceptable. I remember going through a poem or novel or something that utilized "fuck" in an elegant way! And the huge topic about sex, considered too taboo and obscured from all manners of discussion with girls in our presence, well what can I say? Hahaha we discussed poems aloud about "having a good bonk" and "getting that girl to fucking open her legs" and "gay kinky sex"! Never ever possible with mainstream curriculum, but I had really good lit teachers who made the words come alive, and we will giggle and gasp but deep down we were probably all raging hormones.

And then it was time to serve the nation in the army. Haha needless to say, all those years repressed in JC were like an unleashed demon. We would all angrily and hot-bloodedly join in dissing some commander for some unfair punishment. It was back to an all boys environment again. And there was no adequate way to not reprieve those inner angst because we all resented the crap that we had to go through. I think my commanders thought it the way that if you don't swear at your soldiers, then it becomes some nanny army. Within ourselves it was no different, we've probably each been swore at in our faces more times than we could count, and so for our daily conversations with each other we included more swear word varieties and more degrading adjectives! Kinda helps that you have people from all sorts of background, so the JC kids will teach the ITE people really uncommon English adjectives like "imbecile" or "nincompoop", and the ITE people will explain the Hokkien slang they just used. Hahaha like a social exchange, hope I didn't just pigeon-holed society into classes but that was the personal case for myself.

Then you might ask, so where's the Christian in me? I know kinda well that there's some form of discipline that I should upkeep, like I cannot really have parents going after me because I swear like a sailor in front of their children in church. And I know really well too, when I'm placed outside of the church environment into school or army, the temptations to just fit in with everybody's conversation and peppering my speeches with a little "fuck" will go unnoticed because everyone is saying it. But I also know very very well, and this is for the record and for my own strong reminder, that no one has ever vilified me for NOT saying the f-word. A couple of times I will get some of my army mates saying I seldom swear and I am very holy and when I swear it means I am really angry. That always convicts and evicts me, because I know I swear more often than I should. But no one has ever forced me to swear with them involuntarily.

For me the temptation to swear like any other guy, it is always there. For girls maybe not hahaha, but I may be generalizing and going down a slippery slope here. But yes, I know very very well that a good tree should bear good fruit, and I know that the tongue is a fire, and I know that out of the same mouth shouldn't come curses and praises. And now that I'm a lot older and knowing that I hold more responsibilities than most people would in church, I really am ashamed sometimes of not keeping my own tongue in check. And I've been in youth leadership since the later years of secondary school, so all the more no reason for me not to control and be disciplined. I cannot swear outside of church and go into church onstage and lead worship, I cannot tell my cell members not to swear but I do it frequently outside.

Kinda convoluted, but I understand perfectly why some people swear all the time, but but but I also understand perfectly for a need to not even swear at all. I would speak firsthand that it is not an easy temptation to battle. And it doesn't help that it is the human mind's innate instinct to swear! A long while ago I was reading Steven Pinker and his analysis on why people swear, and he kinda argued that it is in our nature to swear all the time and it is an emotional need to express something, good or bad. The reason why I didn't bother censuring all the "fucks" in this blog post also is that I think "fuck" is just normal a word as any, it's only the intent that we give behind it that makes it taboo and omitted from mainstream press. I don't want to give the devil victory just because it is an unacceptable word to use, but at the same time I don't want to give the devil victory too because I have every choice not to use that word too. It's a double-edged sword haha I think it may be too confusing for this time now, but yup, bottom line is, to worship in Christ gives me no reason to swear.

This is a confusing post. Now what do I do to encourage others to do likewise? 

Two weeks since the last post, and I must say that I am really enjoying my holidays! I'm glad I don't have to work or anything, because most days I can wake up as late as I want! But this also means that I'm up at night till weird unearthly hours, like now. I seem to come alive at night hahaha. But yeah, holidays meant that I am able to spend more time with friends and go out and everything. Able to devote more time for cell group, organize this and that, travel around Singapore heh I've been trying to stay out of house as much as I can and as late as I can, because if I'm home I will just be on the laptop screen. Need to get a life before school begins.

And yep, I'm on the smartphone bandwagon now! It's taken me a little while longer than most people, but I think it is really power at my fingertips! I can do so many things away from the computer. Though the downside is I'm constantly connected, no excuses not to respond. Maybe one day I shall just turn it all off and enjoy the peace. Trying to do something with the slowly-rusting guitar too. Nothing beats learning new stuff and getting the chance to put them into practice! I'm discovering new chords and triads and inversions.

This is really more of an update than anything else. 

I'm the kind of person that does not follow the three-second-rule when food drops on the table or on floor. It's especially prevalent if the food happens to be fries or chips or bits of chocolate or biscuits, you know, things that are relatively solid and dry. If it's "wet" stuff like veggie or noodles or fruits or whatever else then I might think twice. The surface that the food drops on also matters slightly. If it's chips on carpet floor, without a question into my mouth it goes. If it's normal flooring or table, I'll have to see the cleanliness condition first. Of course there are times when it's a clear no, like if it drops into some puddle of water or dusty floor haha.

I'm also the kind of person that gladly eats expired food as long as they seem generally edible to me. If it's canned or bottled drinks past its sell-by date I will just gurgle it down because I think it's generally safe laa. Expired packs of chips or chocolate or expired bottles of Nutella, oh well in my stomach they go. But I may draw the line with pastry or bread, and maybe milk-based stuff like soya bean.

Maybe it's because I've never really had any major tummy upsets or stomach flu or food poisoning before. I do get the occasional bouts of diarrhoea, but I can usually trace it to the laksa I ate or that chendol I drank for supper. I'd like to think that I need to expose my stomach to all these kinds of (hopefully) mild bacteria so that it can get used to all these foreign bacteria and then develop antibodies and I will be stronger and fall ill lesser! Hahaha I don't know if this makes sense. But say for instance you go travelling and you eat some roadside hawker food. The locals eat it for years and they are used to it, but we are not, hence stomach upset. This is one of Dezmand's favourite doomsday predictions, that you spend $2 on foreign hawker food to end up spending $200 on medical bills! Which I sort of think can be prevented if our stomachs weren't so sheltered and pampered from the beginning. And I believe in the spirit of adventurism hahaha. I should be game enough to try weird local fruits and food and whatever else that they tell me is nice. I may not eat stuff like fried insects but hopefully I will pluck up enough courage to try it someday.

This is a rather personal opinion, but whenever there's stuff like expired Nutella or biscuits dropped on floor or expired Honest Tea hahaha, and I just wolf it down and people give me the weird stare or disgusted look, I always invariably think that they're spoilt and can't stomach tough conditions (pun intended). Haha no offence, I don't say it aloud and I generally think good of people, but this is what goes through my mind when this happens. I'd like to think that there are poorer people in poorer conditions than me battling hunger and their inability to even get food, and here's some processed food or canned stuff that may not spoil as easily as what the best-before date claims, and I should appreciate what I have instead of worrying about what it may do to my tummy. Or maybe, I need a hospital case of salmonella or cholera to jolt me from this sort of thinking. But cmon, I'm sure slightly expired food is not that bad right? Who's with me on this.

This is a response to the expired Vegemite that's in my fridge which Tim gave to me two years ago. And he told me to throw.

As I sit here and think about cell group (yet again), I need to keep reminding myself to be patient and to be loving. I think a lot of times I am always very tempted to just barge in and solve matters on my own! It's one of the biggest problems I've always had with myself. When people tell me about their problems or troubles, I tend to either be very dismissive about it or I start telling them what to do. Hahaha to me it's really like the way it is, you tell me a problem then I tell you what I think you should do to manage it lor! Or I will just say things like "it's like that one la" and that's it.

Sometimes I need to just pull back and not care so much. Other times I need to put in more effort and show more concern. I think next time when I have kids of my own I will deliberately let them fall down or get into tough situations so that they will learn on their own. But at the same time I will be praying like mad and itching to be protective and everything hahaha.

I was at Auntie Jenny's office this morning to help her with office administrative work. She works for Equipping Leaders for Asia and they organise and host leadership conferences, or at least that's what I gathered as much from my short period of time spent there. She approached me after the corps camp with an internship offer that I just could not possibly refuse! It included exposure to their ministry work, helping out with some of the conferences, getting to sit in for talks from some of the most-prominent names in churches and management positions, etc etc.

But I turned it down all the same, mainly because I love my holidays too much hahaha. Okay I really felt like I wanted a break and not do anything too heavy for a while. June's multitudes of camps was quite an upheaval, and I wanted to spend more time with cell group and mentees and doing stuff that I set out at the start of the year wanting to accomplish. And the reason why I was there this morning was because she still needed help with certain tasks, so I thought I could contribute my time in whatever ways I can.

And so I sat in front of her computer for an hour and a half duplicating CDs for their conference materials, then I spent another hour and a half putting them into their cases and putting leaflets and labeling them. The entire time I was there I kept on thinking gosh how BORING can this get and this is totally not what I want to do hahaha! I think I'm meticulous enough for these sorts of things, like I will make sure the CD is in perfect orientation and I will just double-check to see if the folder is really in the duplicated CD. But after like the 3rd or 4th one I am just dying and I keep thinking I'm meant for greater things and I'm stuck in this pigeonhole labeling CDs and goshhhhhhhhh!

I'm totally not cut out for administrative work, I will never be a cheerful secretary, I won't turn in sub-par products because I will QC everything, but I will grumble and whine and get impatient. I would sooner rather go do something loads more stressful like lead worship or share a message than duplicate CDs! The only person that I know will do this with excitement and enthusiasm is Andrea, because she will treat it like some tremendous task of paramount importance and unfortunately I don't share the same perspective as her. I know because I bribed her with ice cream to get her to do Powerpoint slides for thirty plus songs for camp haha. And brings to mind also when Captain Hary requested me to be flagbearer for Captain Zane Haupt's installation at youth service, I am super stressed! I kept thinking that the flag will  topple or how I might just drop it and I worry whether I have to wave it and how I was supposed to stand. Seriously hahaha all I probably had to do was to just hold the flag, but it makes me hugely nervous!

Yeah anyway, I digress. I always hear stories of how people start their ministry work for God with small and seemingly insignificant stuffs, like setting up and keeping the chairs for service. Or flip lyrics sheets for Sunday School, things like these that they do for years before they eventually move on to giving mini lessons. And for all my life I can never understand how people have the tenacity and the faith to keep serving in the most mundane and menial kind of ministry work available! I greatly admire the ladies who stand there for two hours and do floral arrangements for Sunday service. I think if I have to prepare worship lyrics every week for projections, I will really uninstall Powerpoint from my computer and use it as an excuse to hand it over to someone else! But yeah, it's a constant reminder to me that people serve the Lord in different ways, and people have different capacities for their gifts and talents to shine, and the kingdom of God always starts with people doing the most infinitesimal tasks before anything else can go. Three or four hours today was a huge test of patience. But I will visit Auntie Jenny again next week and I will be a much happier person and take more pride in my tasks. 

What keeps someone up at 4am plus plus in the morning!? Well I've gotta say that my body clock is entirely topsy-turvy now, thanks to holidays and not having to work or study or do anything substantial, I've been sleeping at around 5am thereabouts almost every other day for the past three weeks. Get me to bed any earlier and I probably can't sleep as well as I could when I get to bed at 5am. This is ultimate pigging out and maybe it will disrupt my lifestyle eventually when I start school again or when I need to wake up early in the morning for certain stuff. But this is certainly almost circadian already, and I don't really know what I do at night till such crazy hours too.

Just a note to say that I've got quite a soft spot for retro, vintage, classic stuff! It's not something that I conscientiously seek out, but it's like how I got my Super 55 on a whim because it was just too nice to pass by, and I didn't really have a strong need for it! And I constantly think that the very first iPod and iMac is still the best-looking device for the Apple family, when all the rage now is with iPhone and whatever else. iPod classic is well, a classic, nobody wants a touch rotating wheel anymore when you have a touch screen device. Like how I prefer the old wooden pencils that you have to sharpen, instead of mechanical pencils. And just purchased a film camera off eBay because I really wanna try more film stuff and do vignettes or something. Friend was telling me that the world's going digital and everything is electronic, but I'm regressing and degenerating to things that don't hold value anymore in this world. Which kinda makes sense hahaha people everywhere are going on about their first DSLR, and well I'm getting an SLR too, just not digital haha.

Maybe it's just some of these small things that make me feel like a vintage and a classic, but yeah it's just a random point that I've been thinking about recently. 

Kinda neglected this space for the past two weeks or so, been really lazy to post anything up! I think this blog is becoming counter-productive; every time I think of the need to type very long sentences and having to have structured phrases and sentences and paragraphs, I'm put off by this and I go to Twitter or Tumblr instead! Lesser words, or if not no words at all at the other two platforms! But yeah anyway, all the camps are over and June is over too. It's been an awesome month, great fun, great experiences, great new insights. 

There's nothing much in my life, except that I am trying to get out of house everyday to escape from my mum! I'm not working you see, and I've turned down one or two job opportunities, partly because I am not very inclined to fix myself to a regular commitment when I'm on holidays!!!!!! Haha nah not entirely la, other reasons too. 

Actually I'm only posting this because I need to remind myself never to choose all new songs for an entire worship set list! One or two new songs is fine, but three out of three means I cannot hear them sing and I will think that it's too much to be. 

To sleep I go.