I'm beginning to be thankful that I sat through 2 years of King Lear under Ms Teo's classes. I remember being extremely resentful that I have to go back school on numerous holidays just so that we can finish the mammoth text in time for A'Levels, and till today a portion of my book still remains blank because I "conveniently" skipped quite a number of tutorials. But now, about three or four years after I graduated, I'm beginning to reap the benefits?? Hahaha its sort of like mental percolation of information. Somehow all those information that I thought was just applicable to A's suddenly became important to me all over again! Last year's tuition endeavour proved that. I could rattle off on the themes and go on and on. This year's literature intro module happened to include Lear too, and it's such a big book off my back because I can just saunter into class unprepared and still come out with some semblance of class participation. Hahaha I'm getting arrogant. But, I really am familiar enough with the text to hold some form of argument already.

And now, it's essay time! I've got a list of questions to choose from, and the most logical option, of course, is to pick the Lear one! And I'm grateful that I was diligent enough to photocopy notes and critical essays and whatever during my A's. I might not have read them word for word during that time, because it all seemed too advanced, but now they're proving their worth. No need for me to spend lengthy hours to research, because I've got it all there. Oh yeah thank God.

It's 4:47am now, and I've finally finished my economic geography essay! I started on Thursday, so that meant 4 hard days of writing to complete 1800 words. The thing is, I can be planning and reading up in advance, but nothing beats the thrill of actually writing. And like what Yurong said, the rate of writing tends to go exponentially. The introduction is the most excruciating because usually I haven't got a firm idea what I want to write, and it's not really helping when I'm denudated with tonnes of resources to sift through. But by mid-essay I'm kinda flying through the words and ideas and readings because I know what I want already.

But I haven't been entirely hardworking on it, as ideal as I would have liked it to be! Never mind next deadline is 5th April, a 1000 word and a 2000 word. I can start on the 1000 word almost immediately, because it's going to be a King Lear essay and it's all in my head hahaha I'm so smart.

Longest and most packed day of school later. I don't like even week Mondays. Shall try to get some sleep.

I want to thank God for David and Yurong! For letting me know that you can actually fast forward the NUS webcasted lectures, and for actually being able to see the video-ed lecturer instead of just listening to the audio only. I'm using Mozilla Firefox, and for the whole of last term and most of this term, I've been just contented with watching the screened Powerpoint slides and listening to the lecturer's voice only. But recently David (who learnt from Yurong) told me that if you use Internet Explorer instead, you're actually able to see a recorded video of the lecturer walking and prancing about and with all the additional hand gestures and whatever that the lecturer is doing! And furthermore, if the lecturer speaks in a slow drawl, you can actually speed them up! I've tried 2.0 speed and itjustsoundslikethey'resqueakingtheirwaythroughhahahahaha. This is awesome! I can finish watching a 1 hour 40 minutes lecture in just slightly over an hour!

Now if there's some way that I can fast forward my life too, I'll gladly do so too. I keep wanting to "get it over and done with". I think going through life trains you up and prepares you for eternity? It's like how we all are aware that suffering produces patience and development and faith and all the good stuff. But sometimes I just want to skip all that and get to the end. Then again, in doing so, I'll miss out all the tests and situations and circumstances that I'm supposed to go through, and I might miss the blessings that comes with it? Hmm. Okay I shall go and think about it again.

Eunice said she saw a woodpecker pecking away at a tree, and she said the poor bird looked so stressed knocking its head loudly on the tree bark. Hahaha. I'm thinking that if the bird doesn't knock its head, it wouldn't have found the food that's underneath. Same goes for me.

My guitar's finally back! And in time for Gracehaven yesterday too. It's really nicely set up too. They replaced my tuning head and my bridge for free and only charged me for the set up. Hahaha great reasons to get a Maestro because of the great customer support! And Gracehaven's a timely reminder of where God chooses to place me on this journey with him. He really deserves the praise.

And with that ends all my reasons for procrastination too. Nothing else for the rest of March, unless if you count practice for Good Friday. It's time to start on my essays. Not that I haven't been researching, but I need to start getting down to the actual writing.

This is post number 900, with hardly much cheer? I'm not sure la I'm just kinda neither here nor there. Haha I keep alluding to my "missing" guitar, but it's really similar to that case. I called them this afternoon and enquired how much longer would it take, because they said 3 to 5 days but it's been slightly more than a week. Partly because I want to get it back in time for Gracehaven this Sunday, cannot really bear the idea of using borrowed guitars again, and also partly because I think I depend a lot on it for my quiet time? And the ukulele hardly works hahaha.

And it's a week of not very happy stuff too. Ups and downs la. I met someone whom I haven't seen for a very long time, and that kinda made me guilty. Was at a few meet-ups with friends or mentors, and it sort of gave me more complicated stuff to think about? But alright I feel slightly better and things are clearer in perspective. At Janice and Roxanne's match today. And this week is really like bittersweet?

Hmm. What have I done?

I'm convinced beyond a doubt that my guitar is the best in the world. And I'm sorely missing and inadequate without it. Corps has two acoustic guitars, and I had so much trouble with both of them yesterday during worship practice. The strap is too long and the adjustment method is a chore, or my fingers really cannot take the different relief and action, or it always detunes itself after 15 minutes of playing, or it sounds flatter at some notes, or there's static feedback at some frequencies. I don't know whether it's channel, guitar, DI or wire. Either way, I've never had much problems like these on my own guitar. Hahaha I sound like a really whiny kid, but ughh it's just not the same la. And probably as a consequence, I gave up halfway through the practice trying to fine tune my sound and everything, and tried to focus more on seeking? The guitars were such a distractant.

And, I'm feeling just as lost as the missing guitar. In some sense I'm beyond caring already, but this is at the expense of losing the passion, which isn't what I want either. I think I've been kinda irresponsible in the last few weeks, and really naggy and whiny. I think it's easier to mend than to end.

Sent my guitar for minor repairs and a much-needed setup yesterday, because of some minor problems like buzzing and to fix the loose machine head. So I kinda borrowed the corps' Simon & Patrick in the mean time, because I need a guitar to practise for various worship leadings. I really have to say that there's a drastic difference in the two guitars! Don't get me wrong, the S&P sounds great even though it's been really beat-up, but I find the neck too stiff and the string gauge was probably heavier and I really can't play with it for hours on end! Hahaha it's barely a day and I'm missing my guitar. My fingers and hand and wrist are screaming OUCHIE BOOBOO WAAWAA.

And I went to try guitars again, since I was in City Hall area yesterday. I am very tempted to blow my bank on several guitars. Hahaha. Aaaarghh this is a need not a want haha I need so many guitars for what??????

I'm supposed to have a 8am literature lecture this morning, and I happily forgot to set my alarm and woke up at 8am instead, which makes it quite impossible to reach school before the lecture ends. But I see this as sort of a divine intervention? Because I was supposed to finish reading Great Gatsby for this lecture, but I mistook the schedule and I was halfway through Waiting For Godot, which isn't due for class discussion till 2 or 3 weeks later. Last night was a internal dilemma, should I stay up all night to finish reading it just for the lecture's sake, or should I just not bother. In the end I didn't go past page 5, and my only consolation is that the lecturer for today always puts up huge chunks of text as lecture notes, instead of Powerpoint presentation slides. So I can actually read through everything la.

And I kinda froze at a group presentation yesterday. Which is really really annoying, because I'd like to think that all vestiges of stage fright and public speaking fear shouldn't even be bothering me anymore? I thank my church ministries hahaha. I mean, I think I should have gained some courage from having to sing in front of a few hundred people, or speaking short messages and talking extensively, right? But my brain blocked and frozed and most of my speech was spent in stutters and trying to find the correct words to form my sentences. Then I took about 3 or 4 minutes too long for my part, and we were the last group, and there was a class waiting outside, and the tutor decided suddenly to adhere to the 20 minutes allocation, but some groups in front of us went beyond 30, and so we couldn't present our final section and the tutor was like "oh yeah I'll take this into consideration blah blah" and we were all feeling sigh haiz, and I kinda put it down on myself for my illogical presentation and horrible brain blocks and for taking too long, or else we could have finished it? Aargh.

Should at this point say something about an essay that I got back last week. My geog essay on population was graded A minus, and this piece of work was so last minute that a day before deadline, I was still stuck at 200 words out of a thousand. So this means I'm really really phenomenal right?? Hahahaha. Nah, I should have gotten a nasty grade and hopefully this will spur me to start immediately on my remaining projects and essays. But okay I'm starting research for the rest of my essays. Shall not succumb to last minute work again.