My sister taught me how to use plastic straws to fold hearts! I stuck them to my workplace desk noticeboard. Not bad right hahaha but she's very fierce I think she would make a bad teacher. She keeps using some exasperated tone to talk to me, like as if this is easiest thing on earth. She just scold and scold and keep shouting "left left left!" then "tuck tuck tuck it in!" and I'm clueless because I don't know what or where! But I know how now, and that's ace and kick-butt I just need to find a girl to make all these hearts for.

When I decide to go out to buy anything, I like to have a very clear plan which minimizes travel and is very convenient and very idiot-proof and hassle-free. If possible I want to be able to do all my shopping at one big place which stocks everything, like how NTUC Fairprice is the best place to do that.

I got very upset yesterday hahaha I was buying drinks for everyone, so I thought okay very good I can just tell the auntie I want 7 milk tea with pearls. But then Rachel said she want bandung instead! Then Cheryl said she don't want pearls. Then Rachel decided that she also don't want pearls! UGHH I don't like it hahaha I think it's very complicating for both the auntie and myself, it only reduces their efficiency and messes up everything and they have to do extra work! I like to mass-purchase I don't want to bother to remember who wants chilli and who doesn't, or who wants pearls and who doesn't, and the best thing is everyone gets the same generic order so that I don't have to remember multiple things.

I think my sister would know. Whenever I buy food for her, I'm always limiting her choices so that in the end, she'll end up getting something that is convenient for me to buy. It makes sense right??? I'm buying for you I'm paying for you therefore I should have the easiest and breeziest time!

Gracehaven worship last night was exhilarating. Quite took my breath away. In fact, from what Cheryl shared earlier during worship meeting, I think it takes a concerted effort to learn and dedicate and surrender.

I need to sleep more. Or perhaps I just need to reconcile with my unrealistic thoughts.

I have two 4GB thumbdrives whose primary functions serve to confuse me. I use the Toshiba one more frequently, and the SanDisk Cruzer is more for file transfers and miscellaneous stuff. But the problem with me is, when I need a thumbdrive, I just grab the one nearest to me, I don't really care to classify which one is for what use. Recently I started making use of the spare 1GB Memory Stick, which is an absolute chore to use because I need to spend an additional 4 seconds inserting it into a multi-card USB reader. But it's quite fun hahaha it looks as if the card reader is eating the Memory Stick.

So all my files are in a disarray now. Don't know what is in which thumbdrive. I have to plug in all three storage devices just to check for the file I want. It's not just that, I have a bigger problem too! I've transferred some of my common files to my work laptop so that it's more convenient for me to edit or update them. Then when I'm using my home desktop and I need those files, it frustrates me because I don't have the latest updated edited file!

My life is completely messed up. My files have multiple copies and they are all in different states of updates and I don't have a designated storage for work church play music or whatever, so they are everywhere. I'm stuck in limbo. I'm in reverse. I'm distorted murky messy.

Help I feel like I'm in dream land and I feel like I'm sleepwalking. Just like how pastor chose a very dreamy lighting for Holy Thursday meeting. But my office is not dreamy lighting it's just that it's very bright and after a while it can get kinda glaring. Then I enter into the dream mode. Or maybe it's just because I'm sleepy most of the time la.

It's tugging at me. How how how. I don't want, but I want.

When any phone in the office rings, my first immediate thought is "whose phone is ringing why so noisy can the person just pick it up quick quick quick" hahahaha! I think I can afford to think like that because I seldom get calls to my own phone on my own desk. All the calls to our department goes mostly to Esther, and the finance department don't really get much phone calls, and the rest pf the departments I can't hear their phones. So on the rare occasion that my office phone is ringing, a lot of times I don't make the immediate connection that my phone is ringing! I'm still thinking "whose phone is ringing why so noisy can the person just pick it up quick quick quick". I think today there was once when I let it rang for close to half a minute before I realised it's ringing. Gosh hahaha I'm so loser the ringing is super loud somemore.

This is post number 6th under the heading for Monday, April 20, 2009. Not bad. I did a lot of work today I finally started on my immediate projects. Which is kinda heavy on the brain.

I shall need a good sleep tonight. Every morning is a struggle to get out of bed. My phone alarm is allowed to just keep snoozing and snoozing. I cannot turn up for work like a zombie. If not the Survivors will come and kill me.

Eunice made these little pink balloon balls for all of us a while back! She personalised it for the whole cell group and drew something like Sonic the Hedgehog at the back hahaha. I don't know what is inside, probably flour or rice or beans or some powdery thing. I brought it to work with the intention of decorating my table with something colourful, but I found an even better use for it!



Tadaa! Instantaneous laptop elevation so that all the hardware at the bottom can be allowed to cool! No need to get those semi-spherical balls! The hard disk can get quite warm, and sometimes if the office is too cold I will put my hands under the laptop to get some warmth hahaha. But I have a jacket now, so I put my flour ball right in the centre bottom of the laptop to balance it. Actually I have Janice's one too, which I've yet to give her, hence I could have used both the flour balls at the corners instead of just one at the centre.

I'm bored at work hahahaha I suppose you can tell by now.

I have a pillow at my workplace now! Making myself comfortable and trying to be more productive hahaha. Except that the pillow is a bit fat and I think it is taking up more space than I am on the seat! Fat pillow naughty pillow stupid pillow you're supposed to make me more comfortable you're not supposed to be comfortable yourself!

Enough said. It brings back memories.

Very sad. The desk printer at my work office refuses to work! I think it's tremendously stupid. There's four basic colour ink cartridges, and in order for the printer to be able to print something, all the four cartridges must be functioning properly and all the ink level cannot be low. The first time I tried printing something, it came out quite okay. But then the cyan and black indicators started flashing, and it turned out that some sensor thing on the cartridge was dented. There's a spare cyan and spare magenta cartridge in the store room, so I thought okay I will just go buy the black cartridge and replace it. J8 didn't stock it at all! Had to go down to Funan to get it. So I thought yaay very good the printer can work now, but after I fixed in the new cartridges, the magenta and yellow lights indicated low on ink!!! Now I fixed in the spare magenta one, and I have to go back to Funan one of these days to get yellow.

Why so moronic! It doesn't make sense most of the time I just need to print black and white, so why can't I just fix in black cartridge and be done with that! Why must all four colours be present before I can print something. My home printer has been low on the colour ink since eons, but nobody really needs to print colour so all along we've been replacing the black only. AHHH lousy printer cause me so much headache.

Today is the first day of my life when I forgot to bring my phone out of house with me. I usually don't forget to bring things like these okay! Like each time before I leave house, I would always make sure my keys my wallet and my handphone are with me. I figured that as long as I have these three with me all the time, I should be pretty safe from any abnormal happenings or sudden circumstances hahaha. But today I was dead sleepy laa. I wasn't exactly in a rush this morning either. I have my keys and wallet but no handphone. It's still lying on my bed where I left it.

And somehow I'm kinda glad that I'm not really very incapacitated without it. In fact I'm in no hurry to rush home to retrieve it.

Goodbye world I'm a hermit for today.

It all feels very superficial to me, like everything is touch-and-go and there's no impact or significance. I think it's very easy for me to just walk out, but I don't want to do that based on selfish motivations. Okay yar for everything it's justifiable to some extent, but I want more than just accountability and responsibility to hold me back. Why should I bother when people aren't bothered in the first place? Suree okay I can say that I drone off I'm tired it's boring it doesn't apply to me I don't know I don't care I'm here to talk to my friend I'm here to play with my phone, then doesn't that make us all creatures of habit? Because we all want to fit in? Because we only want to have fun? I think it's misguided when the focus is just wrong.

For those of you who have yet known, I started working this week at The Salvation Army! Which is splendid because I would just be decomposing at home otherwise. And my job's kinda international in a sense, cos I'm under Capt Hary's youth department, which includes Singapore Malaysia Myanmar. But it's quite uneventful so far, hahaha there's work for me to be done, but I have to find the work to do and I'm not really sure how to go about doing it! Hmm next week onwards promises to turn up more things and I shall be even more proactive and I will do everything. I think I'm a terrible employee. I jammed the photocopier so badly that they needed to call for servicing. My desk printer died on me after printing one page. I locked myself out of my own office by accident today and I had to ask building management for spare keys!

I'm tremendously tired every morning is 8.30am in office I need 45 minutes before I can even get out of bed. Actually this is quite stupid laa church is one block away and it probably takes me less than 2 minutes to walk there! But cannot laaa I'm sleeping like past 1am every night and it's taking quite a toll. Lipton Tea is my best friend. And I've got so many colleagues in so many departments it feels like a million people. Strangely enough, quite a number of them know me even though I have no idea who they are!

Cannot laaa today I was just rambling nonsense and never getting to the point. My mind was totally blank, like no coherent thought and no word formulation. Usually my language has a way of flowing nicely like a little stream in my head, and I just have to speak it out, but today don't have!!! But okay I think I had a much better discussion during cell group. It was huge, because we combined with Rachel's.

My mind's really blank and I feel like I'm blabbering nonsense.

MY HILLSONG CD EXPLODED IN MY CD DRIVE! Hahahaha! I heard a very loud kaboom and I thought it was my processor overheat and burst! Okay it was mostly my fault laa the CD already had quite a big crack across it, and I wanted to see if it still can be read, and before that I was copying and writing some discs also. I think the drive sort of overheated and spun the CD too fast and kaboom! But the miraculous thing is that my CD drive is still functioning, although it's making a few additional weird noises now. I had to dismantle my casing and take out the drive and take it apart to empty all the tiny shards of CD glass.




I had to jigsaw puzzle the CD together to sort of determine how much broken pieces are still stuck in the CD drive! Yesh I know it looks as if I'm still lacking about 20 to 30% of the missing bits, but that's really all that I shook out from the CD drive. Dezmand says I incurred God's wrath and my Hope is broken now. Hahaha! Is this a sign??

My sister refuses to sleep at 12.30am at night! She insisted on studying, and it's a problem because we share a room and she doesn't want to go outside to study and she wanted to turn on the table light and I really really want to sleep and I like total darkness when I'm trying to sleep. And her "studying" isn't really studying! She's got this book full of past year Geography papers, and because she's lazy to carry it around and because she wants to compile the essay questions thematically, she actually copied out the questions all over again on a piece of paper! COMPLETELY HANDWRITTEN. So I told her that she's just wasting her time, like she can go type or photocopy or scan it, or just carry the lousy book around. I mean, it's just mindless word-for-word copying of questions! If it's study notes it's okay la, but questions which she's not even answering! She's mad she's just copying because she likes to see neat and compiled things. And she claims by copying the questions it helps her to remember them and she can spot them during exams! What an ineffective way to study! Time would be better spent if she go copy the whole textbook right??

I want to exchange my sister for a few ducks.

I think I have quite serious issues about being discouraged and disappointed, and everyone is telling me slightly different things, so I'm a little bit confused over my perspectives now. Haiya bottom line is that I don't know what I want. But I think I'm also abit stubborn, like I refuse to compromise my beliefs and whatever else. And I keep thinking whether this is just selfishness on my part, or if I should just beat myself down to adapt and work from there. Uggh I'm just debating myself in circles and spiralling further into my own unhappiness.

But sometimes I think small small things more than make up for the larger issues. It's times like these that makes all the huge fights of faith more worthwhile. I need to remember that everything has an impact somewhere, no matter how trivial or how big I think it to be. Thank you for your thank you, and thank you for being a five year old kid, and thank you for reminding me that you exist. I should be more responsible in what I say do behave.

I managed to get hold of a rather old guitar recently, which was in quite a good condition except that some of the strings broke. I thought it shouldn't be that bad, and the tuning head was wow-whee-so-solid hahaha! I had to replace some screws and re-tighten the tuning heads for another guitar a few days ago. Naturally the first place I looked out for was the tuning head haha. So I brought it home happily, thinking that change strings only it should be very easy.

Until I was at Yamaha store and I was deciding what strings I should buy! All along I've liked to use lighter strings and I like the metal type to sound bright bright. But the guitar has quite a big body and I thought if I tried some other heavier strings, the sound might be fuller. And it's simple physics, like strings thicker in diameter means louder and more bass and more body to the sound. I eventually settled for medium strings gauge 0.13 to 0.56, which was quite a big jump cos I usually use 0.10!

And I didn't like it! I fixed the strings tuned them re-tuned them adjusted here there everywhere, and it's still very tough to press. And the sound was terribly soft and muted and there's no resonance! Okay laa it did achieve the fullness and it was quite bassy, but I think all acoustic guitars should sound bright and cheerful and the treble notes should ring consistently. That's just my preference la haha. But still I've learnt my lesson and big strings doesn't always mean big sound!

Which is why I still think my guitar is the best. Sounds so good that it can melt hearts okay.

I find it very irritating whenever the newspapers does an article about the importance of learning Chinese, and they quote people who say that it is important because of the rise of China's economic status or something related to China. Ughh please laa I think it's very hackneyed and all the people care about is China and it's a very lousy excuse to justify your reasons for learning Chinese! Why should I learn Chinese to suit the people in China?? Why can't they learn English to suit the rest of the world!!

I think it makes very little sense. Okay granted that if you want to set up a niche market in China, then it is very logical that you need a very good command of Chinese to appeal to the public there. But for everything else, it should and would be more about English! The English language is already the preferred and the dominant language when it comes to economics and politics. So does that mean that if I were to recognise Europe's emerging dominance in the world financial market, I need to go and learn French and Italian and Spanish and Czech and blah blah blah?? What about India! India is rising too, but I don't see people scrambling for Tamil lessons. Not trying to say that Chinese is not important, but just that people are missing the point.

Somehow I think me not working or not studying or not being actively involved in something, makes it easy for me to decide how my day should be like! I think the whole of last week I stayed at home and eat sleep play do whatever I want. I didn't really go anywhere further than J8, because I was lazy. And I think my mum is getting edgy because me staying at home all the time gets on her nerves. I really should start working soon hahaha money is slowly but surely dwindling too!

But I'm still fighting the war over the weekends hahaha. Still occupied to a certain extent. And last night I happily went over to Alicia's house without remembering that I have medical checkup today! Went to watch a bit of soccer somemore. I totally forgot about it and it was a miracle that I woke up at 7am and I was wandering why Khairul messaged me and it was even more of a mad rush finding out the time of the appointment!

Okay sleepy.

Louie Giglio to keep me at home! His current series is quite good, I'm able to draw perspective from the same topics that I've been interested in for years.

I'm a lazy bummer haha pig sleep pig eat pig play pig out.

Whoopedoo!

Why is music so complicated one! I know some notes make up a chord, but then there's a 2nd and a 3rd and 4th and don't know how many -th and there's still a major seventh and and minor third and diminished and augmented so many million things! Okay it's calculative and progressive like mathematics, but seriously why cannot just doremifasolatido and be done with that.