I'M VERY VERY DEPRESSED NOW. Went to check on my hamster just now, and I realised that she didn't touch her food at all for the whole day. So I poked her out of her hamster home, and she was just so listless and sleepy and tired. Her eyes look watery and totally dull. Oh crap Nutseed's still running about yesterday night after I cleaned her cage! All of a sudden she's just sick and sleeping the whole day away.
I'm quite tempted to bring her to a vet first thing tomorrow. But there's Green Link meeting tomorrow morning in school, and that means I'll probably have to wait till afternoon before I can come back home again. But then again, Nutseed's almost 2 years old already! Christmas gift from church friends 2 years ago, so I guess maybe sooner or later she's going to give way to old age also. Ugh I'm worried and sad and at a dilemma cos I don't know what to do.
Quite a bad way to end my day. Which is a shame cos I had a good day today. Was at KAP again studying with Annie and Jaslyn, and also Qiling (who left like half an hour after she came). Had a small talk about God and his plans, different church practices with them. Little kids playing balloons and Annie trying to take photos of them (she's got nice pics on her blog). After Ann and Jas left to go do their CIP somewhere in Jurong, I continued studying there alone. Had 2 Methodist Girls' students trying to flirt with me to get free marshmallows that Jas left behind. Gave them one each after they're trying to outdo each other in their love speeches.
Met Dora at the bus stop! Eons since I last seen her. The two of us used to be so much more lively, but strangely this meeting is muted. Talking to each other about superficial stuff, distinct awkwardness, and somehow I felt miserable. Trying to force my way into their lives just because I'm their cell leader.
I've got a million things to do after common tests end. But most of these stuff are an ending itself.
Met Shermin together with Joel to discuss her 40 Days of Community theme. Power Rangers are almost classic now. Backup sang, watched VeggieTales. The Grapes of Wrath were teasing the Asparagus. Yeah I knew that grapes are always bad. They're horrible slimy disgusting things. I hate grapes.
Ben, me, both Rachels and Ming Hui went over to Biru's home after that to celebrate her birthday! Her school friends were gathering over at her house, so we just joined in. One of her friends Shuyu messaged me last night to discuss in what ways we could collaborate to celebrate for Biru. Don't know how she got my number, and didn't even talked to her before even though I met her once, but when we saw each other just now, there was just this big grin on our faces. Happy birthday to Biru then, for being my fabulous friend since kindergarten, for growing up together with me and being co-cell group leaders now.
I'm terribly sad. I wish Nutseed will get better soon.
Friday 30 June 2006
When I went to feed my hamster this morning before going out, I realised that there was a small pile of hamster faeces outside the cage. Okie I admit it's been a long time since I last cleaned Nutseed's cage, probably since the start of June. But I've been extremely busy! I went Kuantan and had EnviroFest the weekend after and had Famine camp 2 weeks after. And for the past 2 weeks I've been outside home from 9am to 7pm almost everyday STUDYING, and when I reach home I STUDY some more. I've got no time to clean Nutseed's cage at all!!
Erm okie maybe that's a lie. Yar actually whenever I plan to clean up Nutseed's home, I sort of get lazy and bum around and procrastinate. And so the cage just gets more and more filthy, until Nutseed decided that she's got enough with the junk and start dumping her shit outside the cage. Well I figured that it's not a very good sign when your pet starts throwing it's faeces at you, so the first thing I did after coming home was to clean her cage.
I think Nutseed deserves a better owner. She's such a neat-freak, while her owner is so untidy. Nutseed has zone-planning within her own cage, like she has a specific place where she'll eat or pee or shit or sleep. And she's a cleanliness fuss-ball. Whatever mess that she created, she'll clear it up herself. But her owner's completely different. Me prefer untidy and unkempt working areas, like when my mum recently helped me organise my stuff neatly, I realised I can't stand neatness. Put owner and pet together, and you get a very exasperated owner at his hamster's obsession with tidiness.
Now she's happily running about in her cleaner home. Soon she'll get hyperactive, then she'll tire herself out and sleep. I swear the next time I'll throw my shit at her.
Today's Literature paper was Practical Criticism and Silas Marner. It was an afternoon paper, so I was at KAP yet again studying from 7am onwards. Jaslyn, Atiqah and Kai Jie joined me from 11am onwards?? Had tea refills so many times that I kept going to the toilet after that. And for all my panick mugging of Marner, the passage that came out was quite easy to understand but the narration was so abstract. Ugh. And I couldn't find anything interesting about the drama extract other than the verbal vituperations. Made up nonsensical stuff, like Alison and Cliff have a secret affair.
I really wish all my friends would be so much more spontaneous. Nobody wants to do crazy stuff with me.
I'm going to KAP again tomorrow morning. I shall try the coffee refills and dose myself with caffeine and hope that I become something like GUANNY THE BUNNY.
Erm okie maybe that's a lie. Yar actually whenever I plan to clean up Nutseed's home, I sort of get lazy and bum around and procrastinate. And so the cage just gets more and more filthy, until Nutseed decided that she's got enough with the junk and start dumping her shit outside the cage. Well I figured that it's not a very good sign when your pet starts throwing it's faeces at you, so the first thing I did after coming home was to clean her cage.
I think Nutseed deserves a better owner. She's such a neat-freak, while her owner is so untidy. Nutseed has zone-planning within her own cage, like she has a specific place where she'll eat or pee or shit or sleep. And she's a cleanliness fuss-ball. Whatever mess that she created, she'll clear it up herself. But her owner's completely different. Me prefer untidy and unkempt working areas, like when my mum recently helped me organise my stuff neatly, I realised I can't stand neatness. Put owner and pet together, and you get a very exasperated owner at his hamster's obsession with tidiness.
Now she's happily running about in her cleaner home. Soon she'll get hyperactive, then she'll tire herself out and sleep. I swear the next time I'll throw my shit at her.
Today's Literature paper was Practical Criticism and Silas Marner. It was an afternoon paper, so I was at KAP yet again studying from 7am onwards. Jaslyn, Atiqah and Kai Jie joined me from 11am onwards?? Had tea refills so many times that I kept going to the toilet after that. And for all my panick mugging of Marner, the passage that came out was quite easy to understand but the narration was so abstract. Ugh. And I couldn't find anything interesting about the drama extract other than the verbal vituperations. Made up nonsensical stuff, like Alison and Cliff have a secret affair.
I really wish all my friends would be so much more spontaneous. Nobody wants to do crazy stuff with me.
I'm going to KAP again tomorrow morning. I shall try the coffee refills and dose myself with caffeine and hope that I become something like GUANNY THE BUNNY.
Wednesday 28 June 2006
Yurong complains that I don't reply to tags on my tagboard. Haha yesh that's true, cos I find it weird seeing my own tag there on my board. But I will normally reply the person by SMS or in person or on their own blogs!
Okay I shall make it a point to try and reply everyone who tags. I shall not let my board become some kind of monologue between people who tag and the same person who tagged.
But first, go tag me. ^_^
Okay I shall make it a point to try and reply everyone who tags. I shall not let my board become some kind of monologue between people who tag and the same person who tagged.
But first, go tag me. ^_^
No papers today, so ended up studying yet again at KAP with Yurong. According to her, today is a tragedy cos I just pointed out to her that her thrashy favourite shows are ending in 2 week's time. Oh bahh I think our local TV serial shows are so boring. The plots aren't exciting enough for me. They need something like LOST! My NJ seniors told me that I will probably frequent KAP a lot in the 2 years that I'm studying at Bukit Timah. I told them no, but now I think they're right. Haha yesh I've got quite fond memories of that place! First time I went there was last year with May Ee and Apri and Edwin and I can't remember who. First three months then, we sneaked out of school during the 3 hour break cos we all didn't take Literature. And subsequently, my class outings and juniors' OG outings were all there... Think I probably know all the best spots to study at KAP by now, like which table is too high or which place is the coldest or where's the most comfy-iest. And they keep playing the same music over and over cos it's probably in a CD and they haven't changed it at all in the past 2 weeks. So I'm hearing a lot of Blunt's "You're Beautiful", Imbruglia's "Torn", Extreme's "More Than Words", Powter's "Bad Day" and 20 other songs. My favourite's "Kiss Me" by Sixpence blah blah. Rong joined us at about 4 or 5pm to study too. I studied Silas Marner today! Only started on it today, and I'm at chapter 6 now. I'm "inspired" by George Eliot's writing. One paragraph of hers is so freakishly long, so I've decided to let this post be one long paragraph too. Her sentences are longer though... But anyway, I discovered that I wrote lots of irrelevant notes during all the Marner lectures with Mr Dio! Or maybe it's Khairi, cos I copied a few chapters of his annotations. I wrote weird notes that made no sense to the plot and underlined unimportant stuff and wrote stupid comments. Okay granted that I slept through half of those lectures too. But seriously, I think Mr Dio just gives general comments and grossing over everything like this is cheap literature. Which is a pity cos I really like George Eliot's writing. Her narrative intrusions are all moral and slightly over-justifying herself, but she covers it up brilliantly by not being judgemental or didactic. Maybe I'm really sleeping in all those Marner lectures. But I'm inclined to think that my brilliance will cover up everything. HAHA RIGHT. I'm going back to KAP to mug tomorrow morning cos it's an afternoon paper. Shu Fen just reminded me that I have to do the Green Link EXCO registration forms. Matt's email reminding me to do the 40 DOC material. Lurong reminding me to talk the people I'm supposed to talk to. Just let me procrastinate till after the common tests, then I'll do everything I'm supposed to. But first I must go and clean Nutseed's cage tomorow.
My major nervous attack 5 hours before Maths was at least validified eventually. Yesterday's Maths paper was rather manageable, but I blanked out at the worst possible time! I think by the time I end my JC education, I'll have a long story list of Maths Tragedies to tell. OH SHOOT. For the life of me I couldn't remember a single series summation formula during the 3-hour paper. Even though I revised series and progressions two hours before the paper started. Worse, there was this DRV question which I knew what concepts to apply and whatever, but I couldn't even attempt the question because I cannot even prove the initial probability and I couldn't complete filling up the table (which was crucial to the rest of the question). Why? BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK OF DE-PERMUTATION.
I knew the techniques and concepts! But they account for nothing if you can't even see the linkage in the first place. Stupid, frustrating, lousy piece of dirty fleabag thrash. AAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH.
I think General Paper is called General Paper because the paper's really general. I wonder if it was ever a Major Paper or Colonel Paper or something before it got promoted. Anyway, the GP comprehension was about religion and science. Haha somehow I think all my GP tests this year became some theological philosophy exploration or something. The last common test I did an essay which was too laced with Christian perspectives, and this time it's probably my AQ that's going that direction again.
Religion is fear. Indeed. Religion is the holy fear of a divine object; the reverence; the awe; the acknowledgement that there's something out there bigger than you are. But Christianity to me is much more than holy fear. It's a loving relationship with God. It's a huge mis-match to place sinners and the sovereign God together, but that's the truth of that awesome grace and love.
Today was Geography. It was quite an easy one! Okay maybe it was easy because whatever that I focused on came out, and idiotic stuff which I didn't study (like jet streams and Rossby waves and air circulation) didn't really come out. Global warming is happening. Economic development causes environmental degradation.
3 hours is a long duration of time. But it's not long at all when you are sitting still doing 13 Maths questions, or when you're doing 5 DRQs and 2 essay questions. That seemingly long 3 hours might not even be sufficient.
Went town with Atiqah to have lunch. Haha I think we visit the strangest places just to eat.
I'm going to get a good night's rest. No papers till Thursday, but that means I still have to study.
I knew the techniques and concepts! But they account for nothing if you can't even see the linkage in the first place. Stupid, frustrating, lousy piece of dirty fleabag thrash. AAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH.
I think General Paper is called General Paper because the paper's really general. I wonder if it was ever a Major Paper or Colonel Paper or something before it got promoted. Anyway, the GP comprehension was about religion and science. Haha somehow I think all my GP tests this year became some theological philosophy exploration or something. The last common test I did an essay which was too laced with Christian perspectives, and this time it's probably my AQ that's going that direction again.
Religion is fear. Indeed. Religion is the holy fear of a divine object; the reverence; the awe; the acknowledgement that there's something out there bigger than you are. But Christianity to me is much more than holy fear. It's a loving relationship with God. It's a huge mis-match to place sinners and the sovereign God together, but that's the truth of that awesome grace and love.
Today was Geography. It was quite an easy one! Okay maybe it was easy because whatever that I focused on came out, and idiotic stuff which I didn't study (like jet streams and Rossby waves and air circulation) didn't really come out. Global warming is happening. Economic development causes environmental degradation.
3 hours is a long duration of time. But it's not long at all when you are sitting still doing 13 Maths questions, or when you're doing 5 DRQs and 2 essay questions. That seemingly long 3 hours might not even be sufficient.
Went town with Atiqah to have lunch. Haha I think we visit the strangest places just to eat.
I'm going to get a good night's rest. No papers till Thursday, but that means I still have to study.
Monday 26 June 2006
I couldn't sleep. Ugh I have no idea why, but this is the second time in 3 days that I've felt the jitters again. First was Friday night, just before I went onstage to lead worship. Just suddenly had a big nervous attack. And now I'm having another one of them. Tomorrow's Maths and GP Commons. Okay technically speaking, it's 3am now so it's TODAY. Crap. It's only common tests and I'm freaking myself out.
Last minute studying, trying to cram revision time, the usual symptoms of I'm-having-a-test-next-day. Out studying at KAP with Yurong and all her female friends, or studying alone at school. I really can't study at home. I'm distracted by lizards.
Global warming is happening. Climate change is in the making. Save the earth now.
Joined in the soldiership class today, more of accompanying Huimin cos she was the youngest teen there in all the adults. Maybe I learnt slightly more? I mean, the doctrines are not new to me, but somehow I still picked out relevant stuff that applied to my current life now.
Some bozo sent me an email saying it's Remote Control Day on June 29th. Haha I remembered me losing my TV's remote control for one whole month when I was in secondary two? Yea. Nobody in my family watches TV daily, so nobody bothered to look for the remote control until it resurfaced under my pile of junk. Till now I still don't watch TV much, but my parents are watching more now...
Ugh I think I can give up trying to sleep for the rest of the night. I'll go revise my Maths.
Last minute studying, trying to cram revision time, the usual symptoms of I'm-having-a-test-next-day. Out studying at KAP with Yurong and all her female friends, or studying alone at school. I really can't study at home. I'm distracted by lizards.
Global warming is happening. Climate change is in the making. Save the earth now.
Joined in the soldiership class today, more of accompanying Huimin cos she was the youngest teen there in all the adults. Maybe I learnt slightly more? I mean, the doctrines are not new to me, but somehow I still picked out relevant stuff that applied to my current life now.
Some bozo sent me an email saying it's Remote Control Day on June 29th. Haha I remembered me losing my TV's remote control for one whole month when I was in secondary two? Yea. Nobody in my family watches TV daily, so nobody bothered to look for the remote control until it resurfaced under my pile of junk. Till now I still don't watch TV much, but my parents are watching more now...
Ugh I think I can give up trying to sleep for the rest of the night. I'll go revise my Maths.
Saturday 24 June 2006
I'm in a frumpy mood this entire week. Don't feel like doing anything other than studying. Got so depressed that I started plucking my hair out one by one. Then I realised that this was going to take a long time, so I went to the hairdresser and told him I want a shave. And he did. Okay maybe not total shave, but short enough. My haircut now is probably the shortest I've done in the past 10 years. I'm tired of short hair, but I can't grow my hair long without Mrs Nair going "my dear that is not allowed".
Fell sick again. Everytime I lead worship, I either start getting sore throats or coughs or colds or whatever. Had a fever on Wednesday that hit 38.3 degrees, but it subsided within the day. Stupid doctor was nagging at me cos I didn't want antibiotics. And he launched into a 20 minute lecture about how I got my cold and fever from some virus and them multiplying and throat infection. He named all my symptoms. He compared what different antibiotics will do for me. Consultation time took half an hour. I wanted to yell at him but I was headache-ish.
Maths totally suck. Okay no it's funky cos I can finally do some of the sums, but it's bloody tedious. And my errors fill the whole page. Liquid paper everywhere. Scribbling untidily.
I'm depressed. And I don't even know why.
Studied with Yurong and her friends today at KAP. Was with them almost the whole day, but I don't even know what their names were. Didn't bother to try and socialise cos I just wasn't in the mood to. What the hell whatever happened to the friendly and gregarious side of me.
Had dinner with Chris Ngoh at town today. I think hanging out with him was the happiest time of this entire week. There's something brilliant between us that makes all my other friendships so ordinary.
Led worship today. First time that I really enjoyed worship on stage. All the previous experiences was like, just me singing. But this time it was raw, from the heart, funky. Toxication. Rejuvenation. DELIRIOUS.
I called the wrong Shermin! Went to call Shermin CHEN instead of Shermin TAN. And I rambled on about Capt Hary and the Thursday slot and whatever for half a minute without realising it cos they both sound alike.
Walked Rachel home, then watched the first half of the Saudi Arabia-Spain match at kopitiam with Ngoh just now. He betted $5 for 5 goals in total. Funny how we didn't care who's winning as long as some idiots score 5 goals. And Spain was totally dominant.
Crap. I really feel like slapping myself and tell myself to snap out of it. Depressing thoughts. I just want to quit school and quit everything I'm doing now, then go on a 5-month holiday. Do I really mean what I say? Am I just tired of things, which explains why I'm so negative and rejecting everything that comes my way.
Heck. I'm better off somewhere else.
I want to eat ice cream and fried chicken. But my mum says no. I'm still having a minor fever.
Maybe after my university graduation I shall go for a short work-stint for SPCA or zoo or something. Animals and pets aren't my thing, but it's worth a try. Then I'll go do trees and plants with NParks. Then I'll organise a few major green campaigns or festivals. After all those, I'll call it quits for environmentalism and pollute the earth with plastic bags and rubbish and carbon dioxide and noise and toxic chemicals for the next 10 years. Then I'll spend the next 10 years doing nature again. Repeat cycle till I'm 70 years old.
Directed this girl to KAP this morning. Yea she's cute. Even chatted a bit.
I should stop flirting with strangers. Or worse, flirting with people I already know. But the opportunity presents itself to me, so what else can I do?? If the girls throw themselves on me, I should just embrace them with open arms. I'm soooo popular and hot and irresistible to boot.
Fell sick again. Everytime I lead worship, I either start getting sore throats or coughs or colds or whatever. Had a fever on Wednesday that hit 38.3 degrees, but it subsided within the day. Stupid doctor was nagging at me cos I didn't want antibiotics. And he launched into a 20 minute lecture about how I got my cold and fever from some virus and them multiplying and throat infection. He named all my symptoms. He compared what different antibiotics will do for me. Consultation time took half an hour. I wanted to yell at him but I was headache-ish.
Maths totally suck. Okay no it's funky cos I can finally do some of the sums, but it's bloody tedious. And my errors fill the whole page. Liquid paper everywhere. Scribbling untidily.
I'm depressed. And I don't even know why.
Studied with Yurong and her friends today at KAP. Was with them almost the whole day, but I don't even know what their names were. Didn't bother to try and socialise cos I just wasn't in the mood to. What the hell whatever happened to the friendly and gregarious side of me.
Had dinner with Chris Ngoh at town today. I think hanging out with him was the happiest time of this entire week. There's something brilliant between us that makes all my other friendships so ordinary.
Led worship today. First time that I really enjoyed worship on stage. All the previous experiences was like, just me singing. But this time it was raw, from the heart, funky. Toxication. Rejuvenation. DELIRIOUS.
I called the wrong Shermin! Went to call Shermin CHEN instead of Shermin TAN. And I rambled on about Capt Hary and the Thursday slot and whatever for half a minute without realising it cos they both sound alike.
Walked Rachel home, then watched the first half of the Saudi Arabia-Spain match at kopitiam with Ngoh just now. He betted $5 for 5 goals in total. Funny how we didn't care who's winning as long as some idiots score 5 goals. And Spain was totally dominant.
Crap. I really feel like slapping myself and tell myself to snap out of it. Depressing thoughts. I just want to quit school and quit everything I'm doing now, then go on a 5-month holiday. Do I really mean what I say? Am I just tired of things, which explains why I'm so negative and rejecting everything that comes my way.
Heck. I'm better off somewhere else.
I want to eat ice cream and fried chicken. But my mum says no. I'm still having a minor fever.
Maybe after my university graduation I shall go for a short work-stint for SPCA or zoo or something. Animals and pets aren't my thing, but it's worth a try. Then I'll go do trees and plants with NParks. Then I'll organise a few major green campaigns or festivals. After all those, I'll call it quits for environmentalism and pollute the earth with plastic bags and rubbish and carbon dioxide and noise and toxic chemicals for the next 10 years. Then I'll spend the next 10 years doing nature again. Repeat cycle till I'm 70 years old.
Directed this girl to KAP this morning. Yea she's cute. Even chatted a bit.
I should stop flirting with strangers. Or worse, flirting with people I already know. But the opportunity presents itself to me, so what else can I do?? If the girls throw themselves on me, I should just embrace them with open arms. I'm soooo popular and hot and irresistible to boot.
Wednesday 21 June 2006
Sometimes I feel like the biggest jerk in the world. And each time I feel like that, I dismiss those thoughts. I don't want to think about them. Even if I do, I trivialise my own snobbish attitude. I ignore the people who care most for me, and get them begging on their knees, crying, desperate, torn, dejected, wishing that I would at least raise an eyelash. But I choose to ignore them somemore. I make them feel totally nonexistent even if they are 3 inches away from my nose. I don't even acknowledge their presence. And in my heart, I curse their stupidity. Oh hell, I think nobody does this better than I do.
It's their stupid bloody fault. Not mine. Nobody asked them to be concerned for me. They deceive themselves. And deeper they fall, each thinking that they have their immutable place in my life. They think they are irreplaceable. They think they know everything about me. They think that I'm helpless without them. But obviously they don't know what a scum I am. I find disgust in their parasitic actions. They are like leeches; clinging on to me when I don't want them there. Possessive, overbearing, trying to intrude my space, trying to force their way into my life and make all the decisions for me.
Initially I thought nothing of it. You see, all my life I've never been short of love. Everywhere I go, I get friends who shower me with all the love I need. I even reciprocated. But as they become more and more indulgent in my life, becoming unbearable pricks with their control-freakish nature, I began to pull back. The more I retreated, the more they threaten. They are dying to be part of my life, while I'm just trying to repel them away. They want to encircle my entire existence and encroach into every single core of my space.
Irritating, repulsive, bug-crawling creatures. They deserve it. Looking at them with mock pity when they come begging for acceptance. Pleading to at least honour them as an ordinary friend. I agree to their minimal requests, but deep down in my heart I wish they would just get out of my life completely. So I pretend that everything is alright, but given the circumstances, I won't speak to them unless absolutely necessary. And bit by bit, they realise that their happy memories are best kept that way. They realise that I don't give a shit about what they think. They realise that I don't see them in my future. One by one, they become memories of happy times. Speaking, messaging, MSN-ing, sometimes even a greeting, it all ended.
They of course, still harbour dreams of a reconciliation. Trying to cling on to every shred of hope they could muster. And guess what? I enjoy watching them suffer. Tormenting them, watching as their hope dwindle, trying to see how long they will last. Of course, the smarter ones cut all ties with me and stop bothering me. But the majority of the foolish ones, continue to subject themselves to my manipulation. And they all still dream of that one day where I'll hug and kiss them and beg them to forgive me and whatever.
I'm a jerk ain't I? Wrecking people up emotionally. Ditching them at a time when they are most vulnerable. Making them question their very existence on the face of this earth. Living hopelessly devoted to a hope that doesn't even exist at all.
And I don't feel remorseful at all, cos I'm an escapist. Each time those thoughts surface, I dismiss them. I don't want to think about them. I try as far as possible to look to my future as my goal, and each time I think of all the mean stuff that I've done, I reject the thoughts just as easily as I reject those people. My excuse is that I didn't want to live a life of regrets. But ironically, I am living my life to regret. Sooner or later, I will regret rejecting all my loved ones. Sooner or later, my refusal to regret will become the focal point of all my regrets.
I finally had the courage to read that book. It's been deep at the back of my cupboard for the last 6 months, and I apparently thought that by shelfing it away, I would at least put aside a memory that would not haunt me for the next 10 years. I took it out today and spent an hour reading every single word written in that book. The emotions captured in ink. The words coming from the heart. And I'm touched. Reliving every memory, from the first entry to the last.
It was difficult reading the last few pages, as I could feel the despair, the realisation that things are ending. The stoppage of self-delusion. After finishing reading that book, I felt even more like a jerk. There's no escaping those emotions now. Remorse, regret, reproach.
But above all the negativity, I felt grace, and yes, love.
It's their stupid bloody fault. Not mine. Nobody asked them to be concerned for me. They deceive themselves. And deeper they fall, each thinking that they have their immutable place in my life. They think they are irreplaceable. They think they know everything about me. They think that I'm helpless without them. But obviously they don't know what a scum I am. I find disgust in their parasitic actions. They are like leeches; clinging on to me when I don't want them there. Possessive, overbearing, trying to intrude my space, trying to force their way into my life and make all the decisions for me.
Initially I thought nothing of it. You see, all my life I've never been short of love. Everywhere I go, I get friends who shower me with all the love I need. I even reciprocated. But as they become more and more indulgent in my life, becoming unbearable pricks with their control-freakish nature, I began to pull back. The more I retreated, the more they threaten. They are dying to be part of my life, while I'm just trying to repel them away. They want to encircle my entire existence and encroach into every single core of my space.
Irritating, repulsive, bug-crawling creatures. They deserve it. Looking at them with mock pity when they come begging for acceptance. Pleading to at least honour them as an ordinary friend. I agree to their minimal requests, but deep down in my heart I wish they would just get out of my life completely. So I pretend that everything is alright, but given the circumstances, I won't speak to them unless absolutely necessary. And bit by bit, they realise that their happy memories are best kept that way. They realise that I don't give a shit about what they think. They realise that I don't see them in my future. One by one, they become memories of happy times. Speaking, messaging, MSN-ing, sometimes even a greeting, it all ended.
They of course, still harbour dreams of a reconciliation. Trying to cling on to every shred of hope they could muster. And guess what? I enjoy watching them suffer. Tormenting them, watching as their hope dwindle, trying to see how long they will last. Of course, the smarter ones cut all ties with me and stop bothering me. But the majority of the foolish ones, continue to subject themselves to my manipulation. And they all still dream of that one day where I'll hug and kiss them and beg them to forgive me and whatever.
I'm a jerk ain't I? Wrecking people up emotionally. Ditching them at a time when they are most vulnerable. Making them question their very existence on the face of this earth. Living hopelessly devoted to a hope that doesn't even exist at all.
And I don't feel remorseful at all, cos I'm an escapist. Each time those thoughts surface, I dismiss them. I don't want to think about them. I try as far as possible to look to my future as my goal, and each time I think of all the mean stuff that I've done, I reject the thoughts just as easily as I reject those people. My excuse is that I didn't want to live a life of regrets. But ironically, I am living my life to regret. Sooner or later, I will regret rejecting all my loved ones. Sooner or later, my refusal to regret will become the focal point of all my regrets.
I finally had the courage to read that book. It's been deep at the back of my cupboard for the last 6 months, and I apparently thought that by shelfing it away, I would at least put aside a memory that would not haunt me for the next 10 years. I took it out today and spent an hour reading every single word written in that book. The emotions captured in ink. The words coming from the heart. And I'm touched. Reliving every memory, from the first entry to the last.
It was difficult reading the last few pages, as I could feel the despair, the realisation that things are ending. The stoppage of self-delusion. After finishing reading that book, I felt even more like a jerk. There's no escaping those emotions now. Remorse, regret, reproach.
But above all the negativity, I felt grace, and yes, love.
Tuesday 20 June 2006
Apparently this is what I do online instead of studying.
1. WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT?
Trying to solve maths sums. I'm on integration now.
2. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING NOW?
A red tee. Got it when I volunteered for Singapore Pools for some exhibition during Clean & Green Week.
3. HAVE YOU EVER MADE OUT WITH ANYONE?
No.
4. DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE?
Oooh funky. I'll never tell you.
5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LINKS WHICH YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
All of them.
6. DO YOU HOLD GRUDGES?
Not really.
7. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN?
Yes.
8. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
Yep.
9. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED IN THE THEATER?
Cars, with the Dale Carnegie people.
10. NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES.
Erm the clothes that I wear? My phone, cash, and keys.
11. WOULD YOU RATHER GIVE OR RECEIVE A MESSAGE?
Give. I live for such thrills.
12. NAME A TEACHER YOU HAD THE HOTS FOR.
Nah they're either married or too weird.
13. HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
$37 and 65 cents in my wallet.
14. WHO'S THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
Jingjie, called me during Famine camp to ask for budget for Greenlink camp.
15. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
It's just a single beep, then the phone vibrates nonstop. But most of the time it's on silent.
16. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?
10am, my mum tickling my toes to get me up.
17. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO?
Blogging about Famine camp.
18. HOW MANY EX'S ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Never had a relationship.
20. FAVORITE CITY?
Singapore! I'm feeling patriotic.
22. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR.
My 93rd birthday.
23. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
Five minutes ago.
24. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLING(S)?
Hell yeah.
25. THE ONE THING YOU WANT MOST ?
My own farm.
26. IF YOU HAD $250,000...HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
Spend $10, 000 to go travel round the world. Donate some of it to some green movement or animals or poor people. Then I'll hoard the rest to myself and curse all thiefs.
27. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
Teaching Hai Hao? 6 months.
28. IS TOM ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
No Toms in my life.
29. LAST THING YOU SAID OUT LOUD?
"I'll feed you tomorrow morning" to my hamster.
30. LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED AND/OR KISSED?
Last hugged Annie after Famine camp. My mum kissed me an hour ago.
31. LAST THING YOU SPENT OVER $100 ON?
Eh can't remember. I rarely spend that much on a single thing.
32. WHAT KIND OF SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I'm barefoot now.
33. WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED?
Eleanor's jacket, returned her two weeks ago.
34. DO YOU REALLY WISH YOU COULD DRIVE?
If it were a monster truck, yes.
35. MOST VISITED WEBPAGE?
Gmail.
36. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Chiew Yee last night, asking about jet streams.
37. DO YOU HAVE AN AIR FRESHENER IN YOUR CAR?
Don't even own a car.
39. LAST E-MAIL RECIEVED
Some friendship mail from Zi Hao.
40. CURRENT PAIN IN/ON YOUR BODY?
My feet! I have 3 mosquito bites, one scratch mark and one cut that appeared mysteriously.
41. LAST TAXI RIDE?
From Zouk to Toa Payoh with Yurong two weeks ago.
42. LAST ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Don't drink.
43. IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Nah I don't hate anyone.
45. DO YOU OWN A CAMERA PHONE?
Yea.
46. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Some scorpion I think.
47. FAVORITE STARBUCKS DRINK?
Mocha Frappuccino!
48. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni
49. IF YOUR BF/GF CHEATED ON YOU, WOULD YOU GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE?
Depends. Probably.
50. MOST RECENT TIME YOU WERE UPSET?
Now.
1. WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT?
Trying to solve maths sums. I'm on integration now.
2. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING NOW?
A red tee. Got it when I volunteered for Singapore Pools for some exhibition during Clean & Green Week.
3. HAVE YOU EVER MADE OUT WITH ANYONE?
No.
4. DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE?
Oooh funky. I'll never tell you.
5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LINKS WHICH YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
All of them.
6. DO YOU HOLD GRUDGES?
Not really.
7. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN?
Yes.
8. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
Yep.
9. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED IN THE THEATER?
Cars, with the Dale Carnegie people.
10. NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES.
Erm the clothes that I wear? My phone, cash, and keys.
11. WOULD YOU RATHER GIVE OR RECEIVE A MESSAGE?
Give. I live for such thrills.
12. NAME A TEACHER YOU HAD THE HOTS FOR.
Nah they're either married or too weird.
13. HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
$37 and 65 cents in my wallet.
14. WHO'S THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
Jingjie, called me during Famine camp to ask for budget for Greenlink camp.
15. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
It's just a single beep, then the phone vibrates nonstop. But most of the time it's on silent.
16. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?
10am, my mum tickling my toes to get me up.
17. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO?
Blogging about Famine camp.
18. HOW MANY EX'S ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Never had a relationship.
20. FAVORITE CITY?
Singapore! I'm feeling patriotic.
22. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR.
My 93rd birthday.
23. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
Five minutes ago.
24. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLING(S)?
Hell yeah.
25. THE ONE THING YOU WANT MOST ?
My own farm.
26. IF YOU HAD $250,000...HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
Spend $10, 000 to go travel round the world. Donate some of it to some green movement or animals or poor people. Then I'll hoard the rest to myself and curse all thiefs.
27. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
Teaching Hai Hao? 6 months.
28. IS TOM ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
No Toms in my life.
29. LAST THING YOU SAID OUT LOUD?
"I'll feed you tomorrow morning" to my hamster.
30. LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED AND/OR KISSED?
Last hugged Annie after Famine camp. My mum kissed me an hour ago.
31. LAST THING YOU SPENT OVER $100 ON?
Eh can't remember. I rarely spend that much on a single thing.
32. WHAT KIND OF SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I'm barefoot now.
33. WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED?
Eleanor's jacket, returned her two weeks ago.
34. DO YOU REALLY WISH YOU COULD DRIVE?
If it were a monster truck, yes.
35. MOST VISITED WEBPAGE?
Gmail.
36. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Chiew Yee last night, asking about jet streams.
37. DO YOU HAVE AN AIR FRESHENER IN YOUR CAR?
Don't even own a car.
39. LAST E-MAIL RECIEVED
Some friendship mail from Zi Hao.
40. CURRENT PAIN IN/ON YOUR BODY?
My feet! I have 3 mosquito bites, one scratch mark and one cut that appeared mysteriously.
41. LAST TAXI RIDE?
From Zouk to Toa Payoh with Yurong two weeks ago.
42. LAST ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Don't drink.
43. IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Nah I don't hate anyone.
45. DO YOU OWN A CAMERA PHONE?
Yea.
46. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Some scorpion I think.
47. FAVORITE STARBUCKS DRINK?
Mocha Frappuccino!
48. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni
49. IF YOUR BF/GF CHEATED ON YOU, WOULD YOU GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE?
Depends. Probably.
50. MOST RECENT TIME YOU WERE UPSET?
Now.
Sunday 18 June 2006
THIS IS MY 300TH ENTRY ON THIS BLOG!! MY EXTRAORDINARY LANDMARK!
Just reached home from 30 Hour Famine camp. I spent my weekend camping 'under no roof' at St Andrew's JC, and whoppee it was an absolute blast for me! Okie I'm tired and sleepy and absolutely worn out now, cos I haven't slept for more than 8 hours in total in the last 3 days. But I really can't resist another one of those detailed accounts of the camp experience!
The email told us to report at SAJC by 10am, but I was waay earlier than that. I slept for 2 hours the night before cos I was doing jet streams, and woke up at 6am just to have breakfast with my parents! And even though I dilly-dallied as much as possible, I reached Potong Pasir MRT at 9.15am. Guess who I met? Delin! He's going for the camp too, so I hung out with him till Ruth and Rhoda arrived and Cheryl's dad fetched us there. Qiling, Alfred, Chiew Yee and Annie met us there after we reached.
That makes it 8 of us from NJC, of which 7 is from A01. Haha it's almost like another class outing! And I've never spoken a word to Alfred before even though I knew him, so I'm glad I was able to connect nicely with him. There you go, I don't just get along with girls only! I'm equally outgoing with guys too!! Anyway after registration and collection of shirts and whatever, us NJCians headed down to Plaza Singapura for lunch. Figured that we were probably the furthest travelling group! Haha.
After lunch, of course, will be the opening launch of the entire 30 Hour Famine at 2pm. Fasting of food begins. And I'm glad I'm in environmentalism, if not I'll never know who is Dr Amy Khor. But confetti is a serious waste of paper!
The first day's activities was a stimulation of 3 days where we are supposed to explore poverty and shelter issues. We were all split up into different families with different identities, and the storyline involved a tsunami disaster, so all of us were lost and we're supposed to find our family members. Well okay this sounds like what I would do for a Fellowship project, but there's 600++ people and of which 13 is supposed to be your family!
My name was Unenburen, and one of the children in the Kiowa family. Had to proceed to some evacuation centre to register myself so that whoever's my father can look for me. Me and Chiewy were in the same Kiowa family, so we queued up for registration for almost an hour and no fathers came to claim us! It was totally chaotic cos there were 3 evacuation centres at the same time and 20 different families, and each family is further divided into 4 smaller families. Haha Chiewy was eventually claimed by her own small family, while I'm still wandering around aimlessly.
Shifted to one of the evacuation centres where they told us to fold paper cranes while waiting. Met this girl named Diana, who was also alone and waiting. Now I understand what Shakespeare meant about misery acquainting a man with strange bedfellows. I have no idea how to fold a paper crane, and Diana didn't either, so we might as well sit there and cry.
But finally my father turned up to claim me. And eventually our family is complete with one dad, one mum and ten assorted kids. Kids were me, Xin Yuan, Deej, Lina (another one of them in my life), Sarah (yet another one of them in my life...), Anthony, Eugene, Joan (another...), Jocelyn and Priya(another...), while mum was Sui Fun and dad was Samuel (another...).
The next activity was to get enough cash to build a house, and there were several job opportunities to get money. There was bead-picking, beans-separating etc etc. And there was this prostitution house where you can sell yourself for money. Blooiee. And I was randomly chosen to be HIV-positive and contracted AIDS!! The lousy reason was because "I was gang-raped". EEYER! But Samuel helped me change it to "I gang-raped". Whee. Had to wear this thrash bag over me with my arms half-immobile.
Basically us as a family, we had to spend our money wisely by buying materials for our house, and there was a black market where they trade 10cm of hair for money. Lina sacrificed her hair! Later on we got caught by the police for visiting the black market, and lost half that amount we earned. And the house that we built out of thrashbags and raffia string was simply marvellous! Huge and wide and spacious for a slum-house... Haha I was the tape dispenser.
Think the worst was me contracting AIDS for some stupid reason! Annie said I was AIDed. Obviously you get ostracised by everyone, restricted movement, stigmatised. After a while I even got resigned to that fact that I just volunteered myself for prostitution. Yeah I mean, I've never met any AIDS victim in my life yet, but it sure is tough being one. Going through life with everyone treating you as an outcast. And prostitution just involved hugging a pole, while the rest of the family have to support each other with limitations, so the girls ended up sitting on us guys a lot of times.
Had talks too on what World Vision and Habitat for Humanity does for the poor people, and had a reflection time as a family as well. We moved in and out of SAJ's Cultural Centre so many times that I'm treating it like NJ's LT5 now. Theirs can seat a thousand! Bedtime: the girls had to squeeze at the parade square, while us guys got all the space at the track. Me and Anthony slept under our slum-house that we built earlier on, sleeping under the stars and cosy under thrashbag-flimsy shelter. Haha good thing it was a superbly clear night.
The next morning, they had a short worship session and message, cos after all World Vision is a Christian organisation. The programme for the day was to collect old newspapers and clothes from Tampines. On the bus trip there I found out that Eugene is good friends with Shi En! And along that way I knew more about him, like he's a Christian too and blah blee. See! Another example to prove that I hang out with guys too!
Newspaper collection was just, well, collection. We did 7 blocks of HDB flats in total, somehow energised even though we haven't ate for the last 20 hours. Helping each other out despite knowing each other in the same time that we haven't ate. Lina's house was in the area, so she brought Uno cards down for us to play after we're done collecting. 13 of us (including our facilitator Hwee Hoon) huddled for one round of Uno, and we took more than an hour and still couldn't determine the loser! Priya and Sarah were just caught up in their own war! Haha.
Went back to SAJC, cleaned up the school, tore down our beloved house, then bummed around to play somemore Uno! Eugene lost twice and had to shift boxes or join in other group's games looknig really stupid. Me and Eugene sneaked out of the school to go buy drinks! Their school compound was so easy to climb out; so we took a long walk talking about politics in Potong Pasir. Haha! Came back and played Snap with our family. I couldn't win the cards more than once, and I think girls have better eye-to-hand reflexes than guys.
And to end the camp, there was a Famine concert, of which Eunice Olsen was one of the emcees! There's Joi Chua, whoever she is, and bands and dancing groups. But the biggest was probably Ronin! We decided to behave crazily and go 'mosh-pitting' them in front of the stage. Lina, me and Eugene were probably the most out-of-place kids there, cos everyone was jumping and screaming while we were just clapping. BLEE. Rock music is sooo not me and Eugene's. Lina was worse; the lead singer of Ronin sang in front of her face and she just stared, while everyone behind us screamed and shouted.
We had burgers and buns to break the fast. 30 hours of not eating didn't really leave me very hungry, and it didn't even add to my tiredness from all the physical activities. And eating didn't feel as if it were some huge satisfaction as well. Hmm maybe if I really want to experience hunger I should try 50 hours!
All in all it was a great and meaningful camp. Didn't get to spend a lot of time with the A01 people cos they're all girls. But I had a funky family of new friends to hang out and play games with, which just totally reminds me of Orientation. Haha! I saw a lot of old Catholic High people too! And the experience of going through what disaster victims face, the awareness of people less priviledged than us; it's a humbling experience.
Okie I'm going to get a long night of sleep.
Just reached home from 30 Hour Famine camp. I spent my weekend camping 'under no roof' at St Andrew's JC, and whoppee it was an absolute blast for me! Okie I'm tired and sleepy and absolutely worn out now, cos I haven't slept for more than 8 hours in total in the last 3 days. But I really can't resist another one of those detailed accounts of the camp experience!
The email told us to report at SAJC by 10am, but I was waay earlier than that. I slept for 2 hours the night before cos I was doing jet streams, and woke up at 6am just to have breakfast with my parents! And even though I dilly-dallied as much as possible, I reached Potong Pasir MRT at 9.15am. Guess who I met? Delin! He's going for the camp too, so I hung out with him till Ruth and Rhoda arrived and Cheryl's dad fetched us there. Qiling, Alfred, Chiew Yee and Annie met us there after we reached.
That makes it 8 of us from NJC, of which 7 is from A01. Haha it's almost like another class outing! And I've never spoken a word to Alfred before even though I knew him, so I'm glad I was able to connect nicely with him. There you go, I don't just get along with girls only! I'm equally outgoing with guys too!! Anyway after registration and collection of shirts and whatever, us NJCians headed down to Plaza Singapura for lunch. Figured that we were probably the furthest travelling group! Haha.
After lunch, of course, will be the opening launch of the entire 30 Hour Famine at 2pm. Fasting of food begins. And I'm glad I'm in environmentalism, if not I'll never know who is Dr Amy Khor. But confetti is a serious waste of paper!
The first day's activities was a stimulation of 3 days where we are supposed to explore poverty and shelter issues. We were all split up into different families with different identities, and the storyline involved a tsunami disaster, so all of us were lost and we're supposed to find our family members. Well okay this sounds like what I would do for a Fellowship project, but there's 600++ people and of which 13 is supposed to be your family!
My name was Unenburen, and one of the children in the Kiowa family. Had to proceed to some evacuation centre to register myself so that whoever's my father can look for me. Me and Chiewy were in the same Kiowa family, so we queued up for registration for almost an hour and no fathers came to claim us! It was totally chaotic cos there were 3 evacuation centres at the same time and 20 different families, and each family is further divided into 4 smaller families. Haha Chiewy was eventually claimed by her own small family, while I'm still wandering around aimlessly.
Shifted to one of the evacuation centres where they told us to fold paper cranes while waiting. Met this girl named Diana, who was also alone and waiting. Now I understand what Shakespeare meant about misery acquainting a man with strange bedfellows. I have no idea how to fold a paper crane, and Diana didn't either, so we might as well sit there and cry.
But finally my father turned up to claim me. And eventually our family is complete with one dad, one mum and ten assorted kids. Kids were me, Xin Yuan, Deej, Lina (another one of them in my life), Sarah (yet another one of them in my life...), Anthony, Eugene, Joan (another...), Jocelyn and Priya(another...), while mum was Sui Fun and dad was Samuel (another...).
The next activity was to get enough cash to build a house, and there were several job opportunities to get money. There was bead-picking, beans-separating etc etc. And there was this prostitution house where you can sell yourself for money. Blooiee. And I was randomly chosen to be HIV-positive and contracted AIDS!! The lousy reason was because "I was gang-raped". EEYER! But Samuel helped me change it to "I gang-raped". Whee. Had to wear this thrash bag over me with my arms half-immobile.
Basically us as a family, we had to spend our money wisely by buying materials for our house, and there was a black market where they trade 10cm of hair for money. Lina sacrificed her hair! Later on we got caught by the police for visiting the black market, and lost half that amount we earned. And the house that we built out of thrashbags and raffia string was simply marvellous! Huge and wide and spacious for a slum-house... Haha I was the tape dispenser.
Think the worst was me contracting AIDS for some stupid reason! Annie said I was AIDed. Obviously you get ostracised by everyone, restricted movement, stigmatised. After a while I even got resigned to that fact that I just volunteered myself for prostitution. Yeah I mean, I've never met any AIDS victim in my life yet, but it sure is tough being one. Going through life with everyone treating you as an outcast. And prostitution just involved hugging a pole, while the rest of the family have to support each other with limitations, so the girls ended up sitting on us guys a lot of times.
Had talks too on what World Vision and Habitat for Humanity does for the poor people, and had a reflection time as a family as well. We moved in and out of SAJ's Cultural Centre so many times that I'm treating it like NJ's LT5 now. Theirs can seat a thousand! Bedtime: the girls had to squeeze at the parade square, while us guys got all the space at the track. Me and Anthony slept under our slum-house that we built earlier on, sleeping under the stars and cosy under thrashbag-flimsy shelter. Haha good thing it was a superbly clear night.
The next morning, they had a short worship session and message, cos after all World Vision is a Christian organisation. The programme for the day was to collect old newspapers and clothes from Tampines. On the bus trip there I found out that Eugene is good friends with Shi En! And along that way I knew more about him, like he's a Christian too and blah blee. See! Another example to prove that I hang out with guys too!
Newspaper collection was just, well, collection. We did 7 blocks of HDB flats in total, somehow energised even though we haven't ate for the last 20 hours. Helping each other out despite knowing each other in the same time that we haven't ate. Lina's house was in the area, so she brought Uno cards down for us to play after we're done collecting. 13 of us (including our facilitator Hwee Hoon) huddled for one round of Uno, and we took more than an hour and still couldn't determine the loser! Priya and Sarah were just caught up in their own war! Haha.
Went back to SAJC, cleaned up the school, tore down our beloved house, then bummed around to play somemore Uno! Eugene lost twice and had to shift boxes or join in other group's games looknig really stupid. Me and Eugene sneaked out of the school to go buy drinks! Their school compound was so easy to climb out; so we took a long walk talking about politics in Potong Pasir. Haha! Came back and played Snap with our family. I couldn't win the cards more than once, and I think girls have better eye-to-hand reflexes than guys.
And to end the camp, there was a Famine concert, of which Eunice Olsen was one of the emcees! There's Joi Chua, whoever she is, and bands and dancing groups. But the biggest was probably Ronin! We decided to behave crazily and go 'mosh-pitting' them in front of the stage. Lina, me and Eugene were probably the most out-of-place kids there, cos everyone was jumping and screaming while we were just clapping. BLEE. Rock music is sooo not me and Eugene's. Lina was worse; the lead singer of Ronin sang in front of her face and she just stared, while everyone behind us screamed and shouted.
We had burgers and buns to break the fast. 30 hours of not eating didn't really leave me very hungry, and it didn't even add to my tiredness from all the physical activities. And eating didn't feel as if it were some huge satisfaction as well. Hmm maybe if I really want to experience hunger I should try 50 hours!
All in all it was a great and meaningful camp. Didn't get to spend a lot of time with the A01 people cos they're all girls. But I had a funky family of new friends to hang out and play games with, which just totally reminds me of Orientation. Haha! I saw a lot of old Catholic High people too! And the experience of going through what disaster victims face, the awareness of people less priviledged than us; it's a humbling experience.
Okie I'm going to get a long night of sleep.
Friday 16 June 2006
I decided to take on the role of a tourist and go tour Singapore today! Haha actually it's just Little India, and later on I went to Bras Basah Complex. It was kinda fun! I just went from shop to shop trying to interest myself with all that Indian heritage, and trying to mingle with the shopkeepers. My conclusion is that the Indian population in Singapore are generally very very nice!
Gosh I didn't even buy anything to remember my tourist visit. Haha okay actually I was more interested in interacting with the people than wanting to go shopping. There was this Indian woman who was super persistent trying to get me to buy one of her bangles or bracelets. She kept saying I can get it for my girlfriend or for my mum! And I tried to haggle for a 25% discount on a Hindi CD! The shopkeeper got annoyed with me and he said he "just cannot do business with me". Oh well I didn't buy anything in the end either...
And I walked into one of those jewellery shops to have a look. One of the guys showed me their elaborate navarathenam, however you spell it, which had 9 different stones that's supposed to represent the nine planets of the solar system. Haha I would have bought it for Hai Hao, but I didn't dare ask what the price would be cos it'll probably be too costly. I had a prata at one of the shops, but the curry tasted so stale that I just ate it with sugar.
Oh oh and I met a REAL tourist from England! Her name was Hannah; she's a year older than me and she came to Singapore to backpack on her own. She was getting a henna when I met her, and after that we went to have lunch together at Macs beside Bras Basah Complex. Had a good lunch experience with her, talking about our interests and general stuff like that. And gosh, she was one really lame and bimbotic girl! She laughed at herself saying that "Hannah has got a henna", and she laughed at my shirt which had a dog and the words "down boy!", and she told me a lame joke! Who is Antarctica married to? UNCLE ARCTICA! Hee hee I messaged Atiqah immediately.
Hannah's gone to Malaysia already, and her next stop is Indonesia. Wow I love her spirit. I wanna go backpacking at some country after my A'Levels and before my NS, but I have no idea where yet. BLAHH.
On the way back to corps, there was this kid who sat beside me on the bus. The kid's like 8 or 9 years old? But the way he talk to his dad (who was standing) was a betrayal to how old he looked. His thoughts were so mature! Here's an example. The kid told his dad that he gave his friend a piece of advice after his friend made a big fuss over one point in a badminton game. What he did was he placed his badminton racket on the floor and demanded that the racket come to him at once. Obviously, the friend retorted that the racket has no hands, no legs and no mind of it's own, so how could it move? And (hold your breathe) the kid told his friend that unlike the racket, he has hands, legs and a mind of his own, so fight like a champion and don't get upset by trivial matters.
I'm... astounded.
I'm going for a 30 hour famine camp over the weekends. Sounds silly to starve myself, but it's for awareness on the poverty of Third World countries and to experience what is true hunger for the kids without food.
Gosh I didn't even buy anything to remember my tourist visit. Haha okay actually I was more interested in interacting with the people than wanting to go shopping. There was this Indian woman who was super persistent trying to get me to buy one of her bangles or bracelets. She kept saying I can get it for my girlfriend or for my mum! And I tried to haggle for a 25% discount on a Hindi CD! The shopkeeper got annoyed with me and he said he "just cannot do business with me". Oh well I didn't buy anything in the end either...
And I walked into one of those jewellery shops to have a look. One of the guys showed me their elaborate navarathenam, however you spell it, which had 9 different stones that's supposed to represent the nine planets of the solar system. Haha I would have bought it for Hai Hao, but I didn't dare ask what the price would be cos it'll probably be too costly. I had a prata at one of the shops, but the curry tasted so stale that I just ate it with sugar.
Oh oh and I met a REAL tourist from England! Her name was Hannah; she's a year older than me and she came to Singapore to backpack on her own. She was getting a henna when I met her, and after that we went to have lunch together at Macs beside Bras Basah Complex. Had a good lunch experience with her, talking about our interests and general stuff like that. And gosh, she was one really lame and bimbotic girl! She laughed at herself saying that "Hannah has got a henna", and she laughed at my shirt which had a dog and the words "down boy!", and she told me a lame joke! Who is Antarctica married to? UNCLE ARCTICA! Hee hee I messaged Atiqah immediately.
Hannah's gone to Malaysia already, and her next stop is Indonesia. Wow I love her spirit. I wanna go backpacking at some country after my A'Levels and before my NS, but I have no idea where yet. BLAHH.
On the way back to corps, there was this kid who sat beside me on the bus. The kid's like 8 or 9 years old? But the way he talk to his dad (who was standing) was a betrayal to how old he looked. His thoughts were so mature! Here's an example. The kid told his dad that he gave his friend a piece of advice after his friend made a big fuss over one point in a badminton game. What he did was he placed his badminton racket on the floor and demanded that the racket come to him at once. Obviously, the friend retorted that the racket has no hands, no legs and no mind of it's own, so how could it move? And (hold your breathe) the kid told his friend that unlike the racket, he has hands, legs and a mind of his own, so fight like a champion and don't get upset by trivial matters.
I'm... astounded.
I'm going for a 30 hour famine camp over the weekends. Sounds silly to starve myself, but it's for awareness on the poverty of Third World countries and to experience what is true hunger for the kids without food.
Thursday 15 June 2006
I went for a movie yesterday!! Haha it's an achievement cos the last time I hit the theatres was Chinese New Year with my 06A01 juniors. I can't even recall offhand when was the last time I watched a movie! But strangely enough even Atiqah remembers that outing, despite her not being part of it and I told her once only.
Anyway, I watched Cars with the old Dale Carnegie crowd at town. The movie was quite alright I guess, typical Pixar. Helped Benedict smuggle his Burger King meal into the theatre! Haha I'm sure this is the most exciting thing that I've done this whole week. THIS WEEK IS SO BORING.
After the movie we watched Hong Bin and Malcolm thrash it out on the pool table, then all of us headed back to the Dale Carnegie course! Hong Bin, Malcolm and Ben signed up to be a GA (Group Assistants), so they have to go back anyway. The rest of us (me, Fong Kay, Yun Zhen and Jean) just went back for fun to visit Jenny and wanted to stay for the course and meet new people, but the 4 of us went nuts and decided to go have lunch instead. Haha I feel odd hanging out with them cos they're all waaay younger than me and they're all girls.
Anyway, I watched Cars with the old Dale Carnegie crowd at town. The movie was quite alright I guess, typical Pixar. Helped Benedict smuggle his Burger King meal into the theatre! Haha I'm sure this is the most exciting thing that I've done this whole week. THIS WEEK IS SO BORING.
After the movie we watched Hong Bin and Malcolm thrash it out on the pool table, then all of us headed back to the Dale Carnegie course! Hong Bin, Malcolm and Ben signed up to be a GA (Group Assistants), so they have to go back anyway. The rest of us (me, Fong Kay, Yun Zhen and Jean) just went back for fun to visit Jenny and wanted to stay for the course and meet new people, but the 4 of us went nuts and decided to go have lunch instead. Haha I feel odd hanging out with them cos they're all waaay younger than me and they're all girls.
Tuesday 13 June 2006
Went to Woodlands Library with Khairi, Beets and Linus yesterday. Yep yep LINUS!! Haven't seen that boy since last year, so it was a welcome break for us to catch up and talk rot. I got lost while going to the library! I've never been there before, and I have no idea where is it either. I thought it was in Causeway Point! But anyway I managed to finish studying Glass Menagerie while I was there! And I met tonnes of people. Woodlands was never my hangout area... Haha!
Busy studying. I think I study better outside home, cos I keep getting interrupted by my sister. Then I'll chase her around the house trying to decimate her toes, and waste time in that process.
I received an email from Hong Yi all the way from Germany! Haha most of the newspapers now have their reporters in Germany to cover the World Cup. I have my own correspondence there too!! Haha okay this is so lame. Oh gosh how I wish I'm somewhere overseas now.
Busy studying. I think I study better outside home, cos I keep getting interrupted by my sister. Then I'll chase her around the house trying to decimate her toes, and waste time in that process.
I received an email from Hong Yi all the way from Germany! Haha most of the newspapers now have their reporters in Germany to cover the World Cup. I have my own correspondence there too!! Haha okay this is so lame. Oh gosh how I wish I'm somewhere overseas now.
Saturday 10 June 2006
Okie a while ago Jon tagged me with some weird message, but I have no idea what it meant until I re-read his past entries. Gosh I think I'm totally lost in my own world, probably left my mind somewhere in Mexico. Was watching Lonely Planet on TV that day and Mexico's going to be on my tourism destinations soon. That's another story.
So anyway, what am I supposed to do? Write 10 random facts about myself? Oh whee this is going to be a breeze. Must it be about myself? Why can't I just write 10 random pointers which don't necessarily have to be about myself? It's easier that way. Oh shoots I'm such a fuss.
10 Random Facts About Guan You. Be blown away.
1) I eat absolutely everything and anything as long as it is edible. The only things that I absolutely will not eat are grapes and fried/live insects. I don't eat grapes because I detest that small purple stinking round fruit to it's very core. It's rubbery and tasteless and utterly gross. And I don't eat insects cos they are of fascination to me, and I don't think it right to eat them. I don't mind going up on Fear Factor cos I hold nausea well, as long as it's not grapes or insects.
2) I have the same birthday with at least of my friends. There's Royston Phoon who was in my secondary 1 and 2 class, and there's a guy named Jun Hao I think, whom I know somehow. And of course my uber funky twins Luke and Mark, who are the most crazy pair of twins that I know at the moment (Last I saw Mark he went gothic, and Luke's shaking his ass at me).
3) I have a weakness on girls with curly or wavy hair. Forget dreamy eyes or nose or whatever; it's curly hair that attracts me. I have a big crush on my neighbour who has curly locks and an absolutely charming face, but the lousy thing is she's only 8 or 9? My wife is prefably one with curly hair, or at least she must have wavy hair on the day we get married. And I think all girls should go perm their hair.
4) I have a very long list of animals that I like. I like DUCKS, cats, caterpillars, worms, snails, goldfishes, eels, snakes, tigers, gorillas, birds, camels, frogs, dugongs, dogs, penguins, pigs, lambs, bats, kangeroos, sharks, all bugs and insects and blah blah blah.
5) I have an elaborate family plan. Ideally, I want 4 kids! The youngest will be a boy, then the eldest will be a girl, and I want a pair of twins. The youngest boy will be named Jason, the eldest will be named Ruth or Sarah. And the twins: if they are both girls, they will be Feather and Heather; if they are both boys, they will be Gareth and Garrick; if one is a boy and the other girl, I'll let my wife decide.
6) My favourite words are "enigma" and "ambivalence".
7) My favourite colours are soft baby pink and hot pink. Although recently my list of favourite colours have expanded to green, orange, red, purple, black and blue. If I see something that's baby pink in colour, I'll be transfixed for 7 seconds as my eyes try desperately to take in every single hue of that soft pinkiness.
8) I don't do anger very well. Rarely get angry at people or stuff, although I admit I'm irritated a lot more times that I am angry. Chances of you catching me in a good mood is quite high, unless I decide to be morose that day and I'm in totally no energy to be jumpy.
9) I'm allergic to paracetamol. That means I can't touch Panadol or fever medicine. The last time I took paracetamol for my fever, I had a huge eye infection that won't go away for 3 days. But I have no idea whether my allergy is still alive, cos eye infections were more than 8 years ago. The fortunate thing is I don't get headaches and fevers often, and even if I do, they normally go away on their own in one or two days.
10) I'm pretty good with kids below the age of 10 and above the age of 3. It's just the right range of age where the kids are old enough to discern what's right and what's wrong, and just young enough to still listen to you and not give you major trouble like premarital sex or something. I mean, I didn't realise that I connect well with kids until someone told me so. Kids just like me for some reason.
There you go there's my 10 random facts, but I'm in such a random mood now that I can write another 10 more!
10 More Random Facts About Guan You. Be blown away yet again.
1) I don't smoke, and I don't think I will ever smoke.
2) I've got my carreer dreams as well. I want to be a teacher at a secondary school level, though I might contemplate one in a primary school level since everyone's telling me that I should. Then by the time I hit 45, I want my own ice cream parlour! And when I retire, I want to stay in the countryside and probably be a farmer.
3) I cannot stand small repeated patterns. I don't like tiles that come in small weird shapes and cemented to the floor in tessellations. I don't like small identical things that are crammed together, like a bee hive or the patterns on a snake's skin. They make my skin crawl.
4) I'm a premature baby, by about 2 weeks. My respitory system isn't excellent, and I'm quite prone to flu and coughs and colds.
5) Much as I keep denying, I think I probably stopped growing taller since I was in Secondary 4. My height is still 165cm after 2 years. I THINK I'M TALL ENOUGH. RAWR.
6) I'm a semi-vegetarian! I don't really like eating meat and fried stuff, so I eat mostly greens for most of my meals and consume very little meaty stuff everyday. But I don't mind the occasional meat party or KFC outing...
7) I care for planet Earth and Mother Nature! Environmentalism is my in-built passion. I'm quite into botany and symbiosis and stuff like that. I don't really do a lot for animals, although somehow animals can recognise their fellow greenies. I don't do a lot for plastics as well, but I like to be involved in recycling campaigns and environmental awareness campaigns.
8) I know and understand the feelings of losing someone you love very dearly.
9) I'm a sucker for lyrical, structured poetry. One thing that's a pity is that 20th and 21st century poets are not really into poems of a regular rhyme scheme or of metrical orderliness. I don't really appreaciate poetry that's just slapped together with disjointed thoughts into irregular lines and proclaimed abstract. But I realised that I'm guilty of doing that too. Oh hell let's just say that I like lyrical poems but I don't have the tenacity to write them.
10) I make my life interesting by doing stupid things all the time, like watching moronic shows like Power Rangers, or watching pre-school shows like Sesame Street and Powerpuff Girls and Barney and Teletubbies. Or I create my own fashion identity by carrying weird bags or containers as my wallet. Or I go to weird places and explore. Or I just be totally stupid and idiotic by pretending I'm in a TV sitcom and saying stuff that only I find lame or funny. Or I pretend I'm a really charming superhero.
So anyway, what am I supposed to do? Write 10 random facts about myself? Oh whee this is going to be a breeze. Must it be about myself? Why can't I just write 10 random pointers which don't necessarily have to be about myself? It's easier that way. Oh shoots I'm such a fuss.
10 Random Facts About Guan You. Be blown away.
1) I eat absolutely everything and anything as long as it is edible. The only things that I absolutely will not eat are grapes and fried/live insects. I don't eat grapes because I detest that small purple stinking round fruit to it's very core. It's rubbery and tasteless and utterly gross. And I don't eat insects cos they are of fascination to me, and I don't think it right to eat them. I don't mind going up on Fear Factor cos I hold nausea well, as long as it's not grapes or insects.
2) I have the same birthday with at least of my friends. There's Royston Phoon who was in my secondary 1 and 2 class, and there's a guy named Jun Hao I think, whom I know somehow. And of course my uber funky twins Luke and Mark, who are the most crazy pair of twins that I know at the moment (Last I saw Mark he went gothic, and Luke's shaking his ass at me).
3) I have a weakness on girls with curly or wavy hair. Forget dreamy eyes or nose or whatever; it's curly hair that attracts me. I have a big crush on my neighbour who has curly locks and an absolutely charming face, but the lousy thing is she's only 8 or 9? My wife is prefably one with curly hair, or at least she must have wavy hair on the day we get married. And I think all girls should go perm their hair.
4) I have a very long list of animals that I like. I like DUCKS, cats, caterpillars, worms, snails, goldfishes, eels, snakes, tigers, gorillas, birds, camels, frogs, dugongs, dogs, penguins, pigs, lambs, bats, kangeroos, sharks, all bugs and insects and blah blah blah.
5) I have an elaborate family plan. Ideally, I want 4 kids! The youngest will be a boy, then the eldest will be a girl, and I want a pair of twins. The youngest boy will be named Jason, the eldest will be named Ruth or Sarah. And the twins: if they are both girls, they will be Feather and Heather; if they are both boys, they will be Gareth and Garrick; if one is a boy and the other girl, I'll let my wife decide.
6) My favourite words are "enigma" and "ambivalence".
7) My favourite colours are soft baby pink and hot pink. Although recently my list of favourite colours have expanded to green, orange, red, purple, black and blue. If I see something that's baby pink in colour, I'll be transfixed for 7 seconds as my eyes try desperately to take in every single hue of that soft pinkiness.
8) I don't do anger very well. Rarely get angry at people or stuff, although I admit I'm irritated a lot more times that I am angry. Chances of you catching me in a good mood is quite high, unless I decide to be morose that day and I'm in totally no energy to be jumpy.
9) I'm allergic to paracetamol. That means I can't touch Panadol or fever medicine. The last time I took paracetamol for my fever, I had a huge eye infection that won't go away for 3 days. But I have no idea whether my allergy is still alive, cos eye infections were more than 8 years ago. The fortunate thing is I don't get headaches and fevers often, and even if I do, they normally go away on their own in one or two days.
10) I'm pretty good with kids below the age of 10 and above the age of 3. It's just the right range of age where the kids are old enough to discern what's right and what's wrong, and just young enough to still listen to you and not give you major trouble like premarital sex or something. I mean, I didn't realise that I connect well with kids until someone told me so. Kids just like me for some reason.
There you go there's my 10 random facts, but I'm in such a random mood now that I can write another 10 more!
10 More Random Facts About Guan You. Be blown away yet again.
1) I don't smoke, and I don't think I will ever smoke.
2) I've got my carreer dreams as well. I want to be a teacher at a secondary school level, though I might contemplate one in a primary school level since everyone's telling me that I should. Then by the time I hit 45, I want my own ice cream parlour! And when I retire, I want to stay in the countryside and probably be a farmer.
3) I cannot stand small repeated patterns. I don't like tiles that come in small weird shapes and cemented to the floor in tessellations. I don't like small identical things that are crammed together, like a bee hive or the patterns on a snake's skin. They make my skin crawl.
4) I'm a premature baby, by about 2 weeks. My respitory system isn't excellent, and I'm quite prone to flu and coughs and colds.
5) Much as I keep denying, I think I probably stopped growing taller since I was in Secondary 4. My height is still 165cm after 2 years. I THINK I'M TALL ENOUGH. RAWR.
6) I'm a semi-vegetarian! I don't really like eating meat and fried stuff, so I eat mostly greens for most of my meals and consume very little meaty stuff everyday. But I don't mind the occasional meat party or KFC outing...
7) I care for planet Earth and Mother Nature! Environmentalism is my in-built passion. I'm quite into botany and symbiosis and stuff like that. I don't really do a lot for animals, although somehow animals can recognise their fellow greenies. I don't do a lot for plastics as well, but I like to be involved in recycling campaigns and environmental awareness campaigns.
8) I know and understand the feelings of losing someone you love very dearly.
9) I'm a sucker for lyrical, structured poetry. One thing that's a pity is that 20th and 21st century poets are not really into poems of a regular rhyme scheme or of metrical orderliness. I don't really appreaciate poetry that's just slapped together with disjointed thoughts into irregular lines and proclaimed abstract. But I realised that I'm guilty of doing that too. Oh hell let's just say that I like lyrical poems but I don't have the tenacity to write them.
10) I make my life interesting by doing stupid things all the time, like watching moronic shows like Power Rangers, or watching pre-school shows like Sesame Street and Powerpuff Girls and Barney and Teletubbies. Or I create my own fashion identity by carrying weird bags or containers as my wallet. Or I go to weird places and explore. Or I just be totally stupid and idiotic by pretending I'm in a TV sitcom and saying stuff that only I find lame or funny. Or I pretend I'm a really charming superhero.
Friday 9 June 2006
I'm up for a long entry tonight. Today's a day when I feel like my writing juices would really flow. And heck, no other time is better than now.
I stuck at home to study yesterday. Did my revision for Glass Menagerie, and boy I'm really captivated by the play! Yeah it's definitely way easier than King Lear, and the dialogue between the characters flow so naturally that you have to keep reminding yourself that it's scripted. I like Amanda Wingfield! She's completely lost in her own world, eternally hopeful, bright like a tomato, stubborn like a boulder... Amanda sure reminds me of a certain PRUDE that I know of!
I was supposed to pack my O'Level stuff for Tammy yesterday, but I kinda got lazy and didn't feel like touching them at all. There's one huge stack of papers and at least 8 thick files waiting to be sorted through. To think I've managed to procrastinate successfully for one-and-a-half years... Give me 3 more days and my mum's gonna scream at me for being her messiest kid (Err she only have two children) and allowing the cockroaches or silverfish or whatever to nest in that paper hive.
Oh great some weird uncle just called me to tell me to bring in the clothes. And I didn't have the heart to tell him he got the wrong number, so I said OK and hung up. Hopefully whoever that he wants to contact will bring in the clothes. I don't know, now I'm getting the guilty pangs. Should I call him back?? Oh what the hell. Who asked him to be some weird uncle.
Okie my ramblings about today. Was supposed to be at Joel Tan's house by 10am. Yurong, Clarissa, me and Joel kinda fixed this meeting weeks ago to finalise everything that we're going to do for 40 Days of Community. And guess what time I woke? 9.35am. It's a frantic rush to get out of house, and it's a miracle that I reached J8 at 10.05am, having showered, ate breakfast and travelled on a slow bus.
Anyway, the plan was to do potato salad for lunch, so I went grocery shopping and bought broccoli and cauliflower and mayonnaise. Haha I felt so auntie carrying that NTUC basket and trying to choose the best brocolli. And I had to explore the entire store twice just to find the mayo that was tucked in some discreet corner.
Flirted with these 2 girls at the counter while queueing to pay for my stuff. They look secondary school-ish, and they play basketball. Girls who play basketball freak me out. Ask Christiane. Okie I'm supposed to call her Chris. I think she's the reason why I think girls should stay off basketball. Anyway, back to the 2 girls. They made cracks at my Mickey Mouse watch, and I insulted their hairdo resembling some termite nest. And yada yada and they start giggling. Nah they look so sporty that I'm way out of their league.
Got onto bus 156 opposite J8, and Joel says call him when I reach Yio Chu Kang Road. Well I did, and he told me to stop at the next 1 or 2 bus stops. He even told me he's going to wave like a maniac at the bus stop. Well okie I zoomed past 3 bus stops and no waving maniac, and at the fourth one the bus didn't stop, so I had to walk back one bus stop.
And guess what? I ended up at the exact same bus stop when I was visiting at Cheryl Sim's for Chinese New Year last year. If Joel had said Cheryl's house's bus stop, I'd know where it is, but then that is quite impossible because Cheryl didn't know Joel and Joel didn't know Cheryl. So anyway, I figured Joel's estate was 5 blocks away from Cheryl's?
There were only me, Joel and Clarissa for the morning. We did great, cos in slightly over an hour we fleshed out details of what we want to do for 3 of the 6 themes. And I think writing minutes for a meeting is so redundant!! It's mostly for show and I don't think people really read them, well unless you want to know about what transpired at the meeting. Reminds me of my sickening PW minutes where you have to be so nastily meticulous and pretentious and whatever.
Anyway Yurong came at around lunchtime, and we all went down to escort her. Did the potato salad, had so much leftovers cos we boiled 8 potatoes in total. And we had chicken nuggets and sandwiches and broccolli and cauliflower too! After last time's soggy broccoli at Jon's house, this time it was much crunchier! Haha.
Finished the discussion by around 4pm? The one that had the most headache was the Fellowship theme. Watched Rick Warren on DVD doing his spasmodic laughter, fast-forwarded him, and learnt that "there are 56 'one another' in the Bible". We played Monopoly after that! It's centuries ago that I last played Monopoly, maybe because I never saw that game in the same light ever since I took (and dropped) Economics. Horrible concept. And I went to jail like 3 times and kept paying rent to Yurong because she controlled half the board.
Went home first for dinner before getting out for youth service again. Chris (Chris as in Christiane) turned up in this retro outfit, and Andre in some formal suit. Haha I think my cell group has the most interesting bunch of wackos. Somehow I got Charmaine and Rachel Tan as my phone wallpaper now, and some wise Socrates changed the profile name to I LOVE MY BUTT.
Oh absolutely I think I've got the hottest buns in the entire world.
I think I'm quite tired actually. More drained out than tired out from physicalities. Is there such a word? Never mind. If I snap at you or something, it's not intentional. And if I just sit there looking glum, I'm not necessarily disagreeing with whatever that you're saying. And if I have this awful grimace on my face, I'm just trying out my weird expressions to portray to people.
Why is it that people normally assume me with certain identities that I've never known myself to be one? Heck I don't even know how to describe it. It's supposed to be hovering on the side of craziness, with a bit of funk and wildness, and childish elements and colourful and weird and lame and nerdy. I think my socks are great! My fashion sense is so unique that no one can carry it off effectively unless they are ME!
Cherrie saw this photo on Friendster, and she happily decided to show me how stupid I look. Some flowery pose with my classmates at URA Gallery.
I stuck at home to study yesterday. Did my revision for Glass Menagerie, and boy I'm really captivated by the play! Yeah it's definitely way easier than King Lear, and the dialogue between the characters flow so naturally that you have to keep reminding yourself that it's scripted. I like Amanda Wingfield! She's completely lost in her own world, eternally hopeful, bright like a tomato, stubborn like a boulder... Amanda sure reminds me of a certain PRUDE that I know of!
I was supposed to pack my O'Level stuff for Tammy yesterday, but I kinda got lazy and didn't feel like touching them at all. There's one huge stack of papers and at least 8 thick files waiting to be sorted through. To think I've managed to procrastinate successfully for one-and-a-half years... Give me 3 more days and my mum's gonna scream at me for being her messiest kid (Err she only have two children) and allowing the cockroaches or silverfish or whatever to nest in that paper hive.
Oh great some weird uncle just called me to tell me to bring in the clothes. And I didn't have the heart to tell him he got the wrong number, so I said OK and hung up. Hopefully whoever that he wants to contact will bring in the clothes. I don't know, now I'm getting the guilty pangs. Should I call him back?? Oh what the hell. Who asked him to be some weird uncle.
Okie my ramblings about today. Was supposed to be at Joel Tan's house by 10am. Yurong, Clarissa, me and Joel kinda fixed this meeting weeks ago to finalise everything that we're going to do for 40 Days of Community. And guess what time I woke? 9.35am. It's a frantic rush to get out of house, and it's a miracle that I reached J8 at 10.05am, having showered, ate breakfast and travelled on a slow bus.
Anyway, the plan was to do potato salad for lunch, so I went grocery shopping and bought broccoli and cauliflower and mayonnaise. Haha I felt so auntie carrying that NTUC basket and trying to choose the best brocolli. And I had to explore the entire store twice just to find the mayo that was tucked in some discreet corner.
Flirted with these 2 girls at the counter while queueing to pay for my stuff. They look secondary school-ish, and they play basketball. Girls who play basketball freak me out. Ask Christiane. Okie I'm supposed to call her Chris. I think she's the reason why I think girls should stay off basketball. Anyway, back to the 2 girls. They made cracks at my Mickey Mouse watch, and I insulted their hairdo resembling some termite nest. And yada yada and they start giggling. Nah they look so sporty that I'm way out of their league.
Got onto bus 156 opposite J8, and Joel says call him when I reach Yio Chu Kang Road. Well I did, and he told me to stop at the next 1 or 2 bus stops. He even told me he's going to wave like a maniac at the bus stop. Well okie I zoomed past 3 bus stops and no waving maniac, and at the fourth one the bus didn't stop, so I had to walk back one bus stop.
And guess what? I ended up at the exact same bus stop when I was visiting at Cheryl Sim's for Chinese New Year last year. If Joel had said Cheryl's house's bus stop, I'd know where it is, but then that is quite impossible because Cheryl didn't know Joel and Joel didn't know Cheryl. So anyway, I figured Joel's estate was 5 blocks away from Cheryl's?
There were only me, Joel and Clarissa for the morning. We did great, cos in slightly over an hour we fleshed out details of what we want to do for 3 of the 6 themes. And I think writing minutes for a meeting is so redundant!! It's mostly for show and I don't think people really read them, well unless you want to know about what transpired at the meeting. Reminds me of my sickening PW minutes where you have to be so nastily meticulous and pretentious and whatever.
Anyway Yurong came at around lunchtime, and we all went down to escort her. Did the potato salad, had so much leftovers cos we boiled 8 potatoes in total. And we had chicken nuggets and sandwiches and broccolli and cauliflower too! After last time's soggy broccoli at Jon's house, this time it was much crunchier! Haha.
Finished the discussion by around 4pm? The one that had the most headache was the Fellowship theme. Watched Rick Warren on DVD doing his spasmodic laughter, fast-forwarded him, and learnt that "there are 56 'one another' in the Bible". We played Monopoly after that! It's centuries ago that I last played Monopoly, maybe because I never saw that game in the same light ever since I took (and dropped) Economics. Horrible concept. And I went to jail like 3 times and kept paying rent to Yurong because she controlled half the board.
Went home first for dinner before getting out for youth service again. Chris (Chris as in Christiane) turned up in this retro outfit, and Andre in some formal suit. Haha I think my cell group has the most interesting bunch of wackos. Somehow I got Charmaine and Rachel Tan as my phone wallpaper now, and some wise Socrates changed the profile name to I LOVE MY BUTT.
Oh absolutely I think I've got the hottest buns in the entire world.
I think I'm quite tired actually. More drained out than tired out from physicalities. Is there such a word? Never mind. If I snap at you or something, it's not intentional. And if I just sit there looking glum, I'm not necessarily disagreeing with whatever that you're saying. And if I have this awful grimace on my face, I'm just trying out my weird expressions to portray to people.
Why is it that people normally assume me with certain identities that I've never known myself to be one? Heck I don't even know how to describe it. It's supposed to be hovering on the side of craziness, with a bit of funk and wildness, and childish elements and colourful and weird and lame and nerdy. I think my socks are great! My fashion sense is so unique that no one can carry it off effectively unless they are ME!
Cherrie saw this photo on Friendster, and she happily decided to show me how stupid I look. Some flowery pose with my classmates at URA Gallery.
Thursday 8 June 2006
My snail poem which I wrote for fun. I don't even know what to make of it.
Snail
House on her back,
She treads on.
Tireless and relentless.
While other creatures dart and dash
At the slightest noise,
She marches on.
Oblivious to her surroundings;
Poised for grace.
She hates physical contact.
At the slightest touch,
She retreats into that structure.
Yet she is made for contact;
Sharpness, roughness
They are not an obstacle.
Towards the herb
She unhurriedly moves;
Her food would not run away.
She devours
That which she respects.
Moisture
Is essential.
Taste, sight, smell
Her vision far exceed others.
Her grime
And slime
But not lime.
Ragged leaves.
The trail she leaves determines her trial
And her punishment?
The duck gobbles.
Snail
House on her back,
She treads on.
Tireless and relentless.
While other creatures dart and dash
At the slightest noise,
She marches on.
Oblivious to her surroundings;
Poised for grace.
She hates physical contact.
At the slightest touch,
She retreats into that structure.
Yet she is made for contact;
Sharpness, roughness
They are not an obstacle.
Towards the herb
She unhurriedly moves;
Her food would not run away.
She devours
That which she respects.
Moisture
Is essential.
Taste, sight, smell
Her vision far exceed others.
Her grime
And slime
But not lime.
Ragged leaves.
The trail she leaves determines her trial
And her punishment?
The duck gobbles.
Tuesday 6 June 2006
GreEn Tea aDverTiSemenT
I came across this advertisement on youtube. I shall do a "Shi Hui" and post it up here... Caterpillars are awesome!
Been going back to school for the past 2 days for Literature lectures. And going out for lunch with some of my classmates after that. Yesterday was Pizza Hut at Bukit Timah Plaza with Janvin, Khairi and Beets. Today was at town with Khairi. I MISS KHAIRI AND HIS HOT BUNS! Haha I gave him 2 purple hair clips and he went nuts with them.
I'm supposed to adopt a "very straight-laced, old-fashioned and conventional" character for 40 Days of Community. Oh gosh that is sooo not me!! Della got the "young fashionable, unorthodox and free and easy" one. Okie at least that suits her. Nerdy werdy.
I came across this advertisement on youtube. I shall do a "Shi Hui" and post it up here... Caterpillars are awesome!
Been going back to school for the past 2 days for Literature lectures. And going out for lunch with some of my classmates after that. Yesterday was Pizza Hut at Bukit Timah Plaza with Janvin, Khairi and Beets. Today was at town with Khairi. I MISS KHAIRI AND HIS HOT BUNS! Haha I gave him 2 purple hair clips and he went nuts with them.
I'm supposed to adopt a "very straight-laced, old-fashioned and conventional" character for 40 Days of Community. Oh gosh that is sooo not me!! Della got the "young fashionable, unorthodox and free and easy" one. Okie at least that suits her. Nerdy werdy.
Sunday 4 June 2006
I only just realised that I haven't volunteered for any green or environmental exhibitions since last November or December. The last one that I did for GVN was Clean & Green Week last year. Well partly because there hasn't been much green exhibitions since the start of this year. And also partly because I was busy with school activities and church stuff and Earth Week. Okie maybe I can count Earth Week as a green exhibition, but it's only in my own school!
I think one of my highlights of environmentalism is doing exhibition booth work. It was where I really learnt how to be a social butterfly and bring forth my environment message to someone whom I've never met before in my life. I mean, in terms of activity, nothing compares to nature guiding or trekking in the forest or planting stuff. Or even planning for activities and events. But I think booth work allows a platform for me to really mingle with the crowd and understand things from their point of view, while at the same time educating my point of view.
I had EnviroFest at Toa Payoh HDB Hub today. I remember at the start of this year, me, Zhen Rong and Boon Wah from NTU Earthlink sat down together to propose collaboration for EnviroFest. And I remember handing most of the responsibilities to Hui Min cos I was sick and tired of things. I remember the subsequent crazy meetings to map out our club's activities for the first half of the year. I remember spending late nights preparing for Earth Week and Recycling Week, while Hui Min did the EnviroFest stuff.
Well what can I say? Hui Min and the excos did a superb job. They came up with sponsorship worth more than $2000 from Senoko, coordinated the entire photography competition, and still found time to incorporate guessing number of can tabs for the Fest. And I can almost imagine all the hard work they put in for this event as well... In a sense I'm glad I didn't have to go through crazy schedules since I threw all the work to them, but I feel weird cos I'm missing out on another learning opportunity. Blah actually to be totally honest I don't think I'll be as dedicated as them, so I'm just happy to be a figurehead.
Okie EnviroFest. The total number of can tabs we had in that 20cm diameter, 1.5m tall cylinder was about 33, 000, and the top prize for the closest guess of the can tabs is $100. For the photography competition, it was public voting and the winner gets $500. IT'S EASY PEASY ROLLY POLLY MONEY. So anyway, the public were all attracted by the cash prizes and we had loads of votes/guesses.
Got the chance to meet up with all the usual green people; met Adeline and Joe (GVN), and I saw the other Joe from NSS, and Alvin and Zhen Rong and all the gang. I even saw Genevieve Chua, who was my NParks nature guiding trainer back at Catholic High. Camillus Kang is in VJC's Earthwatch!
Haha one thing good about booth work is that you have an almost-perfect excuse to flirt with girls! There was this really really good-looking girl who came to see the can tabs and our eyes just keep meeting for some reason. AAAAHH I should have gone up to talk to her!! Haha then me and Wang Mo went to flirt with this bunch of girls from Haig Girls' Primary. Okay maybe it's only me that's flirting with them. Anyway they gave me sweets, and later on they even came looking for me in the middle of nowhere just to give me biscuits. Simply adorable!
Wang Mo and me played the throwing games designed by Singapore Poly. We won sweets! Haha! Catholic High Primary did a "vegetarian sharks' fin soup". Basically it's just alternative ingredients mixed together to form something like sharks' fin soup. Blee if you ask me, you might as well just call it vegetarian soup! Haha but I saw Mrs Anne Goh!
After lunch at about 2.30pm, I left the Fest and went down to J8 to meet up with my usual church people. First time I've seen Rachel Lim since last year! Anyway, me and Yurong decided to go all the way down to Zouk to visit Annie and Ginny's flea-market stall, while Adriel and Andrew went town.
Told everyone that I'm going clubbing at Zouk. YEA RIGHT as if anyone will believe me. So the two of us stomped into the crowd; Yurong and Annie had a "reunion" cos they were primary school friends. Met Ruth and Wei Hao! We bought Spongebob stickers and I got a shirt. Then we bumped into Yurong's friends and went all the way up to their stall. Blah the place was super crowded and most of the stuff on sale are all those girly things. Haha but it was fun!
Had to take a taxi down back to Toa Payoh because I was supposed to give out prizes to the winners. It was totally dumb, cos Hui Min for some reason didn't want to award the prizes, so I have to wear my school uniform just to look good on stage. BLEE. I think I look absolutely dorky la! And only like 3 prize winners out of 9 were there at the venue, so for most of the time I was standing onstage smiling like an idiot. Or whispering to Hui Min to let me get offstage. And the emcee pronounced my name as Low Wen Yeo initially! Then later on I became Mr. Guan You, and I'm the NJC Earthlink club president. IT'S GREEN LINK NOT EARTH!!
Hilarious! Took photos with the prize winners; there was this guy who guessed 35,000 for can tabs, and he got an easy $100. And this girl named Yi Hui who was from NJ also, won second for photography competition. And another guy walked away with lucky draw vouchers. After everything was over, we packed up and dumped everything at Rong Yao's house, then came out for dinner. Liyong really talk a lot of crap. Agnes looks really blur all the time. Haha okie okie we all went home at 9pm.
I'm so tired out. It's been a long long day, and there's still Literature lecture tomorrow.
I think one of my highlights of environmentalism is doing exhibition booth work. It was where I really learnt how to be a social butterfly and bring forth my environment message to someone whom I've never met before in my life. I mean, in terms of activity, nothing compares to nature guiding or trekking in the forest or planting stuff. Or even planning for activities and events. But I think booth work allows a platform for me to really mingle with the crowd and understand things from their point of view, while at the same time educating my point of view.
I had EnviroFest at Toa Payoh HDB Hub today. I remember at the start of this year, me, Zhen Rong and Boon Wah from NTU Earthlink sat down together to propose collaboration for EnviroFest. And I remember handing most of the responsibilities to Hui Min cos I was sick and tired of things. I remember the subsequent crazy meetings to map out our club's activities for the first half of the year. I remember spending late nights preparing for Earth Week and Recycling Week, while Hui Min did the EnviroFest stuff.
Well what can I say? Hui Min and the excos did a superb job. They came up with sponsorship worth more than $2000 from Senoko, coordinated the entire photography competition, and still found time to incorporate guessing number of can tabs for the Fest. And I can almost imagine all the hard work they put in for this event as well... In a sense I'm glad I didn't have to go through crazy schedules since I threw all the work to them, but I feel weird cos I'm missing out on another learning opportunity. Blah actually to be totally honest I don't think I'll be as dedicated as them, so I'm just happy to be a figurehead.
Okie EnviroFest. The total number of can tabs we had in that 20cm diameter, 1.5m tall cylinder was about 33, 000, and the top prize for the closest guess of the can tabs is $100. For the photography competition, it was public voting and the winner gets $500. IT'S EASY PEASY ROLLY POLLY MONEY. So anyway, the public were all attracted by the cash prizes and we had loads of votes/guesses.
Got the chance to meet up with all the usual green people; met Adeline and Joe (GVN), and I saw the other Joe from NSS, and Alvin and Zhen Rong and all the gang. I even saw Genevieve Chua, who was my NParks nature guiding trainer back at Catholic High. Camillus Kang is in VJC's Earthwatch!
Haha one thing good about booth work is that you have an almost-perfect excuse to flirt with girls! There was this really really good-looking girl who came to see the can tabs and our eyes just keep meeting for some reason. AAAAHH I should have gone up to talk to her!! Haha then me and Wang Mo went to flirt with this bunch of girls from Haig Girls' Primary. Okay maybe it's only me that's flirting with them. Anyway they gave me sweets, and later on they even came looking for me in the middle of nowhere just to give me biscuits. Simply adorable!
Wang Mo and me played the throwing games designed by Singapore Poly. We won sweets! Haha! Catholic High Primary did a "vegetarian sharks' fin soup". Basically it's just alternative ingredients mixed together to form something like sharks' fin soup. Blee if you ask me, you might as well just call it vegetarian soup! Haha but I saw Mrs Anne Goh!
After lunch at about 2.30pm, I left the Fest and went down to J8 to meet up with my usual church people. First time I've seen Rachel Lim since last year! Anyway, me and Yurong decided to go all the way down to Zouk to visit Annie and Ginny's flea-market stall, while Adriel and Andrew went town.
Told everyone that I'm going clubbing at Zouk. YEA RIGHT as if anyone will believe me. So the two of us stomped into the crowd; Yurong and Annie had a "reunion" cos they were primary school friends. Met Ruth and Wei Hao! We bought Spongebob stickers and I got a shirt. Then we bumped into Yurong's friends and went all the way up to their stall. Blah the place was super crowded and most of the stuff on sale are all those girly things. Haha but it was fun!
Had to take a taxi down back to Toa Payoh because I was supposed to give out prizes to the winners. It was totally dumb, cos Hui Min for some reason didn't want to award the prizes, so I have to wear my school uniform just to look good on stage. BLEE. I think I look absolutely dorky la! And only like 3 prize winners out of 9 were there at the venue, so for most of the time I was standing onstage smiling like an idiot. Or whispering to Hui Min to let me get offstage. And the emcee pronounced my name as Low Wen Yeo initially! Then later on I became Mr. Guan You, and I'm the NJC Earthlink club president. IT'S GREEN LINK NOT EARTH!!
Hilarious! Took photos with the prize winners; there was this guy who guessed 35,000 for can tabs, and he got an easy $100. And this girl named Yi Hui who was from NJ also, won second for photography competition. And another guy walked away with lucky draw vouchers. After everything was over, we packed up and dumped everything at Rong Yao's house, then came out for dinner. Liyong really talk a lot of crap. Agnes looks really blur all the time. Haha okie okie we all went home at 9pm.
I'm so tired out. It's been a long long day, and there's still Literature lecture tomorrow.
Friday 2 June 2006
Geography lecture this morning, from 8 to 11am. I think it was the first time in a long long time that I got approval from Ms Ting for a question which I answered. "Different levels of responsibility". Blee. And Ms Koh's last lecture with us. Went out for lunch and shopping with Atiqah at town after lecture.
I've just got 3 little random bits to share:
1) Being messy is part of my life. My stuff are all over the place in my room, and the Green Link storeroom under my charge became some disaster-stricken area full of debris.
2) I think all girls should just be content with wearing a bra. There really isn't a need for any more extra underwear.
3) Skubalon really happens, especially when you spend most of your time brooding about the past. Forget it and move ahead.
I've just got 3 little random bits to share:
1) Being messy is part of my life. My stuff are all over the place in my room, and the Green Link storeroom under my charge became some disaster-stricken area full of debris.
2) I think all girls should just be content with wearing a bra. There really isn't a need for any more extra underwear.
3) Skubalon really happens, especially when you spend most of your time brooding about the past. Forget it and move ahead.
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