Have been home quite a bit and have been out of home quite a bit these few days too! Choosing to stay home mostly because my poor mum is alone. Dad has gone back to Philippines after the Christmas holiday, and my sister is holidaying in Korea and won't be back till next year! I'm trying to allow my presence to be felt more at home so that mum doesn't have to be alone all the time. Update on Cater and Pillar, both have started their cocooning, but one of the cocoons fell (I think) and the poor caterpillar is currently in three separate pieces, so I presume it dead. The other one is still in the process of metamorphosis.

And out of home because it is holidays after all! Been out a lot with friends and with the cell group especially. The year is coming to an end, and so is the cell group, and they want to meet up as many times as possible before we all get new cell groups next year. There were some shopping trips here and there, we went down to Ikea just to eat meatballs, and today we were at the airport simply to see if we can find interesting stuff to occupy the Sunday afternoon. Well they did zoom around the entire check-in area of Terminal 2 on trolleys!! It was easily one of my better days well spent for the whole year, and I am going to miss the time spent with them. I've led many many different cell groups before, so I cannot really say anything to suggest that this is the best cell group ever or the most tight-knit cell or anything remotely related to any forms of absolutes! Haha I have to be fair and impartial to my past, present and future cell groups. But still, among the best people I've ever met in life.

So Christmas came and went, and that concludes the most bittersweet season of every year-end. This year's celebrations has been pretty quiet and muted. Yes there were a couple of parties here and there, but apart from that Christmas this year kinda sneaked past my calendar. I didn't sign up to go and ring the bell for kettling, because I had reservist which took up most of my available holidays. We didn't plan to go carolling at houses too. And most of all, I think I wasn't really put in charge of anything significant this year, because past few years I was either leading worship or speaking or something like that. Haha it was a nice break.

And every year I embark on an ambitious essay writing project for all the people that matter to me in my life. Christmas card writing is one of my favourite things to do, because it allows me an opportunity to express my gratitude or thanksgiving to the person I'm writing to. Usually have about 50~70 cards to write, and then there's an essay for about about half of those people, so it does take quite a lot of effort to get it done! I figured if I'm writing a card then I might as well fill it up full with words that matter. 

Present of the year comes from Daniel and Kathryn! They bought caterpillars and gave them out to some of us, and golly it's the most ingenious present ever in my life! Well, apart from the time I received a hamster... Haha I received a pair of caterpillars, and I just need to put fresh leaves once or twice a day  for the caterpillars to eat. Most amazing thing was finding out that caterpillars can actually poop, and they do poop a lot! The eventual hope is that they pupate and then transform into butterflies so that they can be set free. Hopefully they start to cocoon themselves and turn into butterflies before the year ends, cos that will be a great start to the new year! Anyway, I named them Cater and Pillar, but it's not as if I can tell them apart.

A couple of things which I wanted to blog about.

First, I have a new hair colour now! It is the first time ever in my life I was willing to try something new and different to my hair, and first time ever in my life I actually dyed my hair. The Gatsby package says "Natural Bleach", but it looks more like light golden brown. And I'm not sure whether this is a hit or miss, because some people tell me I look ten years older, but I also have the other camp telling me I look ten years younger! Either way, this is probably the most irrationally random decision ever. Reason why I wanted to do it? I ended reservist recently and my friend said that we can all go dye cool hair colours immediately because it would have some time to fade before our next in-camp training. So... haha this is probably too weird a reason, but I figured that I should try somehow, and here I go.

Second, I decided to organize a small Pri 6 outing on Christmas Eve today. And as with every batch of new Sec 1s that come under me, they must go through the "cycling at East Coast" initiation, because I have been consistently going to East Coast every year to cycle with practically every Sec 1/2 cell that I have ever led haha. Tradition must not be forgotten! But we were caught in a sudden downpour this afternoon, and although we were drenched, I am super duper excited for these would-be new cell members! It was, and still is, my greatest privilege to be part of all these young lives, and I am constantly challenged to mould and shape them into what God intends them to be. 2013 will be my sixth consecutive year of doing this, and they are a full 12-year lunar cycle younger than me (we fiesty dragons). Nope, I am not too old for this! =)

So we had our youth camp over the past weekend, and the biggest take-home nagging feeling was that I was the oldest at the camp for large portions of it! Not that that gave me any special privileges, nor did I have to exercise any authority from it, but simply the fact that I think I am getting quite old for youth ministry! But still, camp was really great, and I count it my privilege to be part of something whereby the Spirit is so insistent on transforming lives and touching hearts. 

And leading a group lets me experience first-hand all these miracles, from people finding answers to their questions, then believing in a living God, to a whole new dimension of worship, and even an experience of Jesus taking them for a walk! I cannot quite imagine all of these, and I can only trust that what's sowed at this camp will eventually translate into something much bigger beyond me. 

Highlight of the camp include getting my group lost on a huge 40-minute detour, because I didn't heed Google Maps' instructions and the bus we were on went on the expressway! But we made an amazing comeback from finding Kar Leong at the right place at the right time literally. 

I don't have a picture of my complete group, but I'm sure they will be somewhere on Facebook, so these will do for now. 

Slightly long post ahead, but I need to put this out to encourage myself, and possibly you too. Just want to marvel and be amazed at how much people grow and change once more! I know I consistently blog about how it is a joy for me to watch people grow up over the years, and it doesn't help that I am involved with Sec 1 and 2, which means that it is practically inevitable for me to witness huge dramatic change over the course of their teenage lives. But if I do not document all these down, one day when I'm much more older and I don't have much recollection on things, I will at least be able to pull these out from 'Search' and read to catch up on my memory.

Roxanne messaged me on Saturday night and asked about our Sunday service timings. She wanted to start coming back to church again, and to be super honest and frank, I don't know why me or why our church! She was in my cell group two or three years back because Janice brought her along, but when Janice and her family changed church, Roxanne stopped coming too. So I was sitting beside her in service this morning, and it felt so weird to know that I once had this responsibility to ensure that this young lady grow up the way she is supposed to grow up in Christ. I vaguely remember praying over the phone with her friends over a phone conference and going down to her netball matches, stuff like that haha. Several years later, she's graduated from secondary school now, I've not seen her for years too, and it's just bittersweet knowing that she's back with us somehow, even if it's just one Sunday. 

And then I was at worship practice for youth camp (which is next week!!!), and was playing with Celine for some of the sessions. I can't tell you how much of this reminiscence thing played out all day for me. Celine used to be in my cell group too, the very first Sec 1 batch I took in which I had no idea where to begin and no idea what or what not to do. So I taught her guitar at the first opportunity, and I always teach 'Heart of Worship' for the first song because the chords and rhythm are relatively great for a guitar beginner. So we were midway into our worship practice, and guess what song came up through the set-lists? Haha I can't imagine how much poetic justice or irony or coincidence there are, when she went playing the same strumming pattern that I first taught her five years back, but no longer as someone who just picked up the guitar for the first time, instead as someone who have been serving in ministry for several years now. And next year she's going to be co-leading cell with me!!! 

I think I am old that way. I know I am only (just turned) 24, and it is incomparable to aunties and uncles and grandparents all around, but I always feel old in relation to the teenagers I hang out with. Just the other day, the kids in my current cell now asked me if will I still talk to them and be friends with them when they change cells next year. We are doing a massive cell group transition next year, and my cell group is currently at the "we don't want to leave each other" phase because of whatever that has been built up for the past two years, even if they vehemently deny this is the case hahaha. And I always placate them and say yes yes yes I will still talk to you, but I know pretty much that they will settle into their new cell groups and new lives and it will be THEM who won't want to talk to me! 

Just like how Roxanne and Celine are now. I don't really find out what's happening in their lives, and they don't clamour to meet me either, plainly because we all move on and our priorities change. There's only so much I can put in to care for people, and of course I have to put my current cell group on high priority. Like I reckoned, there's probably 50-odd (or 60 or 70 or 80) teenagers that I know and have met just from the length of ministry since I first took on Sec 1 and 2 five years back, and I can't know for certain where they all are now. They all bring friends, then I hang out with the friends of their friends, and it's like an exponential epidemic. I can only pray for all these young ones from my previous cells, that they are getting on fine from wherever I left them off. It's only once in a while when they sit beside me in service or play guitar with me, that it hits me like a rock where my ministry has brought me to. Somewhere somehow God deems it fit that His work and His glory is magnified through what I don't even know I'm doing. Roxanne said nobody in our church really remembers her anymore (she's proven wrong anyway because people did recognize her), but I'm more thankful that at least she remembered me enough to ask about the service timing! And I feel I can only boast about this in the Lord's strength. This commitment may have really been my sweat and blood and tears, but that's cos I am a do-er all the time. If God didn't keep reminding me to rest, I wouldn't have done much on my own efforts anyway. Likewise, seeing just a small fraction of the fruits of the labour is really the hugest encouragement for me to carry doing this. 

Today I am happily done with exams! Although I have been acting as though it ended quite a few days ago haha. Yes I was studying hard for my papers and there were many many late nights, but the truth is that it is also my final year, and there are not many ways to improve my grades by huge margins. So I have been taking it rather easy, which meant also that I have been going for cell group outings and whatever gatherings even before exams ended!

And right after exams today, I went down to support the Starbucks Open House, not as a volunteer, but as a coffee-getter! Every year they have this collaboration which involves free Starbucks drinks for a couple of hours, with all donation proceeds going to Salvation Army. For the past two or three years I have been serving as a volunteer at various locations, but this year my exams wouldn't have ended in time for the start of the kettling, so I didn't take it up. I went with Federic to Northpoint at Yishun to support the girls in my cell who were there to ring the bell, and I have to say it feels so funny to be in the queue instead of being the one in apron and ringing bell! But it's a good role reversal for once, I'm quite sure there are plenty more occasions for me to ring bells in future haha.

Joanna and Si Xuan! 

Was invited to attend a Gracehaven thanksgiving concert today, and they doubled it up with a carnival celebration too! Towards the end of the year they usually organize some special form of appreciation for all their volunteers, and for the past two years or so I think I have not attended any of it due to December's crazy schedules. Quite glad that I managed to catch this year's! 

I have to admit that every time I go down to Gracehaven, it is almost always for some form of service or ministry that I am giving. Whether it is to support them in their worship services, for tuition, for meetings... It always involves some work from my part. Haha it was quite a good experience to be able to be in the Gracehaven premise to actually enjoy and talk to the youths there without having to do anything! Over the past few years I've got to know quite a lot of people there, and of course new people come and go all the time because their length of stay in Gracehaven is usually two years. I am really motivated and encouraged by the Kingdom's work, and each Gracehaven opportunity for ministry opens my eyes to what church beyond the confines of the church is really all about. Can't quite imagine just how much some of the youths have grown in stature since I first knew them, and most of all I never knew some of them could sing or play instruments that well!

Am currently at a juncture whether to continue committing next year to the various Gracehaven ministries that I support now, and part of me is irresistibly torn to let anything go. But I do need to prioritize my time and efforts, and I am really seeking what God wants in all of these.