Am currently in the midst of drafting up some new worship leader training curriculum, because I'm trying to make my holidays worthwhile and productive. Aiming to finish the document before the end of July! And while I am doing this, I have to admit that for the longest time this is a constant dilemma to me because I have never ever felt like I am fully called into this area of ministry. Yes I lead worship sometimes and I play for the music team sometimes, but I always tell people that my worship team commitment is what I do on the sidelines. I'd like to think that I am called to do other things, that God has given me other giftings and talents which I feel I'm more adequate at.

Over the years I've attempted to reconcile the fact that I am never fully ready nor am I equipped, by telling myself to just be obedient and see where this takes me. Nothing strikes at your own ineptitude and  inadequacy as much as when you have to prepare for a training curriculum. Too much stuff you thought you knew, but you don't really; too many things you thought you did, but you never really. Currently I'm praying really hard for some form of direction with regards to my worship ministry. 

Well okay pictures! This is the amount of reading I've tried to plow through. And, my copy of "Worship Matters" is loaned to someone, but I can't remember who! If you're reading this blog (and reading that book), please return me asap, this current copy I loaned is Matthew's.

Holidays are the best, because I can sleep as late as I want, and therefore wake up as late as I want in the morning too. I'm not up to much currently, been reading a lot and online a lot. The few times that I've been out are mostly to catch up with friends or to do meaningless shopping. Downsides about these are that the more I go out, the more money I tend to spend. And this is dire because I don't have much income nowadays; all the guitar students are on summer holidays and I don't teach as much tuition as I used to.

Speaking of tuition, I do teach at Gracehaven once a week, and today finally broke the test of my resolve. I had to remind myself very firmly why I even started volunteering in the first place. Okay I admit, every week is a struggle to psych myself to make that (not so) long trip to Gracehaven and to set aside time for that tuition slot. There are so many other things that I can do on a Tuesday evening, and I needed all the persistence and perseverance in me to uphold that commitment I made.

I think volunteering and ministry work and serving people is pretty much about ensuring that everything is perfect and great for the benefiting parties, and very little about me myself benefiting as a result. I want to serve because it is a privilege for me to serve, and I don't want to have to drag my feet and coerce myself into doing things just because I have to. Maybe that's why I always believe in serving from my own overflow of abundant grace, because when it becomes difficult and dreary, it always helps to reference myself back to the first excitement.

Right now, I'm in my kitchen reading Eat Pray Love, and drinking Pepsi in an iced cup, and watching a little cockroach scurrying around my kitchen floor. Don't feel like killing it, because at 4am that's the only companion I will get. I hope eventually it will just get itself out of the window, or I will chase it before I sleep. And, can I just say, Pepsi is really diluted and just... weird. I drank Coke Zero today too, it tastes much too bland. Give me the real Coca Cola anyday. 

Back from Australia for almost five days now, and have been attempting to do more productive things like learning guitar or going out to meet people or reading vociferously. I am currently alternating between Batman comics and about to start Eat Pray Love (everyone keeps asking why read some girly book) and some magazines and some Christian teenage fiction book which I got from Aussie. Adjusting back to the hot sunny Singapore weather is a chore too, because I was so happily freezing in sub-10 Celsius degrees in Melbourne and Sydney. But I was only acclimatizing to cold weather for two weeks; have friends who are in colder parts of Europe for months on exchange, not to mention that it's mostly rainy since I got back, so I'm not really feeling the heat yet.

Our itinery for Australia was to head down first to the Victoria state for about a week. We spent a few days in Melbourne lazing around, found friends of Spencer and Meena, headed out to an out-back safari. Then began the road trips to Phillip Island to shudder with the penguins, and drove out about 8 hours to Apollo Bay via the Great Ocean Road to see the Twelve Apostles. Kinda amazing we drove so far out (and back) just to see some limestone rocks heh. Sydney we went after that, with another few days just touring the harbours and walking around. We did meet up with Melanie and Col Prema, who was there at the conference too! And more new friend(s).

Hillsong Conference was really great, it was so good to be going there as a participant without doing anything and to just soak up everything that was said and sung. To be truthful the topics and the electives were a big mishmash of information, from personal discipleship to evangelism to the various church ministries, but I think the beauty of it was discovering the many facets of a church life within the church life. Some of the stuff were really life-changing, it brought a new dimension to the way I saw things. Others were just continuous reminders of the ministries that I've committed to carry out and the awesome privilege of being able to do things in church. So fired up from all the new perspectives, and then back smack into the processes of leaderships, haha I have to remember to be humble and to be obedient, to change the things within my reach and to trust the things to God out of my control.

The smallest trivia while on holiday: I finished reading the Hunger Games trilogy within the two weeks. I prefer the Sydney Harbour Bridge to the Opera House. I took all my pictures using a film camera, it ran up to eight rolls of film (yet to be sent for developing). I think contemporary art really makes you think, but it is too subjectively controversially weird. And once I've fought off the ibises and the seagulls for my fish and chips by Darling Harbour, I will never ever find fish and chips as good as it will ever get in Aussie.