Tonight was one of those nights that I had to make a choice what to watch, with the options spliced evenly between several DVDs and movies. I'm in the midst of a self-learn guitar resource, and then I just got another separate guitar resource from Min Jie earlier today, and I kinda just started the TV sitcom How I Met Your Mother. Not to mention several movies which I wanted to watch haha. But nah, after several wrestles and tussles I went with this Louie Giglio's series of talks on grace.

From my ministries at church, and with the benefit of hindsight, I've realized over the years that I tend to be too much of a do-er. My natural response to any problem is to prescribe a do-able solution, and I'm not happy if no action is done. Or I try my best to do everything myself. I still do too much sometimes, and I tend not to allocate, or to just be, instead of doing. So we have this whole thing about grace being God at work over the things we cannot do, and I have to constantly remind myself to surrender and let God take control of the gracey stuff. And then elsewhere it says also to work out your salvation, that it is an outpouring of the grace given that we aspire to be Christ-like, which again I have to remind myself that it is "work out" and not "work for". I'm working out because of grace, and not so that I can gain grace. I don't need to, but I want to.

At the risk of this blog post sounding schizophrenic, I shall stop here. There's a lot more to grace than this too. But I'm glad I picked Giglio over guitar tutorials. Maybe now I will go on to HIMYM. 

The holidays has been extremely agreeable with me, I am taking my time to do the things that I want to do and I am sleeping vast amounts of hours that I haven't been able to do so previously. Regrettably, the reading has not been as prolific as I would like it to be! I bring my novel everywhere I go, but it usually stays in my bag and seldom sees the light of day. Which I guess is a really bad habit developed from my literature modules; I bring my assigned lit novels everywhere I go during term time too, but it remains well-traveled but not well-read. 

Anyway, I've got more time to spend it with cell group too, because I've always believed that young people need to go out and you need to do stuff with them to really connect. From lunches to dinners to movies to running to guitar lessons. I've been watching a lot of movies at home too. And in the guise of self-improvement I am finally starting to "formally" take guitar lessons from a DVD, which can get a bit boring after a while because learning music is essentially tedium and loads of memory work. But I will persevere. 

If you see me idling about, please nag at me to take out my book and finish reading it. 

It's a pleasure and a privilege to serve in church really. Gave a mini-message on language last night, and then was leading a small worship session tonight. I have to stress that I don't do both very often nowadays haha. I think half the technical skills or the spiritual acumen that I need to be an effective speaker or worship leader is lost through years of lack of sufficient practice. 

Tonight kinda reinforced what they say about the worship leader is to be ready with a word or a song for all season. I know Commissioner Lim reads this haha, but when Min Jie asked me to lead worship he only said 2 to 3 songs! Well it became 5 haha, but I'm just thankful that I've got great quiet time moments that I can bring into actual worship leading, and all the times that I force myself to go onstage without chord references. 

And last night was a very strong reminder of God's grace, and how it applies in my life. I'm not a perfect man, but it is really only through grace that I get to do the stuff I am doing now. A while back during Matthew's cell group, we watched a Louie Giglio DVD series on the topic of grace, and sadly to say I can't remember most of what was said haha. Need a refresher, and I think I will do just that. 

I seldom put up songs here, but this is an exception because of the song story that went behind it. This one is called "Hati Hamba", or translated as "Heart of a Servant". I first heard it sung at Heart of God Church when I attended one of their services. Maybe a few months later, I went back again, and they sang it for worship again! And I remembered the song striking a chord in me for each time I was there, whatever my circumstances and situation. I simply had to ask one of the youths in the congregation what song that was, and he said it was written by an Indonesian church and it's one of their more familiar songs that they always sing for worship. Great lyrics. You can search it up on Youtube or something.

HATI HAMBA

Standing in awe of Your grace
Setting my feet in Your ways
Entering into Your presence
To behold You face to face

God of all heaven and earth
Holding me in Your embrace
Unfailing love that surrounds me
Oh God I stand amazed

My Jesus, my Lord
You're the love of my life
Wherever You go
Wanna be by Your side
No longer I
But Christ living in me
Serving You for all eternity

My eyes set on You
In this race that I run
No longer my ways
Let Your will be done
Make me a servant
My heart's ever true
Clinging to the cross
I'll follow You

Exams have ended, and I am now currently enjoying my holidays! For most parts of it, my exams and revision has been great, this is one of the better prepared semesters in my university life. Really enjoyed what I was studying, and it actually felt like I was learning something this time round. The saddest part is that I will not be taking anymore literature modules from now on! Maybe I will sneak in for some of the lectures from the modules that I've always wanted to try, and I will read the books assigned for the course haha. But yup, the semester is over and I have a four months break now!

There's probably too many things I want to read and learn for the holidays. I kinda like just waking up and bumming around at home reading, or just mill around. Actually it's only been a few days since I ended exams. Have been helping out with the exam revisions for the young ones yesterday, Maths is great but I have to revise my Sec 3 Chemistry stuff just to be able to be of help haha. My want-to-read list for the holidays is too long and too intimidating, but I am determined to plow through it and complete as much as I can. 

And today's another interesting day, I'm going to start tuition with one of the boys from Gracehaven! For the longest time, Augustine has reminded me time and again of their need for volunteer tutors to go in and help out academically, and for the longest time I have been procrastinating, and also because I really have too much to do. But last year I partly recommended Joe Yong and Kah Jie to give tuition there, then Auntie Kristy has been literally goading me to go in hahaha every time I meet her she's challenging me what am I doing with my life. The confirmation kinda came when Jolene told me she's looking to volunteer there too. So, in I go tonight. 

Will post my reading reviews up here, partly to keep myself accountable to the things that I've set out to do this holiday!