The main activity for today was Pei Ling's birthday barbeque celebration at East Coast Park. Okay it's an early one since it's not her birthday till Wednesday. I got lost somewhere at Parkway Parade area while trying to get to there. Haiya it's sooo out of my familiar ground. And I was already preparing myself for many unfamiliar faces, because Pei Ling was quite vague about the people she invited. Still, I got a shock when I got there. Apparently she invited friends from kindergarten, primary, secondary, JC, university, her family, some school mates, and goodness else where. That meant that everyone only knew a few of the others and thus generally hung out in the respective cliques. To make matters worse, I think I was the youngest there (Pei Ling's a year older than me), and I was the only person who was related to her in the most remote way. Everyone else was at least her classmate at some point in her life hahahahahaha! I only knew Ken and the birthday girl out of the 25 to 30 odd who turned up at various timings.

This is so weird. However, despite the daunting circumstances, I tried my best to be an elegant social butterfly. I made concerted efforts to remember people's names and talked to as many of them as possible. We played some silly icebreaker game which had "big titty cow girl" in it.
Made some new friends, although I seriously doubt I'll ever see them ever again. Oh there were one or two NJ seniors whom I recognise but never knew them personally.

Well eventually I got tired of getting caught sticking out like a sore thumb with no one to talk to. The barbeque fire wasn't ready too, due to some trouble which I do not know. So I made up some lame excuse and left early. Heh people were coming and leaving at odd intervals anyway, so I thought my absence wouldn't really be noticed anyway (and no one else knew me either). Blah. Took a bus back to AMK Hub, shopped for some instant noodles and other food, then went home.


Why weren't you there? And to think I was dreading to see you. In fact, given that I didn't really have any one else to talk to, I'd have given a leg just to see another familiar face. Actually am I even sure that you will be keen to meet me? How long has it been? Facing my own inner demons is the last thing I want to do, but I've got another nagging feeling that this had gotten way too ugly.

Sometimes I'm thinking if everything that I'm doing right now is really worth all the time and effort. I guess I'm just not a very pragmatic person. I will continue doing something even if it is not yielding the results. Maybe it's because it has become a habitual constant that gives me balance in my life.

I met Yicheng today. In my camp, no less! He's on attachment for a short course. I haven't seen him in at least two years. Meeting him brought to mind someone who was telling me that sooner or later, I'll have to choose which friends I want to keep in contact with.

What We Keep by Elizabeth Berg was a surprisingly good read. I only got the book because I liked the cover. It was full of familiar truths and made me examine my regrets in life. I'm beginning Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen now, in anticipation for Sherwin's friend's drama production.

I also realised something today, while daydreaming about some obscure thing. I can interact well with anyone who are at least five years younger than me. Think like, pre-pubescent little boys and girls, generally between 6 to 14. I've got a sort of natural way of talking to them. Now I can't wait to have my own kids.

Went back to Sentosa today after a long long time! It was the last day for the Sentosa Flowers event, so Priscilla and me decided to go check it out. Surprisingly there weren't a lot of people today. It sure felt nostalgic to see some familiar faces here and there, and there's some construction changes to make way for the casino resorts. Okay. The display of flowers were quite brilliant! Everywhere was colourful and bright and cheery to evoke some kind of pastoral feeling in you. But after a while, we both found it boring because we got more fascinated with the giant figurines instead of the flowers! Hahaha! The navigation around the place was also haphazard and there's like no specific theme. Baah I think last year's was nicer. Still, it was quite magnificent.

Spent like only an hour plus in Sentosa, then we decided that we might be happier back in Vivo, so we travelled back, walked around, went shopping at Daiso cos everything's $2 over there, and ate at Yoshinoya where they gave me some funny (but nice) sauce of wasabi and mayonnaise concoction.

Pictures!

















The rest are here. CLICK.

Okay. Let's talk about my Valentine's Day, shall we? Went out for dinner with Priscilla! It was sort of like a dinner date, because I asked her out, but that was because we both didn't have anybody to go out with and we just happened to be messaging each other and so we decided to go out for dinner. Nothing else! Okay so we went to some Japanese restaurant near AMK Hub. Halfway through dinner her friend (who travelled to AMK together with Priscilla) appeared in the same restaurant with her boyfriend! What a small world. So instead of merely dinner, I made two new friends too, Li Ling and Alvin. Hahaha! Eventually I talked a lot more to Alvin more than I talked to Priscilla, which is really ironic because Alvin's a total stranger while I've known Pris for 2 years already. After dinner I went with Pris to go get a notebook, and then I went straight back to camp after that.

Last night was Friendship Friday at youth service! Got out of camp earlier than usual, so I backed up sang for Biru. Then the activity was for each cell group to come up with a dance item. Okaay the song selection was really terrible, like Power Rangers theme song, or Powerpuff Girls, or Barney, hahahaha you get my drift! Ben Ng and me joined up with Aaron and Samantha and Celine and Vanessa, and we did High School Musical's finale song. Hahaha it was super funky cos Aaron came up with cool steps, and we won! Okay I forgot my steps.

And today, I actually wanted to go have lunch with Khairul at Singapore General Hospital. He's having some attachment over there. But due to sheer stupidity, I took the bus that went in the wrong direction, and I didn't even notice (cos I was reading) until I realised I was somewhere in Woodlands. Hence the lunch was unceremoniously cancelled, and I went to Khatib to explore on my own, then I went to AMK library, then home, then out to AMK Hub again for dinner with my family at New York New York.

Hahaha. Yurong says I'm one big scandal on my own, and I've got no propriety, but I'm still charming.

Oh oh. The dancing videos are on her blog.

There was supposed to be a "half day" of sorts, just because it's Valentine's Day. But I sneaked out of camp way earlier than the time which the "half day" was supposed to begin hahaha! All thanks to Cephas, who was tasked to get paint markers and mounting boards and whatever other stationery, and he decided to ask me along to get the stuff with him. When your army life presents you with an opportunity like this, you're a fool to miss out on it.

And so by 11am we were at Ang Mo Kio. Spent close to a hundred bucks getting all the stuff at the Popular store over there. Then we realised that the movie Jumper opens in theaters today, so we made an impulsive decision to go watch it. Hahaha was fifteen minutes late for the show because we couldn't tell the time. The movie has no credible storyline at all, but the action scenes were kinda cool. Then we both left for home after that.

I've got a Valentine's dinner date with a girl! A result from random messaging.

It was quite a funky day. Went out in the morning with Eleanor for MacDonald's breakfast at Yishun. Then we went down to the army market at Beach Road. The plan was to get protective glasses because she needs it for some Chemistry lab-work thing, and she claims that they sell those kinds of things at army market. Okay so they did, but I also learnt not to go down there on a Monday because most of the shops are closed. I got one for myself too, more out of sheer boredom than anything else.

After that was done I'm supposed to make my way down to NUS for lunch with Yurong. Didn't know how to get there, so we found some random bus stop, hopped on to the first bus that arrived, then halfway through somewhere in Bukit Merah we took another bus, and ended up at IKEA Alexandra. Hahaha it was disastrous. Eleanor went home after that cos she had a straight bus home, while I decided to follow some girl that looked like an undergrad and hopefully she'll lead me to NUS hahahaha. Too bad she didn't.

Anyway, I think NUS is too far-flung from everywhere in Singapore! I should change universities. Found Yurong, walked around the bazaar shops, ate at some canteen, sneaked into the library. Met Qiling too! Heh. My escapade there made me realise that I'm sooo not ready for uni life. Everyone looks so old and mature hahaha! Okie. Eventually Yurong had some tutorial at some classroom which she wasn't even sure of, and I left her at that for home.

Photos!


Visiting at grandma's.


Starbucks at Vivo.


Some Japanese girl.




Which do you think is a nicer photo in terms of aesthetic quality? Khairul took these from some advertisement at a bus stop, and I can't decide which one I prefer. I asked five people, and the tally stands at 3 votes for the first, and 2 for the second. Sighh.

Yawn. It's 1am in the morning. Okie the Chinese New Year holiday was uber boring. I only visited one house and that was my grandma's house, and we go there every year, so it's a tradition it's not something out of the norm. Here's the shortened account of what I did in the past 5 days.

Wednesday 6th Feb - At home mostly, had reunion dinner with family at home.
Thursday 7th Feb - At home mostly, went out for dinner with Khairul at Tanjong Pagar railway station.
Friday 8th Feb - Went grandma's house for lunch, then went Vivo with Khairul (again) to hang around. Watched Sweeney Todd.
Saturday 9th Feb - At home mostly.
Sunday 10th Feb - Went for church service, AMK Hub with family for lunch, Bishan library after that to get some reading done.

Aww man. How boring can I get?? While half the world is visiting everybody everywhere, I'm just contented with staying at home. Ahh I think I'm just anti-social. I'm not really in the mood to talk a lot nowadays.

I don't need to go back camp till Monday night, because I'm clearing my off. I'm finishing up P.S. I Love You soon. I'm trying to think what I should do for Good Friday. I'm addicted to Simpsons. I can't wait for Heroes season 3, or 2, or whatever they do. I think I should read What We Keep by Elizabeth Berg next.

Shi Hui kept some dark secrets from me. Cry!

You ever get those SMS-es that are sent out specially on festive occasions like Christmas and New Year and CNY? Yar. I think these occasions are for friends whom I haven't met in a long time, or friends whom I seldom talk to, to message me just to catch up with everything that I'm doing. I rarely get messages from close friends wishing me Merry Christmas. Rather, it's always someone totally unexpected. This year for CNY, thanks to De Hua, Wayne Neo, Johnston, Jolene and Samuel for remembering me. I shall make it a point to start doing the same, cos usually I'm lazy to mass send these kind of greetings.

Valentine's Day is approaching. So far for the past 2 years, it has just been grabbing random girls and forcing them to go eat with me. HAHAHA. I think I'll never get married at this rate that I'm going. Anyone wants dinner this Thursday?

Alright. Time for bed.

Alright. The moment has arrived for a time-out in my life, and write a short note to myself, about myself. For the unfortunate event if they ever create a clone out of my DNA, or if my doppelganger is lurking around the alleyways somewhere, or if I lose my memory in some freakish accident. Do show him/her/me this message, and aid them in their quest to finding his/her/my identity.

Hello Guan You.

We have probably never met, and will probably never meet, so let me introduce myself. I am you, and if you equate the vice-versa thing, you are me. Except that I've gone nineteen years on this earth trying to define the person that I am (which you are), and that makes it slightly more difficult for you, because there's quite a lot to live up to. So why don't you just try to trust me, on accounts of a been-there-done-that experiential learning.

How should I start?? Alright, your full name is Low Guan You. Date of birth, 21st November 1988. In terms of build and physical size, you are smaller than the average guy your age. Your weight will never exceed 60kg; in fact you should be desperate enough to try and maintain it at 55kg on most days. When you reach fifteen or sixteen you will stop growing any taller than 1.67m. Thus you should brace yourself mentally because you will bear the brunt of most jokes or tauntings about short guys. But you will also discover that while you are shorter than most guys, you are taller than most girls the same age. That will be more than sufficiently adequate. Try and do some weights training to give definition to your muscles. If you're strict enough with yourself, you might actually put on a lot more mass than I did. Otherwise, you will remain scrawny and lanky like a wounded kid who is constantly afraid of getting bullied.

But you are blessed with quite a high metabolism rate. Which means you can eat most fatty food and not put on noticeable weight. That, or there's worms in your stomach, or puberty lost out on you, so you might want to get yourself checked. But here's a health advisory: you have a history of heart disease, diabetes and obesity on your dad's side, so watch out for it when you hit 35. But that's a long way to go, even for me. You will be prone to frequent colds or flu or coughs. That has partly got to do with the fact that you were born prematurely by two weeks, and you had quite a serious lung infection when you were just a few weeks old (or rather, I were, but I will never know about you).

Here's a serious one. You will be allergic to paracetamol. Discovered it when I consumed it for a fever when I was eight, then I had swollen red eyes that puffed out like a sore thumb. Took it accidentally again the same year, and the same thing happened, so it became a logical deduction never to touch paracetamol again. If you have a fever, tough on you.

You will be right-handed, and you will hold your pen or pencil in a funny way which involves more fingers than what others do. It's not your fault, because it simply stuck that way when you first held a writing instrument. The same thing will happen when you try using chopsticks. Thankfully, your handwriting will be a lot neater than most people.

You will discover that you have a distinct flair for languages. You pick them up fairly well and in a quick time too, but you must have the discipline to sustain it. You are quite good with words too. Eventually that will develop into an uncanny knack of being able to use the most apt vocabulary at appropriate times. You will enjoy reading, and in time to come you will be able to appreciate different forms of writing and that will help a lot if you wish to take up Literature studies. You can write fairly well too, but will suck at attempts to write fiction. Try poetry, or non-fictional expositions, or reviews in a journalistic style.

Eventually you will think that your hair is the bane of your life. Despite all attempts to emulate others, yours will forever be sticking out the wrong end, or too bushy or dry or whatever. Shave it all off. You will look pretty okay, or just keep it short. Your shoe size will be eight; when does your feet stop growing, I cannot remember. You can go a week without shaving and very little facial hair will grow, which is remarkable because you will be lazy to do so. Your eyes will be black but will look translucent golden brown in certain lightings. Make use of that fact to charm the girls. You will have quite good strength and fitness for your physique, and if you put in some effort you can run long distances without going out of shape. But you don't have the pace nor stamina to sprint for long. You will be bad at most sports, because you're too clumsy and uncoordinated with your limbs. You will be okay at badminton or table tennis or frisbee though. Still, try anything for the fun of it anyway. Somehow, unlike most guys, you don't have the adrenalin to play computer games, nor be interested either. You will not be that terrified of heights. You will have an aversion against water. You are not a very strong swimmer, so don't try anyway. You are not a fussy eater and will eat almost everything that's edible, but you will refuse to eat grapes at all cost. You will eat vegetables gladly, much to the happiness of your mother and the object of envy to many others who don't like greens. You will still have preferences such as chocolates without nuts, apples instead of watermelons, or the choice not to have bee hoon for breakfast.

You will get terrible acne when you're thirteen, but they will go away before you reach sixteen. When it comes to looks, you are not the most good-looking guy, but you are decent enough. Remember that there are others out there with horrible facial defects, and be thankful for what yourself. But you will be charming enough in your own rights. You are socially-adept, and you have no problems holding your front when meeting new people. Your best friends will tend to be females, and that's nothing to be ashamed of because you're a natural ladies' men who understands. However, it will be difficult if you want to extend your friendships with girls into a relationship, because you are nice to all girls and that makes it confusing for them to know if you're just a really nice gentleman or if you have the cooties for them. My advice for you if you like a girl, don't tell (a)the whole world; (b)the girl herself. Try and make her notice you instead. Be aware, because you are so endearing you might flirt unknowingly.

Similarly, you have no problems with expressing yourself verbally. Try your hand at public-speaking. Given the opportunity, do not be reticent. Feel free to speak your mind or whatever that you believe in, but take into consideration not to be too verbose. You need to express yourself more dramatically, or else you look really stoic or stiff. Let loose your emotions, be happy when you're really happy, look more interested and be more excited. But keep in mind that sometimes you say things without meaning it, or you tend to speak unnecessary. The rule of thumb is, when you're not in the mood to, don't speak much.

Sooner or later, you realise that you dislike people who are too clingy, touchy or feely. Initially you may be drawn to them because they appear vulnerable, but if they take up too much of your space or time, you will want them out of your life. My best advice to you is, be prudent enough to know your limits. They make excellent and loyal friends, but your personality is not congruent with theirs. You will only end up hurting them, so the best thing is, don't be too close to them.

You will probably be discerning enough to know what is right or wrong, and you are perceptive to know what actions to take. In fact, you are much more mature in your thinking than others around you. But they will perceive you as a boring person or they will think you're aloof. Find similar friends who think like you, and you can go crazy with them together.

You make quite a good leader. It is either you volunteering readily to take charge of something, or chances are that you will be nominated to do so. You exude a natural flair for these kinds of organisational things. Whether you succeed or you flop depends on the amount of commitment that you put in. Do not be afraid to take charge of the situation. When you are in your element, your executional skills are simply stunning. If you know you cannot deliver it, don't make empty promises; it is better to let someone else take over. You have a innate ability to be extremely observant. You sometimes notice things that people do not. But keep these thoughts to yourself. Never mind that eventually someone else takes credit for these breakthrough ideas. It is by far better to do so than to make a mockery for yourself. Or maybe it's simply because you don't really seek attention.

If anything, you can be musically talented as long as you practice hard enough. As with all things, be disciplined enough to be willing to learn. You will have quite decent vocals too, but you must not be too shy to sing it out loud. You will be pretty good with rhythms and pitches. Just don't try anything too ambitious.

Sometimes you will wonder why life is so good to some individuals, and yet so unfair to others. You will meet some of these blessed people who have everything going in their lives. You might envy them, you might look up to them, you might even try and be like them. That's perfectly okay, just remember that you are special enough in your own ways too. Generally, try not to live a life full of regrets. Treasure every moment of your life. Do the things that must be done, without delay, or you will forever wish you had. Sometimes other people will look at you, and you know instinctively that it's a look of sympathy. It's the same look that they give to beggars, to the needy, to the people less adequate than they are. It is true. Sometimes the look on your face screams PATHETIC. You will have many bad experiences in your life. Maybe not yours, but for me, it definitely was trying. Remember there's always hope in the despair, so don't make the same mistakes as I did and let others be sympathetic of you. Try not to look pathetic too. It's okay if you feel that way, but never show it. You don't want the others to think Is he still affected by that after so long? When will he snap out of it? I hope he's alright.

I hope this goes some way in helping you in any way. Maybe you will live life differently than I did, and I'm hoping you will. If things turn out in another way for you, do let me know. I will be most glad to hear from you.

With much love,
Guan You
6 Feb 2008

I apologise if you find my blog insipid or inactive, because all that I've been blogging these few days are what I've done inside/outside army, and that's hardly reflective of anything unless you're into stalking my every movement. Anyway, once I regain my creative juices, I'll try putting some more variety in my posts. But then again, this blog is already at my liberty to express myself in any way I like in the first place, so there really isn't a reason for me to be apologetic for. Which also means that you wasted two minutes of your life reading this pointless paragraph.

OKIE. Here's what has been happening in my life this weekend. Yesterday, I went down to Bras Basah Complex cos I decided that I wanted to go book-hunting. I went to a few of those second-hand bookstores, but didn't get anything cos I realised that I still have 4 more books at home that are still waiting for me to read. Dang. Oh before that I was at Bishan Library, cos I made a reservation for the book PS I Love You and it was ready for collection. I had $2.05 worth of fees/fines that were unpaid.

And after Bras Basah, I took a bus down to Toa Payoh to meet Priscilla for dinner. We decided to go Chomp Chomp at Serangoon Gardens. Bummed there eating dinner and listening to the blind man playing guitar and stuffing myself full consequently. I finally found my smiley face mosquito repellent patch! But I didn't buy it cos I don't need it yet. Hooray now I know that it wasn't something from my imagination and Pris can stop offering to draw the smiley face for me. Then we wanted to go shopping at Vivo, but halfway along the North-East Line we suddenly alighted to go to Dhoby Ghaut instead. Spent the next hour and a half shopping before all the shops started closing as it was quite late into the night already. Oh I met Lauren somewhere along the way. Haven't seen her in a long time.

Today. Went for tuition at Gordon's, then went back to corps and sat in for youth leaders' meeting. Been a very very long time since my last leaders' meeting too. Is it me, or is it that I feel we are wasting time arguing over the most trivial pursuits? I felt like it was way too draggy, that things could have been a lot simpler than what we make them out to be. But I remained nonchalant mostly. Maybe it's because I don't feel like I belong in the church anymore, cos I'm only there when army or my personal life allows me to. Or maybe it's because they care about the things they believe in, which makes it necessary to defend the actions or measures which they're debating about.

Ahh. Whichever. Here are some colourful ducks, which Shaheila sent me. NICEEEEEEEEE! (:

Nothing much at all this whole week. On Monday I went for a X-ray scan at Sembawang Camp because I reported sick for lower back pain last week. Good thing was there wasn't any visible fractures or dislocations. Bad because my back is still hurting like crazy, and I was hoping it was really serious because I want to get downgraded to some other wasted vocation. Now I have physiotherapy in two or three weeks time.

Went out to Khatib Camp twice this week too for SOC, but I didn't participate because I'm excused from all these physical back-breaking crap. Had out-camp run at Pasir Ris Park today too, but again I wasn't running.

Led worship today. We sounded good, said Ben Ng. I've got sore throat and a slightly raspy voice now.

What's with the unexpected affection? There was no reason to be, and I didn't expect the insistence that came along with it too. Even the word "mesmerising" does not seem like a befitting adjective. All said and done, it's not that I minded, really. Because all of a sudden, my life doesn't seem so bleak nor emo anymore.