Yesterday was GP Prelims. Well the essay was okay, or at least I felt that I did okay. "There is no such thing as privacy in modern society." Whee. I think I copied quite a bit from the surveillance comprehension that Ms Kao gave us for practice. But the comprehension was a huge rubbish. Didn't know what I was writing or answering.

Mr Leong ordered small little cupcakes for our whole class! He left it behind for us after GP and everyone went gaga... There's 22 individual personalised cupcakes in blue or pink, the icing was super sweet but the rest was chocolate cupcake and it was awesome! Mr Leong's simply great, like giving us presents on Teachers' Day instead of the other way round?? The whole class bopped around taking photos (they're below). Daddy just bought a new camera for my whole family, so I snapped nuts.

Went out to town with Khairi, Kai Jie and Annie with the intention of getting Mr Leong something in return. Had lunch, walked around the whole of Far East for 2 hours before getting a customised hat with a shiny "A" on it. Khairi got a purple cap with the Aerius logo on it for his Council teacher. Kai Jie went home, while us three went Zara before going to Starbucks for coffee.

Had to rush down for tuition with Hai Hao. I think it's increasingly difficult to teach him, cos he doesn't seem to be fascinated by anything! I told him how a torchlight works, and he was just like ORH. I told him Pluto's no long a planet in the solar system, and he said he knew that already. Gosh it's difficult to structure my lessons to make him look interested!!

And today was Teachers' Day celebrations in school. Wet weather the whole day. Guess what? Only 3 guys came to school today! Me, Kai Jie and Khairi were the class ambassadors for the day! Gave Mr Leong his hat, tried to give Mrs Nair the sense that there were more people in school. The concert was quite nice too, and Jafnie makes a good NJ lion! It was supposed to be Be Yourself Day and the theme was SUPER-HEROES, but the whole school came in PE attire or secondary school uniform. There was this guy in tights from the lower waist down?? Haha super off la. And one whole group of Powerpuff Girls in pastel colours! Haha!

Me and Kai Jie went out to Sim Lim Square after that. I wanted a card reader for the camera, so we saw one going at $13 in some Indian shop and the subsequent ones were more expensive,but three-quarters of the shops weren't open yet. We ate lunch, went up again and the first stall we saw, it was $12! Haha soo typical Singaporean.

I had another weird dream last night. I dreamt that I got into a shipwreck and was on a deserted island somewhere. Okay not entirely deserted: there were other villagers living on it and there's some ship trading business. But the rest of my fellow ship-mates didn't want to escape from the island, so I decided to bribe a ship captain $5 and sailed back to Singapore. Then I led a normal life, like go school, whatever for a few days, then for some reason I decided to sail back to the island. HAHA! Then back there I met Annie, and the weird thing was I was asking her to go on a date with me, but she replied saying that she was "busy with ordinary differential equations". HAHAHA!! Strange dream.

Okie all the pictures below. Some people wants whatever photos that I owe them. I think it's going to jam up blogger or something... I dunno? Haha.


05A01 in cake form.


Beets and Jin Jen.


The picture is wrong! I've got no hair now.


Khairi's my SUPERHERO!


05A01!


The charming 6 guys of A01.


Non-Lit gang.


3-subbers gang.


My non-Econs gang!


Geographers!




Jaslyn is my free-period buddy!


Try me.


Dictators of Green Link.


RV gang.


Qiling, my Maths mugger partner


I'm taller than Chiew Yee!


At some Thai restaurant having lunch.


Annie! Can you imagine me dating her???


I'm think I'm taller than Khairi too.


HAHA! Kai Jie's got this weird look.


Starbucks delights, with that strawberry cake...


Chomp.


Gulp.


Poof.


Hats and caps that don't belong to us #1


Hats and caps that don't belong to us #2


Hats and caps that don't belong to us #3


The 3 guys who turned up for Teacher's Day celebrations.


A02, with slightly better attendance.


Kai Jie's trademark look.


Judith!


Ms Lim our Human Geog teacher


Mrs Nair our CT.


Former Aerius captains.


Tran looks like some dancer.


Celine's got flowers for me! Haha right.


Mr Leong and his hat.


Me and Elaine. (Jas~SHHHHHH!!!)

I've been in a rambling mood all week. Like, I'll love nothing but a piece of blank paper and I'll just fill it from top to bottom with whatever thoughts that are going through my overcrowded mind. I guess it's my form of stress release, my form of escapance from reality for half an hour. And it's working perfectly fine cos I've got so many things going through my mind and I need to get them out. I wrote little notes for some of my classmates, I defaced Khairi's Lit notes during Mr Dio's lecture, and I sort of wrote a lot of rubbish in Ms Sim's teacher's day notebook present. Can you believe that I ended with HAPPY BIRTHDAY instead of HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY??? And it was written in huge blue marker somemore!!

Had the second worship leaders' meeting on Sunday. I dunno, maybe I was apprehensive at first because the first one was a bitching session? But this time it made me question a lot about my role as a worship leader and what responsibilities that I have to carry out. When I first started out, nobody gave me any advice about anything!! The only thing I remembered was Lurong saying "the only way to quieten everyone down is to pray", and that doesn't answer a lot to whatever I have in question! Haha. Oh well, you sort of learn along from observation and experience, like at first I thought singing 10 songs will be ideal for a worship session?? HAHA!

Worshipping in Spirit and in truth. Knowing that I'm under the influence of God and not working on my own. Knowing that I'm not running my own concert. Knowing the importance of the heart of worship rooted in the contrite truth. And when you start examining yourself whether you have kept all these in mind when you actually lead worship, I think it became a huge humbling point for myself.

Me and Yurong crashed Abundant Life's worship session during their service. One of the songs they sang was This is my Desire, and Yurong started asking me about whether it's really possible to surrender every aspect of your life and let God have it all. "Every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have your way in me". The scary thing is I sing the without really thinking about it most of the time. Like, I know what it means to surrender and everything and all, but don't you think it's so idealistic? Letting go is really not that easy.

Yesterday was sort of my last proper day of lessons in school. No school today cos it's our Polling Day holiday, and the rest of the week is GP prelims (TOMORROW) and Teachers' Day. I dunno, it felt like a normal day to me? Nothing much really happened, but somehow that means exams are really coming. EEYER. I wish A'Levels will get cancelled because of a tornado or something.

I don't want to get nostalgic here. Haha!

Yesterday someone mentioned something like "my best friend's boyfriend" to me. Can't remember who said that to me, but I know I started thinking about that phrase for some time. At first it was just to make sense of it, cos "my best friend's boyfriend" sounds a bit like a tongue twister. Then I started wondering why don't I have a "my best friend's boyfriend" as a friend, then I realised I don't really have a best friend. I have many very very good and very very close friends, but I don't think I have a best friend.

Of course, people now abuse the term best friend and tag it to anyone who's simply close to them, so they have many many best friends. But being the sticker for idealism (WHAT AN IRONY! HAHA!!) I tend to think of a best friend as someone who stands out from all the other friends, like really the best because it's a superlative term and there can only be one. And I can't say I've got a best friend because none of my friends stand out larger than the rest. All my very very good and very very close friends are unique and awesome in their own ways! Whee hee.

And then I said it. I was saying something like "But that's so unfair why don't I have a best friend's boyfriend, or girlfriend, for that that matter", then I said "well okay maybe I did have a best friend, but she passed away already".

I was shocked for a moment. I think I recovered quick enough and exclaimed "SO SAD RIGHT?" in a weird tone. But I was still shocked because I've never made such a statement before. All along I've viewed Shannon's death as something that I'll never come into terms with all my life. Something that I'll never recover properly from it, something that will go on and affect my life in future or something. Don't get me wrong, I've gotten over her death a long time ago, and I'm way over all those suicidal thoughts and all those blaming God issues. But I've always acknowledged her place in my heart as something that I'll never forget, and in that process I've learnt a lot from it. Yesterday was the first time that I actually revealed (in a sort of way) the significance her life, and her death, has made in my life. And I've never done that before. AARGH I mean I've told people about it. I've told my friends about her, about my "love" history with her and stuff like that, but I've never really told them about how it affected my life nor have I really revealed that I'm still affected by it.

Maybe it's human tendency to just stay personal about some things. But maybe it's also human tendency to say them in a moment of silliness when you just reveal truly what your heart is thinking.

Yea, I guess it's another learning point for me then. Yesh Shannon was my best friend, and nobody has ever came close to replacing her significance in my heart yet. OOKAY it's been 3 years ago. Time does play a huge role in healing wounds, but most of the time there's always the scar there. And I guess 3 years is neither short nor long too.

UGH. I'm nostalgic now.

Haha went out just now to go celebrate Ben's birthday with Lurong and Biru. Me and Biru sort of arranged to go J8 to celebrate with the entire cell group, but in the end there were only 2 of us cos everyone couldn't make it. And when I met her on the bus, she was like HUH WHERE ARE YOU GOING. I thought I sent her a message telling her that I was going, but she didn't receive it cos it turned out that I didn't send it. It's so duhh, if you get what I mean.

Anyway we were planning to get an ice cream cake, but the ones in Swensen were too big (cos there were only 4 of us??) and the ones in Haagen-Dasz were like $60 for a cupcake-sized cake!! So we bought a black forest cream cake somewhere else, and then Ben started going fussy about disliking cream cake... HAHA! But he ate it in the end. And we bought like 10 boxes of matchsticks when all we needed was a lighter??? I couldn't find any lighter in NTUC, so was forced to buy all those extra boxes. And guess who I met there? Bumped into Keat Fu, chatted abit with him and his mum before I left them. It's about 2 years since those Catholic High days mugging busily for O's.

Lurong and Ben were watching a movie, so while waiting me and Biru went to Coffee Bean and prepared the cake, candles, everything. But they still took so long to arrive, so we started lighting up the candles and blowing them out. THREE TIMES. Hee hee! I didn't realise that the army will shave his hair twice, and together with my haircut I think we both look weird, like 2 NS-men out of camp. HAHAHA!! And stupid Biru kept patting my head the whole time.

Yep that was my mini-adventure for the night.

I'm watching Kogepan clips on Youtube! Like all along I've been carrying this small Kogepan bag as my stash-it-all wallet, and Rachel Kwan had to introduce me to the world of Kogepan. Seriously, Kogepan's quite charming! It's like, always angsty and irritated cos it's a burnt bread, then it'll get drunk on milk and meet fellow burnt bread friends and lecture all the other "pretty buns"!! HAHAHA!! It's not some shallow cartoon! It explores issues like the meaning of life (as a bread) and friendship and happiness and love and equality (of all breads) and other abstract stuff... I've decided that Kogepan is extremely nice despite his pessimistic views, cos I can identify with his depression. Blah go go watch all the clips, cos it's about 3 minutes each and there's only 10 of them!

And yep, last night at youth service was celebration night for 40 Days of Community. Headed down to corps for worship practice that lasted from 4.30pm to nearly 8pm?? Me and Yurong planned two worship sessions so we had ten songs to cover in total. Started off with the first session with me leading alone, then we had games in the social hall. Each cell group was supposed to design a tee-shirt with markers and beads and magazine pictures, stuff like that. My group just slapped one giant Herbie Fully Loaded movie poster and did stupid stuff to it. Had those white glueall over my fingers which you can peel off after it dries, then they stomped balloons while I watched cos I was too tired. And here's the best part for the whole night: MAYONNAISE! Didn't eat lunch or dinner yesterday apart from Rachel and Amelia Yeo's potato salad. But one of the games involved eating various fruits with a choice of mustard or kaya or mayo or chilli sauce toppings. Me and Ming Hui and Jonathan were enjoying our cucumber with mayonnaise, and I finished like at least 10 tablespoons of mayo for the whole night! Just kept dipping my fingers into more mayo and licking it off in my mouth. And Alicia had one of those mixed chocolate-peanut butter spread that I would have loved to eat too, but mayo's better! Who cares if it's 70% fat?? But seriously, all those mayo just got stuck in my throat and I still have to lead worship for the finale with Yurong! So I downed water like crazy, the second worship session was with the full band and co-leading with Yurong which turned out great. Think it was Tammy and Amelia who shouted encore?? So Joel did his drums solo for "My Reedemer Lives" again, then we played "One Way" another time.

I think co-leading worship is really less stressful. I mean, I used to get pre-stage nervous attacks and I come offstage feeling hyper-tensed like a taut spring. Yesterday night I still had the offstage trauma, but it's much more relaxed. And I think I saw Yurong's frozen face in the middle and I wanted to laugh but we were singing a slow song so I stayed focused. And it was so noisy with the full band, with 2 people leading and another 3 back-up singers, although the atmosphere was awesome. The good thing was my voice didn't give way even after eating CUPS of mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise is good. I mean, who cares if it's fattening? I think mayo is plain magnificent. You can easily shed off additional fats by exercising or go on a diet of something. Blah. MAYO MAYO MAYO.

Went for breakfast at KAP this morning with Shermin and Yurong. Okie Shermin Tan, for "clarification purposes" since I know one Shermin from church and another from school. Met Shermin at MacRitchie bus-stop first. Shortly before 9am I rushed off for school to be in time for Mr Whitby's consultation. I got really lazy to walk cos the sidegate's probably closed, so I just flagged a taxi to send me all the way in. And guess what? The taxi had two mini-TV installations belonging to those TVMobile thingy. Cool!

How do we know that Whitby is always correct?? I mean, any literary text is subjective to a certain degree. I kinda disagreed with him over the intepretation of today's prose passage. In fact I think I sort of disagreed with everyone cos most of us have different obscure ideas cos the text was super tough on authorial tone. I'm mulling over the text now, and the more I reflect on it, the more I think Whitby is making sense. Then again my own initial ideas made sense too, but it's a huge contrary from Whitby's. I don't know, I guess in a way I'm a bit adamant about my own ideas and other ideas. Like I'll get frustrated if I cannot understand an additional idea to one which I have already formulated my own response to.

I think I should expand out of my limited, myopic perspective. Oh hell, it's only one unseen prose passage and I'll probably never get to see it in any of my exams, so I should stop being a prat and go focus on my GP instead. GP PRELIMS IN 4 DAYS?? And I'm aiming for a aimless A2 without having done serious work all term.

You are the way, the truth and the life
We live by faith and not by sight for You
We're living all for You

Just came home from school. I think it's been quite some time since I was home so early on a school day. I mean, my timetable's quite good cos I usually end lessons early, but now I'm staying back in school for additional consultations, or I go somewhere else to slack, or I just refuse to go home until it's dinnertime cos I don't feel like going home so early. But the whole point of this is, I'M HOME.

Yep I shaved off all my hair, and everyone now has something to comment on my roundish head. HAHA! Ms Teo went "OH MY GOSH, but was it some catharsis? But you look quite nice". Why does everyone relate it to stress? I'm not stressed; I was just feeling stupid. Yea I agree with Chiew Yee I think I look like some tortoise. And now everyone wants to pat my head.

The school had a blood donation drive yesterday. Me and Atiqah wanted to go donate together, but the requirements were extremely stringent. Half my class tried to go donate, but they were rejected cos of some illness in the last month or low iron count or something. I had a fever last week and the lady told me I can't donate cos the virus can remain in the bloodstream. So while Atiqah was waiting for her turn, I volunteered at the front desk and helped to distribute the forms and stickers for the people who are donating. Which was fun also, cos I got to engage with people. Whee.

We played hide and seek during PE yesterday! Half the class disappeared to go donate blood, then a few of us goofed around at the grandstand. And later, we climbed up some hill facing the road, and waved like crazy at all the vehicles passing by. I think it was quite a hilarious sight! People gawked at us, a few waved back, but we were having fun.

And today was kinda boring. Stayed back in school for a while to hear Kurt practise on the piano, then me, Benny and Kai Jie went to explore the ceiling of LT5. There wasn't anything fascinating! But we tried to learn how to operate the visualizer, and played with the computer in LT3 until some teacher caught us. Then me and Benny gave some stupid remark. And Judith took some photos of me which I think is purely dumb! I'll bug her for the photos.

Some bee was drinking my soya bean with me this morning. Was sitting at the canteen with Shermin before assembly, and for some reason there were a lot of dead bees on the floor. But there was one alive one, and it flew to my drink and sucked up all the soya bean on the rims of the cup, and it even left a bit of itself in the soya bean (although I didn't care and just drank it)! It looks fuzzy. Like some fur coat.

I think it's possible to miss my classmates if they don't come school. Like I'm so used to hanging out with Jaslyn during all those free Econs periods, and she hasn't been in school all week cos she's sick. Then me and Khairi will sit together during Maths lectures, and go buy soya bean after assembly every Thursday, but when he disappears from school it's just WEIRD. Haha this whole week the class attendance is horrible cos everyone's skipping school or lessons.

I've gotten my CCA records endorsed by Mr Loh! I realised 3 paragraphs of writing about your achievements is quite stressful. And 100 words per paragraph is a lot! I have to be super thick skin and write about my "outstanding leadership" and whatever hyperbolic adjectives that I can think of.

Listening to Hillsong's "One Way" now. I'm going to lead worship with Yurong in an hour's time. And my way of preparation for the songs that I'm going to sing is to just listen to it over and over again. Blah I'm getting quite sick of the tune, but surprisingly the song is still impactful even after hearing it replayed 9 times.

Atiqah told me I can't migrate cos I'm not a migratory bird. I'M SO SAD.

Hmm it's been quite a long time since I was last online. Or rather it's been a long time since I last switched on this computer. Which means I get to sleep more. Which means much lesser nights spent being awake till 3am. Which means I'm more energetic. Which means I've got more time to study or do work or whatever.

I skipped school on Monday with Qiling! I didn't have any incentive to go school anyway cos I didn't complete any of my assignments. Slept at 7.30pm on Sunday night and didn't wake up till 5am (I wanted to wake up at 12 midnight to do work), then saw Qiling's invitational message to go KAP to study, so I did. We brought so many Lit texts and our sweaters and whatever, like as if we're going Japan to mug, but ended up doing Maths AP/GP/series the whole morning. And we had to go back school for Maths consultation?? Whoever skips school to go back in the afternoon? But we gave Ms Sim DARK chocolate and revealed our absense as a result.

Lime Green the Bear is such an awful name. At least call it Greenie or something??

And the best thing that happened all week: I PASSED MY STATS PAPER! Okay I got 54% which is a D, but it's an achievement to me considering that I flunked Maths the whole of this year? I think my whole script was filled with a lot of red circles and underlines and crosses and whatever, but somehow I still got marks for that. Whatever... I PASSED! I shall work harder to avoid sitting at that depression table in the library with Atiqah again.

I was walking through the butterfly garden on Monday. Then Rhoda messaged me at night to tell me that Karen and her saw butterflies in the garden, so it's a successful one. HAHA. But it's growing so well that the plants are expanding into the walkway and crowding everything up, but nobody wants to prune it cos it's too nice to be pruned.

I was quite proud of myself yesterday. Didn't bring Silas Marner to school, so I wanted to skip Mr Dio's tutorial. But Khairi sort of forced me to go and I borrowed Nani's book, so I didn't skip. Then I wanted to skip GP cos my comprehension was still incomplete, but I went anyway. And I wanted to skip Geog but Ms Ting cancelled the afternoon session so I had nothing to skip. In fact I turned up for everything I was supposed to turn up for despite so many temptations.

Blee. Trivial pursuits. I think school is just numbing. I've been hyper-stressed by studying since the start of August, and now I'm so used to it that it's just normal. That's why I need to do stupid things in school to entertain myself. Like stealing paper from the printing room, or trying to smuggle out books from the library to see if the alarm works. Whatever.

I was playing with one of those yellow "Caution: Wet Floor" signs in the canteen, and the cleaner caught me! BLAH. I stayed back today and had an hour chatting with Mr Loh, my Green Link teacher. Waved at the Japanese stall auntie, the one with heavily-pencilled eyebrows. I didn't know how to say "photocopy" in Chinese. Played hangman in the BYTZ with Atiqah. Trying to communicate with aliens.

I've got 2 babies in school. My butterfly garden and the Green Audit certificate displayed outside LT1. Remnants from Green Link. Talking to Mr Loh about whatever new environmental projects that the juniors are going to do this year, and I realised I'm so glad I'm out of Green Link. I'm just glad that I'm not involved anymore. It's not detest, it's relief. And Mr Loh says he's been doing environmental audits for 10 plus years?? I can't even stand one-year-half!

It's a really stupid day today. Did I mention that I really shaved my hair off? Yea I did, and now my head is sooo round. My dad thinks it's too short, my mum thinks it's funky. I want to dye it green or something, so that when my hair grows out it's green-tipped. Something like that. WHEE.

And of course, I did stupid things on my very stupid day today. Extremely stupid things. And I was the one who initiated it. I suggested it. I proposed it. I gone for it. STUPID. But I had fun too, from doing whatever stupid stuff I can do. You know, just to play and not be serious and have fun. AARGH. I can't believe myself. I don't even know what overcame me. It's just stupid, like dumb and idiotic. Nah I'm not about to reveal what stupid things I did, cos it's just stupid. Let me ramble on. So I'm being a total idiot and I lost my senses and I didn't know what was happening although I was happy and having fun. What a whirl. Well okay I know I wasn't that delirious, but certainly enough to do stupid things. Whee.

I wish the world was simpler. I sure wouldn't mind being all idealistic and live on the fields with 3 thousand other people running around naked and plucking berries and drinking milk all day. That would be nice, but life's gotta have some challenges somewhere. And I'm glad for these challenges. Well, okay, in a way...

Running around naked. That's a good one.

Ahh. I've finally reached the end of this horrible sickly week. Having a fever is not a pleasant experience. The antibiotics course caused me nausea and loss of appetite. Constantly drowsy. And I ate something bad or something, resulting in many massive bouts of diarrhoea the entire week. HAHA. I had horrible stomach cramps on Friday, so half the time I was doubling over in pain with my water bottle filled with hot water. The funny thing was in the midst of the Maths Stats test, I had a sudden stomach cramp attack, and halfway through I gave Ms Sim an agonising grimace and she thought I found the paper extremely difficult!

Well at least now I know what girls go through every month. Cramps are not good. I'm so glad I don't have to lose blood NATURALLY (Eleanor insists I use the correct adverb) on a periodic basis.

Christiane came down for cell group!! I succeeded in encouraging her to come down and she did. We went to buy food at minimart and ended up having cell there again. Really great to keep up with whatever Chris is doing and all her funny stories and whatever.

Dramatic irony in real life. What happens when you actually know more than the other person?

My Lit group (Qiling, Beets, Siew, Khairi and sometimes Janvin) had a 3 hour session with Mr Dio on Friday. Herbert can get mighty boring sometimes, but he's also quite intriguing at times. Then we had a 2 hour session with Mr Whitby yesterday with Wanyi joining us too. Yea sometimes I think I do spend a lot of my time on Lit rather than on other subjects. But it's just like that, it's a thinking subject, not like Maths where it's a practice subject.

Ooh whatever. I don't know what I'm talking about.

It's been quite a bad week for me. Came down with fever AGAIN, especially when I had a major fever just a month ago! Woke up in the middle of the night on Tuesday feeling weird, and by morning I was having bad diarrhoea and fever. Didn't go school, slept for most of the day until my fever rose to 39 degrees before I went to see the doctor. Good thing was the fever subsided the next day, so I decided to go school for fun (since my MC lasted a day only). Ended up getting dizzy spells, so Mrs Nair gave me a blue skip to go home and rest.

My second course of antibiotics in less than 2 months. I'm much better already, but the antibiotics is causing me stomach upsets. I'm starving, but I don't have a very good appetite for food. My stomach is constantly stirring or bloated, and I'm having diarrhoea. I think I'm too dependant on antibiotics, but I can't take anything else cos I'm allergic to traditional fever medicine! AARGH.

Anyway, it's 1am now, and I just reached home! Haha my evening activities today were one after the other... Had to stay back till 6pm for Whitby's test on literary techniques, and after that Ginny, Annie, me, Kai Jie and Jas went to Bukit Timah Food Centre for dinner. Okay they ate their food, but I had no appetite at all so I just sat there chatting with them. Annie and Jas took photos with a huge PAP billboard that had Dr V Balakrishnan in it. Then they wanted to go hunting for the Sentosa advert with my dad in it so they can go take photos too. Haha Shi Hui says there's one at her house bus stop but I haven't seen it yet!

Then my family decided to be wacko and came down to Bukit Timah to have dinner. Met my parents and my sis at opposite Bukit Timah Shopping Centre and had chicken rice. Most of the time I was staring at them eating cos I still haven't got my appetite back?? Bleagh. Then Eleanor messaged me to go join her and Greg for prata at Thomson Road, so I went there to watch them eat and chat with them. And we stayed there till 12am, which explains why I came home at 1am.

I think dinnertime for me today is miserable. I've watched 9 people in total wolfing down their meals, and I can't join in cos my stupid antibiotics course is causing me so much nausea and loss of appetite! All I ate for dinner was less-than-half a plate of rice and some vegetables! And I wanted to drink milo dinosaur at the prata place, but Jas said it's heaty. WEH!! I didn't even get satisfaction, much less a proper meal!

My stomach is growling like crazy now. Not from hunger, but from the antibiotics. I think I'll need to run for the toilet soon. And to think I still have 2 days worth of pills to swallow before I finish them?? Oh gosh. Misery.

I hate getting sick. I miss out on everything, I don't know what's going on and I forget totally about things I'm supposed to do. Like I didn't know the Lit test existed at all! I forgot all about Adriel's part for this Friday's 40 Days of Comm. I forgot to send Hong Yi the Green Link photos. And I missed out on this Maths Statistics paper that I've been preparing for all week! Worse, I met my Maths tutor and she was asking when I want to do the re-test, so I said tomorrow, and her reply was "BUT TOMORROW GOT PAPER 2 OF THE STATS TEST!" I was horrified, like since when was there a paper 2?? All along I thought there was one test only!!

AARRGH. I want to whine forever. But I shall go sleep now or I'll probably catch another virus tomorrow and have another fever that will reach past 42 degrees and my brain will get damaged just like what Kai Jie describes.

Oh goody it's 3am now. I've been doing my Statistics revision. I like Stats now. It's a good topic, although I've got a lot of questions that I can't do. Before this I was doing my Geog essay on weathering and erosion in arid areas. Before I did my essay I was revising through everything that Ms Ting has taught us so far. I promised myself that I shall treat the essay seriously and try to time myself or something to stimulate exam conditions. Erm okay I lasted through the first part of the question? I got tired and sleepy after that so I just scribbled nonsense for the second part, then I remembered Ms Ting nagging at us to draw diagrams to substantiate our points, so I doodled out some landforms.

Ugh. I feel like quitting school. A bit too late huh? It's like less than 3 months to A'Levels, and I've started studying ages ago because I've got loads to catch up after scrapping through with mediocre grades for the past 2 years. BUT WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE THERE'S A MILLION THINGS TO STUDY??

Oh whatever. Last night I was at Expo for FCBC's outreach thing which Planetshakers led. The entire service seems like some New Year countdown party? Hahaha! But the atmosphere was great, went to the front to jump like idiots because we wanted to be enthusiastic about it. But I only knew like half the songs that they sang, and for me (personally) I'll only jump to the beat of a song that I know! It doesn't make sense to me to jump around just because the lyrics say so! Hahaha in the end I think I stood there shaking my hips?? There were a few songs which I liked even though I've never heard them before, but I can't remember the lyrics.

And when they started singing the verse for 'Evermore', I was like hey this sounds familiar I think Lurong sang it before, and it wasn't until the chorus that I realised it's the song that Aaron and Ben and everyone else is anticipating. NAHH this only shows that Planetshakers are not my kind of music. They've got nice songs, but I think Hillsongs are nicer.

I went to National Library to study this morning. Then I got bored of the silence in the library, so I took a cab down to KAP to study somemore. And barely an hour there, Yurong forced me down back to Bishan cos she left her notes and pencil case in my bag the night before and she wanted it back. Then I met Chris Ngoh when I left Jericho and we walked around before going back there again.

On the way from KAP to Bishan, I was having quite an interesting conversation with this girl sitting in front of me. They were screening the show Front on TVMobile. Okie for those who don't know, Front is this program about arts and culture in Asia, and it's hosted by Eunice Olsen and Debbie Wong. I'll let the narration tell the story:-

Girl: So who do you think is prettier?
Me: What?
Girl: Who do you think is more pretty?
Me: Who?
Girl: Eunice Olsen and Debbie.
Me: Oh. I don't know.
Girl: Have you watched the show before?
Me: Yar. Once or twice?
Girl: I watch it every week.
Me: Hmm. It's on Tuesday night right?
Girl: Monday.
Me: Oh okay. I'll remember to catch it tomorrow.
Girl: 9.30pm!
Me: Okay.
Girl: You haven't answered me! Who is prettier.
Me: I don't know. I think both of them are.
Girl: I like Debbie Wong.
Me: EEYER she's so act cute.
Girl: She's not!
Me: She is. Her voice is whiny.
Girl: But she's quite good-looking.
Me: Yar I guess so. Both of them are.
Girl: But she does not act cute!
Me: Oh she sure does. Look at her clothes!
(Debbie was wearing some red act cute blouse)
Girl: That's girly, not act cute.
Me: It's so act cutish.
Girl: I thought guys like girls who act cute.
Me: Not me.
Girl: So you like Eunice Olsen then.
Me: Erm. To a certain extent.
Girl: What do you mean?
Me: She's too sophisticated and classy.
Girl: You don't like that too?
Me: I do, but she's too classy.
Girl: Oh?
Me: I've seen her in person before.
Girl: Really?
Me: Twice.
Girl: When?
Me: Once at Parliament, once at some Famine camp.
Girl: Is she pretty?
Me: Yes! She was walking behind me somemore!
Girl: Really?? Did you ask for her signature or something?
Me: No. She's like, a head taller than me?
Girl: Ha! What's your height?
Me: 166 or 7 or 8?
Girl: I'm 164.
(Kumar came on screen)
Girl: I think he's gay.
Me: Nooo I think he's interesting.
Girl: But he's so sissy!
Me: I've seen him before!
Girl: Really? Where?
Me: Shopping at town. And he was holding his HANDBAG?
Girl: Oh my God are you serious?
Me: Yea. And he was totally drag.
Girl: What's drag?
Me: Guy trying to act all girly. I think.
Girl: You seem to be meeting a lot of celebrities.
Me: Not really. Haha...
Girl: Have you met Debbie Wong before?
Me: No. I think she's cute though!
(Debbie's talking now)
Girl: Didn't you say she's acting cute?
Me: I change my mind.
Girl: Ha! I told you she's pretty and cute!
Me: Eh okay sure I shall agree now.
Me: Oh I'm alighting here. It's nice talking to you!
Girl: You too. Bye!

There you go! Kinda weird, but it's funky! Yeah I know I have a knack for talking to strangers, but she started the conversation first! Haha I think all my life's interesting details happen on the bus. Like how I met Shannon on the bus. Like how me and Siew overheard someone sharing the gospel to kids. Like how this little boy smiled at me on the bus.

Okie I shall go and sleep for 3 or 4 hours before going to school.

Just came back from school. Qiling, Beets, Siew Peng and me had a Literature consultation with Mr Whitby. We did one poem only, it took us more than 2 hours and we still haven't really gone through all the analysis!! How in the world does Cambridge expect us to complete two essays on unseen texts in three hours?? Oh goody.

Louis MacNeice - Prayer before Birth

I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
   club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
   with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
      on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
   to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
      in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
   when they speak me, my thoughts when they think me,
      my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
         my life when they murder by means of my
            hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take when
   old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
      frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
          waves call me to folly and the desert calls
            me to doom and the beggar refuses
               my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,
Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
   come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
   humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
      would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
         one face, a thing, and against all those
            who would dissipate my entirety, would
               blow me like thistledown hither and
                  thither or hither and thither
                     like water held in the
                        hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

That's the poem we did. Mr Whitby mentioned qui tacet consentire videtur again. The first time he said that during lecture, I was kinda just "orh, okay". But when he brought up that phrase again today, I realised how much significance it carried. If some murderer were to kill a person, and the rest of the people in the same room do nothing to stop him, they are as guilty as the murderer because silence gives the consent. So logically, if I don't speak up for an issue, I'm accepting whatever that is happening. But what if I just don't want to comment on something? Is it a crime to just be passive and do nothing while the murderer kills, because I don't have a strong any strong stands about murder?

I guess that's why people always say "no comment" to appear impartial, when actually they've got tonnes to argue about. But Cordelia said "nothing" too, and her nothing represented so much more! So under what circumstances will nothing be nothing, especially when everything can be nothing and nothing is never nothing but everything? But then again, technically speaking, when you say "no comment" or "nothing" you're actually saying something instead of keeping silent.

So I guess the only way out is to give some strange, non-committal answer that bugs the hell out of people because they don't know what your ambiguous intentions are. Say any kind of weird shit rather than stay silent. Oh crap. Then who is the one that came up with silence is golden??? AARGH. Silence gives consent, so I shouldn't remain silent in most circumstances, but then again silence is golden, so I should remain silent in most circumstances.

Okie I shouldn't think so much.

Anyway, after the consultation me and Siew were both planning to go home. We sat there at the bus stop and spaced out, so 852 just zoomed by without stopping. Haha! This is like the 3rd time this is happening to me this month, like realising too late that I forgot to board the bus and it was already halfway out onto the road already. In the end we took a bus to Toa Payoh instead because we didn't want to wait half an hour for 852 to come again.

It's my dad's birthday today! But he's at Malaysia now and he'll only come back tonight. I sent him a message, and he replied back and ended off with a smiley face!! HAHAHA I think it's the first time my dad sent a smiley face message to me! It's so incongruous cos he's sooo not funky like me!

Speaking of which, Sentosa just had some new advertising posters, and my dad is in one of them! It came up on the newspapers yesterday, and he's there right in front with some eagle flying towards his forearm. Haha it's really weird seeing your own dad being advertised! Like the other time I was laughing like hell when I saw Selina Sebastian's face appearing on those advertisement boards at bus stops cos SPCA was promoting awareness. My mum told me that those Sentosa advertisements are going to be up on bus stops too, so can you imagine my horror if I start seeing my dad at every bus stop I go to?? Hmm. Okay maybe my dad is funky. He does outdoor attractions at Sentosa, he trains parrots and monkeys and eagles for animal shows. He does balloon sculpturing occasionally at events. He can juggle balls and make a performance out of it.

Okie my dad is funky.

I'm going out to Expo for the Planet Shakers concert later.

Went KAP to study today. It was freezing inside and I didn't bring my pullover, and after half an hour I gave up trying to endure the cold and went to Cold Storage for a short rest. And that was a dumb decision because it was even colder and there were all those frozen food sections! Hahaha! So in the end I grabbed one of those seats outside KAP and sat in the sun the whole afternoon. There's all those seats with huge umbrellas, but I wanted the sunlight so I sat in the sunlight.

Anyway, I felt extremely proud of myself today. I studied my Maths Statistics the whole afternoon, and I finally understood most of it! Okay understanding Stats is subjective... Erm I know what it's about and what I'm supposed to do and whatever, but if you ask me what is standard deviation or what's the significance of the signicance level or variance, I wouldn't be able to answer. But I know how to distinguish population and sample statistics and I know CLT and unbiased estimates and I know how to use method of coding now!! Haha that day I got so frustrated with coding that I sat in front of Nutseed and brooded for an hour. YEAH it's great, Stats isn't that difficult after all.

And Atiqah played a very big role in my Stats revelation, althoough she didn't know it! You see, she's the first person I'll message if I can't understand something Mathsy, and she'll patiently reply back explaining all the weird symbols and concepts of Stats. But for today, I didn't message her a single plea of help. Everytime I encounter something I don't know, I'll instinctively reach for my phone and type something like "ATIQAH! how do we find population variance??", but before I send it I'll feel guilty for bugging her again, so I decided to try and search it up myself from the notes, then I'll understand. And the next complication comes up again, and I'll reach for my phone and blah blah... Hahaha what my indirect source of help.

Came home in the evening, went for a jog, and a cute girl smiled at me! Hahaha! My dad's going Malaysia tomorrow for something related to his Sentosa outdoor attractions thingy, so he drove home this Mitsubishi SUV from his workplace and took me and my mum to J8 for dinner. My sis went for some school camp this morning and won't be back till Sunday, so that leaves me and my mum home over the weekends. Haha my mum's trying to chase me out of home cos she wants all the space to herself, so anyone wants me to stayover at their place?? I'll gladly invite myself.

WHOOPPEE it's National Day today! I don't know why I'm so excited, I just am! I've been zooming around the house like some fighter jet all day. ZOOOM. My hamster went crazy too! Nutseed got into one of her hyperactive moods last night and started running around everywhere in her cage. And I wanted her to stay still cos she's got stapler bullets stuck in her fur... Yar I accidentally dropped like two stapler bullets into her cage and she thought it was food, so she tried to eat it and she realised that they're inedible so she stuck them to her fur. HAHA WHAT THE HELL why is my hamster so weird?? So worried me was busy trying to catch her in the cage so I could try and free those stapler bullets, but Nutseed was zooming everywhere in the cage too! And when I finally caught her and got the bullets out, she bit my thumb and refused to let go and left a deep incision into my flesh. OUCH. Stupid hamsters in their frenzy mood. So now I've got a plaster taped round my thumb... But Nutseed sort of apologised later though, when she was sleepy and I picked her up again and she just curled up in my palms. AHH so sweet!! She never ever stays still on my palms cos she keeps wanting to move about, but when she's just lazy she will sit down there in my cupped hands and stare into space.

Yup. This week is almost as good as a holiday... Went to eat lunch at kopitiam yesterday with my mum, after I came back early from National Day celebrations. I was just sitting there at the table while my mum went to get drinks, and suddenly this little boy came over in front of me and stared at me! Haha I didn't know what to do, so I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue at him. And he imitated my rolling eyes, and soon we were having a "who can make the ugliest face" contest. Then his little brother came along too, and I realised that they look really familiar, so I asked them for their names. "My name is Dylan, and then this is my brother Deron but everyone calls him Ron-ron". WHEEE yesh yesh it's those kids that I babysitted for Jericho games week (refer to the archives, March 2005)!! Haha and Dylan remembers me! He remembered us playing Halli Galli and he even told me "your voice is still the same as last time"! Hee hee! I'm happy to see them, but the person I really wanted to meet is Denise! I know she's like 8 years younger than me, but I'm still hopelessly in love with her! Too bad she was still in school, and Deron asked "you want to be my sister's boyfriend issit?" HAHAHA YESH YESH if she doesn't mind a boyfriend twice her age. And when my mum came back, she asked me if those boys were my kids!?! Haha I wish they were!

Went to study at KAP after taking a nap at home. I did Glass Menagerie from like 5pm to 9pm? And I haven't even finished Scene 5! I realised that I wrote quite a lot of crappy notes in my classes and they don't make sense to me, so I had to erase a lot of notes and do a lot more PC on my own. And the mugging session was like Survivor! Haha Yurong left first, leaving me, Rong and Diana. Then Rong left, so Diana and me studied till like 9pm before I decided I had enough and go home and sleep.

I'm going to study somewhere now, then have dinner with Shermin and Joel. AHH this 3-day vacation is good. Oh and this is one of the zillions of photos that me and Yurong took with the red/maroon bandanas that I bought. We look like we work in Island Creamery or something.

I just came back from National Day celebrations in school. Haha I had so much fun cheering and singing and doing nutty stuff today! I don't think I've ever had such enjoyment from celebrating National Day. Hee hee back at Catholic High, no one will ever be enthusiastic about National Day. I guess it's probably a guy thing, like trying to look cool and act as if we all don't care and grumble about stupid stuff. But today my A01 classmates went delirious. We were so happy receiving our clappers and maracas that we made so much noise and screaming at the same time. Tis and Lauren and some of their classmates performed a live-band and they won! Then when it was Shaun's turn on the drums, we rushed up to the front of the stage and supported them. Kinda funky, probably because I can be totally nuts without anyone asking me "eh why you so patriotic?" I think guys don't do patriotism well cos eventually we've got our army enlistments to fulfill, but I'm very proud to be a Singaporean!! Haha!

I bought red and maroon bandanas for myself and Khairi to wear. Haha Khairi was the only person that went "OKAY" when I suggested it, so both of us agreed to look stupid (although we looked FABULOUS). Then Atiqah tried to sing the "Home" song in Chinese!! And the most outstanding thing was it sounded Chinese, in pitch and pronunciation and everything. Oh gosh I can't even read out half the Chinese words cos it seems like some foreign language to me! Then Aqua won the NE House challenge again. But we had an A01 moment, when Aerius got 3rd in the cultural mapping competition! Kai Jie and Khairi were busy doing up the board display last Thursday, while me and Atiqah contributed slightly by helping to arrange and pin it up nicely.

Okie I shall blog about yesterday. In the past my Mondays are one of my shortest days in school, but now I've got extra lesons on that keeps me back past 5pm! Yesterday was worse. Had the usual Maths remedial with Qiling, then right after that was a make-up tutorial for all the Geog people, and immediately after was consultation with Ms Teo for King Lear. I was like, zonked out halfway through Maths already! But good thing was that I found all three of them useful, especially King Lear cos I've forgotten half the story plot and I quoted Lear saying "flamingo daughters" instead of "pelican daughters"!! HAHA Ms Teo went berserk.

Yurong waited outside my school bus-stop since 5pm? I only ended the consultation at 5.40pm. We went to J8 to get those red/maroon bandanas and to get food too. Guess who I met there? This girl suddenly turned around and tapped me on my shoulders... DEBORAH!! Yesh yesh it's Deborah! Okie in that moment I did something really stupid. I blurted out "Oh hi Grace!" without even thinking. You see, I know like 7 or 8 girls who all have the name Grace, and another 4 or 5 girls named Priscilla, and they all look similar to one another in some way, like those horrible Delta twins in Brave New World. And the worst thing was that half of them came from Methodist Girls' School! Well okay I admit I only know one Deborah, but she's from MGS and she looks like one of the Graces or Priscillas that I know, so her name instinctively came out as Grace.

Deborah: "Hello!"
Stupid Guan You: "Oh hi Grace!"
Deborah: "Err, wrong!"
Still stupid Guan You: "Oh no! Priscilla?"
Deborah: "No."
Stupidly insistent Guan You: "Oh noo I can't remember!! GRACE??"
Deborah: "No la Grace is still in NJ remember? Deborah!"
Stupid Guan You: "Oh yar... Hi Deborah!"

Yup, there you go, my horrible experience with girls named Grace or Priscilla, although this one is a bit of my own fault either. Best thing is to name your daughters Rachel, cos I know 10 Rachels who are all pretty and nice and unique from one another. Whee! Okie I haven't seen Deborah for about 5 or 6 months! Since the last time she said goodbye to me outside the NJ side-gate, telling me that she's going Raffles JC after her first three months in NJ.

Right after I met Deborah, I decided to search through my phone contact list to see if she's still contactable. And whatever that happened after that caused me to be very depressed!! There weren't any Deborahs on the list, but there was a Debbie! But the thing was I don't remember calling Deborah as Debbie! So I messaged this mysterious Debbie.

Guan You messaged: "ello are you the deborah that i just met?"
Debbie: "no..sorry..wrong no."
Guan You: "oh gosh then hi i'm guanyou do we know each other?"

And then this mysterious Debbie replied the most idiotic message that I've received! Okay let's establish the story first. Firstly, I can't remember who this Debbie was. Secondly, I know of some Debbies but I don't think I ever maintained contact with them. Thirdly, I know her name is Debbie.

Debbie replied: "I'm debbie!haha!"

OH GOSH THIS MUST BE WHAT THEY CALL DRAMATIC IRONY. OR SUPER DUPER OXYMORON OR IRONY OR BATHOS OR WHATEVER. My crap I was so distressed by the fact that I couldn't remember this Debbie and I was feeling so terrible for not being able to remember my friends and having no recollection whatsoever for this Debbie!! And when Yurong told me I've got a message from this Debbie I was so overjoyed, but when I read it it led me to the original question of who this bloke is!! UGH.

I think I was extremely distraught the whole evening. I asked back "how did we know each other?", and Debbie took so long to reply that I kept trying to think back and trying to recall how I might have met any new people. And when she finally replied, she's the Debbie who was in 06A01 in first three months who switched over to Science. Well she replied "previously from A01" and the first thing I thought that came to mind: I had a classmate named Debbie in first three months??? OH GOSH AND TO THINK I SAID HELLO TO DEBBIE IN SCHOOL JUST THE DAY BEFORE.

I think I'm a terrible OGL. Both of the girls that I trouble remembering their names/identity are both whom I've OGL-ed for, except that they're in different groups. I foresee myself meeting someone like Natania 5 years later on the streets, and I say "hello Carmen!" and she'll give me the astonished look and slap me or something. SIGH.

But I'm in an extremely happy mood now. At least I managed to figure out who is Debbie! And I dreamt of this girl whom I used to have a huge crush on! Haha but I sort of decided after a month that she's not for me (due to certain circumstances), and I'm glad I thought that way before I did something stupid like propose to her. But it's sad too cos I haven't heard from her since the start of this year.

Whichever. I'm going KAP to study with Yurong, and possibly her friends.

UGH. 2am now. Another late night spent on the computer. I think I sort of like those days when my computer was down. Three weeks ago I was enjoying like 6 to 7 hours of sleep everyday, and I got more time to study and do my work! Well okay I'm really trying to limit my use of the computer now, but on nights like these, I just sit in front of the computer and type nonsense into this blog, or talk to people on MSN or just laze around listening to Hillsongs on CD. WHAT A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME.

Well okay at least my excuse for tonight is I completed my King Lear essay outline for tomorrow's consultation, and I did till question 8 or 9 for the MJC Maths Prelim paper. I came online because I needed to print out some old Green Link documents for the new dictator of Green Link (Hong Yi). And since I'm online I might as well add an entry to my blog right??

Okie maybe I really need to curb my online hours. Unless there's something really important to be done, I shall not turn on the computer. I shall go and sleep or go revise for A'Levels or go disturb my sister or something. Lurong said something about liver regeneration or skin cells replenishment or some organs growing or dunno what when you sleep sufficiently every night, so I shall sleep enough to make sure my livers and kidneys and whatever are healthy!

What a long ramble. SEE! Instead of sleeping, I'm spending 15 minutes typing all those nonsense. Okay my day today was quite good. I met Chris Ngoh early in the morning to pass him some money, then I went to KAP to have breakfast with Eleanor, then I went back to corps for service. Today's Ben & Geri show was the table tennis video (which Daniel says he wants to put on youtube. Haha), and there were some technical sound glitches so they replayed me and Della's stupid faces 3 times.

After service we went to the food court above Bishan bus interchange for lunch, then hung around there before going to Jericho for a short while. I left at around 5.30pm? I wanted to go jogging cos I haven't done so in one and a half weeks and I need to retake my NAPFA cos I cannot jump enough to get Silver. But I'm quite resigned to the fact that I'll probably still be stuck at 210cm? And anyway I'm looking forward to army and I don't mind spending extra months in there just for physical training. Whee.

I typed out my CCA testimonial yesterday cos Mr Loh needs some documentation of what we've achieved in Green Link. I think teachers shouldn't make students write their own testimonials! How can the students remain objective about their own achievements and provide an unbiased account?? Haha my "heavily slanted" testimonial which I submitted:~

Low Guan You was elected into the Executive Committee of National Junior College Green Link in June 2005, and he served as President of the club for a year. He has a strong passion for environmental conservation and has displayed exemplary leadership in the commitment for this cause.

Low Guan You has contributed significantly towards environmental awareness within the college. He led the club in the participation of Singapore Environment Council's "How Green Is Your School" Programme, by involving the entire club in the Green Audit Project. Under his leadership, the college was awarded the Lotus Award for the second consecutive year, which qualifies the college to be among the most environmentally-conscious schools in Singapore. He has also proposed for a landscaped butterfly garden and a spice garden to be built in the college compound, and was in charge of the initial layout and completion of the two gardens.

On a college level, Low Guan You has also led the club to organise environmental events such as the annual Earth Week and Recycling Week. He is also actively involved in the club's regular river-keeping project at Sungei Api Api located in Pasir Ris Park, and is a trained nature guide for the Pasir Ris Park Mangrove Boardwalk trail. He has also initiated a recycling project within the college to collect aluminium can tabs, which can be recycled into prosthetic limbs. He was also part of the organising committee for EnviroFest 2006, which is a collaboration between Nanyang Technological University Earth Link and NJC Green Link.

Low Guan You is also an active volunteer for Green Volunteers Network (GVN). He has embarked on a trip to orang asli villages in Malaysia to help underpriviledged children. He has also volunteered in various environmental exhibition events with GVN, such as for Clean & Green Week. Under GVN's Kids Konservation Klub programme, he has also been involved in the organisation of an environmental camp at Pulau Ubin for Andersen Primary.

I realised how much I've done in Green Link. And that's not including all the nature guidings and giving assembly talks about elephants and can tabs at Catholic High! Honestly I'm sick of doing events-planning for environmentalism, although I must admit I did enjoy planning all those activities. But hey, I've been under tremendous stress for one entire year! Things don't always turn out well the way they should, so I'm taking a break from all these green exhibitions thingy for the next one or two years.

And now, it's time for sleep so that hopefully I can grow one more stomach or something.

I shall blog about yesterday and today. Here goes!

School was a dead tiring because I slept at 3am the night before. Busy doing those old age poems through the night. It's a good thing I dropped Economics, cos they had an essay due too, or I'll be sleepless the entire night. Good thing my Friday lessons are always interesting enough for me to not fall asleep. I "monologued" to myself while doing hypothesis testing, and freaked out quite a lot of people. Stayed back in school till 2pm cos we're supposed to have consultation with Mr Dio, but he cancelled it last-minute AGAIN. I didn't want to feel like I wasted my time, so I took a bus down with Annie to KAP to find Qiling cos she didn't go school and was studying there. And when we went to buy sushi at Cold Storage, I met Wilfred! Haha he looks really round now. Then Yurong joined us later in the afternoon, left Qiling at KAP and went to Island Creamery with Yurong to go meet her sis. I haven't met Peirong for ages! Eh okie maybe I saw her, but I hadn't talked to her since forever. Sat there and stoned, then headed back home to sleep and rest for a while before getting down to corps cos I was leading worship for the night. It was good, one of those rare times where I'm more focused on worshipping than trying to get my notes right. Then we had cell group and Ben joined us, after booking out from his first 2 weeks in army.

And today was the Glass Menagerie lecture that we never had last week. Kai Jie personally sent everyone a reminder, and Jas forwarded it as an added precaution, so I was absolutely certain that the lecture wasn't cancelled last minute and me and Christine won't be the 2 poor lost souls wondering where the rest of the Lit cohort are again. Halfway through the lecture I frightened Kai Jie by suggesting that Laura is a highly-lusty woman who's secretly desperate for sex despite her shy demeanour. And we still haven't finished the text!! After the lecture I was craving for nasi lemak, so I went down to Adam Road food centre and joined the queues for twenty minutes. And I'm doing Menagerie revision now.

Mugging and doing homework and revising and trying desperately to cram everything that I've studied in the past 2 years. How does one come up with sufficient time to study thoroughly for all subjects and still have time to practise and internalize all the info?? AARGH. I need more time. Dang it I thought starting my revision two months early was enough, but now it seems as though I should have started since March or something.

Been staying back in school to study this whole week. Was in library with Khairi, Jas and Liyana on Monday till 6.30pm, then was with Khairi yesterday till 8pm, and with Khairi again today till 5.30pm. Haha the extent of hours that we put into mugging!! I don't mind staying in school till 9pm to study, cos I can't study at home anyway.

Except that my mum thinks I'll get raped if I reach home later than 9pm. My mum is weird. She used to be really slack about my curfew hours; in fact there aren't any curfew hours for me. But now she's starting to realise that her only son is going to be in army soon, so she wants me home so that she can spend more time with me. But all she does is make me sit in front of the TV and watch lame shows like MAGGIE AND ME with her???

I shall aim to stayover in school one day and spend the whole night studying. Khairi's like my unofficial mugging partner now. My mum will probably freak out, thinking that I'm having some gay affair or something. So far I've been telling my mum that I'm studying in school with loads of girls, which is believable to her because she thinks I'm really popular with girls. So at this rate I'm not going to tell her I've been studying with Khairi, or I'll have to be home by 3pm to watch even lamer shows like those Holland V reruns.

I realised I totally forgot what partial fractions is all about. I had to reread the objectives twice just to have a recollection of what it's all about.

Mr Whitby assigned a compare and contrast essay to be due tomorrow. Me and Khairi stayed back till 8pm in school just to PC the two poems! And we weren't satisfied with it, so we continued again this afternoon. Well guess who happily walked by? Mr Whitby was on his way home so we sort of waylaid him and discussed the poems with him. And whatever that we came up with were MISINTERPRETATIONS!! Oh gosh to think we still thought so highly of ourselves! Blah if Whitby didn't hint and prompt, I wouldn't have thought of those ideas. Hell how am I going to pass my Lit like that?

Well on the happy note, me and Khairi calculated that if our unseen P8 is a mere 59/100, and Lit P1 and P3 are like 20/25 for each text, we still can get our A!! So it makes sense to cram all the Lear and Herbert and whatever now, rather than try and master PC!! Haha!

Anyway, I had dinner with Biru, Jolene and Rachels Tan and Kwan. Tomorrow's Rachel Tan's birthday. Actually it's past 12 midnight already so it's Rachel's birthday now. We went J8 and ate at Long John's. Today is fried chicken day for me! I ate teriyaki chicken in school, then I ate a fried drumstick, and I ended it off with some fried chicken at Long John's. I'm modelling my eating habits like Atiqah, who became a chicken nugget after eating chicken for the whole day. Ooh yesh we celebrated in Long John's and we were so afraid that we would trigger off the smoke sensors.

Okie it's back to comparing and contrasting for me. Poems about old age are scary. One day I'm going to be like those oldies, but then again I really can't wait for my 93rd birthday.

It's like 3am in the morning now. Ah ha. I slept from 9.30pm till now, and I'm planning to study from now till whatever time later when I decide I shall go to school. I'm lacking sleep. And there are tonnes of work to be done, millions of stuff to revise and study. And so little time.

I'm really feeling the stress from all the mugging now. Okay maybe I just haven't been managing my time well, but seriously I'm stressed out from the fact that prelims is like slightly more than a month away and I'm still not familiar with half the content that I'm supposed to know. I'm like, struggling to keep to my timetable in order to complete my revision in time. Suddenly I find my week's timetable packed full with consultations and remedials. And suddenly I find myself willing to stay back in school till 7pm just to study.

And strangely enough, I feel as if I have more work and revision to do now when compared to before I dropped Economics. WHY DO I FEEL AS IF THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TO STUDY WHEN I ONLY TAKE 3 A'S?? I think I've really been slacking for the past one and a half years. Haha I asked Rhoda if she felt overwhelmed by the number of subjects she's taking, and she gave me some vague answer. SEE! EVEN RHODA IS STRESSED!! Okay actually I didn't really catch what she said.

I'm rambling nonsense. I just want to whine about studying.

But I think school's really great. I've got wonderful classmates who just constantly bring joy into my life. And people that I found unapproachable in the past, are now my bestest friends in school. Sometimes I just want to go school and mop my way through all the lessons, but it really is quite impossible with my classmates. Funny how your life works... Or rather, funny how MY life works.

I had a strange dream. I dreamt that I was walking and talking with Chiew Yee. Then after that I dreamt that I was trying to escape from some psycho who was chasing me around my neighbourhood. Then I dreamt that Khairi decided to pay me a visit and I have to dodge and hide from the psycho just to meet him.

Whee.

On Sunday me and Della were up on stage for our Ben & Geri show again. Della fumbled her lines! She forgot to speak the extra "blue roofs" bit, but it was just a small thing. The rest of the skit went smoothly, and I didn't tremble like an earthquake on stage. And I had a mini-breakfast with Tammy! After service was Ministry Fair, and some photo-shoot cos I'm gonig to appear on October War Cry. Haha! Had lunch then studied with Yurong at Jericho.

I'm tired. Haha. I don't understand how people can have the energy to be so happy and bright and cheery all the time. Isn't it tiring to be so active all the time? I'm quite contented with just sitting there and pondering about GLOBAL ISSUES. Haha right. But I do admire people who seem eternally joyous and optimistic. Okay I'm not exactly sad about anything either, but most of the time I just find it tiring to be bubbly.

I don't know what's my point again. Rambling nonsense.

Jaslyn messaged me saying she's been studying with Rongrong at KAP. What a small and dismal world. I think it's scary. You never know who's meeting who at which time, and sometimes your friends meet your other friends and they start gossipping about you. ISN'T THAT SCARY? The world is shrinking so much that come to think of it, 6 billion people really isn't a lot. Maybe Jas and Rong were talking about my hairstyle. Or my weird nose. Or whatever. And the worst part was Jas mentioning Yurong, and she was just sitting beside me at that time! AAAAHHHHHHHH I'm traumatised.

I'm supposed to say "you're jumping all over the place" to Della for the skit on Sunday, but I didn't cos I forgot to mention it and ended up ad libbing. But today I said that to Qiling, cos she flitted in and out of my life in school like a ghost. One moment she's behind me, then while walking she'll suddenly zoom away to some other place without a word. And I realise that Mondays are going to be full of her zooming everywhere cos we're having Maths remedial, then there'll be Lit consultaion with her and the rest of my Lit small group. Another traumatising thought.

AARGH. I shall go study.

I know you meant well, and I know you weren't trying to be intrusive. But it doesn't take me very long to put one and one together. Haha you're a bad spy. Nope I'm not angry or anything, cos my life is really like a book for all to read. I've already told you the truth anyway: I really do not know.