Pastor Paul's first session with us for youth leaders leadership empowerment training. And I'm quite disappointed, irritated, annoyed, angry and insulted! In that order!! I didn't really like some aspects of it. I wasn't contented that we could only give a 3 out of 10. I didn't like the fact that we started out from ZERO, then we went ONE, then TWO, then THREE. And what in the world do you mean we're not meeting frequently enough??! But okay okay okay. I get where we're all coming from, and I understand Pastor Paul's point of view. With a little bit of hindsight, it's always easier to reflect. But at that point of time, I seriously felt very indignant okay!!

After that ended, I went down to Toa Payoh to meet up with Priscilla! Our exploration aim was to get to Southern Ridges Trail. I've never heard of it before either, it was her idea to go, and apparently it's quite a new trail that brings you into some greenery and there's some highest overhead bridge over a road. It connects Mt Faber to Kent Ridge Park to West Coast over 9km! Hahaha my mum messaged me halfway to ask where I am, and I don't know how to reply her! But okay laa the trail was quite good! It's not very challenging, terrain was mostly smooth concrete, and the attractions were somewhat like MacRitchie's Tree-Top Trail. Ehh it rained a bit. Then Pris saw one of those plant information tags which said that one of the trees provide a herbal cure for stomachahe when you eat the leaves, then she insisted I find the tree and eat the leaves!! Hahaha my stomachache is killing me! Then we ended up at HortPark, which I never knew existed either. But it was all landscaped gardens and we both didn't like it, so we headed down to Seah Im for dinner before home.

Forgot to mention, I finally bought an digital tuner for my guitar! Hahaha I know it's a bit late for me to do so. I first started learning guitar on my own when I was 13, bought my first guitar (which I saved up for on my own) when I was 17. And any self-respecting guitarist, whether amateur or professional, beginner level or quite proficient, they would tell you that some form of tuner is right up there in the lists of accessories that you need to have. Which is quite true, because getting your strings in tune is the first step even before you start playing.

For my part, I've been using a tuning fork for the past 5 years. Hahaha!! I've got one of those pitch pipes, but for the life of me I can't tune my guitar using that. Tuning fork is quite fun, but it's a hassale as it only gives one note and you still have to manually figure out the rest. There are some people I know who uses their piano to check the tunings, but I don't have a piano at home and a piano simply looks black and white to me and the only song I know how to play is "Mary Had a Little Lamb"! Am I like super backward or something??

Still, new digital tuner!! I tried it out, it made everything a lot faster and snappier and more accurate. My old trusty tuning fork was horrible because I take very very long to determine if one note is higher than the other (don't laugh at me!).

But in my opinion, the best guitar accessory ever invented is the capo. I pronounce it kay-poh HAHAHA. I don't care if that's the correct pronunciation, because I say it the way I want to say it. It's like a first aid kit for poor guitar players like me, because I hate playing songs in weird keys and I'm always using the capo and transposing chords. And also because it allows me to sing it in a higher key, and jacks up the high notes even higher.

-BEAMS-

I bought a sunflower yesterday, with the purpose of making it part of an object lesson for youth service last night. I actually called the florist at J8 on Wednesday to place a reservation and inquire about prices okay! The woman told me that as long as I don't need it in a bouquet, I can just purchase over the counter. Hahahaha but it still cost more than I expected! So yeah, anyway, my message on nature went okay, or at least what I perceive of it myself. Then during cell group, I decided to try something different! Got a guitar, tried and get the 3 girls to sing along with whatever songs I have or I know. It wasn't too bad an experiment, cos their voices were beautiful. Except when they start switching octaves when the notes get too high, which I thought was super funny!! Okay. Next time I lead worship I must be mindful of making the song more congregation-friendly. Not that I'm not already am, but just more mindful.


After many many attempts using the 10 sec self-timer.


And Dora came along and helped us took this, which ridiculed the 15 minutes spent trying.

Back from a get-together cohesion with my army platoon mates. They managed to get a chalet just of Pasir Ris Park, so that's where I've been heading to for the past two days. Kinda weird right hahaha I always thought that this kind of activities are quite pointless, because I'm already staying in the same bunk with all my army buddies five times a week! But never mind laa it was fun anyway. Cycling a lot, watched movies, playing with Desmond's Wii console, soccer, then there was a barbeque.











A lot more photos of course, but I've only picked some of the ones with me in it hahahaha. And I finally understand why people say I smile as if I'm trying to show all my teeth! Anyway all the photos were from Zheng Cong, but his camera lens got dented after a horrible fall.

Tired of things. I'm trying really hard to try and be understanding, to comfort and listen and help wherever possible. But three-quarters of the time I feel really inadequate, because other than being empathetic, I'm not really doing much. Yeahh I know how everyone will say that that's really the best I could do. The moment frustration kicks in, it's difficult to get rid of it.

When God first prompted me towards this direction, I'm like OKAY LET'S GO, because the signs were clear and it's quite evident where I will head eventually too. But now, it suddenly got a bit murky. Even though I know the general direction, I don't know the exact route.

Raahh.

Anyway, some side notes. Mister Pip by Lloyd Jones was a very good read, somewhat in the same mould of The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. The novel dealt with most of my favourite themes of loss, appearance and reality, love, blah blah. And an achievement in its right, because it was my third book in two weeks, which must have been the quickest rate ever in the last ten years.

Another thing. Eating chendol near midnight causes mild diarrhoea! But the company that came with it was good. (:

Someone pointed out to me a few weeks back that all of a sudden, a lot of newer Christian songs contained the lyrics "high and lifted up" in various syntax at various points throughout each song. And it didn't really strike much impression in me until I started noticing that the phrase keeps popping out everywhere. Well, okay, things like that happen to me all the time. For example, I just came across a new tough word, "obstreperous", and I'm kinda lazy to look it up in the dictionary, and it just so happens that the very next material I'm reading contains that exact same word but in a slightly different context to suggest a different meaning, so eventually I have to check it and I wonder why I don't bother in the first place.

Anyway, "high and lifted up". So far, I've got them in four variants: declarative ("you are high and lifted up"); desiderative ("be high and lifted up"); optative("we lift you high"); and comparative ("be lifted higher"). Hahaha my classification may not be very precise, but this is my take on it okay okay okay!! It's really scary, because all of a sudden this entire concept is being preached and brought forth a lot more frequently!

Here's my take on it. I think at any one time, our worship towards God falls into one of the four categories. Optimally, declarative is the ideal everyone aims for, because no matter what you say or do, God is always going to be high and lifted up, and hence it is up to your faith and your confidence to know that He is going to be. But most of the time we're desiderative, imploring but unable to do much. Then it goes down the scale, like it degenerates to something of an option instead of something you ought to do. The last one is atrocious, and I don't even know why it's on the list because in what way can God go any higher if you're already praying for God to be lifted high?? But it's there on the list because the same someone who pointed it out to me in the first place likes the song that the lyrics came from. But I don't like that song because the entire concept is warped hahaha.

And this other bit is unrelated, but since I'm on the subject I might as well expound it further. Whenever I have my quiet time with God and I decide to start/end by singing a few songs accompanied by my limited guitar playing, I have a nasty habit of using the capo to set it high up on the frets, so that the entire song is sung in a much higher key. Not that I have a really high voice, but I find that it helps me project and connect better with the song and its lyrics. It's somewhat similar to the whole notion of lifting up higher, in a very loose meaning. So hopefully this answers those of you who asked me why I always sing in such high notes whenever I lead worship.

Okie. Comments or complains, or if I said something wrong and you want to offer a correction, feel free to do so.

A bit moody now. Leaders' meeting left me feeling very stressed out! It never occurred to me that whatever I chose to involve myself in was actually quite a long-term thing. I never seriously thought about the entire continuity approach thing, because it kinda got overlooked until now. Or at least, until when I started realising what's happening on the other side that I never knew much of.

Joined in with the pre-teens today, we went to Bishan Park for some kind of treasure hunt and exploration race. Slight drizzle, but had a great time! I'm really too old for all these games hahaha! Again, I came off the entire activity astounded and amazed.

Went to Thomson Plaza with my family for dinner! Met Eileen, and I just so happened to fill my mouth full with tofu, so I couldn't smile properly and only managed some pathetic wave with my chopsticks. SO UNGLAM! Then I sprayed my sister with some tester cologne! Hahahahaha!

Raah. Still tired.

"Hello, I thought Lee Kuan Yew is supposed to have white hair!"

NDP 2008 IS FINALLY OVER!!! No more spending like 3 days a week just to launch boats at Kallang and ferrying a million people and whatever thrash! And no more phonecalls from weird people of various ranks and appointments going "Hello is this Corporal Low?" and asking me to do a million tasks!

Anyway, today was a really terrible struggle to stay awake! Hahaha was down at church at around midnight last night, then at 2am we all headed towards airport. Walked around over there, had small breakfast, photographs, blah blah, whatever we did before Sarah's departure. Kinda saddening whenever a friend has to go overseas for a long period, but that's life's little dramas for you. Okay, then I eventually reached back Bishan at 5.30am, so I went straight down to Kallang to get some sleep while waiting. Everyone told me to stay alert enough so that I won't fall off the boat hahahaha! Nahh I was super sleepy but it wasn't that bad. Had trouble with my boat's outboard, was involved in some intrusion exercise to test the PCG's vigilance (interesting haha!), grabbed sleep here and there.

I think, that's all for now.

This is kinda crazy, but I'm going to spend my night at the airport again! Okay maybe not the entire night. Going to send Sarah off to US for her studies. Hahaha the stipulated meeting time is 2am later, and my mum sort of went ballistic when I told her! She asked me a lot of questions, and then I told her I'm going straight down to Kallang/Marina in the morning tomorrow for NDP, and she was like "WHAT??" and she's afraid I'll get so sleepy that I'll screw up the show tomorrow! HAHAHA I wish I played such a pivotal role in NDP! All I do is drive the boat and answer phone calls (which all ask me to drive the boat).

Anyway, that aside, this week is very tired and sleepy. I can't sleep in camp!! The fan that is near my bed spoilt, and it gets super hot at night, and there are a million mosquitoes! Went down a couple of days to Kallang to ferry all the fireworks explosives, and the quantity is astounding. We were all for autographing on the fireworks shells hahaha so that we know we're a part of the fireworks support team!

And today, leading worship with Ming Ren. I may seem to be fond of minimal instrumental worship, but I'm not really, it's more like a rebellion on my part. Old songs today! David told me to be rebellious more often hahaha.

But yeah that's about it. Should I bother getting some sleep? Or should I just get out of house as soon as possible so that my mum will stop pin-pointing the entire NDP disaster tomorrow on me?

I'm never really a doggy person; I'm a cat lover! I find dogs very demanding and too rough and very high maintenance for a pet. In contrast, cats are gentler ice-queens and they don't need constant companionship and they can very well take care of themselves. So it is with some trepidation that I plodded slowly to this dog!! He's one of the SCDF's explosives detective dogs, and they were brought down to Kallang as part of the heightened security for NDP preview and the actual parade.

At first I really hesitated, but the green environmentalist in me took over and soon enough, the dog was all over me and sniffing my ears and licking and mock-biting. I really think that all animals can sort of sense whether you're afraid of them or you love them. I've had countless of experiences when all sorts of animals, including insects, are attracted to me instead of others around me, for some reason. Anyway, it took very long to get this picture right okay, because the dog was camera-shy! Whenever Zheng Cong came near with his camera, the dog will hide away.



This is another one, also trained as an explosives detective. But this is a bad picture because Zheng Cong snapped it while I was talking to him, so I look like I'm pouting or something. And this one was sleepy and grumpy.

From a book I read recently: "Mankind is the only animal on the planet who shows his teeth to smile." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ehh, oops. Bitten by my own words!! I realised that I haven't returned Ginny's book!! Her copy of Enid Blyton is still with me hahahaha it was lying on my table too. Okay this is the worst hahaha it's at least two years!

I'm... mortified!! Hahaha how ironic.

Cheryl Sim inspired me! I think she's on this crusade now to retrieve whatever books, CDs, items, blah blah, that she lent to all her friends but never got them back. When I heard about it, I was like "YAR YAR YAR" because it's something that I'm always frustrated with too! Okay maybe it doesn't trouble me that much. Most of the time when I lend things to others, I probably don't need it again in any hurry, so I just take it on faith and goodwill that eventually it'll come back someday. Then the loan period drags to five hundred years, and I still don't need it back urgently, but you know as with all things, it's good to have things back that belong to you!! I think it's even worse if it concerns money! I think it's very hard to ask someone to return money that you lent. Hahaha I've got a lot of such cringing, unpleasant experiences, so a lot of times I just write off the debt if I can.

Eh okaay actually I'm guilty of it sometimes also! The last time I borrowed a CD from Alicia, it sat on my table for weeks without me going anywhere near it! I meant to watch the DVD that accompanied it, but for various reasons, I never found the time to. So I made a very conscious effort to remember to return it, but I kept forgetting to bring it out, and that dragged on to another month! When I eventually did, I discovered the following week after I returned it to her, she left it lying around in church and didn't find out until then. HAHA.

Still, it's a personal resolution of mine to return all items as soon as I'm done with them, and to pay back whatever debts I have as soon as possible. For my own sake, and hopefully that people will reciprocate the favours too. Because I understand how thick-skinned you need to be to ask for your things or money back, even if they're your close friends!

So here's to all of you who owe me payment or things: please take the effort to return it to me, thank you!!

Okay, I've got quite a memory for my involvements in YP Sunday throughout the years in church! I've done things like back-up singing, lip-syncing with actions to songs, teaching simple dance steps, throwing balloons and confetti. But today's YP Sunday brought it another level higher! Doing a dance routine!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha!! Okay it wasn't too bad, considering all the last minute panic and forgetting steps and having to shorten the music because we couldn't finish the choreography! Good job good job, and my chemistry with Huimin was sizzling hahaha! The rest of the programme was equally fun too. Little kids leading worship with loads of actions and moves, then there was a short pre-teen skit.

Right after that, there was a Meet the Parents session. I never ever really take note who is whose parents, so half the adults there were unfamiliar to me! Quite a good interaction for everyone, and it made me realise that we've actually accomplished quite an impressive fair bit. Topic on the need for a long-term youth leader took 40 minutes alone! I think after that I got a little bit discouraged by something, but all the affirmations that I could recall was sufficient enough.

Dinner with Yurong and Tim at Ang Mo Kio much later in the night.

Sleepy! Down at Kallang doing boats for the past two days, and I'm horribly sun-burnt again. Like, shoulders are sore from red skin! Then rushed down to church for worship leading. It was just Sarah and me, not bad my voice didn't give way from this afternoon's KFC haha. Dance prac after that while they were watching movie! I think I complain too much hahaha.

Tomorrow's NDP preview. Security's so tight that they have to check our boats for bombs! Kinda scary, like it makes you think seriously about the terrorism threat.

Spent three hours at Sarah's house today! It's sort of an advance worship practice, cos I'm leading worship this Friday. I still think she's like this miracle on the piano, because her interpretation of the songs is largely what I sort of want it to sound like. Hahaha! Okay, only thing left is my singing. Horrible voice.

I think there's some sort of mini revival in my life right now, reminders of my young and innocent days! Campbell's alphabet soup at Sarah's today was NICEE! Been a very very long time since I've boiled any of those canned soups over the stove. That's it I'm going out to get one of those this very weekend!! Then a little while ago, Bing Lin lent me his mp3 player and I discovered he had this entire playlist of Backstreet Boys songs! So I got inspired and now there's all those Backstreet Boys hit songs that I used to listen to when I was in primary school! My favourite is still "Shape of my Heart".

I think that sometimes, I try too hard to please everyone. I need to decide for my own.

Sigh. I'm feeling like crap now. Every time I think I'm doing something nice without any additional strings attached, it always shakes the whole world up like an earthquake, because everybody thinks it's a really big deal and I'll send the wrong implications and it's not good for him/her and I really do have some ulterior motives at heart and "ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T LIKE HER" and a million other doubts. And the hugely ironic thing is, people still wonder where our altruistic notions lie in this defunct society. I feel that I cannot do something without the entire world breathing down my neck!!

But I really do take all these considerations into heart, and I know that all these wouldn't even come my way if people weren't genuinely concerned about my life, and whatever else. Okay maybe I'm a little headstrong in that sense as well, because sometimes I just don't have a very strong perception about the entire thing. Or maybe I'm just not sensitive, nor am I visionary enough to see that this is eventually a bad thing to do. Whatever all you people criticize or comment or complain, it's not whizzing past my ears, and I do take them seriously.

Actually I think it's just one of those girl problems again. I never ever learn my lessons. In the end I always end up shattering someone's dreams, or I ruin the entire friendship. So the moral of the story is, I should just stay away from girls. Even my closest female friends aren't spared from this, and I think just in the past 2 months alone, this has gotten more and more true.

I hate my life. Where's Shannon for this kind of things? =(

Okay. You might be doing something for the first time, and undeniably you'll be nervous. But the more times you do the same thing, and the more frequent you do it, the less frightening it becomes. This is perhaps one of the most fundamental components of life, and I'm really fascinated by it. Nothing beats seasoned experience. It breeds familiarity, expectations become a routine, and whatever else that is peculiar is a lot less menacing. I think it's really interesting how people respond to each learning opportunity. It makes the fact that we're only human a lot more glaring. The more proficient you are at something, the more efficient you become. And while you're at it, do remember to impart that experience to the younger ones.

"If you want a best friend, you've gotta find him/her from 5000 friends." How true, especially for me. I think it's not difficult for me to find new friends, but it takes a tremendous amount of work for a friendship that can withstand all the tests.

Samantha brightened my day today. Thanks for your company too. =)

Somehow today felt like a very very long day!! What with worship practice early in the morning, then various meetings after service, and dance prac! Time didn't exactly just fly by either, so I guess all in all I'm kinda glad to reach the end of today!

Amidst it all, I realised that patience with each other is very important. Most of the time, nobody can see eye to eye with anybody, so you have to be extremely careful not to rub people the wrong way. Gotta try to iron out all the differences so that everything's congruent. Blee. I wish this is a lot less hard work than what is always required.

Had a lengthy chat with Samantha today, because she was "alone alone alone alone" (twenty million times). And dinner with Tammy, before walking to her home and having sit-and-talk session.

Awesome friends that really matter in my life, for all the hugs and love and concern.

I want a new acoustic-electric guitar! Once I decide that it's not another impulsive need, I shall go get it. But that also creates a fresh dilemma: what shall I do with my current guitar!!! It's a year and a half old Congress acoustic, so I've gotten quite attached to it. But I'm not that sentimental as to name my guitar, unlike Tammy and her violin Malachi hahaha. I improved tremendously from not-so-regular practice, and it has seen me through some performance and all those mulling times while preparing for worship leading. Or just quiet meditation time on my own. Part of me wants to give it away to whoever that wants it. Part of me wants to sell it to some buyer (very cheap, I'm thinking of a price like $30!!). The last part of me wants to just keep it for some other time.

Half day off today, cos we had out-camp run at East Coast. Helped out musically for worship prac. Refused to sing because I've been singing waaay too much this month! Cell group time was kinda happy. Celine was very lady-like today, like totally pleasant and nice!! Jewell was hyperactive and dramatic and out of control!!!!!!!

I'm always amazed when people tell me they've been in a relationship with their boy/girlfriends for more than a span of 3 years. And I'm even more impressed at husbands and wives who've managed to stay married together for more than a year. Don't you ever get bored of your companion?? I think falling in love is the easiest thing, but actually committing to a lasting relationship is extremely torturous. I don't think I have the patience or the faith! Too many emotional baggage to leave behind.

That's why I don't think I'll ever get married! I'll just end up breaking all the nice girls' hearts.