Posting this as I just managed to navigate my way to where i wanna go at NUH! I have a class here in another hour, and honestly this place is a labyrinth with all the different departments and whatnot. Yup, school have started for me, after months of binning around and being able to wake up as late as I want everyday heh. I have two literature modules covering the Renaissance and the 19th century, two geography modules, and the NUH one is reproductive health hahaha.

And have been busy with many church things! We were at a leaders' retreat last week, then had a funfair yesterday, and was at Gracehaven for their service. Funfair in particular was fun! My cell group probably didn't require as much preparations as the other cells, but it was still a lot of work!

I'm eavesdropping on the conversations of these two NUH staff ladies who're sitting beside me for lunch now. One is attending a course on benefits of carbohydrates, and the other just came down for lunch from a busy emailing day. Feel so medical scientific gaargh. Okay I shall not neglect this blog space. But my next post is my thousandth I think haha

One thing that is beginning to irk me (and probably bugger at myself to do something) is seeing some of the youths being a bit too liberal with vulgarities and swear words on social media. It's probably not too common to open my Facebook and Twitter and be greeted with words that probably should be symb*lized or striked or in any form of censure suitable. And all the more disturbing if they are friends from my church and I know them well enough and I really really don't see the need for such strong words. Well, "strong words" is probably an euphemism hehh.

Well I definitely would understand, and in all honesty and admissions of guilt I have cursed and swore and fallen more times than I should into that trap before. I came from an all-boys primary and secondary school, and boys of course hold nothing back from swearing! Well okay not so terribly in primary school. We were still measurably innocent, so we will play games like "bus first bus second then bus what?", or there's the "sack A sack B then sack what?" hahaha! I can't believe I used to think "sexy" was one of those huge vulgarities! Then of course, someone in the class will eventually learn some swank Hokkien curse, so we upgraded our pronunciation games to "translate chicken white in Chinese". And whenever some unsuspecting guy says it, either unknowingly or he really does not know the meaning, there will be a huge uproar ORH HOR HE SAID SEXY ORH HOR HE SAID A BAD WORD.

If saying "sexy" was the worst sacrilege and the biggest sin in primary school, then I wished you could hear the kind of language that we use to converse in secondary school! It was a marvel how we can use the infamous "fuck" as a noun, adjective, verb, adverb, pronouns if we can wrangle it, hahaha you name the parts of speech and we'll fit it somewhere somehow into the sentence. We had teachers hauling us up for tongue slips and forcing us to look up the word in the dictionary and copying word-for-word the definitions listed in it. We heard stories of certain individuals who dared utter as tiny a breathy hint of some fricative "ffffuuu" in front of the principal or the discipline master, and he was forever an untouchable legend. Christian or not, churched or unchurched, it was the only true way of talking to a fellow teenager really. You simply have to include some form of it somewhere in your speech.

Then we all graduated and entered junior college, and all of a sudden all forms of swearing and cussing and vulgarities died to a minimum. Because there was this huge jump from an all-boys school environment into a co-ed (girls!!!!!!) one, somewhere along the way we all came to some tacit agreement that we cannot appear uncouth or vulgar. We pepper our converses instead with mild versions like "bloody" or "effing" or "fishcake". Kind of like a regression really, everyone became hyper-conscious of being cultured and civilized. But the saving grace for those sailors at heart was during literature class, when we learnt that "fuck" and "prick" and "cunt" and all sorts of other swear words were perfectly acceptable. I remember going through a poem or novel or something that utilized "fuck" in an elegant way! And the huge topic about sex, considered too taboo and obscured from all manners of discussion with girls in our presence, well what can I say? Hahaha we discussed poems aloud about "having a good bonk" and "getting that girl to fucking open her legs" and "gay kinky sex"! Never ever possible with mainstream curriculum, but I had really good lit teachers who made the words come alive, and we will giggle and gasp but deep down we were probably all raging hormones.

And then it was time to serve the nation in the army. Haha needless to say, all those years repressed in JC were like an unleashed demon. We would all angrily and hot-bloodedly join in dissing some commander for some unfair punishment. It was back to an all boys environment again. And there was no adequate way to not reprieve those inner angst because we all resented the crap that we had to go through. I think my commanders thought it the way that if you don't swear at your soldiers, then it becomes some nanny army. Within ourselves it was no different, we've probably each been swore at in our faces more times than we could count, and so for our daily conversations with each other we included more swear word varieties and more degrading adjectives! Kinda helps that you have people from all sorts of background, so the JC kids will teach the ITE people really uncommon English adjectives like "imbecile" or "nincompoop", and the ITE people will explain the Hokkien slang they just used. Hahaha like a social exchange, hope I didn't just pigeon-holed society into classes but that was the personal case for myself.

Then you might ask, so where's the Christian in me? I know kinda well that there's some form of discipline that I should upkeep, like I cannot really have parents going after me because I swear like a sailor in front of their children in church. And I know really well too, when I'm placed outside of the church environment into school or army, the temptations to just fit in with everybody's conversation and peppering my speeches with a little "fuck" will go unnoticed because everyone is saying it. But I also know very very well, and this is for the record and for my own strong reminder, that no one has ever vilified me for NOT saying the f-word. A couple of times I will get some of my army mates saying I seldom swear and I am very holy and when I swear it means I am really angry. That always convicts and evicts me, because I know I swear more often than I should. But no one has ever forced me to swear with them involuntarily.

For me the temptation to swear like any other guy, it is always there. For girls maybe not hahaha, but I may be generalizing and going down a slippery slope here. But yes, I know very very well that a good tree should bear good fruit, and I know that the tongue is a fire, and I know that out of the same mouth shouldn't come curses and praises. And now that I'm a lot older and knowing that I hold more responsibilities than most people would in church, I really am ashamed sometimes of not keeping my own tongue in check. And I've been in youth leadership since the later years of secondary school, so all the more no reason for me not to control and be disciplined. I cannot swear outside of church and go into church onstage and lead worship, I cannot tell my cell members not to swear but I do it frequently outside.

Kinda convoluted, but I understand perfectly why some people swear all the time, but but but I also understand perfectly for a need to not even swear at all. I would speak firsthand that it is not an easy temptation to battle. And it doesn't help that it is the human mind's innate instinct to swear! A long while ago I was reading Steven Pinker and his analysis on why people swear, and he kinda argued that it is in our nature to swear all the time and it is an emotional need to express something, good or bad. The reason why I didn't bother censuring all the "fucks" in this blog post also is that I think "fuck" is just normal a word as any, it's only the intent that we give behind it that makes it taboo and omitted from mainstream press. I don't want to give the devil victory just because it is an unacceptable word to use, but at the same time I don't want to give the devil victory too because I have every choice not to use that word too. It's a double-edged sword haha I think it may be too confusing for this time now, but yup, bottom line is, to worship in Christ gives me no reason to swear.

This is a confusing post. Now what do I do to encourage others to do likewise? 

Two weeks since the last post, and I must say that I am really enjoying my holidays! I'm glad I don't have to work or anything, because most days I can wake up as late as I want! But this also means that I'm up at night till weird unearthly hours, like now. I seem to come alive at night hahaha. But yeah, holidays meant that I am able to spend more time with friends and go out and everything. Able to devote more time for cell group, organize this and that, travel around Singapore heh I've been trying to stay out of house as much as I can and as late as I can, because if I'm home I will just be on the laptop screen. Need to get a life before school begins.

And yep, I'm on the smartphone bandwagon now! It's taken me a little while longer than most people, but I think it is really power at my fingertips! I can do so many things away from the computer. Though the downside is I'm constantly connected, no excuses not to respond. Maybe one day I shall just turn it all off and enjoy the peace. Trying to do something with the slowly-rusting guitar too. Nothing beats learning new stuff and getting the chance to put them into practice! I'm discovering new chords and triads and inversions.

This is really more of an update than anything else. 

I'm the kind of person that does not follow the three-second-rule when food drops on the table or on floor. It's especially prevalent if the food happens to be fries or chips or bits of chocolate or biscuits, you know, things that are relatively solid and dry. If it's "wet" stuff like veggie or noodles or fruits or whatever else then I might think twice. The surface that the food drops on also matters slightly. If it's chips on carpet floor, without a question into my mouth it goes. If it's normal flooring or table, I'll have to see the cleanliness condition first. Of course there are times when it's a clear no, like if it drops into some puddle of water or dusty floor haha.

I'm also the kind of person that gladly eats expired food as long as they seem generally edible to me. If it's canned or bottled drinks past its sell-by date I will just gurgle it down because I think it's generally safe laa. Expired packs of chips or chocolate or expired bottles of Nutella, oh well in my stomach they go. But I may draw the line with pastry or bread, and maybe milk-based stuff like soya bean.

Maybe it's because I've never really had any major tummy upsets or stomach flu or food poisoning before. I do get the occasional bouts of diarrhoea, but I can usually trace it to the laksa I ate or that chendol I drank for supper. I'd like to think that I need to expose my stomach to all these kinds of (hopefully) mild bacteria so that it can get used to all these foreign bacteria and then develop antibodies and I will be stronger and fall ill lesser! Hahaha I don't know if this makes sense. But say for instance you go travelling and you eat some roadside hawker food. The locals eat it for years and they are used to it, but we are not, hence stomach upset. This is one of Dezmand's favourite doomsday predictions, that you spend $2 on foreign hawker food to end up spending $200 on medical bills! Which I sort of think can be prevented if our stomachs weren't so sheltered and pampered from the beginning. And I believe in the spirit of adventurism hahaha. I should be game enough to try weird local fruits and food and whatever else that they tell me is nice. I may not eat stuff like fried insects but hopefully I will pluck up enough courage to try it someday.

This is a rather personal opinion, but whenever there's stuff like expired Nutella or biscuits dropped on floor or expired Honest Tea hahaha, and I just wolf it down and people give me the weird stare or disgusted look, I always invariably think that they're spoilt and can't stomach tough conditions (pun intended). Haha no offence, I don't say it aloud and I generally think good of people, but this is what goes through my mind when this happens. I'd like to think that there are poorer people in poorer conditions than me battling hunger and their inability to even get food, and here's some processed food or canned stuff that may not spoil as easily as what the best-before date claims, and I should appreciate what I have instead of worrying about what it may do to my tummy. Or maybe, I need a hospital case of salmonella or cholera to jolt me from this sort of thinking. But cmon, I'm sure slightly expired food is not that bad right? Who's with me on this.

This is a response to the expired Vegemite that's in my fridge which Tim gave to me two years ago. And he told me to throw.

As I sit here and think about cell group (yet again), I need to keep reminding myself to be patient and to be loving. I think a lot of times I am always very tempted to just barge in and solve matters on my own! It's one of the biggest problems I've always had with myself. When people tell me about their problems or troubles, I tend to either be very dismissive about it or I start telling them what to do. Hahaha to me it's really like the way it is, you tell me a problem then I tell you what I think you should do to manage it lor! Or I will just say things like "it's like that one la" and that's it.

Sometimes I need to just pull back and not care so much. Other times I need to put in more effort and show more concern. I think next time when I have kids of my own I will deliberately let them fall down or get into tough situations so that they will learn on their own. But at the same time I will be praying like mad and itching to be protective and everything hahaha.

I was at Auntie Jenny's office this morning to help her with office administrative work. She works for Equipping Leaders for Asia and they organise and host leadership conferences, or at least that's what I gathered as much from my short period of time spent there. She approached me after the corps camp with an internship offer that I just could not possibly refuse! It included exposure to their ministry work, helping out with some of the conferences, getting to sit in for talks from some of the most-prominent names in churches and management positions, etc etc.

But I turned it down all the same, mainly because I love my holidays too much hahaha. Okay I really felt like I wanted a break and not do anything too heavy for a while. June's multitudes of camps was quite an upheaval, and I wanted to spend more time with cell group and mentees and doing stuff that I set out at the start of the year wanting to accomplish. And the reason why I was there this morning was because she still needed help with certain tasks, so I thought I could contribute my time in whatever ways I can.

And so I sat in front of her computer for an hour and a half duplicating CDs for their conference materials, then I spent another hour and a half putting them into their cases and putting leaflets and labeling them. The entire time I was there I kept on thinking gosh how BORING can this get and this is totally not what I want to do hahaha! I think I'm meticulous enough for these sorts of things, like I will make sure the CD is in perfect orientation and I will just double-check to see if the folder is really in the duplicated CD. But after like the 3rd or 4th one I am just dying and I keep thinking I'm meant for greater things and I'm stuck in this pigeonhole labeling CDs and goshhhhhhhhh!

I'm totally not cut out for administrative work, I will never be a cheerful secretary, I won't turn in sub-par products because I will QC everything, but I will grumble and whine and get impatient. I would sooner rather go do something loads more stressful like lead worship or share a message than duplicate CDs! The only person that I know will do this with excitement and enthusiasm is Andrea, because she will treat it like some tremendous task of paramount importance and unfortunately I don't share the same perspective as her. I know because I bribed her with ice cream to get her to do Powerpoint slides for thirty plus songs for camp haha. And brings to mind also when Captain Hary requested me to be flagbearer for Captain Zane Haupt's installation at youth service, I am super stressed! I kept thinking that the flag will  topple or how I might just drop it and I worry whether I have to wave it and how I was supposed to stand. Seriously hahaha all I probably had to do was to just hold the flag, but it makes me hugely nervous!

Yeah anyway, I digress. I always hear stories of how people start their ministry work for God with small and seemingly insignificant stuffs, like setting up and keeping the chairs for service. Or flip lyrics sheets for Sunday School, things like these that they do for years before they eventually move on to giving mini lessons. And for all my life I can never understand how people have the tenacity and the faith to keep serving in the most mundane and menial kind of ministry work available! I greatly admire the ladies who stand there for two hours and do floral arrangements for Sunday service. I think if I have to prepare worship lyrics every week for projections, I will really uninstall Powerpoint from my computer and use it as an excuse to hand it over to someone else! But yeah, it's a constant reminder to me that people serve the Lord in different ways, and people have different capacities for their gifts and talents to shine, and the kingdom of God always starts with people doing the most infinitesimal tasks before anything else can go. Three or four hours today was a huge test of patience. But I will visit Auntie Jenny again next week and I will be a much happier person and take more pride in my tasks. 

What keeps someone up at 4am plus plus in the morning!? Well I've gotta say that my body clock is entirely topsy-turvy now, thanks to holidays and not having to work or study or do anything substantial, I've been sleeping at around 5am thereabouts almost every other day for the past three weeks. Get me to bed any earlier and I probably can't sleep as well as I could when I get to bed at 5am. This is ultimate pigging out and maybe it will disrupt my lifestyle eventually when I start school again or when I need to wake up early in the morning for certain stuff. But this is certainly almost circadian already, and I don't really know what I do at night till such crazy hours too.

Just a note to say that I've got quite a soft spot for retro, vintage, classic stuff! It's not something that I conscientiously seek out, but it's like how I got my Super 55 on a whim because it was just too nice to pass by, and I didn't really have a strong need for it! And I constantly think that the very first iPod and iMac is still the best-looking device for the Apple family, when all the rage now is with iPhone and whatever else. iPod classic is well, a classic, nobody wants a touch rotating wheel anymore when you have a touch screen device. Like how I prefer the old wooden pencils that you have to sharpen, instead of mechanical pencils. And just purchased a film camera off eBay because I really wanna try more film stuff and do vignettes or something. Friend was telling me that the world's going digital and everything is electronic, but I'm regressing and degenerating to things that don't hold value anymore in this world. Which kinda makes sense hahaha people everywhere are going on about their first DSLR, and well I'm getting an SLR too, just not digital haha.

Maybe it's just some of these small things that make me feel like a vintage and a classic, but yeah it's just a random point that I've been thinking about recently. 

Kinda neglected this space for the past two weeks or so, been really lazy to post anything up! I think this blog is becoming counter-productive; every time I think of the need to type very long sentences and having to have structured phrases and sentences and paragraphs, I'm put off by this and I go to Twitter or Tumblr instead! Lesser words, or if not no words at all at the other two platforms! But yeah anyway, all the camps are over and June is over too. It's been an awesome month, great fun, great experiences, great new insights. 

There's nothing much in my life, except that I am trying to get out of house everyday to escape from my mum! I'm not working you see, and I've turned down one or two job opportunities, partly because I am not very inclined to fix myself to a regular commitment when I'm on holidays!!!!!! Haha nah not entirely la, other reasons too. 

Actually I'm only posting this because I need to remind myself never to choose all new songs for an entire worship set list! One or two new songs is fine, but three out of three means I cannot hear them sing and I will think that it's too much to be. 

To sleep I go. 

I'm not bothering to unpack much from my bags, because in another couple of days I'll be hopping to Malaysia again for yet another church camp. It's almost like instinct hahaha I know what I need and what I don't need now. Okay I shouldn't be speaking as though I'm doing this all my life or it's my job or something, but 3 camps in a month is really a lot. There might be an extension to the trip though, although I'll only know within the next few days.

And I'm seizing maximum opportunities to capture the after-camp highs! Trying to remind everyone what they've learnt and trying to instill something that will hopefully be lasting for the future. I'm in the kind of state where you tell me anything now and I am all ready to firmly believe in it! Haha I've had people reminding me that I've just finished two camps where the presence of God was just so very evident, I shouldn't be unfazed by anything now! Which is kinda true, there's important work to be done that needs follow-up and everything.

On another note, I completely missed GAPS for the second school term consecutively. I didn't even keep track of the dates! But it's not that important right, it's just modules classification and whatever else. Oh well bah, the school should send reminder emails for these kinds of things closer to the date!!!

So I managed to tune myself to the correct frequency in time for the Singapore territorial youth camp, and it's been a great blessing for me as what I've been anticipating all month! I think it was rather difficult for me, because I just came back from an equally amazing Malaysian youth camp and so many things touched me over there. And the dust had barely settled, I'm still mesmerized by God's miracles and all the wonderful testimonies at Malaysia, they're still going on and on in Facebook, how to focus on Singapore??? But I kinda forgot that when you expect something to be as big as you expect it to be, God will always surpass that expectation and He'll be like "I told you so, but this is even better" because it's really hard to limit Him. 

Many many roles to take on at this camp, and when I reflect now I keep thinking that I should have said this or I should have done that, but nahh I think I should just be thankful for the way that God has used me over the four days. The theme is on worship, and without a doubt the praises were mind-blowing, every session was Spirit-filled. I'm totally exhausted partly because of too much tears! Each time I minister to someone at the mercy seat I think I cry more than the person does, because it really is such a blessing and an encouragement to hear each of their heartfelt prayer requests and testimonies. Could almost feel each pleading and each cry for God, and that's what keeps me going to serve and to bring more lives to Him. 

And now I'm falling sick and catching a cold. Voice is whiny and weird. One more camp to go for June, and that's in a few days' time. I am getting a bit disillusioned by camps, although in a positive way, for all the euphoria that they bring and all the good things that are constantly happening. In some sense when I break camp I need time to get back to life normally, yet at the same time anticipate good things. But it's just high and high and high, hardly a breather. Haha okay I really ought to get to bed, tired out totally. 

There was the monthly leaders' meeting today and my mind was constantly distracted and never focusing on what we were discussing on hand! Haha somehow or rather my mind kept going back to whatever happened at Malaysia camp. I'm still in the thought frame of all the testimonies and stories and blessings and needs for the Malaysian territory. It's almost as though whatever that's happening in Singapore is suddenly not as important to me now! Horror of horrors haha I had to keep reminding myself that I have a cell group here, I am in Central Corps, I serve here I lead worship here blah blah! 

But it was a good break for me, to be able to distance myself from what's happening back home and to go outside and to see the needs of the other part of the territory. It didn't exactly made it easier for me to find purpose in my ministry haha, but I'm just glad that I can get out for a while and not be so fixated on my cell group or mentees all the time. And now I wish that the camp had been longer, or that I should have followed one of them back to their corps and stay there for another two weeks or so! I definitely need a longer break. I wanna go overseas and be some itinerant ministry worker, serving wherever God sends and wherever has a need haha! Maybe it could happen haha. But more importantly, I have just a few days to get into the right frame of mind for Singapore youth camp. Have a message to prepare and worship songs that need inspiration. 

Right now talking to all the new friends on Facebook, because they're all suffering from camp withdrawal symptoms like me. I owe them photos which I've yet to put up. There's really no greater privilege than to serve in this huge family. What gives me the equipping and the qualification, I really have no idea, and I really just want to thank God for his grace and blessings in my life. 

Safely back from the Malaysian youth camp hours ago, and as always it's a great blessing to be a part of God's big family of believers! Had a tremendous time over there, loads of stories to tell. So my visit to Kuching and to the Tamil camp two years ago while I was working for Youth Dept helped familiarized me quite a bit, because I got to meet up with old friends who've grown up and have moved on to an even bigger ministry for God. And getting to meet new people and worshiping and leading alongside them, surely this has to be one of the most awesome privileges in the world! They were running in dizzying circles during worship, and we've managed to come up with actions for the theme song Nothing Is Impossible hahaha. Obstacle course made me feel like it was army all over again, and I'm not that unfit! Gosh so many things to praise God for the camp.

My nose is peeling slightly from prolonged periods under the sun. And I still feel as though I'm hanging the name lanyard over my neck. The thing about Malaysian camp, the way I try to compartmentalize, is that it's almost completely detached from the Singapore side, which meant that I'm going there more like a facilitator than an actual committee plan leader. Which also meant that I'm constantly encouraged and enriched by all the good things that the Salvation Army is doing up in Malaysia. The past two weeks made me feel like I'm a social worker! First the AG Home rental, then Gracehaven worship, and now youths mostly from the Malaysian homes. I really really do see the need, and I'm really amazed at the testimonies of transformations and changed hearts.

Kinda made me almost reluctant to come back to Singapore haha, because all of a sudden what I'm doing back here doesn't seem all that challenging compared to Malaysia! Hahaha but I cannot compare in this way la, it's two completely different ball games and each has its own strengths and challenges. I've got about four to five more days to get into the right frame for Singapore youth camp! Totally different situation, and I'm hoping that I don't get disillusioned by the multitudes of camps I'm going for! Right now I'm catching up with the work that came in while I was away. Have a feeling that they're going to be very active on Facebook adding friends and tagging photos.

Gotta crash to bed, absolutely tired out. 

So the weekend came and went, and I'm rather tired out. Not getting enough sleep because I hang out till quite late at night and when I get home I'm still rushing things that need to be done. The hall rental was one of the more demanding ones that I've done, and it won't be one which I will forget in a hurry! Don't get me wrong the people were fantastic, just glad to be a part of it. It got quite emotional at some parts and it was really touching to hear about transformed lives and changed hearts. I don't really know most of the people and I didn't really talk much with them too, but I'm just amazed at how God chooses to work his plans and purposes for different people. 

And it was really befitting that I came off that rental into Gracehaven's worship service tonight! I sort of brought along all the heart for justice and compassion into tonight's worship, and it was a huge difference in the kind of attitude as I went onstage. Trusting God for all the seeds that we've planted, and hoping that somehow somewhere it'll make a huge difference. 

Tomorrow is the last day for me to tie up all the loose ends before I head off to Malaysia! All pumped up for the youth camp camp camp! Most parts of it, I don't really know what to expect because I only know a handful of the Malaysian youths who will be there at the camp, and I only have vague ideas of how their worship will be like and everything. Well if I were to compare with Kuching and Tamil camp two years ago, then this will be nothing short of extraordinary! I need to pack, change currency, prepare worship and sharing, aargh barely have enough time for all of it tomorrow. 

Today at church Alicia led this song that went like this:


I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do


I wish to possess the kind of faith that shows me miracles and hope and dreams and visions. 

I can't really recall doing much for the past two days except to camp at the mixer in the auditorium right in front of the stage! Have been kept busy with hall rental rehearsals for Andrew & Grace Home, they are having some fundraising concert and it's quite tremendous! Easily one of the more demanding hall rentals because they have practically everything from drama, dance, guitars, drums... And usually I am quite distant with hall rentals because most times it's like just another job to me. I smile and meet people who tell me what to do and assist with all the technical stuff, then when the concert or event is over we all go separate ways and probably don't see each other again. But somehow this particular rental struck a rather good impression, mostly because of my experiences with Gracehaven and I see the similarities with another home for youth-at-risk. Hahaha maybe this is a calling from God to go into a ministry like this! It's just something different, in terms of the attitude and the atmosphere I see. I'm impressed, the staff must be doing something good at the home.

And over the course of this month, I've come to realise that actually I am serving in church alongside with some of the best people I've ever known in my life. Several meetings with mentors or worship people or whoever else, and I love being part of an amazing team of talented and passionate people all for God's glory. Right now there's tonnes of stuff going on for all the combined camps at Youth Dept, I'm just chipping in wherever I can. 

This summer vacation is looking to be really great. Can't wait for Malaysia camp next week. I'm absolutely slacking my guts out cos I'm not really working, but at the same time I'm busy with so many church stuff that it feels like I'm doing something. Hahaha first thing is to regain my erratic sleep. 

Should clarify a small point since the last post. I'm currently learning an Indonesian praise song because of Malaysian camp! Min Jie and I thought that it might be good if we included a Malay or Indonesian praise and worship song, although I do expect that majority of the youths attending will be Chinese ethnically. We wanted initially to find a song that had English translations alongside the Malay/Indonesian version, but there weren't any. So anyway I was listening to songs from True Worshippers, and I really liked this song called "Yesus" which somehow just spoke to me even though I didn't really understand what the lyrics meant. Google Translate helped a bit in the decision to lead this song, and consequently it meant that this song is on repeat at every opportunity I can get, because Bahasa Indonesia is and was never one of the languages I've ever tried to speak. Although the smattering occurrences of some Malay words that I happen to know made it slightly easier, on the whole I'm stumped at all the more nuanced pronunciations and some assimilation of vowels and whatever else.

Sometimes I like to listen to foreign languages praise albums! Although I haven't much of them, I've got one album of Hillsong Kiev but that doesn't really count because it's mostly familiar Hillsong songs translated into Ukrainian, so I do know in some sense what they are singing about. I've got a few albums from True Worshippers, courtesy from now Lt Fiona's brother who passed them to me the last time I was at Kuching. I don't know what they're singing or praying about, but I do know that it's got something to with worshipping God and giving praise to Him hahahaha. It's like reading a Bible verse at some international service in your mother tongue, or like that time at Tamil camp and I couldn't understand a single word! Always amazing to know how the same God connects across different languages and cultures. 

Been practically lazing my days at church now, because if I stay at home I'll just be on the computer the entire day doing nonsense and rubbish stuff. At least I'll find some company there even if I have nothing significant to do. But I do have to prepare for some stuff like lessons and message and worship, and I am kinda neglecting them because it feels like work and studying all over again and I really just want to take a very very long break! I'm doing shopping and watching movies and catching up with lost friends and spending more time with cell people. Which explains the first cell outing to Escape Theme Park today. I've never been there before, and in all honesty I don't think I've been missing much because the rides are kinda kiddy and there were just about one or two main attractions.

I can't wait for June to come because I've signed up for a slew of camps to fill up my summer vacation! I've decided that I will not want to take up any work this holiday, I want to just eat and sleep and wake up at anytime when I want hahaha. But yeah back to the camps, the most recent upcoming one is Malaysian youth camp which I'm really excited for! Usually all the stuff that I do with Malaysian corps are always a reminder of how blessed things are back in Singapore, and how God is constantly at work everywhere. Actually I'm excited for all the camps la, I want to go into them ready to rah rah garh garh and be expectant of the good things to come. But for the time being I need to learn how to sing a Indonesian worship song! Cannot get the correct pronunciations ahaha probably will need help very very soon.

And if cell group members have taught me anything these two weeks, it is how important youths are to the church and how that huge responsibility sometimes falls on their cell leaders (me) to nudge them in the right directions. Big shoes to fill. Recently I've been talking to a couple of their younger siblings, and some of them are borned in the year 2001 or 2002 and so on! Gosh I'm from the 1980s, and they are actually from this side of the millennium!! There's a ten-year age gap between my youngest cell member and myself. People sometimes ask me if I plan to stay at sec 1 and 2 cells for the next two years too, but without realising it I've been in this lower secondary cell group for the fourth year already and I'm still enjoying the challenges everyday.

Now, off to bed, because I want to wake up early tomorrow to get my straggling work to order.

The end of exams have been wonderful, I'm happily enjoying the first few days of my carefree life! It's only been about two or three days only, but I feel like I have nothing to worry about and I can go anywhere I want and I have no work to do! Of course, the no work to do is a bit subjective hahaha. But I've found a new source of entertainment: Tintin comics! Huge thanks to Andrew (my cell one) because he came to church on Friday with one of those 3-in-1 collection books, and I was like AAAHHHHHH can I borrow please please please then he said he has the entire collection and he's memorized every plot! Tintin is like my primary school favourite read, apart from Harry Potter I think haha. I remember getting to the school library to borrow every single Tintin comic that they stock, and I always hate the fact that they have missing titles from their collection! Heh but now it's nostalgia time as I indulge in them all over again.

And the General Elections came and went! I'm upset that my Bishan-TP GRC is still PAP-governed. I'm all for change and progress haha! And I admire Chiam See Tong's endearing spirit for a cause that he believes in. But the voting electorate has decided that they favour PAP, and I'm just glad my vote represented my voice in this political stake. Elsewhere, I think the results for Aljunied were woots!!! As I'm writing now, I hear that there are petitions and protests for a by-election in Potong Pasir, for Tin Pei Ling to be removed from Parliament, for George Yeo to be exchanged for someone else, blah blah. I think it's a bit silly, if petition all these then we vote for what? Cmon man, accept the results as indicative of the voter's choice. Never mind that Lina Chiam lost by 114 votes, it was a fair game even if it was a close fight. Much as the GRC system is to be blamed, and I really really think TPL don't deserve a seat in Parliament, but the fact is people still willingly voted for her and her party! And it is at this point that I risk Jolene calling me an ugly Christian again hahaha but I really think people like TPL and Vivian Balakrishnan don't deserve to be my politicians at all, I don't like them, and if I'm in that GRC I will not vote for them in even if they're bunched together with MM and SM and PM! No means no, blame the GRC flaw, and if people really didn't want TPL, they would have voted against her party. I would if I could. 

Now I can't wait for the next elections. Hahaha I wanna go rally! 

So I ended exams today, with what must be the worst semester ever since I first got into university. Getting crappy assignment grades, not really keeping up with course readings, skipping a good half of the lectures for two modules, left almost everything to last minute! But it's all over now, this semester will be a bare scrape-through, although I generally think the final exams were much better than what I expected. I was very sorely tempted to write forbidden stuff for my final paper today! It's a geography module on gender and the prof's a feminist academic who is generally a nice lady, but I don't really like how she always makes small insinuations like "guys just never listen" or stuff like that. I find it extremely ironic that she keeps going on about how women are always typified into the private and reproductive home-spaces because of hegemonic essentialist ideals, but she peppers her lectures with stuff like that probably out of zest or for entertainment's sake, but I take offence grr grr grr! So I was on the verge of writing "for the sex worker, the night-time is the best chance for her to get laid" which would be a) derogatory b) not gender-neutral language c) colloquial language d) un-feminist in every single way! Okay maybe not the most witty line I could think of, but I wanted to rile her up haha. But I couldn't bring myself to write that down and I probably would be in heavy guilt and can't sleep for days, so I tamed the diction down. Anyway my respect for sex workers has increased tenfold since visiting Amsterdam last year, and another a hundredfold after taking this module.

And consequently I missed most of the General Elections' activities because of exams! Was busy revising and couldn't spare extra time for all the rallies. Which is a shame really, I'm really excited to vote and exercise my choice/voice and just when my exams ended, the next day is cooling-off day. I think I really disagree with them threatening to my vote with lift upgrades and covered walkways and a fresh coat of paint for my block. Dislike the general arrogance and hypocrisy of the incumbent. I think I behave exactly like a spoilt young brat, there is really a generation gap hahaha! But they just issued a unprecedented apology. On the other hand Chiam See Tong is really admirable. Oh well anyway I head into the voting station on Saturday practically nonpartisan, because to date I have not gone to any rallies, and neither PAP nor SPP candidates have ever visited me on their many walkabouts they seem to be doing all day, well everywhere except my block. For all they claim that they've been serving here for years and blah blah, I really really never see any of my MPs in my entire life before. All I got is the PAP manifesto and many lorries driving around shouting garbled speeches.

I'm studying hard for my remaining two papers and my choice of location for most of my revision time is the church office! It's almost always noisy there over the weekend, but it's the place where I can be most productive as long as I don't bring my laptop along. I really cannot study at home because there's always the laptop or computer tempting me to go online and waste time, and then there's my comfy bed which gets me asleep in approximately 3 minutes flat. The lighting in my room is not the best too because I am lazy to invest in a study lamp and the my head keeps casting shadows over my notes! 

And thanks to Tyrus and Andrea, I've listened to more radio in the past three days than I've ever had in the past three years! They've been blasting 98.7FM through some old left-behind radio in the office. I think I almost never tune in to the FM radio stations on my own free will, because there's already the iPod with a few thousand songs and I'm constantly listening to Christian music anyway hahaha work hazards of a worship leader. But the radio is good, sometimes I need to hear people talking amidst all the songs, only thing is that 98.7FM's song library probably ranges around fifty, because they just keep playing the same songs over and over again every few hours or so. 

Okay just found out that internet can stream radio stations! I thought they cancelled it the last time. Okay am I slow or what. 

Right in the middle of exams now, I have two more papers left and they're the content-heavy ones. I feel like I haven't really done much work this semester because of all the unfinished readings and last minute revisions! If there is any term to scrape through, it would have to be this one because of all the disappointing assignments and my tardiness. But exams has been quite fine so far, were quite manageable considering that these were modules that I skipped majority of the lectures or I didn't really follow with the readings. Aargh I'm a lousy student this sem, really horrible. I don't know what I did with all my time.

Elsewhere, general elections is round the corner! I'm off the age of 21 already and glad for the chance at some semblance of political say in my country's governance, because there's some contest in my area! Never been much interested in political news till now, and I always recall shooing Khairul away whenever he starts one of his tirades. Now I am able to empathize with some of the stuff that he fights for, and I realize I really really cannot stand the arrogance and ignorance of some of the stuff they claim over the biased media! But voting is secret and political slants are personal so I shall take this topic off blog spaces hahaha. I shall give more for church offering this week, thank you Grow and Share package.