Ducks quack

2012-03-10T04:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I look back at all the times I have tried to connect in some ways with the little girls in my cells, I am really amazed at how I am still barely hanging there after so many noted failed attempts. Haha okay I really must admit that it takes me all the patience and the constant goofing around just to understand somehow what goes on in the mind of a young teenage girl. With guys it's always a lot easier, possibly because I was at that age before and I know exactly how it feels like, but for girls it seems like I take an eternity to learn, and then each girl is different from the other, and it's just such a gargantuan effort to remember a million things I ought or ought not to do.

And I can safely say that all the books or magazines or articles I've read before does not at all prepare me for what really happens. Yes, that's right, I actually spend time reading about how to reach out to teenage girls, because that was what I was thrust into when I first began lower secondary school cell leading, and nothing in the books told me what to do when they start crying or having opposing views (only to change them years later hahaha) or just having unique perspectives. How in the world am I supposed to hang out with the girls without being a total perv hahaha go shopping with them???

I know she's reading this, but the mentee is back and I am so relieved. Not that she does a lot la hahaha, but then occasionally I really have no idea what to do with the girls in my cell and I'll be like Jolene please settle this, and voila everyone's happy. Maybe same-gender cells function precisely in this way, but I've always been a firm believer of the opposite gender playing important roles shaping the person you are. Haha I'm the kind of person that will encourage people to go date around and get into relationships and experience break ups for themselves, okay that's another blog topic for another time.

Okay, patience.

2012-03-05T17:40:00.000+08:00

It's 5.15pm now, and I think today is the best Monday school day ever for the past few months. There was quite a bit of rain this morning I think, and usually it would have been a tremendous drag trying to haul myself out of bed. And usually my Monday classes start at 2pm, so I have quite a long sleep-in, but I had to be at school at 12pm today, and surprisingly that made my day. Okay la maybe because it's a good hair day too. HAHA. And, I haven't received a single email from any of the frequent spamming departments. For a Monday, I think this is rare. Maybe all the admins are busy clearing email backlogs from over the weekend. Or maybe I really succeeded in my solo quest of trying to get them to unsubscribe me. Whatever it is, it's a good Monday.

And, last night I was at airport with a few of the young ones meeting Jolene (and Joe Yong) from their return from Shanghai! This fully makes up for not being there when she first left 6 months ago, and it's good to see the mentee again after she ran away.

Okay that's it, printing readings that are more than 2 weeks old.

2012-03-03T03:30:00.000+08:00

Not in the best frame of mind because of severe lack of sleep. Submitted a 1000-word review last night (or should I say morning) at 6am, and I'm reeling from the repercussions of pulling an all-nighter. Okay technically no la because I still managed to get some sleep in the end. It's my first assignment submission for this term, which is quite rare because it's more than midway through the term already. Haha a 1000-word is a no brainer for a wordy nag like me, I have no problems meeting the word limit.

Anyway speaking about numbers, I've just hit my 8,888th tweet on Twitter today! To celebrate, I've invited the first three respondents to take a picture of themselves with the number 8888, and just for participation alone they'll get a free drink! I'm too lazy to compile the photos that I've received here, but they were hilarious and ingenious, thanks to Shi Hui and Lynn and Amelia for indulging my crazy gimmick! I kinda figured that I need to do giveaways like these more often, because it makes people happy and it gives me a chance to spend money too! As it is now I have an idea for the 10,000th tweet and can't wait for my tweet count to reach there asap! At the rate I'm going it will probably take another two months haha.

Okay bed I need.

2012-02-27T04:47:00.000+08:00

I think whenever it's my turn to take the Sec 1 and 2 Sunday classes, I tend to go wild on the topics because first thing is that I'm not bound by what we are doing on Friday youth services, and second thing is that the other adult auntie uncle teachers don't really sit in much so that means the discussions get way more crazy. So last week was honouring your parents, and it was pretty much the best setting to air your dirtiest laundry about our parents. I love my parents a lot, and I'm sure all the youths do too, but every teen I know has just about something to say about the irritating things that their parents do that bugs them. And everything was just "mum keeps nagging" or "dad keeps scolding", with a strict confidentiality clause that we won't go telling on each other's parents after that haha, but was good in the end to tie it up with honouring and respecting them.

Today's even more wacko, because we finished last week's topic already, so I did something that I really wanted to address for a long time. We were talking about swearing and vulgarities, and I think it was probably the only time they didn't have to watch their language and we could be a bit liberal with the f- and s-words haha. There was this long list of words that we all deem are not so appropriate at certain settings, and I've got all the usual swear words up there (with the Hokkien varieties), but then Rebecca, bless her, came up with "meow" and "gee mama" as her worst swear/cuss words ever. Hahahaha okay next time I am tempted to curse in exclamation, I'm so gonna just meow out loud to myself, and it's going to be so ridiculous that the intention of it all is all lost, haha precisely the point.

And, the triumph of it all. Because I missed sermon since I was at class, and for some reason everyone I met after service kept referring to what was preached during service which I have no clue about, frustrating max! I managed to obtain the sermon notes which my corps officer left behind on the pulpit, I'm assuming they don't really need it anymore because they kept their Bibles but didn't bring along the notes, for the past few weeks too. I'm like vociferously going through it to update myself, and it's great their notes are actual essay speech too. And most of the time I come across Col. Bob's notes too, if he's preaching, because he leaves a copy in the control room for the slides projection, and his notes are great too as it's all full sentences. Would be very different if it were my own notes; it will all be one-word point form. Hahaha fastest way to recap sermons, just keep the notes they leave behind.

2012-02-22T02:18:00.001+08:00

This is an effort to put more pictorial stuff into my blog rather than just chunks of words. Wanna share something that has been really baffling to me, cos recently I've been seeing these posters around at bus stops and MRT stations quite a bit. So the WWF tells me to save the chilli crab, but then they show me a picture of a shark??? And if you read the fine print it does not really elucidate the connection any further too! What has crabs got to do with sharks? Okay yeah sharks are the top predators of the food chain, and I can infer mostly that this probably has to do with the "no shark's fin" movement, but that doesn't license you to just put chilli crabs up there with sharks!!

And then there's that last bit which says "You can help by texting 'shark' to 98889992 or pledging 'No to shark fin' at wwf.sg", so I decided to text and see what happens, like maybe they will send me more info or something, but nope nothing. Actually this was what I really did... (I waited 15 mins okay!)

Conclusion, this whole thing just does not make sense. My friend thinks that maybe sharks and crabs mate together or something. I hope that's not true.

2012-02-21T03:00:00.000+08:00

Currently on a crusade trying to weed out unwanted emails from all my email accounts. It didn't really bother me previously until in recent months, mostly because my emails are pushed to the iPhone, and it becomes really annoying when I have buzzers and alerts for each of these junk emails which I just delete without hesitation. The biggest culprit is the NUS school emails! They give me notifiers from all sorts of departments unrelated to me and my course of study! There's mailers on economic decision surveys, reminders for me to observe traffic rules, invitation to lectures on philosophy and psychology and science discoveries, free workshops, they even tell me when the provost blogs his latest entry! It won't be so bad if my own geog or lit department spams me, because at least that is my immediate department. But why are other departments abusing the "all students" email group?? And who in the world is the provost and why must I read his blog??

And I have been emailing all of them with vituperation telling them to unsubscribe me from their notifiers. Of course in all likelihood they cannot do that, I'm sure they can't just delete me from the "all students" group. But it's worth a shot I think, and lets me vent my frustrations at unknown office admin personnel who thinks that everyone in NUS is interested in their activities. I think they have their own department websites and notice boards and pamphlets for all of these notifiers already, there's no need to further promulgate it through email.

The Gmail account is much simpler, I just need to unsubscribe and usually it's a simple process. And I have to say, Gmail spam detection and group labeling is a lifesaver. I don't have to sieve through unwanted spam at all. Ugh okay angsty.

2012-02-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

I've decided at the beginning of this year that I shall place more emphasis on birthdays this year! I think for the past two years I have routinely ignored everyone's birthdays, and I no longer spend the time and money to write people birthday cards and presents. Well, unless there is a huge group of people sharing for someone's particular present, or something equivalent. But I compensate for it by writing lengthy Christmas cards and spending more on gifts during year-end. And traditionally I have always went by the policy of "cell groups first", so those in my cell group I am more willing to splurge more on presents and go entirely verbose on their cards! Haha so for this year I will take more effort to remember people's birthdays, and I will actually bother to type out that short Facebook shout-out (cos usually I do not).

And for the more observant people around me, yes I am trying to get back into the habit of wearing a watch more frequently to be more socially adherent to being on time! The last time I actually wore a watch every day I'm out was when I was in primary school. I think my mum forced me to, but I stopped wearing because I hated the feeling of things trapped/wrapped around my wrists. This wrist entrapment is good because it is so annoying that I keep fidgeting with it so much, and in the process I check the time a lot more often than usual. Still hate the feeling of it on my wrists. And kudos to the very observant friends that I have.

2012-02-14T03:06:00.000+08:00

This is slightly overdue, but on Sunday I was down at Dunlop Street and Haji Lane with Charmaine, with the purpose of checking out this small ukulele shop. She wanted to get one, and I heard of this shop before and wanted to see if I can take my ukulele interest anywhere further. Have to confess that the only times I actually visit that area is during cultural excursions, and from the looks of it I will definitely go back again, with the film camera this time and explore all the indie shops. And it was great catching up with her too, small trivia goes that she was in my cell years and years ago. Yes I am that old, and been cell leader for too many cells. Old =(

In the midst of preparing for a presentation tomorrow morning. The group members and I discovered a new place to eat in school! One of them suggested to go to the University Cultural Centre for the meeting, and then out of nowhere there was this Alcove Asian restaurant which wasn't too bad. New place for lunch in school.

Finally received letter from Priya again, I think the letter got lost for three months because the translated copy was addressed to a Miss Siew! But Priya's original letter had my name on it, and I have no idea how the error happened haha. But as always, each time I receive a letter from her I am instantly reminded of Bangladesh. Wanna go again, but don't fancy the hot weather so much haha.

2012-02-11T05:27:00.000+08:00

I'm bowing to intense pressure for me to reduce the number of words for each entry in this blog. Everyone tells me one big chunk of words isn't appealing to read, so from now on (until I get sick of it) I will try to be more succinct, cut to the chase, and paragraph more. Hahaha I like many many words, and I always think words are free-of-charge for you to express yourself, so might as well use as much of the inherited language as possible. Until I write an actual book, I think that this blog is my verbal diarrhea of everything and anything, so hooray to words galore. Honestly I don't care if most people just go TL; DR. But apparently not the same vision for everyone, and already as it is I am using too many words to write this. Okay, shorter posts, I will strive for.

Today I had lunch with two girls from one of my literature class, and it's like a collision of planets because I have totally no idea what really goes on in the lit department. They are updating me about scandals and juicy news about profs and students and whatnot, really interesting because I'm in my geog nut most of the time. All my lit classes fall on Thursdays and Fridays this term, and it's great that I actually have company in the lectures now, after being alone for all my past lit classes that I can remember.

This self-imposed word limit is an agony. Is this short enough?!!

2012-02-09T01:12:00.000+08:00

Three times this week my phone ran out of battery before I can get to a power socket to charge it. And when my phone is dead, I realised immediately how vulnerable and how inadequate I get. Haha yes I am using one of those smartphones which can do everything from messaging and emailing, to getting on Twitter/Facebook/Foursquare, to playing a tonne of games, to reading news, to checking bus arrival times, to endless scrolling on 9gag.com (the latest app addition, and in a way, addiction)... So many things that I do each day with my phone that when the batt goes flat, I am instantly put to halt every single one of these things. Maybe I should go get one of those portable chargers so that I have a back-up power. But in a sense it kinda forces the involuntary caveman out of me, because only then do I pay more attention to my surroundings rather than on my phone. I'm so used to endless scrolling of tweets/news/whatever else while travelling on the go, and when the said phone is out, I take out a book and read instead. Should try leaving my phone charger at home more often, and when the phone batt is flat means that it is flat. Which means I should conserve.

And I thank all the creators of Wikipedia this week, because of their indispensable repository of knowledge that is superbly adequate and an excellent starter for research. The moment the professor says "actor-network theory" or "cartesian dualism" or "Falkland island", I am instantly looking at the Wiki definition and I am capisce in three minutes. Honestly, I don't understand why universities and all education institutes worldwide can't learn to embrace availability of knowledge like this. Sure I know, it is not infallible truth and it is amateurish and it is not corroborated by leading experts worldwide, but surely they can all get together on Wikipedia and turn it into something that is layman and professional at the same time? What if all the professors in the world stop writing research papers and scholarly journal articles for a month, and spend time improving Wikipedia instead. Three-quarters of the stuff they write gets into expensive journals that cost a bomb for an individual subscription, and is never going to be readily accessible for the mass public.

Which goes without saying, that I am checking up what Wiki has to say on my phone. I can never check the academic journals as easily as Wiki is so accessible and easy to grasp. Knowledge needs to be shared and spread, not hoarded up and protected by a million by-laws in the guise of intellectual rights.

2012-02-05T02:28:00.000+08:00

I've kinda always held the view that Gong Cha is better than KOI, mainly for the selection of flavours available at Gong Cha. They're more palatable to me. But in mitigation I've gotta admit that the number of times that I've drank from KOI were far and few, mostly because Gong Cha is just as readily available haha. So it was with an extremely skeptical take when I purchased my second or third cup of KOI ever in my life? I was helping Celine get her KOI fix, and you should know too that both Celine and Si Xuan swear by KOI's green tea macchiato as the nicest drink you can get from there. And obviously I have not got so much as a taste or a whiff of it before. I don't even know what's a macchiato haha isn't that one of the espresso-coffee variants? Why is there green tea involved?!

Anyway, I got one for Celine and decided to try one for myself too. Okay it's like creamy milk with green tea taste I think, it's a weird mix but I guess it worked for them because you get a little bit of both worlds. But what really amazed me was that you need an instruction manual to learn how to drink it properly! My instruction manual this time is of course Celine. Instead of the usual bubble tea straws that you poke into the cup to get to the drink, to really appreciate the green tea mac you can't use a straw! They gave me these little plastic blades to slit a tiny opening, and you sip it like that. Definitely weird haha! According to Celine there are pictorial instructions at the store, but I didn't notice it. And I even stupidly went to get those straws cos I thought they forgot to give me! Turns out nope, the plastic blade is all you need.

But nope I'm still not a convert yet, I think I still prefer my Gong Cha haha. The milky flavours there are definitely more full-bodied and stronger, compared to the delicate green tea. Give me the in-your-face stuff more frequently. Hahaha my ramblings for today.

2012-02-03T01:10:00.000+08:00

A month and two or three days into the new year, and already I've made one of the biggest decisions in my undergraduate life at NUS. Finally decided to drop one of the Geog modules that I've sat in for about four weeks so far. It's a big decision because that would mean that I'm only taking four modules this semester, which means that next academic year I have to take one more module to replace this one. Usually people do five a semester so that it evens out. And what led to the decision to drop? I feel like I am literally rotting in class. The subject is environment sustainability, but so far the lectures that I've sat through has not even fully tackled the subject head on! Instead the prof is making us do assignments like "what is learning to you" and then making us sit through some career talk. Oh cmon please if I really want to know "what is learning to me" I would have gone for a primary school civics class, I wouldn't wait till university to find out.

And the strongest hindrances for me not to drop it were because there isn't much else that I can take in the Geog department! Everything I want to study I've already studied. Not to mention the additional one module for next term, when I can just fully focus on my honours modules. Moreover the group project members have already been allocated! Which meant that me dropping the module now probably put them in a huge fix because they now have to wait for the prof to assign them into new groups or something. Kinda feel bad, but nah my friend's right, I wouldn't stop complaining about the module until I actually drop it. By the way this was a huge impulse decision, I bumped into a friend that I met while I was in army, and then after listening to me for 2 minutes he made up my mind for me and basically dropped the module for me via the computer. Right on, that's what friends are for haha. This ranks just as high when I was deciding between English Language minor or English Studies or English Literature.

Anyway, with that over, wanna document this. I was one of the unwitting victims of an orientation group's truth or dare target. So I was sitting in the train with this huge group of young JC students who were obviously out on their OG outing, when all of a sudden one of the girls from the group suddenly came to sit beside me and started asking me do I know the importance of recycling. HAHAHA the greatest irony of it all. I told her I was Green Link president when I was in JC and I used to give hour-long talks on that subject alone. But it was cool, her OGL took a photo for us and they got off the station before me. Hahaha this is the kind of dares that I would give to people, had I been the cell leader or OGL! My JC orientation was like 6 or 7 years ago, but I know I've got the chops and I rah-rah enough to be the most shameless OGL ever. *CONFIDENT SHRUG AND SWAGGER*.

Okay kidding, I'm getting too old for these. I hope I looked good in that picture.

2012-01-31T01:16:00.000+08:00

I wanted to blog about last weekend much earlier than this, but haven't really got the time and the stillness to sit down and really do this. Anyway last Friday I was at the National Museum of Singapore for the Dreams & Reality art gallery exhibition! It was sort of a mandatory visit because I am taking this module about visual culture and this is like a field trip out into the artistic-literary wilderness. The art pieces are all from the Musee D'orsay, which I've been before the last time David and Yurong and I were up in Paris! But to be entirely truthful, I don't remember much of the art that we saw there, only the really major ones haha. I think we visited too many museums and it was art saturation and millions of dollars of art zooming above my head without me really being able to appreciate it. But anyway, back to the Singapore exhibit, at least this time round I was able to understand it more cohesively, mainly because there was a guided tour and then we had some pre-readings.

And consequently got to know school friends better! I think I've always felt very two-bit in my literature classes, even though that is my minor. At least in my geog modules I've done projects with quite a fair bit of people, so we know each other and see each other all the time in common classes. But for the lit modules, a lot of it is individual essays, and I feel like all the lit majors think I'm some geographical misfit haha! Heh but I actually hung out the entire Friday afternoon with Shiyun, who is more than an acquaintance now because I know her dad and have been to her house before (not to visit her) haha which really brings the world to a small oyster.

Led worship on Sunday. One of the few and rare times I got on stage, and will get on stage this year. Thankful for each opportunity to serve and be part of it. I think I am actually doing it with a much bigger sense and a more acute awareness of God now, which is really ironic because I was definitely putting more hours in the worship team last time. Which reminds me, I have one coming up again this Friday.

2012-01-23T04:49:00.000+08:00

The angry rant for tonight is about eateries who serve Lipton Tea. I like coffee very much, from those kopitiam ones to espresso-based ones and all, but sometimes I want an alternative and I turn to tea instead. And most places I've been to price a cup of tea at about $2++, which is okay with me largely, until I see that ubiquitous yellow label teabag. It is a huge ripoff really!! It is one teabag in a cup of hot water that does not take anything to prepare, unlike coffee where you actually need to do some work getting the milk in or whatever. Not to mention coffee beans are probably more expensive. Do you know for $2++ you can go to NTUC Fairprice and get a box of Lipton Tea with 25 teabags in it? And in the spirit of up-selling, a box of 100 teabags is about $5++, which is even more value for money.

So you need to understand the uproar that is going on here. Assuming I am an astute businessman and I get the 100 box at $5, and I price each cup of tea at $2.50, I will be making 4900% profit! Okay that is not taking into consideration rental costs and maintenance and utilities and everything else. But I think even when these add up the profit margin will still be outrageous, which is why I think I can just sit here and sell Lipton Tea by my window and make a killing. All I need to do is throw the teabag into hot water, $2 each, you're paying for the hot water and for the cup. I will be nasty and stingy, so additional $1 if you want sugar and creamer.

I mean, cmon, you wanna sell tea, at least give me more up-market alternative brands! Actually all teabag teas are not much different in price, but at least give me Boh or Dilmah or Twinings or something else, to get rid of that Lipton banal tripe. Nothing against Lipton, I drink Lipton at home sometimes too, but I am thinking that if you are at least some cafe priding yourself with tropical coffee beans imported locally, then at least go import some out-of-this-world teabag and dump it into your hot water. Heck, if you sell it at $4 I would still pay for it if I have never heard of that brand before! It's the business psychology thingy, but not a chance when you're selling Lipton. I might as well flask my own hot water from home and then put a teabag into a small container and drink when I want to anywhere.

Actually if I were to be fastidious about this, I'm sure it will eventually apply for all other things, from fried hokkien mee to everything I eat. Or items I buy. But teabag!!! In hot water!!! No effort to prepare it. No need for a doctorate degree to learn how to make teabag tea. Furious.

2012-01-22T02:10:00.000+08:00

So the main thing that became the highlight of last Friday's cell group was some of the young ones discovering for the first time what the word "sodomy" entails! I blame David fully for this hahaha! We are in the midst of a Bible study on Genesis now, and David mentioned how the city Sodom eventually contributed to formation of the word sodomy. Now of course the older ones would know what that means, but the difficult part was trying to quell the young ones' curiosity because the more you tell them not to Google it, the more their curiosity is piqued and are dying to know! And when Federic eventually found out he wouldn't let me hear the end of it. The whole night was just laughter hahaha all the time and he kept wondering (although I am wondering if he is even wondering) why Lot wanted to choose to head towards the city of Sodom! How do you handle situations like this?! Hahaha I really didn't have the heart to tell him how Lot's life will eventually get a lot more juicier after the destruction of Sodom!

Okay that aside, I am really enjoying all the Saturday mornings at Serangoon Gardens teaching guitar to a few young children. I genuinely feel as though each Saturday is like the descent into the French quarter! Getting a glimpse of what French expatriate families do in Singapore on weekends. And I officially declare that it is no longer a guitar tuition class anymore! That's because I think I am actually enjoying myself much more than the little ones that I am teaching! I've been covering songs from Michael Jackson to Bob Marley to Taylor Swift, and I feel as though me playing these songs are so cathartic for me and I can no longer pretend that I am detached from whatever music I might be teaching. Really enjoy the sessions with all my students, in part due to the great songs/music that we play hahaha.

Chinese New Year is coming! Dad is back from the Philippines for a week or so. But anyway CNY has never been crazy bustling and travelling for me, because we don't do much visiting and I don't think a lot of people visit us too. Have not been surviving very well on irregular sleep, some nights I sleep like 10~12 hours and other nights 3~4 are sufficient. And don't think that this is very beneficial for me, but I'm trying to impose some sense of order into my sleep patterns.

2012-01-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

Plunging into the deep pool-end of the second week of school now, and I can't wait for the summer holidays, which won't really begin till May, and I might as well just sit here and cry because school just barely started and already I am dreading the days I have to go to school! Haha I totally understand it now when the secondary school people start whinging and whining about how they love the holidays so much and they don't want school to start. Quite evidently, I have no idea how I even pulled through so many years of primary and secondary and JC education myself. Not much recollection of those times heh.

And I've got my full timetable, earliest days are Tuesdays 9am, which I foresee a lot of problems trying to wake up for that class! Nope, the problem is not to be on time for it, it is to WAKE UP for it. I think I might just conveniently sleep through it and waking up much later like 10 or 11am and realising that the lesson is already half over. But I shall be optimistic and sleep early on Monday nights (which I am not doing now hahahaha) and be a good student. And apart from that, the other trivia is that I am taking my third module under Dr Gilbert Yeoh, which is even more than my Geography profs haha because Geog is so much more diverse and they have more teachers for everything else. But I am thankful that I chose Literature as my minor, because I get to read fiction books in an actual school term, and I have a legit "excuse" to read books. Although this is a huge price because finishing 5-7 novels in four months have never been possible for me and it's no wonder that I have never ever completed the full reading list for all my Lit modules. There's usually some room to skip one or two novels haha.

Okay that said, I am trying my best to clock some mileage for the second half-marathon of my life. Registered for Sundown marathon last week and I am determined to improve my 3h11m time!

2012-01-13T03:36:00.000+08:00

Yes school has started, and for most parts of it I am still in my own dreamland haha I am trying to give myself a bit of buffer between holidays and the start of school. But obviously that is not theoretically possible without incurring some form of academic debt. Already I am ankle-deep in readings and assignments, and if I do not snap out of holiday mood soon enough, I will be spending the rest of the weeks sleepless again and playing catch-up while at the same time trying to complete every single assignment on time.

Have been running as many errands as I could too, for now that is. There were one or two parcels to send, and things to buy, and so many things to do and to settle before the term gets properly underway and then I will have no time to devote attention to it anymore. Time time time. This is all about time management. Perhaps one of the more alarming things I've done all week is squander away all my free time in school eating and sleeping and lazing around. Haha and this is quite substantial, considering I've had various 2-hour breaks and a 4-hour one today. But on another note, I've managed to sell away most of my old textbooks and notes! Young entrepreneur award for me.

2012-01-08T02:56:00.000+08:00

Kinda realized just that I have been travelling quite a fair bit all over Singapore in the past week, rather tired of going out of house all the time almost everyday but holidays are ending! Quite glad for the chance to get out and do something for the remnants of the holidays, wished that it was longer but of course it will not be. And I have gotten all the modules that I want for this semester, it is going to be crazy and mad hectic. Whoever I meet, please nag at me to study and finish all my readings and assignments on time! Am doing two modules with no exams, which means that the continual assessments are my only shot at the two modules. And I do aim to score well this semester! Have no idea how it will be done, what with my constant distractions from studying (which I gladly indulge in haha).

But anyway, I'm happy for the many rests and breaks that I have, or at least I think I've had. Like SAY service last night I was vaguely scheduled to play/sing, but I was helping out with sound only and it is refreshing, because I'm usually on the stage for such occasions. It's a reminder to myself that I'm old and I need to let it go and give it to others. Heh probably the greatest satisfaction I get is people claiming how good the guitar/vocalist/whoever/whatever sounds, because I am indirectly part of the final sound output and I channel the compliment indirectly to myself. Hahaha but yeah I think I wanna go for courses on sound, have been doing rentals for a while now, but never was formally trained, and even though it kinda sounds good to me, I want to at least be doing the right professional things.

And I'm continuing the meet-up with friends thingy, was out with a large group of people just now because Amelia is flying off to Sweden for studies exchange, and in the process Tammy is going back too. It's a proper catch-up with Tammy because she vaporized from my life and then distance and absence means kaput, so I seriously have no idea what is going on in her life now and she doesn't with mine too.

Last thing before I call it a night. I am finished with the entire Twilight series, book 1 to book 4! Very big thank you to Si Xuan for lending me all the books and for motivating me to finish reading it. For the literature student in me I think the writing is soooo tween and I cannot handle such laconic simplicity in diction and practically no stylistic features at all, especially after I did Charles Dickens and Emily Bronte and many others last year. It's like huge declining drop haha. But okay the story is very exciting! AND AND AND. Given that I am not some hot-blooded girl into romance genre, I think I did pretty well heh the book is totally for teenage girls. To be honest I'm reading it so that it gives me a fragment of something tangible in that aspect to connect with girls that age, but not that Si Xuan is that kind she is weirded out that the characters have *** hahaha. But I think I need this exposure, mightily glad that I made it through even though I really rolled my eyes so many times in the process.

2012-01-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

So far the new year has not been heralded with much fanfare, there were no fireworks and no wheezing sparklers and no confetti. Rather, it's been rather lazy and laid-back, I am trying to read a lot of articles on the internet and read some books here and there and a lot of magazines. And I did have the opportunity to meet up with friends that I have not seen in a while! And in the process exploring new cafes that are quaint and homely and great places to chill. Yesterday was with Khairul, because he is flying to Paris next week for about 4 months and I had to pass him some of the guide books that I inherited from my last trip there. And he suggested Loysel's somewhere in Kallang, have never been there before but the coffee is great! Today was with Linus, whom I have to be dreadfully honest and declare that this is the first time I am meeting him in like 5 years I think, and prior to the meeting I thought he was going to try and sell me insurance or some MLM scheme, because he asked me out first! But nope, great catch-up at Group Therapy (on Dora's recommendation because she works there but wasn't in today), we couldn't run out of topics to talk about, and I am really glad that I took the efforts to travel out to meet him. Usually I would kinda just decline or claim that I'm busy, because I am not the best catch-up conversationalist, but I shall endeavour to try more and ask more long-time-no-see friends out. And yup it's been quite a while since my blog posts are only one paragraph long, although it is a rather long paragraph. So it ends right here.

2012-01-02T01:14:00.000+08:00

In the vein of thought for the annual end-of-year writing as I reflect for the past year! Usually I try to churn this out before the year ends, but kinda left it a wee bit late this year and I am writing this on the first day of the new year 2012! Okay second day, because it is past midnight now and I have to observe the temporal technicalities. In any case, this year-end weekend has been the busiest by far of all the years, because I took on Friday service and Saturday watchnite service concurrently, and then somewhere in between there was a wedding rental, and the traditional stayover in church culminated with the tallest order possible: to stay awake throughout Sunday service the next day! The calendar for this year-end and year-beginning is not really in favour of church services haha because New Year is on Sunday and that means watchnite is curtailed. But youth watchnite went ahead!

And I am so mightily glad that everything went well this weekend and that I am really really sane and energetic in the times that I need to be energetic! In debt to the worship teams and to the leaders who assisted me. And somehow I think we should just do our own youth watchnites from now on haha, or just convert one Friday into watchnite testimonies, because the amount of thanksgiving and praises is really staggering. Really uplifting and encouraging to hear of all the good things and how God is always in the business of transforming people's lives and growing them for his sake.

And I've already compartmentalized it nicely into home and church, and rewriting it here even though I've already shared my testimony haha, this is for future years' references and also to reflect somemore! First category is home, which I have to say is a complete upheaval this year because of all the changes and activity. Most immediate and most recent is the house renovation! We decided to renovate the kitchen and toilets and then repaint the whole house and get new furniture about three months ago, and after spending time in a rented apartment and then having to endure all the shifting and packing and repacking, I am really glad that it is all dust-free now and I shifted my bed into the study room. And unpacking was the most annoying because they kinda just threw all my stuff into many boxes and I didn't know what was where and I never knew I had this many unnecessary things lying around. I'm going to be as zen as I can from now on and not hoard unnecessary things!

Biggest change to the family is that dad decided to quit his Sentosa job of many years and relocate to the Philippines to work there permanently. I can't quite imagine the amount of thought and deliberation that he probably went through to come to this decision, but just want to thank God that everything worked fine. It really forces me to appreciate my family even more, and with all the floods and storms and typhoons to the Philippines past few months, it really is a blessing my dad is safe and generally not so affected. My dad is officially now a trans-migrant worker, haha which is really weird because I study about it in geography in school and I never thought now that my family will one day fall trap into the migration patterns due to my dad's work and all. We sometimes do migration topics in our geog modules, and I sort of better understand now the strains of maintaining a long-distance relationship. The funniest was when my sister and my mum went overseas too, which meant I was home alone and four of us were in three different locations in the world and we were Facetiming each other at different times. Truly transnational haha.

On the church front, I am still doing what I am doing with the Sec 1 and 2s, which to me is still as much a rewarding process as it was when I first started. Cannot really believe that it is my fourth year now, and quite literally watching some of the first few people whom I first took on now graduated from secondary school and no longer quite the same as when I first knew them. Haha and this year is significant, because it was the start of new cell groups! Previously it really felt like it was just adding on and on, each year bringing more people and then they all burgeon and nobody ever really leaves. This year was one where I could start everything fresh, and with Tim and Meng Ren coming along, with Jolene, all of whom have been beyond wonderful and beyond amazing. Owe it all to them, and I really would not have achieved anything without their help. Cell group is always something that I treasure above my other ministries in church, and I am really glad for all the opportunities to minister to them and be their friend. Amazed at how God has placed me headlong into this, and really thankful that it is making a difference! I can quite literally go at length for each cell member and how it is such a honour and a privilege to be a part of their lives, and it is a different story for each one of them and mere words can't quite do it justice.

Once again grateful for the many other opportunities to serve in other areas too, like sharing short messages or mini-sermons, Gracehaven, worship leading, camps, logistics... List can go on quite endlessly but I believe the work is never completed, and that is why there is always work and more work, too many things to do before Christ comes again haha. In particular, for my Malaysian trips this year, which is not my first time but is still just as strong a conviction that Salvation Army is really doing something right. The children homes in Malaysia is really very different from Gracehaven in Singapore, and each time I meet those friends that I've made over the years, I am astounded by their faith and their unwavering passion. I've got more people I know from different parts of Malaysia now, haha can't wait for the next opportunity to go up and catch up with them again. Thank God for the anointing too each time I take to the stage for worship leading, or to preach, and am eternally grateful for the chance to lead each time. And thank God too for new gifts, for developing me so suddenly in the aspect of mercy seat ministering, and also for my first forays into Sunday School and children's ministry!

All in all 2011 has been a really blessed year, and I think this post has been long enough, and I am sleepy enough too. Need to get enough rest to recuperate from the after-effects of staying over at church. Okay this is as abrupt as it can be, but I need sleep and I need it now.

2011-12-31T02:26:00.000+08:00

A snap decision and a really foolhardy endeavour led me to take care of all aspects of the youth service tonight! From leading worship to sharing message and the prayer sessions and everything. Usually I try to do just one thing and not take up any other things, because it has usually been disastrous past few attempts because I cannot sustain that level of energy to focus on more than one major thing haha. But tonight was good, so thankful that I pulled through everything without muddling anything up and that I was still coherent and sane enough towards the end! Thankful for as many as three different lozenges from different sources that helped my throat, grateful for the encouragements, and so eternally in debt to the wonderful worship team that made all the difficult songs sound easy on one seamless try.

Right before today's service, there was a 2-day worship ministry retreat which just about took out all the energy from everyone, which made tonight's service an even more herculean effort for everyone involved. According to Cheryl it's the first time we've ever had a retreat on this scale where there are group practices and instrument sectionals and Bible studies for a full two days. But what strikes me more is how the next-generation band is so compelling and so skilled! Remarkably, a lot of them are still beginners and still undergoing lessons, and it is really amazing to listen to them put together a song decently. And I think I've officially reached my sell-by date in youth worship team haha, everything is taken care of by the younger leaders and I am only hanging around at the retreat because I'm trying to find something to do, like oven-heat pizzas for lunch and praying for them and guiding guitars when they're probably more capable than they think they are.

All in all, past week has been absolutely great, and really thankful for all the opportunities to reach out and make a difference somewhere.

2011-12-27T04:05:00.000+08:00

So Christmas came and left, and this time it was right smack in the weekends! Which meant that there were more engagements, more parties to attend, more stuff to do. Haha I speak as if I was planning a tonne of activities for Christmas, but nope! This Christmas was really just relax and enjoy and attend and soak in all the peace and joy. Partly because I was having reservist right up to Christmas, which meant that I eschewed away from a lot of things haha. And really, this weekend has been one of the better Christmases that I remember of, maybe I need to do this more often heh take more breaks. There's caroling this year, we went down to Beo Crescent one-room flats to sing and deliver food parcels to them, which is always easily one of the more meaningful things to do for me because it really is getting down and dirty to the ground. It is one thing to go visit all the families I know from church and sing carols at their gatherings, but I can't think of any other more purposeful reason than to bring Christmas into people less fortunate than us. Haha and there were parties and gatherings here and there, which kinda completed the many activities over Christmas.

But one thing kinda remains the same every year, I think. After Christmas service in the morning, we have the usual gift exchanges flurry and everyone goes around being Santa and receiving presents from another Santa at the same time. And after all that has been completed, we always always always struggle to find things to do! Going home seemed quite inappropriate given that it's Christmas, but going out to hang out runs out of ideas after a while because there quite simply isn't anything much to do haha. One of the great mysteries of Christmas afternoon, that it is always so bleh.

I have a few days before I need to start bidding for my modules for next year's new semester, and I'm making the most of it by going out and trying to do as many things I can in the mean time before I'm trapped by the school cycle again, really not looking forward to readings and assignments and essays and presentations again! Feeling as if the holidays weren't long enough, and rightly so because there was reservist. Haha oh well will make do!

2011-12-21T02:10:00.000+08:00

So the sudden random activity for the night is to head down all the way to Changi airport to welcome the return of Joelynn, whose birthday also happened to be today! She was away in Thailand for a church mission trip, and a group of us decided to surprise her with an unexpected audience at the arrival gates and sing happy birthday for her. Then somehow along the way, we discovered that Meng Ren and his family was arriving back from Turkey tonight too! He told me he will only be back on the 23rd but it obviously turned out much earlier. And both the flights were like about 15 minutes apart from each other, and a few gates in between. Which meant that it was absolutely convenient for us to hop over from one arrival gate to another in a flash.

Other news include the many breaking-downs of the MRT system! I have not been affected much perfectly, but I do notice that it does take slightly longer travelling times due to the slow speed. More importantly, I am very upset at the way SMRT handles the whole debacle! You can't just "sorry" after everything has already happened, and then advising people to take alternative transport has got to be the most ludicrous joke. So we are all to find rocket boosters, or we need to grow wings, or we need to travel on horses and cows. Their PR skills are really very very poor, and don't see how this justifies the fare increases we always have to pay.

Okay, time to get to bed.

2011-12-12T01:25:00.001+08:00

I think I'm getting really rusty with worship leading haha. Okay this morning may not be the best example to quote because there were simply too many songs! The brass band is away in Myanmar, God bless them im their ministry whatever they are doing right now, think they are comig back tomorrow. And I honestly cannot remember when was the last time I led worship on Sunday morning! So nervous and incoherent and then I don't know what to play on lead guitar either. Inexperienced hahaha.

Anyway, updates on my life include my attempts to try to read the Twilight series! I'm currently on the first book, the writing isn't exactly the most readable to me hahaha it might be more appealing to a young teenage girl, but I'm forcing myself to plough it through for the sake of connecting with girls at that young teenage age! It's sappy romantic and vampires and werewolves. Hmmmmmm.

2011-12-09T01:15:00.000+08:00

The week came and went so quickly, that I barely had time to register what was happening all the time! And it's a good week, because I managed to complete like 90% of my Christmas shopping and cards and presents. I'm opting to go mass gifts this year for everyone except cell group, whom I always feel more at liberty to spend more for their presents because they are my cell group after all! And managed to get out for a cell outing with them yesterday, we were cycling at East Coast and then came back to church for movies. Today was lunch with the mentees and then Starbucks kettling, which I kinda think was one of the best experiences for this Christmas! Not saying that I had nasty encounters previous years, but we did at Citylink mall and the Starbucks staff were super nice and friendly to work with. Yes I am spending a lot of time with Tyrus and Si Xuan this week haha they are like here almost every week somewhere in my life.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a two-week reservist stint, will still get to come out quite a bit I think, but can't help but think how reluctant I am to go because it is taking up my holidays time haha.

Okay gotta get to bed!

2011-12-04T22:50:00.001+08:00

This is the first blog post typed on iPad! My mum just got a new one and I've been fiddling with it for the past week, haha feels no different from an iPhone except that it's ostensibly much bigger. Anyway, Kids Games is finally over! And I have to say that I have quite a deeper appreciation of what children's ministry is like now. So apart from the first day which was kinda disastrous because I was like some fish out of water, the subsequent two days were much much better because over time you sort of know how to manage each of them and the things that make them excited or will frustrate them. Happy for a new experience and a new way of approaching ministry! Now I tell my cell group about all the horror stories of the children misbehaving and I threaten them "don't be like Kids Games!" hahaha not the best approach but considering that my cell is just one or two years after Sunday School, it kinda works hahaha.

So it being children's ministry, they have a points system for each group which they constantly use to motivate all of them. I am mildly amused whenever one of the teachers award like 2000 points each for all groups, because it kinda seems senseless to me as everyone will just be on the same level! Then might as well don't give if there's no inequality right. Hahaha but each time they earn points, they cheer like crazy, even if all groups get the same points. And all the denominations are huge and inflated, haha I don't even think they understand how much a thousand is, they just like to feel great that they have so many points. And one thing I really wish the same for youth ministry is the level of enthusiasm that all the children have towards games! The games team announces that we are going to play captain's ball, and all of them just yayyyy! It's never like this in youth.

Anyway enough of that, happy for the new friends made (although they very young) and had lots of fun, although I'm left really tired. So it was with quite a lot of trepidation that my lack of sleep this past week will end up affecting me today! Today was the Standard Chartered marathon, I did the half marathon instead of running the full. Quite an experience, because I have never ran anything more than 12km or 13km in my life. Even when I was in army, I missed both years of the Army Half Marathon because of guard duty both years! But anyway it was a great personal achievement, glad I finished even though I was walking most of it haha and I finished in three hours. It can be something that I will consider doing again! But for now my legs are absolutely aching and I am super sleepy. They said there will be energy gels and bananas, but apparently the half-marathon is second-rate to the full, because I didn't see any gels or bananas at all. And we only got our 100 plus after the 12km water point, whereas the full marathon had it at EVERY water point. Bah still a great experience nonetheless, didn't really train for this but ahhh I did it!

2011-12-02T06:46:00.000+08:00

Oh my it's 6am now and I just woke up out of nowhere, I have at least another hour of sleep to grab before I need to get up and prepare for Kids Games, but shall document this blog post first heh. My thoughts could do with this mulling in blogosphere haha. So yesterday's first foray into children's ministry was not the best of the best experiences. I've done some stuff with my Sunday School before, but now thinking back, I realized that those activities were mostly stuck at the upper primary levels. We've had those adopt-a-kid thingy at JC where we bring little ones all around the school, but it's just not the same when it comes to church ministry. And the reason why I thought I had such a difficult time yesterday was because I really really don't know what to do with so many 6-year-olds, and a handful of 7s and 8s and 9s and 10s blah. Haha maybe it's because I've been so comfortable in youth ministry, and to approach children so young is inherently a much different experience altogether.

Then again it could be because I got a trying group, truth be told they each are angels and the cutest soft toys ever, but then they get excited and refuse to sit down and keep quiet and run around everywhere. And partly because I'm not a disciplinarian, I always think that if I do become a teacher and they put me as the discipline master, all hell will break loose in the school because I really wouldn't know how to be firm and scold all the time! Okay la it's really heartwarming when you see them put effort into the crafts they are doing or the games they are playing, and then out of nowhere they cling to you and ask you to be their partner and want to sit beside you and hold your hand everywhere they go, but these are all the fine and fluffy things the moment they start to quarrel and get frustrated and cry and refuse to listen ugh. Maybe it's just my group la haha I had crazy temperamental ones, but yeah I seriously think we came in last in all the games because they don't like to cooperate as a team. Not like I think they really care about winning hahaha they just want to have fun. But it becomes a little demoralizing for me and I am so tired of trying to manage them.

Okay today is day 2, and hope that it is a better day! Seriously lacking sleep, aftermath of exams.

2011-12-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

I am done with exams! On the overall this has gotta be one of the more easy-going semesters in the two plus three years that I've been at university. The reading requirements are a lot less demanding than previous years, because the modules that I took this semester just somehow happened to be that way. As a result I am reading more novels and plays and poetry this semester instead of boring dissertation papers or scholarly journal articles. And one of the modules was a 100% continual assessment, which meant no final exams for that module! And another was a MCQ which I could afford to not place much attention to. But still, studying took its toll and assignments were horribly late. Anyway the semester is over!

Just about the most dramatic that happened was that I mistook my exam dates! I thought that the last two papers that I was supposed to sit for was on Tuesday, but it turned out to be on Wednesday instead. Thankfully it was not after the paper is over that I realize I missed it! But anyway that gave me an unexpected extra day to study. Haha now to look forward to Kids Games for the next three days, and then I have a half-marathon to run on Sunday. Instantaneously busy the moment exams end.

2011-11-27T02:18:00.000+08:00

In the middle of exams period now, have finished two papers and still have two remaining next Tuesday before I am a free bird. But immediately right after is Kids Games and a whole lot of other things on the to-do list to complete, because I have report back for reservist middle of December and that's like most of the vacation gone. Heh oh well busy busy.

And thankful for all the people who always volunteer to buy food, or run errands for me when I'm studying in church! My revision progress is real slow but at least I am studying haha I'm close to just throwing it all up in the air and go into exam hall cooking up some balmy storm.

Have a half-marathon to run next Sunday, and I'm totally not prepared for it. They say try to aim to at least attempt 60~70% of the required distance as part of preparation, but I didn't do anything more than 7km this whole month except for tonight with Coleman. Aching muscles and dead tired. How to study.

Okay last thing, happy for my cell and the way they are growing. Getting out with them more because it's holidays, hahaha at the expense of revision but I will make up for it somewhere. And glad for all the opportunities to communicate with the Pri 6s this year, because I kinda think it's gonna be one of the smoothest transitions I'll have ever. They are calling my uncle =(

2011-11-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

Another half an hour till my birthday, and I am sitting here being dubious about my age! Hahaha 2011 minus away 1988 is 23 right??? I am 23 this year right? Haha not saying that I am the oldest person alive, but I feel old and I fall into the category of twenty-somethings trying to find a job and get married and start a family. But that's not going to happen till another couple of years when I graduate from university and bam here we go into being fully adult, assuming that I'm all ready to marry.

Anyway, it really didn't feel like the eve of my birthday, truth be told I wasn't even keeping track until mid-day today. And if I were to use a hackneyed and trite word, it would have to be "surreal" because I really think this whole waiting-for-your-birthday thing is very surreal. My birthday is just another day, that's what I always say. But when I'm actually waiting for it to happen it really is very surreal. So this post represents my last gasps at being 22 and grasping at air to stay relevant concurrent ebullient.

Oh and while I'm at that. Today I realized that I will be taking on my 5th batch of Sec 1 youths starting next year. Have been trying to form communications with them since middle of this year, trying to find out who are the little children that will terrorize me next year. I've been trying to catch them after Sunday service or whatever, got to know some of them closer at the Pri 6 camp a while back... But I told myself the work won't really begin until they get hold of my email or phone number or Facebook and start having sustained conversations with me. Today Auntie Christina told me they are telling everyone to sign up for Kids Games because Uncle Guan You will be there too! I am happy for the former news, but not the latter! What Uncle Guan You!! And with that I caught one or two of them on chat. Uh oh it's been 5 years and I barely counted. Half a decade.

Okay 20 minutes to go now.

2011-11-19T02:33:00.000+08:00

This post simply has to be written, and I will not do it justice if I do not say it as it is. You can view this as a mini-continuation post from two or three days ago, which I mentioned somewhere that I was asked to lead worship at Balestier Corps new building opening ceremony. So yup, leading worship isn't something new for me hahaha, I've done it enough times to know what to do, and it's almost as if it were routine? Heh I think that's the danger of doing something too many times, that ministry becomes formulaic and form without substance. Of course I try really hard not to fall into a rut, each opportunity to serve God through worship leading or sharing the message or anything, I really hope something special will happen and I put in my best.

But I gotta confess slightly, I kinda remembered going into this Balestier worship not focusing fully on what I need to focus on. Partly because it was a very busy weekend with other worship leading AND message sharing engagements AND incomplete essays, so in all honesty Balestier was not high on the priority list. And then we had to have worship prac without a drummer because Spencer will be late, but I had very very good musicians who agreed to play for me, so much so that I remembered this specific prayer thanking God for blessing me with a team of musicians that are much more experienced than I am! And we kinda headed into the actual worship with only half an hour of rushed practice with the full team, without much clue what to do or where to go with each song. Onstage into worship I really don't really remember much of what happened, but I know it just kinda reached automatic pilot mode because the songs were familiar and it didn't rely on me to get to where I needed it to go, it was all natural and flowing. And coming off it wasn't too difficult either, I was nervous to close and couldn't wait to get off haha.

Sooo, long-winded story aside, I was very very surprised after everything ended, Rachael from Balestier's youth came up to me and suggested that we should have a inter-corps worship exchange, because they all thought that our music style was really different and more importantly, they really felt God through the worship. That put me in a huge fix, because I didn't have the heart to tell her that as far as I knew, it was pretty normal to us! But a few days later I received another affirmation from Didi, this time from Twitter, that Sunday was great and God was there. I'm like, someone please teach me how to respond humbly to compliments because I will just pooh-pooh it because it's always human tendency to beat yourself down and say nahhh not me laaaa. But the third and most recent was last evening, when Meena agreed that Balestier felt like it was a youth camp, and His presence could really be felt because it was like a combined service but strictly was really not? Haha and in part due to the games too, which I was happily jumbling up people's shoes.

But there you go, three confirmations and three different times from three different sources. It doesn't get clearer than this, if I continue to ignore this, the next thing that God needs to do to show me something is to throw some lightning bolts at where I am currently sitting and jolt me into action. But it's just amazing to me how something that I think is so unworthy can be transformed into something that others perceive as brilliance or magnificence or splendour of God. I didn't seek out to transform lives when I headed into Balestier, and I think it really isn't up to me to decide what God wants to do with this jars of clay. I look back now and kinda wished that I put in more effort into this or into that, hahaha but I don't think it would have made much difference if God hadn't been the one to transform. I'm just so thankful and so blessed to be a part of this, and it needs somewhere a miracle to convince me otherwise that that Balestier evening was not a special kiss from heaven.

2011-11-17T02:13:00.000+08:00

Recently I've been catching colds far more often than I should! And it's quite bad, because there are mornings when I wake up and I thought that it was just the occasional sinus attack, but it goes on for the whole day and degenerates into terrible sneezing bouts and headaches and leaky nose. Don't know what's wrong with my nose and I try not to aggravate it. I think the doctors will probably tell me that it's something to do with dust or some mild allergy. But no point for me to worry about dust mites because I'm living in a rented apartment now anyway haha, and this problem has been around even before I shifted. Gaargh.

And I try my best not to depend on my antihistamine medicines too much, because I don't want to develop some drug immunity due to excessive or frequent medication. Haha or can someone tell me that this fear is not founded in concrete medical proof? Whichever way it is, I try to delay medication as long as I can, and hoping that the cold will just go away on its own. But more often than not, it kinda worsens.

And and and and! I wanna gripe about the antihistamine medicine that I've been taking regularly! I am allergic to paracetamol, so I need to be very careful with medicine haha. I switched from the usual chlorpheniramine tablets to Clarinase about 3 to 4 years ago, I think it was due to one afternoon when I desperately needed medication and someone just got me Clarinase from the pharmacy. But anyway, they bill themselves as non-drowsy and fast relief, but each time I take it, I fall into some stupor and everything gets groggy! So much for non-drowsy!! Anyway Clarinase used to be those 4 to 6-hour tablets, so the effect kinda wears off within that time frame after you get well. But last year they've switched it to 24-hour extended release tablets, which means that the drug effect slowly releases its medication over 24 hours! Which means each time I take one of those stupefacient pills, my reflexes slow and my speech slurs and I don't think properly, for about one whole day. Nonsense la what non-drowsy??? It makes me want to sleep each time!

I think Auntie Adeline used to always tell me that all these non-drowsy flu tablets are all a lie, because when you are sick you just have to rest and recuperate in order to recover. Most of the time I cave in to the drowsiness, because I really cannot take it hahaha I don't want to fight the fatigue. And mostly I wake up feeling much better, and I'm thinking this isn't any different if I had continued with my chlorpheniramine medication! That one is a sure potent drowsy-inducing sleep pill, I take one and I need a bed within half an hour. And Clarinase obviously does not keep me awake, I'm just hesitant and reluctant to switch medication. Haha alright I need to go back to sleep, Clarinase is in extended release.

2011-11-16T02:26:00.000+08:00

The weekend was arguably one of the busiest and craziest for the entire year. There were some hall rentals on Friday, led worship at Balestier on Saturday, Pri 6 / Sec 2 graduation and Gracehaven worship and sharing the message on Sunday, all amidst two 2000-word essays that were due on Monday! Okay I really really left it very late, because I was busy with other things and I was trying to get some semblance of exam revision started, which kinda ended up neglecting the essays to focus on all the other things. But I have to say, every single one of the weekend programme went well, and I'm thankful that all the essays are finished and done.

Glad that Balestier Corps finally shifted to their new building, and celebrating their 75th! Haha not that I desperately wanted them to get out from our church building, but kinda think it's rather befitting that they get their own building, with new equipment and everything! Will miss having the Balestier people around every weekend. I'm so used to meeting all of them every Sunday and that's the weekly catch-up. And of course, it was a privilege for me to play for worship in a couple of their services, and having them around so often that it is almost taken for granted. But yeah, Balestier is not far from Bishan haha.

And glad that Gracehaven was great, it was my first time sharing the message there, and I keep going on about how it is really quite different when I first started leading worship there. Because all the old old people that I know have mostly discharged from the home, and the newer people I have only interacted on limited occasions. But I still think that it is very important to go in and support, because you just have to start somewhere from Salvation Army's social services. And grateful for all the opportunities.

Elsewhere, my house which was undergoing renovation, it is 80% completed now, but we are repainting the whole house so it will still take a while. And Dad's back from Philippines for a couple of weeks. Okay, gotta study for exams in the coming week, I need to tear myself away from all the distractions.

2011-11-04T11:21:00.000+08:00

I'm seriously procrastinating and taking my time to complete these two remaining essays. Yes aargh just when I thought I was done with the mad slew of assignments two or three weeks ago, I still have two major ones due on 14th November. And probably why I am not really getting down to serious work is because, well, there's still another ten days! It's the first time all term that I actually started early and didn't leave it till like 48 hours before the time deadline to start work haha. The downside is just that I don't have any urgency and no strong impetus to get it done at all, and I highly suspect it will just remain mulling and milling without writing itself for the next few days.

Elsewhere, there are a few things that I need to keep in mind so that I have ample time to complete my assignments on time and also to begin some semblance of revision for final term exams. Balestier Corps is shifting back to Balestier, sharing for Gracehaven, Pri 6 graduation, and possibly some more stuff which I can't recall offhand. November will probably be crazy, and I'm only at the beginning of the month.

2011-10-31T15:05:00.000+08:00

The weekend was awesome for a number of reasons. First was that I eventually got down to agreeing to share my Bangladesh trip experiences for this year's group that will be going up. My captive audience were like 5 aunties, or aunties-to-be. Hahaha but it was so full of God, and I am really thankful for opportunities like these that gives me a reason to share. Privileged and thrilled to be a part of World Vision's movement. They're trying to get me down as a more permanent volunteer. We'll see where this leads to heh.

Second cool thing was my first visit to Universal Studios! Invitation to go cos there were free tickets from Joanna, with Shihui and Meng Ren and Anastasia (new friend). It was Halloween celebration, so there were zombies walking all over and ghouls and vampires. My first time on a major roller coaster too, probably not doing it again anytime soon haha. Hate the drops. And final thing to mark the weekend is the first running exercise since goodness knows when. Participating in a half marathon in Dec, and I am totally in trouble because I have not been running or exercising at all. Won't have the time too I think, because school is just so busy with assignments and exams. Muscles are aching now, but I aim to do at least a 15km before the event. Have a month to go haha

2011-10-25T01:17:00.000+08:00

Today marks day one of my very first involuntary house eviction since I moved to Bishan when I was like 2 or 3. Mum has decided that the house badly needed a face-lift, so we're revamping the entire kitchen and the toilets, and eventually there will be a wall repaint. The renovation workers came this morning to demolish everything, and we're currently housed at my neighbour's apartment because it's too dusty to live with the rubble and debris. And just in case you were planning to pay me a surprise visit or something equivalent on that one-in-a-trillionth odds, I am just down the corridor on the same level from my original home. It is literally next door, which helps greatly because it makes for easy shifting of all the necessities we require at this temporary home for the next month or so.

It is a bad idea as well because I feel like my real home is still next door, but it is not livable and it doesn't make much sense to go back there at night. I think I envisioned it such that I could just stay out the whole day and escape from all the renovation and noise, then at night just go back to colonizing the study room and go to bed in my bedroom. Obviously this was highly idealistic, because now everything is boarded up and doors are locked and there's tonnes of boxes everywhere. I don't really favor the need to move, even if it is just temporarily.

Still adapting. Haha we are all creatures of comfort.

2011-10-23T02:45:00.000+08:00

A lot of things on my mind, and it's all got to do with time and space. I think that as long as I'm still a part of this society, whatever the forms, there's always the occasional celebrations that you sort of have to be there for. Like birthday parties, new baby, gatherings. I'm fulfilling my social obligations this month, while at the same time finding enough time to bring my studies to some semblance of order. And once in a while I catch up with news of certain people and I am struck by (1) how they used to be my friends (2) how long since I met them or heard anything from them (3) how I should go about catching up.

There's just something that I can't really put my finger down to it. In between all the itinerant journeys from school to home to church to guitar teaching assignments, I somehow feel mildly alive to be doing so many things all at once. The offer just came this morning from World Vision to share about Bangladesh trip last year, and something is preventing me from saying yes. Haha I don't know what is, I'm not shy I've got all the stories to tell I have marginally more time now than last few weeks I can easily do this, but I think I'm just lazy and trying to find excuses not to take it up. And then there's all the hall rentals and various church commitments in Nov and Dec which I so readily agree. This is a two-headed snake.

The side-note is, I think I do not deserve the phenomenal grades that I got back for most of my assignments. For all the last minute procrastination and sleepless nights and general tardiness, I am amazed and thankful. At the start of this semester I told myself that I didn't want to treat my entire undergraduate degree like it's some cheapened second-rate experience, because I have been doing so past two years and I want to start justifying my presence in the university haha. Not that it really worked out, but at least good marks are a way to start.

2011-10-19T09:12:00.000+08:00

Chalked up yet another sleepless night while in the quest to complete my essay. Yup, sleepless is really no sleep. For the entire night. For the umpteenth time this semester, be it for essay or for assignments or readings or whatever. I am going to school and everyone is going to tell me I look horrible and if I am hopeful enough they will pat pat my head an tell me to sleep more. I know all these will catch up in time, I am shortening my life span, I'm going to collapse from exhaustion. But I really seem to have the most energy after 12midnight everyday. My brain comes alive and everything clicks at midnight and the essay flies. Haha not last night, at 4am I was still stuck at 500/2500 and it was a bit worrying. Or maybe I should just stop putting essays till the eleventh hour and then finally do something about it. 12midnight is when entire galaxies are birthed and the stars start colliding with each other to produce even more stars.

For now I am going to operate on screensaver mode in school and try and stay awake. I reckon I will last till 2pm then I will feel the toll from last night. Still have two more major assignments for this sem, but hey are due a month away and I haven't got any info on it yet. On a happy note, I'm going shopping for Priya adopted Bangladeshi tonight. Haha what do 14 year old girls like? Of a different culture of a different gender.

2011-10-18T00:15:00.000+08:00

There are some things in life that I just do not have faith in. You know those plastic packets that they give you when you order hot drinks from the coffee shop? Yeah I have this irrational fear that the plastic will just decide to tear and all the liquid inside will spill out all over the floor. I think it comes from the fact that we use those same plastic packets for water bombs at camps! So everytime they put my hot coffee in one of those plastic packets, I have mental images of that coffee exploding on someone.

And then in school, they put the coffee in a proper cup with a proper lid, but it is not a styrofoam cup. Which meant that it will be too hot to hold it for long periods of time. So o combat that, you can take one of those small plastic bag material thing to loop around the cup and it will act as a carrier. But for the life of me I have never taken one of those things. I'd rather hold the cup physically without using that carrier thing. There's a way to hold it without getting scalded, just hold the top and bottom without holding it by the middle. Again I fear that the carrier will snap, because it is plastic bag material!! Or worse I fear that the carrier will inadvertently snap open the lid of the cup and I don't know and I will be spilling coffee while walking.

Guitar class with the three aunties taught me one thing today: to have simple, child-like faith. Because that's all that matters, knowing and believing without seeing. I need to trust and hope that everything works out fine.

2011-10-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

The past 48 hours were a blur to me, because things happened so quickly and there were so much to do. I don't think I was very awake at all! But yeah, there was the Pri 6 camp from Thursday to Friday, and was co-leading worship for SAY service last night, and in between all those I had to find time to write a 2000-word essay that was due today 5pm. The only downside was that I was supposed to go Johor Bahru with the other cell members (Matt's cell) and I couldn't because there was no way my essay could have written itself while I'm away. Haha but oh well, essay is finished already and I enjoyed myself tremendously at P6 camp.

For the record, I think it was my first children's camp? I've been on outings with Sunday School because it is sort of required in the job scope for Sec 1 and 2 cell leader haha, but I've never gone on an actual overnight camp or longer than a couple of hours or the such. It wasn't that difficult la hahaha I think P6 Sec 1 Sec 2 all very close to each other, so it wasn't terribly back-bending for me to connect to their wavelength. But I don't know how long I will be doing this haha, now the age gap is 11 years! But the highlights were giving them free reins to start barbecue fire and cook food, Kar Leong's sex talk with them (okay more like growing up talk), and low elements rope confidence course. I did learn that at P6 they are a lot more forgiving and more accepting. A whole lot less judgmental, they can tease me for not getting up to actually do the rope course, but they'll forget the next instant. If it were youth group I will never hear the end of it! But yeah I didn't go up because I was really tired from doing essay the night before. WBC retreat centre has assumed new meanings for me for staying up late there haha. And of course at P6 the tears came a lot more easily for everyone too. Hahaha. And it culminated in SAY service which was easily all about God. Love how each time is a new way to experience God and see his grandeur in unity.

I think shall go watch a movie to unwind or something. My mind is a little bit twitchy from the essay exhaustion and it is like in some state of euphoric high from too much coffee in the past 3 days.

2011-09-27T15:58:00.001+08:00

I discovered today a new abbreviation, and I'm not very sure if it's really common or the next big thing, because I have never ever seen it before prior to this. It goes "TL; DR", usually posted as a form of comment or reply to a post, and it stands for "Too Long; Didn't Read". And I'm instantly blown away by the wit and sarcasm and irony that went into this, hahaha this is precisely the kind of stuff that changes my life and have me staring in wonder! I'm amazed at how laconic and succint the abbreviation manages to convey. It's still in good grammar shape, and it's like one of those dismissive I-simply-can't-be-bothered things that you throw at annoying smugly people. And considering that I've never seen it before, my usage of such will get people asking what in the world was that, and the tables are instantly turned because it is then my turn to be smugly and I can recite out syllable for syllable just what I thought about their smugness! That's not to mention the semi-colon use, which makes it so upmarket and touché and dribbling with class. This kind of stuff is way above your usual LOL or IDKIDC or TYVM. It's a comeback with a kick-ass attitude; like a instant blame on you being too verbose and garrulous, and calls for people to get specific to the point and stop beating around the bush.

And as I am writing this, of couse I am aware that I fall into that category of taking out too many words to say something. Haha I've lost track of the amount of times people berate me for being naggy, or how I just have a tendency to put too many words in a sentence to explain something. Hahaha this post is like some confused self-reflexive piece. One moment I would totally relish using TL; DR on people, and the next moment I can totally imagine people commenting TL; DR to me. It is the great irony of it that makes me so highly amused at this heh! I love language and words, and I love the way how each word with its own meaning can be put together into sentences and paragraphs to form entire different meanings altogether. And to me the more words the better, because it is then you get all the space to express your emotions through your diction.

A lot of people don't care of course, and society just demands us to be concise and precise all the time because nobody has time to read a long SMS or email. Lest I sound sanctimonious, I fall into that trap myself too, because it is those emails that exceed five lines which sit in my inbox for a couple of days before I realise I need to sit down, get into wordy mode and type a reply. Everything must be instantaneous nowadays, if you can't say it in three lines then you won't get my attention.

I am very well aware that most of my blog posts will fit perfectly into the TL; DR category. Hahaha maybe that's why they have Twitter, it's 140 characters and nothing more. I think it's a fine balance. It's alright to be wordy at places, and unacceptable to be too short at others. Can you imagine if I submit a 140 character tweet as an essay assignment to my professor? Ah hahaha but one day if I really become a teacher, I'm going to write a fat TL; DR for all those who exceed word limits. And I will dot the dot and curl the comma accurately in that same penitential manner as required of that semi-colon.

2011-09-27T01:27:00.000+08:00

Sleep patterns severely disrupted again, I only got to bed last night at 6am! And the start of this week looks to be another topsy-turvy week where I will not have a fixed sleeping pattern and everyone is going to comment that I look really tired and I lost weight. I think it's the long hair. Okay not really very long, but it's a mob on my head and the longer it grows the more wavy it becomes. My dad's hair is curly, but my mum's one is relatively straight, so I guess I got the in-between waves.

Anyway, I am really starting to like my guitar teaching assignments! This three ladies that I converse mostly to in Mandarin and I've been teaching them for a month odd or so now, I really like how their faith is so simple and straightforward. They are learning guitar because they want it to be like an avenue to praise God in their quiet time, and I am hugely impressed by the constant reminder to keep my life uncluttered. So many things threatening my attention everyday, and it's so difficult to not be bothered by everything that goes around me and to just focus. The other one is a French family, I'm teaching both the young daughter and her father. It put me in a huge fix because I was so afraid I will sound too old and rigid for the girl, and when it was her father's turn to learn, I had to work so hard to get rid of the "I'm-speaking-to-a-child" diction and tone, and a couple of times I caught myself belittling the dad! Gosh but all of them are an absolute delight, glad to know new people and to teach.

Okay. Sleep.

2011-09-24T01:16:00.000+08:00

So it's ten minutes to 1am and I'm sitting here in front of my laptop tired and disappointed, all of me wanting to fire up at a lot of things and getting all irritated. A million thoughts about basic responsibilities and commitments and everything flashing through my mind, and I am blogging now because it keeps me from sending any unwanted emails or SMSes that will vent my displeasure. Hopefully by the end of this post I'm more calmed down and I will try and see from another perspective.

I think that I've done my part to the best of my abilities already, and I have prayed more than sufficiently and I am more than ever willing to let go and jump into the deep end trusting that it will be alright. I worry all the time, and I keep trying to tell myself to just relax and let go and trust, but I think I'm always caught unprepared when my worries materialize in front of me. I really don't appreciate the way the circumstances is/was, and I really really am on the verge of just demanding an explanation and exhort some sort of answer. If not deemed satisfactory I want to say just choose the blue pill or the red pill, either take it or leave it, it ends here tonight or you continue on and don't abandon it again.

But then again nobody really gets anything done by intruding into other people's lives and coercing stuff from them. Aiya I don't know what to do la, and all of me screams tired and despondent but I cannot, and I really just want another long break.

Okay I shall backspace all the SMSes I typed but didn't send, leave it for tomorrow.

2011-09-20T10:59:00.000+08:00

This post is for the mentee that just flew to Shanghai! Haha it will probably go unread by her because last I checked she doesn't visit this virtual space much, unless I tell her imperatively to read and only will she grudgingly do so, while skipping most of the verbosity found here. But yeah, two Saturdays ago we were planning a surprise party for Jolene at her place, and she was coming back from her own cell outing (of which they were in cahoots with us too) and she was very pleasantly surprised. And a few days later I conveniently overslept for her send-off at the airport, and oversleeping is an understatement because I woke up an hour after her plane took off! Considering the time to travel to Changi airport and the time for pre-flight check in and whatever, it's a massive lateness. And it wasn't the biggest mistake in the world in my opinion because she is only gonna be there for half a year or so, but it is the biggest mistake like at this point right now because I only found out the huge gap that she left behind.

Okay I'm probably only saying this because I am slightly irritated and facing a huge test of patience, but I think that a lot of times I take it for granted that she's just there doing the things that she does without really making a show of her doing the things that she does. And I'm always so flippantly habitual in telling the girls in my cell that if they have girly problems they can go find Jolene because I would never understand them. I can't exactly be there if they want a hug right? And then I always think people connect with their same gender a lot better than with the opposite, and I see how the girls share a bond with Jolene that I think I will never ever see with myself, cos it's just different! Which is kinda true haha I would totally imagine them telling the korkor one thing but telling the jiejie the same thing but with a lot more emotions and details and blah.

So while she is escaping from everything in Singapore and working in Shanghai, I feel like the sec one and two cells is now led by three guys who will just neglect all the girls and steam-roller over all their feelings hahaha. Okay nah maybe not, but I miss her perspectives on the way I do things, and I miss her helping out by just being there. And of course I miss the friendship la haha it's just not the same knowing that she might be at church Thurs Fri Sat Sun and consequently feeling as though I always take this routine with such banality. It feels like forever that I've known her, not as well as I should or I could but might be because she was my cell member and then co-cell leader, which makes it all the more easier to just look out for her and pray for her haha. And when I'm through thinking that she always seems to be this little girl, God will always surprise me by showing that she's just as equal in Christ as any other.

2011-09-10T03:53:00.000+08:00

"Four o'clock in the morning, my mind is filled with a thousand thoughts of you" hahaha gosh this becoming quite a hazardous thing to do, posting song lyrics as my blog post starters which relate aptly to the time. I assure you seriously that I did not plan to wait till the time just so I can include that in. But today was a day where I met a lot of friends after not seeing or hearing anything from them for a long time. Strangely it had to be all on today. So the list ran something like primary school friends, army friend, former church friends, friend that I did project with two years ago, and friend from some church. With the passage of time and everything that happens in each others' life, it's happy to know that somewhere out there people are finding life worthy for them to live as well as I do.

And after the brief catch-up, it takes me some frantic Facebooking to verify everything about what the other person is doing now, maybe leave a half-sincere message to go out for a meal sometime, great for the chance meet-up, blah blah. And it's almost a travesty when I discover that we aren't even Facebook friends. Which really gets me thinking sometimes about the fragility of human relationships? I remembered not too long ago that you were crying on my shoulders over something which seemed really tragic at that time, but looking back now and seeing where it took you, it hardly mattered at all. I remembered that time when we did that club notebook thing where we filled it with mazes and short stories which we will take turns to write, hardly seems all that mature now. I remembered the lunch where we sat for hours and poured out everything that we had concerning our ideas of faith and what it meant to us, and now it's just hello new set of problems, different
seasons.

I do wonder if the other party goes through an equally thoughtful reminiscence of the old times like I do. Or, if at all, this should be accepted as part and parcel of growing up and getting old. Who would have thought that at that gangly prepubescent age, you would turn out so well-built. Who would have thought that you two will eventually get married. Things change, and people go through so many different seasons too. I don't know if that friendship that mattered quite a lot to me a few years ago still holds the same weight now.

Okay, sleep I go. Long day tomorrow.

2011-09-06T22:09:00.002+08:00

Doing what I do with the sec one and twos sometimes gives me a certain insight into what grabs their attention and what they find amusing. Whenever I study about postmodernism in university, the lecturers just love to say that "you generation are literally born into the postmodern age". Which is kinda true, we were at the cusp of huge technology changes and Internet and iPods and iPhones; everything is configured to be visual and instantaneous. But sometimes I have to disagree with the lecturers, because the youths that I hang out with ten years my junior are even more crazy than I am about instantaneous visuals. If I'm borned into that age, then they ARE the postmodern age. But enough about postmodernity conditions, here are three Internet stuff that I've come across in my two or three years being a cell leader for that age group. Each one is as buffling and obscure and it's mystifying why they are crazy over it at their respective ages.

Charlie the Unicorn

I distinctly remember being extremely new to the 13-14 year old age group and I'm trying to fit into their age and understand what rocks their boat. And it wasn't until Samantha and Celine found out OH MY GOSH YOU DUNNO CHARLIE THE UNICORN and then they happily and jumpily and crazily showed me this, that they really felt as though they successively inducted me into their lives. For the life of me I still don't know what this is about, and watching it again now I would point at it and say po-mo! But three years ago it seemed like the biggest thing on earth and I was Charlie the unbelieving unicorn to them, because I was a skeptic and old man and pragmatic and grumpy. And they kept threatening to bounce on me each time I refused to do their nefarious biddings, and I can't remember how I endured all the "Chaaaarrrlieeee" chants they did!

Miss Swan

This one was a year later, and supposedly a year wiser when it comes to these things, but Andrea and Eunice demanded that they borrow my laptop this instant to watch this, because some teacher in their school showed them Miss Swan and they wanted to watch the rest of the series! There are many other Miss Swan misadventures, you can watch it if you like this kind of humour, but it proved as bad a idea as Charlie the unicorn because for about two months after that, they were speaking in Miss Swan's bumbling accent. Jolene and I will ask them questions to Bible study and they answered in Miss Swan speak, and when we get annoyed they'll mock sob and "where did the love go"! Gets me all irked up, but hard to stay annoyed for long because right after that they will laugh like crazy and it's impossible not to share their joy at Miss Swan.

Nyan Cat

This is the most recent, and arguably most annoying! Courtesy of Si Xuan, because I've heard of it but I don't know what is this cat thing so she showed me the website. It's just the Nyan Cat flying through space, and the music looped to infinity to irritate people! Okay the tune is catchy for the first ten seconds, and anything beyond that is agony. And if you go to the website you can apparently Nyan for many seconds and you can post that score on Twitter, but it's essentially just letting the browser sit there for hours and chalk up a respectable count while listening to the looped song! I have no idea how something as simple as this can be so annoying, and I have no idea why would the world all over love such things! Anyway Si Xuan says she wants to nyan at me tomorrow, I don't know how this will turn out.

There-there-there-go! Miss Swan style.

2011-09-02T03:20:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it will be good for me if I explain my absence from this blog and also absence from Singapore last weekend! Kuching did me great, being able to get out of Singapore and totally ignore all school/church work for a while. Of course that had its consequences, because now I'm struggling to play keep-up with all my module readings and books. But it was a good trip, the brass band was up there to support with various playing engagements, and I was up there as admin guy or photographer or worship leader (one which I had to readily volunteer to justify me being up there heh). Caught up with the old friends, most of whom are like the second or third time that I'm meeting them only, but they are so jubilant at my arrival in Kuching again and I'm just warmed by their hospitality. Made new friends too, next time I see them I've gotta get more stuff.

Elsewhere, I am absolutely dying in my school work. I have many many Victorian literature to read, the novels are brilliantly written, just that I am a slow reader and unfortunately I do not have time on my side to savor each book. And I regret to say that the tutorial for one of the lit modules was absolutely horrendous. It was a presentation on Wuthering Heights, the guy was speaking in English, his choice of words were a little upmarket but no problem I knew most of the meanings of his vocabulary, he had no foreign accents, he spoke quite fluently, just that for the life of me I couldn't understand head to tail what concept or theme or idea he was trying to bring forth. He went on and on about some abstractions which I totally do not see any link at all to the novel, and it got so bad that to hide my obvious jaw dropping what-is-this-nonsense, I had to pretend to refer to the novel here and there, scribble some notes. When he finished I half expected the professor to exclaim in bewilderment too. But nope, the whole class began to critique positively on his presentation, and they were similarly talking in English but I just couldn't understand what they are trying to debate about!! I mean, it can't be just me right? There was not a thing I understood and I sat there like an idiot grasping at things that were whizzing above my head but never catching it. I have no idea how on earth I am going to sit for the mid-term test next week.

2011-08-26T04:00:00.000+08:00

Will be on a plane and flying to Kuching in less than 12 hours, and I don't really know why I am going on this trip. Haha the bandsmen are going up to support them with a funfair that they're going to have, and Daniel sort of just asked if I wanted to go and I was free either way so I just said yes. But it was an opportunity that I can't have said no to also, been there two years ago and was richly blessed by the people there, and have quite a few friends there whom I simply cannot not visit. Is it wrong to go for personal reasons then!? Hahaha but I will be admin guy and photographer.

It's only the end of week 3 in school and I feel like I am severely behind work! Gosh how did it end up like this.

2011-08-25T02:40:00.001+08:00

I love my literature classes. I really do. I don't write as well as I should, and I don't read as much as I should, but I love the way how I can sit in class and listen about the vastly different comments on a text or film or image or whatever we're given to analyse. It's the lit classes that throw me completely off my comfort zone. When I walk into a geography module at the start of the term, I already know what to expect. Probably because I've been through more geog classes than most people so after a while you know the scopes of research and academia that goes into urban cities, development, tourism, economy, etc. But my lit classes are a colossal mystery prior to the first lecture. The module names go "Psychoanalysis" and "Tragedy" and "16/17/18/19/20th Century" and I will be okayyy so what happened centuries before my time, and all the concepts are way too philosophical for me to comprehend in a single day.

And somehow everyone seems to know it better than I do, they exchange insightful critiques and complicated verbose that happen all above my head and I'm grasping at thin air. I sit there like a blubbering idiot wondering what are the books I need to read to be able to present dialectics like they could. Whatever that I want to say I'm always hesitant to eject, because I constantly think that it smacks of high school touch-and-go tripe which barely scratches the surface. But I've also learnt that there really is no condemnation and shame in my lit classes. They kinda like building up and adding onto what the previous comment was, so I try to make sure that I speak up among the first few hahaha so that whatever I banal stuff I say establishes the ground and then people build on for me and they'll quote me "like what Guan You said earlier"! Or else I will propose outrageous ideas, mainly because I don't really have much else to add, and so I go on and question whether that character is bisexual. Then there will be this huge debate for or against that.

Which brings to mind how I walked today into the smallest and most intimate lit tutorial I've ever had thus far. The immediate trouble was that all of them seemed to be lit majors and they apparently know each other, so I kinda just hid in my corner acting all smug and mighty because I really didn't know anyone in that class. Okay to be truthful it really felt like one of those book clubs! There were only like ten people, and the venue was the prof's office, which was cramped with wooden bookshelves towering all over the place and there were stacks of Penguin Classics in each shelf. Tell me if this doesn't seem like one of those quaint book attics and all of us were packed into this tiny abscess discussing Victorian authors. But for the nice people and new friends that I've met, it was worth the shoulder-to-shoulder squeeze. I highly suspect that this is one of the tutorials which I really cannot bluff my way through, and already they are imposing their imprints everywhere. I mean, it's one thing to enjoy Great Expectations, but I get a little bit scared when they gush in girly-speak "I lurrrrve Dickens". Heh but that's another post for another time. Right now I can't wait for next week's book club.

I don't really know what is it that I want to bring across in this post.

2011-08-23T02:38:00.000+08:00

Today I found out that I actually can teach guitar entirely in Mandarin-speak! Never ever thought that I would be walking down this path, and this is definitely one of my better achievements for this year! Just taken up a new guitar tuition job for this three ladies that I have never met before, and the only caveat in the job description was that they requested for the lessons to be conducted in Mandarin and that they want to learn worship songs in Mandarin too. My knowledge in that area is severely limited to as many of the handful of times I have assisted Chinese Corps with their praise and worship segment, and even then I cannot remember the songs that they introduced me to! The worship songs I know in Mandarin are all the ones that have been translated from their English counterparts.

So it was with some trepidation that I'm taking on this job, and possibly continuing it for the next few months or so. I had to Google Translate last night for specific nouns like music note, chord, guitar string, metronome, tuner, octave haha oh my it took me quite a bit of time just to memorize all that! But I thank God that I lasted through the entire hour plus plus with barely an English word muttered, apart from all the music notes like C sharp heh there's no Mandarin alternative to that right?? Happy for the new friends made, and I'm determined to learn more Mandarin worship songs. This reminds me strongly of leading that Indonesian/Malay praise song at Malaysian Camp. Cool, my worship ministry is going multi-lingual.

2011-08-22T01:34:00.000+08:00

Hahaha 1.15am now and it's so apt to sing "it's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now..."! It's on my repeated playlist for a while because I like the harmony for that song. And nope, I am not deliberately holding out till 1.15am just so that I can be cheesy and include that lyric in. But yeah, anything beyond this time and it will be what Joanna would term an "odd hour" because I've been sleeping at 5am so much in the past three months! And I don't think my body clock ever adjusted back from the crazy summer holidays sleep circadian. I have friends in university who still keep telling me that three four months after not meeting, I still have that same dazed sleepy look on my face like I'm constantly tired. Nahh I think they meant to say I have small eyes. Or my slight-curly messy hair is giving me that dream look.

But I really feel like I can function and operate best at night. I plain cannot study much in the day, and at night my brain activates some spark plug somewhere and my thoughts go into some whirlpool. Haha I kinda like how my room and laptop and seat is my recess and my silo for all the crazy things that happen in my head at night. I think whole universes are being borned and stars are smashing and creating new planets and whatnot this instant now. It's crazy, and I really should go write a book or something.

Right now I am reading John Donne and Christopher Marlowe. Not the best things to read at a quarter after one because of blank verses and out-of-my-era English and Elizabethan tragedy and outrageous conceits.

2011-08-18T01:47:00.002+08:00

This is the one thousandth post for this blog! Well, at least according to the counter on Blogger, and barring any drafts that are not posted or any unaccounted for entries. This is a milestone to reach, and keeping in mind that it took a relatively long time to reach this many posts! First began this blog waaay back in 2004 when I was still actively playing Neopets hahaha and when I still have dial-up connection at home just to get on the Internet. But yup, it's a miracle that I'm still posting here with the advent of Twitter and Facebook and all sorts of other social media! Feels like this blog is a dinosaur in comparison to instantaneous, on-the-go updates at Twitter.

And I am constantly reminded that this virtual space is always a simulacrum of a diary equivalent if I do keep one? I know I am literally borned into the postmodern society where everything is based on the immediate visual, and sometimes it's hard to perceive that I have this archive of thoughts and feelings collected over the years in some, err, ethereal space. Intangible, yet constantly accessible, haha it blows my mind. I would be really sad if somehow the main blog server crashed or I accidentally deleted this blog, and I lose everything that I have written here. Should I back up my blog entries hahaha???

Elsewhere, I know that I am in some form of technological trouble when I start to think that all the display screens of electronic devices are all touchscreen! For those who have yet know I recently jumped on the iPhone bandwagon, and I'm getting very used to the entire "what I want I poke at it" concept. It's really cool and quite intuitive, except that this morning I was on my old iPod and I wanted it to repeat the song it just played and I stupidly jabbed at the screen several times before realizing that it is not touchscreen! Of course the iPod worked with the clicker wheel, and I felt like a fool. But yup, I remember the days when mp3 players came in 128MB and 256MB and 512MB, and then the iPod came along and revolutionized everything, and now iPhone and everything is so radical and different and technology changed every quotidian habit. Although sometimes I think that I am the one regressing technology, and I totally understand why my mother has huge pains and troubles with her new touchscreen phone too. Think my sister and I are both taking turns reprimanding the mother what to do and what not to do just to get her to call/SMS. The tables are turned now. Wahaha.

2011-08-15T13:02:00.002+08:00

Posting this as I just managed to navigate my way to where i wanna go at NUH! I have a class here in another hour, and honestly this place is a labyrinth with all the different departments and whatnot. Yup, school have started for me, after months of binning around and being able to wake up as late as I want everyday heh. I have two literature modules covering the Renaissance and the 19th century, two geography modules, and the NUH one is reproductive health hahaha.

And have been busy with many church things! We were at a leaders' retreat last week, then had a funfair yesterday, and was at Gracehaven for their service. Funfair in particular was fun! My cell group probably didn't require as much preparations as the other cells, but it was still a lot of work!

I'm eavesdropping on the conversations of these two NUH staff ladies who're sitting beside me for lunch now. One is attending a course on benefits of carbohydrates, and the other just came down for lunch from a busy emailing day. Feel so medical scientific gaargh. Okay I shall not neglect this blog space. But my next post is my thousandth I think haha

2011-07-29T04:37:00.001+08:00

One thing that is beginning to irk me (and probably bugger at myself to do something) is seeing some of the youths being a bit too liberal with vulgarities and swear words on social media. It's probably not too common to open my Facebook and Twitter and be greeted with words that probably should be symb*lized or ~~striked~~ or in any form of censure suitable. And all the more disturbing if they are friends from my church and I know them well enough and I really really don't see the need for such strong words. Well, "strong words" is probably an euphemism hehh.

Well I definitely would understand, and in all honesty and admissions of guilt I have cursed and swore and fallen more times than I should into that trap before. I came from an all-boys primary and secondary school, and boys of course hold nothing back from swearing! Well okay not so terribly in primary school. We were still measurably innocent, so we will play games like "bus first bus second then bus what?", or there's the "sack A sack B then sack what?" hahaha! I can't believe I used to think "sexy" was one of those huge vulgarities! Then of course, someone in the class will eventually learn some swank Hokkien curse, so we upgraded our pronunciation games to "translate chicken white in Chinese". And whenever some unsuspecting guy says it, either unknowingly or he really does not know the meaning, there will be a huge uproar ORH HOR HE SAID SEXY ORH HOR HE SAID A BAD WORD.

If saying "sexy" was the worst sacrilege and the biggest sin in primary school, then I wished you could hear the kind of language that we use to converse in secondary school! It was a marvel how we can use the infamous "fuck" as a noun, adjective, verb, adverb, pronouns if we can wrangle it, hahaha you name the parts of speech and we'll fit it somewhere somehow into the sentence. We had teachers hauling us up for tongue slips and forcing us to look up the word in the dictionary and copying word-for-word the definitions listed in it. We heard stories of certain individuals who dared utter as tiny a breathy hint of some fricative "ffffuuu" in front of the principal or the discipline master, and he was forever an untouchable legend. Christian or not, churched or unchurched, it was the only true way of talking to a fellow teenager really. You simply have to include some form of it somewhere in your speech.

Then we all graduated and entered junior college, and all of a sudden all forms of swearing and cussing and vulgarities died to a minimum. Because there was this huge jump from an all-boys school environment into a co-ed (girls!!!!!!) one, somewhere along the way we all came to some tacit agreement that we cannot appear uncouth or vulgar. We pepper our converses instead with mild versions like "bloody" or "effing" or "fishcake". Kind of like a regression really, everyone became hyper-conscious of being cultured and civilized. But the saving grace for those sailors at heart was during literature class, when we learnt that "fuck" and "prick" and "cunt" and all sorts of other swear words were perfectly acceptable. I remember going through a poem or novel or something that utilized "fuck" in an elegant way! And the huge topic about sex, considered too taboo and obscured from all manners of discussion with girls in our presence, well what can I say? Hahaha we discussed poems aloud about "having a good bonk" and "getting that girl to fucking open her legs" and "gay kinky sex"! Never ever possible with mainstream curriculum, but I had really good lit teachers who made the words come alive, and we will giggle and gasp but deep down we were probably all raging hormones.

And then it was time to serve the nation in the army. Haha needless to say, all those years repressed in JC were like an unleashed demon. We would all angrily and hot-bloodedly join in dissing some commander for some unfair punishment. It was back to an all boys environment again. And there was no adequate way to not reprieve those inner angst because we all resented the crap that we had to go through. I think my commanders thought it the way that if you don't swear at your soldiers, then it becomes some nanny army. Within ourselves it was no different, we've probably each been swore at in our faces more times than we could count, and so for our daily conversations with each other we included more swear word varieties and more degrading adjectives! Kinda helps that you have people from all sorts of background, so the JC kids will teach the ITE people really uncommon English adjectives like "imbecile" or "nincompoop", and the ITE people will explain the Hokkien slang they just used. Hahaha like a social exchange, hope I didn't just pigeon-holed society into classes but that was the personal case for myself.

Then you might ask, so where's the Christian in me? I know kinda well that there's some form of discipline that I should upkeep, like I cannot really have parents going after me because I swear like a sailor in front of their children in church. And I know really well too, when I'm placed outside of the church environment into school or army, the temptations to just fit in with everybody's conversation and peppering my speeches with a little "fuck" will go unnoticed because everyone is saying it. But I also know very very well, and this is for the record and for my own strong reminder, that no one has ever vilified me for NOT saying the f-word. A couple of times I will get some of my army mates saying I seldom swear and I am very holy and when I swear it means I am really angry. That always convicts and evicts me, because I know I swear more often than I should. But no one has ever forced me to swear with them involuntarily.

For me the temptation to swear like any other guy, it is always there. For girls maybe not hahaha, but I may be generalizing and going down a slippery slope here. But yes, I know very very well that a good tree should bear good fruit, and I know that the tongue is a fire, and I know that out of the same mouth shouldn't come curses and praises. And now that I'm a lot older and knowing that I hold more responsibilities than most people would in church, I really am ashamed sometimes of not keeping my own tongue in check. And I've been in youth leadership since the later years of secondary school, so all the more no reason for me not to control and be disciplined. I cannot swear outside of church and go into church onstage and lead worship, I cannot tell my cell members not to swear but I do it frequently outside.

Kinda convoluted, but I understand perfectly why some people swear all the time, but but but I also understand perfectly for a need to not even swear at all. I would speak firsthand that it is not an easy temptation to battle. And it doesn't help that it is the human mind's innate instinct to swear! A long while ago I was reading Steven Pinker and his analysis on why people swear, and he kinda argued that it is in our nature to swear all the time and it is an emotional need to express something, good or bad. The reason why I didn't bother censuring all the "fucks" in this blog post also is that I think "fuck" is just normal a word as any, it's only the intent that we give behind it that makes it taboo and omitted from mainstream press. I don't want to give the devil victory just because it is an unacceptable word to use, but at the same time I don't want to give the devil victory too because I have every choice not to use that word too. It's a double-edged sword haha I think it may be too confusing for this time now, but yup, bottom line is, to worship in Christ gives me no reason to swear.

This is a confusing post. Now what do I do to encourage others to do likewise?

2011-07-26T03:08:00.000+08:00

Two weeks since the last post, and I must say that I am really enjoying my holidays! I'm glad I don't have to work or anything, because most days I can wake up as late as I want! But this also means that I'm up at night till weird unearthly hours, like now. I seem to come alive at night hahaha. But yeah, holidays meant that I am able to spend more time with friends and go out and everything. Able to devote more time for cell group, organize this and that, travel around Singapore heh I've been trying to stay out of house as much as I can and as late as I can, because if I'm home I will just be on the laptop screen. Need to get a life before school begins.

And yep, I'm on the smartphone bandwagon now! It's taken me a little while longer than most people, but I think it is really power at my fingertips! I can do so many things away from the computer. Though the downside is I'm constantly connected, no excuses not to respond. Maybe one day I shall just turn it all off and enjoy the peace. Trying to do something with the slowly-rusting guitar too. Nothing beats learning new stuff and getting the chance to put them into practice! I'm discovering new chords and triads and inversions.

This is really more of an update than anything else.

2011-07-12T03:11:00.002+08:00

I'm the kind of person that does not follow the three-second-rule when food drops on the table or on floor. It's especially prevalent if the food happens to be fries or chips or bits of chocolate or biscuits, you know, things that are relatively solid and dry. If it's "wet" stuff like veggie or noodles or fruits or whatever else then I might think twice. The surface that the food drops on also matters slightly. If it's chips on carpet floor, without a question into my mouth it goes. If it's normal flooring or table, I'll have to see the cleanliness condition first. Of course there are times when it's a clear no, like if it drops into some puddle of water or dusty floor haha.

I'm also the kind of person that gladly eats expired food as long as they seem generally edible to me. If it's canned or bottled drinks past its sell-by date I will just gurgle it down because I think it's generally safe laa. Expired packs of chips or chocolate or expired bottles of Nutella, oh well in my stomach they go. But I may draw the line with pastry or bread, and maybe milk-based stuff like soya bean.

Maybe it's because I've never really had any major tummy upsets or stomach flu or food poisoning before. I do get the occasional bouts of diarrhoea, but I can usually trace it to the laksa I ate or that chendol I drank for supper. I'd like to think that I need to expose my stomach to all these kinds of (hopefully) mild bacteria so that it can get used to all these foreign bacteria and then develop antibodies and I will be stronger and fall ill lesser! Hahaha I don't know if this makes sense. But say for instance you go travelling and you eat some roadside hawker food. The locals eat it for years and they are used to it, but we are not, hence stomach upset. This is one of Dezmand's favourite doomsday predictions, that you spend $2 on foreign hawker food to end up spending $200 on medical bills! Which I sort of think can be prevented if our stomachs weren't so sheltered and pampered from the beginning. And I believe in the spirit of adventurism hahaha. I should be game enough to try weird local fruits and food and whatever else that they tell me is nice. I may not eat stuff like fried insects but hopefully I will pluck up enough courage to try it someday.

This is a rather personal opinion, but whenever there's stuff like expired Nutella or biscuits dropped on floor or expired Honest Tea hahaha, and I just wolf it down and people give me the weird stare or disgusted look, I always invariably think that they're spoilt and can't stomach tough conditions (pun intended). Haha no offence, I don't say it aloud and I generally think good of people, but this is what goes through my mind when this happens. I'd like to think that there are poorer people in poorer conditions than me battling hunger and their inability to even get food, and here's some processed food or canned stuff that may not spoil as easily as what the best-before date claims, and I should appreciate what I have instead of worrying about what it may do to my tummy. Or maybe, I need a hospital case of salmonella or cholera to jolt me from this sort of thinking. But cmon, I'm sure slightly expired food is not that bad right? Who's with me on this.

This is a response to the expired Vegemite that's in my fridge which Tim gave to me two years ago. And he told me to throw.

2011-07-09T04:12:00.000+08:00

As I sit here and think about cell group (yet again), I need to keep reminding myself to be patient and to be loving. I think a lot of times I am always very tempted to just barge in and solve matters on my own! It's one of the biggest problems I've always had with myself. When people tell me about their problems or troubles, I tend to either be very dismissive about it or I start telling them what to do. Hahaha to me it's really like the way it is, you tell me a problem then I tell you what I think you should do to manage it lor! Or I will just say things like "it's like that one la" and that's it.

Sometimes I need to just pull back and not care so much. Other times I need to put in more effort and show more concern. I think next time when I have kids of my own I will deliberately let them fall down or get into tough situations so that they will learn on their own. But at the same time I will be praying like mad and itching to be protective and everything hahaha.

2011-07-07T02:46:00.000+08:00

I was at Auntie Jenny's office this morning to help her with office administrative work. She works for Equipping Leaders for Asia and they organise and host leadership conferences, or at least that's what I gathered as much from my short period of time spent there. She approached me after the corps camp with an internship offer that I just could not possibly refuse! It included exposure to their ministry work, helping out with some of the conferences, getting to sit in for talks from some of the most-prominent names in churches and management positions, etc etc.

But I turned it down all the same, mainly because I love my holidays too much hahaha. Okay I really felt like I wanted a break and not do anything too heavy for a while. June's multitudes of camps was quite an upheaval, and I wanted to spend more time with cell group and mentees and doing stuff that I set out at the start of the year wanting to accomplish. And the reason why I was there this morning was because she still needed help with certain tasks, so I thought I could contribute my time in whatever ways I can.

And so I sat in front of her computer for an hour and a half duplicating CDs for their conference materials, then I spent another hour and a half putting them into their cases and putting leaflets and labeling them. The entire time I was there I kept on thinking gosh how BORING can this get and this is totally not what I want to do hahaha! I think I'm meticulous enough for these sorts of things, like I will make sure the CD is in perfect orientation and I will just double-check to see if the folder is really in the duplicated CD. But after like the 3rd or 4th one I am just dying and I keep thinking I'm meant for greater things and I'm stuck in this pigeonhole labeling CDs and goshhhhhhhhh!

I'm totally not cut out for administrative work, I will never be a cheerful secretary, I won't turn in sub-par products because I will QC everything, but I will grumble and whine and get impatient. I would sooner rather go do something loads more stressful like lead worship or share a message than duplicate CDs! The only person that I know will do this with excitement and enthusiasm is Andrea, because she will treat it like some tremendous task of paramount importance and unfortunately I don't share the same perspective as her. I know because I bribed her with ice cream to get her to do Powerpoint slides for thirty plus songs for camp haha. And brings to mind also when Captain Hary requested me to be flagbearer for Captain Zane Haupt's installation at youth service, I am super stressed! I kept thinking that the flag will topple or how I might just drop it and I worry whether I have to wave it and how I was supposed to stand. Seriously hahaha all I probably had to do was to just hold the flag, but it makes me hugely nervous!

Yeah anyway, I digress. I always hear stories of how people start their ministry work for God with small and seemingly insignificant stuffs, like setting up and keeping the chairs for service. Or flip lyrics sheets for Sunday School, things like these that they do for years before they eventually move on to giving mini lessons. And for all my life I can never understand how people have the tenacity and the faith to keep serving in the most mundane and menial kind of ministry work available! I greatly admire the ladies who stand there for two hours and do floral arrangements for Sunday service. I think if I have to prepare worship lyrics every week for projections, I will really uninstall Powerpoint from my computer and use it as an excuse to hand it over to someone else! But yeah, it's a constant reminder to me that people serve the Lord in different ways, and people have different capacities for their gifts and talents to shine, and the kingdom of God always starts with people doing the most infinitesimal tasks before anything else can go. Three or four hours today was a huge test of patience. But I will visit Auntie Jenny again next week and I will be a much happier person and take more pride in my tasks.

2011-07-05T04:46:00.000+08:00

What keeps someone up at 4am plus plus in the morning!? Well I've gotta say that my body clock is entirely topsy-turvy now, thanks to holidays and not having to work or study or do anything substantial, I've been sleeping at around 5am thereabouts almost every other day for the past three weeks. Get me to bed any earlier and I probably can't sleep as well as I could when I get to bed at 5am. This is ultimate pigging out and maybe it will disrupt my lifestyle eventually when I start school again or when I need to wake up early in the morning for certain stuff. But this is certainly almost circadian already, and I don't really know what I do at night till such crazy hours too.

Just a note to say that I've got quite a soft spot for retro, vintage, classic stuff! It's not something that I conscientiously seek out, but it's like how I got my Super 55 on a whim because it was just too nice to pass by, and I didn't really have a strong need for it! And I constantly think that the very first iPod and iMac is still the best-looking device for the Apple family, when all the rage now is with iPhone and whatever else. iPod classic is well, a classic, nobody wants a touch rotating wheel anymore when you have a touch screen device. Like how I prefer the old wooden pencils that you have to sharpen, instead of mechanical pencils. And just purchased a film camera off eBay because I really wanna try more film stuff and do vignettes or something. Friend was telling me that the world's going digital and everything is electronic, but I'm regressing and degenerating to things that don't hold value anymore in this world. Which kinda makes sense hahaha people everywhere are going on about their first DSLR, and well I'm getting an SLR too, just not digital haha.

Maybe it's just some of these small things that make me feel like a vintage and a classic, but yeah it's just a random point that I've been thinking about recently.

2011-07-02T04:25:00.000+08:00

Kinda neglected this space for the past two weeks or so, been really lazy to post anything up! I think this blog is becoming counter-productive; every time I think of the need to type very long sentences and having to have structured phrases and sentences and paragraphs, I'm put off by this and I go to Twitter or Tumblr instead! Lesser words, or if not no words at all at the other two platforms! But yeah anyway, all the camps are over and June is over too. It's been an awesome month, great fun, great experiences, great new insights.

There's nothing much in my life, except that I am trying to get out of house everyday to escape from my mum! I'm not working you see, and I've turned down one or two job opportunities, partly because I am not very inclined to fix myself to a regular commitment when I'm on holidays!!!!!! Haha nah not entirely la, other reasons too.

Actually I'm only posting this because I need to remind myself never to choose all new songs for an entire worship set list! One or two new songs is fine, but three out of three means I cannot hear them sing and I will think that it's too much to be.

To sleep I go.

2011-06-15T00:59:00.000+08:00

I'm not bothering to unpack much from my bags, because in another couple of days I'll be hopping to Malaysia again for yet another church camp. It's almost like instinct hahaha I know what I need and what I don't need now. Okay I shouldn't be speaking as though I'm doing this all my life or it's my job or something, but 3 camps in a month is really a lot. There might be an extension to the trip though, although I'll only know within the next few days.

And I'm seizing maximum opportunities to capture the after-camp highs! Trying to remind everyone what they've learnt and trying to instill something that will hopefully be lasting for the future. I'm in the kind of state where you tell me anything now and I am all ready to firmly believe in it! Haha I've had people reminding me that I've just finished two camps where the presence of God was just so very evident, I shouldn't be unfazed by anything now! Which is kinda true, there's important work to be done that needs follow-up and everything.

On another note, I completely missed GAPS for the second school term consecutively. I didn't even keep track of the dates! But it's not that important right, it's just modules classification and whatever else. Oh well bah, the school should send reminder emails for these kinds of things closer to the date!!!

2011-06-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

So I managed to tune myself to the correct frequency in time for the Singapore territorial youth camp, and it's been a great blessing for me as what I've been anticipating all month! I think it was rather difficult for me, because I just came back from an equally amazing Malaysian youth camp and so many things touched me over there. And the dust had barely settled, I'm still mesmerized by God's miracles and all the wonderful testimonies at Malaysia, they're still going on and on in Facebook, how to focus on Singapore??? But I kinda forgot that when you expect something to be as big as you expect it to be, God will always surpass that expectation and He'll be like "I told you so, but this is even better" because it's really hard to limit Him.

Many many roles to take on at this camp, and when I reflect now I keep thinking that I should have said this or I should have done that, but nahh I think I should just be thankful for the way that God has used me over the four days. The theme is on worship, and without a doubt the praises were mind-blowing, every session was Spirit-filled. I'm totally exhausted partly because of too much tears! Each time I minister to someone at the mercy seat I think I cry more than the person does, because it really is such a blessing and an encouragement to hear each of their heartfelt prayer requests and testimonies. Could almost feel each pleading and each cry for God, and that's what keeps me going to serve and to bring more lives to Him.

And now I'm falling sick and catching a cold. Voice is whiny and weird. One more camp to go for June, and that's in a few days' time. I am getting a bit disillusioned by camps, although in a positive way, for all the euphoria that they bring and all the good things that are constantly happening. In some sense when I break camp I need time to get back to life normally, yet at the same time anticipate good things. But it's just high and high and high, hardly a breather. Haha okay I really ought to get to bed, tired out totally.

2011-06-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

There was the monthly leaders' meeting today and my mind was constantly distracted and never focusing on what we were discussing on hand! Haha somehow or rather my mind kept going back to whatever happened at Malaysia camp. I'm still in the thought frame of all the testimonies and stories and blessings and needs for the Malaysian territory. It's almost as though whatever that's happening in Singapore is suddenly not as important to me now! Horror of horrors haha I had to keep reminding myself that I have a cell group here, I am in Central Corps, I serve here I lead worship here blah blah!

But it was a good break for me, to be able to distance myself from what's happening back home and to go outside and to see the needs of the other part of the territory. It didn't exactly made it easier for me to find purpose in my ministry haha, but I'm just glad that I can get out for a while and not be so fixated on my cell group or mentees all the time. And now I wish that the camp had been longer, or that I should have followed one of them back to their corps and stay there for another two weeks or so! I definitely need a longer break. I wanna go overseas and be some itinerant ministry worker, serving wherever God sends and wherever has a need haha! Maybe it could happen haha. But more importantly, I have just a few days to get into the right frame of mind for Singapore youth camp. Have a message to prepare and worship songs that need inspiration.

Right now talking to all the new friends on Facebook, because they're all suffering from camp withdrawal symptoms like me. I owe them photos which I've yet to put up. There's really no greater privilege than to serve in this huge family. What gives me the equipping and the qualification, I really have no idea, and I really just want to thank God for his grace and blessings in my life.

2011-06-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

Safely back from the Malaysian youth camp hours ago, and as always it's a great blessing to be a part of God's big family of believers! Had a tremendous time over there, loads of stories to tell. So my visit to Kuching and to the Tamil camp two years ago while I was working for Youth Dept helped familiarized me quite a bit, because I got to meet up with old friends who've grown up and have moved on to an even bigger ministry for God. And getting to meet new people and worshiping and leading alongside them, surely this has to be one of the most awesome privileges in the world! They were running in dizzying circles during worship, and we've managed to come up with actions for the theme song Nothing Is Impossible hahaha. Obstacle course made me feel like it was army all over again, and I'm not that unfit! Gosh so many things to praise God for the camp.

My nose is peeling slightly from prolonged periods under the sun. And I still feel as though I'm hanging the name lanyard over my neck. The thing about Malaysian camp, the way I try to compartmentalize, is that it's almost completely detached from the Singapore side, which meant that I'm going there more like a facilitator than an actual committee plan leader. Which also meant that I'm constantly encouraged and enriched by all the good things that the Salvation Army is doing up in Malaysia. The past two weeks made me feel like I'm a social worker! First the AG Home rental, then Gracehaven worship, and now youths mostly from the Malaysian homes. I really really do see the need, and I'm really amazed at the testimonies of transformations and changed hearts.

Kinda made me almost reluctant to come back to Singapore haha, because all of a sudden what I'm doing back here doesn't seem all that challenging compared to Malaysia! Hahaha but I cannot compare in this way la, it's two completely different ball games and each has its own strengths and challenges. I've got about four to five more days to get into the right frame for Singapore youth camp! Totally different situation, and I'm hoping that I don't get disillusioned by the multitudes of camps I'm going for! Right now I'm catching up with the work that came in while I was away. Have a feeling that they're going to be very active on Facebook adding friends and tagging photos.

Gotta crash to bed, absolutely tired out.

2011-05-30T02:22:00.001+08:00

So the weekend came and went, and I'm rather tired out. Not getting enough sleep because I hang out till quite late at night and when I get home I'm still rushing things that need to be done. The hall rental was one of the more demanding ones that I've done, and it won't be one which I will forget in a hurry! Don't get me wrong the people were fantastic, just glad to be a part of it. It got quite emotional at some parts and it was really touching to hear about transformed lives and changed hearts. I don't really know most of the people and I didn't really talk much with them too, but I'm just amazed at how God chooses to work his plans and purposes for different people.

And it was really befitting that I came off that rental into Gracehaven's worship service tonight! I sort of brought along all the heart for justice and compassion into tonight's worship, and it was a huge difference in the kind of attitude as I went onstage. Trusting God for all the seeds that we've planted, and hoping that somehow somewhere it'll make a huge difference.

Tomorrow is the last day for me to tie up all the loose ends before I head off to Malaysia! All pumped up for the youth camp camp camp! Most parts of it, I don't really know what to expect because I only know a handful of the Malaysian youths who will be there at the camp, and I only have vague ideas of how their worship will be like and everything. Well if I were to compare with Kuching and Tamil camp two years ago, then this will be nothing short of extraordinary! I need to pack, change currency, prepare worship and sharing, aargh barely have enough time for all of it tomorrow.

Today at church Alicia led this song that went like this:

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

I wish to possess the kind of faith that shows me miracles and hope and dreams and visions.

2011-05-26T04:16:00.000+08:00

I can't really recall doing much for the past two days except to camp at the mixer in the auditorium right in front of the stage! Have been kept busy with hall rental rehearsals for Andrew & Grace Home, they are having some fundraising concert and it's quite tremendous! Easily one of the more demanding hall rentals because they have practically everything from drama, dance, guitars, drums... And usually I am quite distant with hall rentals because most times it's like just another job to me. I smile and meet people who tell me what to do and assist with all the technical stuff, then when the concert or event is over we all go separate ways and probably don't see each other again. But somehow this particular rental struck a rather good impression, mostly because of my experiences with Gracehaven and I see the similarities with another home for youth-at-risk. Hahaha maybe this is a calling from God to go into a ministry like this! It's just something different, in terms of the attitude and the atmosphere I see. I'm impressed, the staff must be doing something good at the home.

And over the course of this month, I've come to realise that actually I am serving in church alongside with some of the best people I've ever known in my life. Several meetings with mentors or worship people or whoever else, and I love being part of an amazing team of talented and passionate people all for God's glory. Right now there's tonnes of stuff going on for all the combined camps at Youth Dept, I'm just chipping in wherever I can.

This summer vacation is looking to be really great. Can't wait for Malaysia camp next week. I'm absolutely slacking my guts out cos I'm not really working, but at the same time I'm busy with so many church stuff that it feels like I'm doing something. Hahaha first thing is to regain my erratic sleep.

2011-05-19T03:37:00.000+08:00

Should clarify a small point since the last post. I'm currently learning an Indonesian praise song because of Malaysian camp! Min Jie and I thought that it might be good if we included a Malay or Indonesian praise and worship song, although I do expect that majority of the youths attending will be Chinese ethnically. We wanted initially to find a song that had English translations alongside the Malay/Indonesian version, but there weren't any. So anyway I was listening to songs from True Worshippers, and I really liked this song called "Yesus" which somehow just spoke to me even though I didn't really understand what the lyrics meant. Google Translate helped a bit in the decision to lead this song, and consequently it meant that this song is on repeat at every opportunity I can get, because Bahasa Indonesia is and was never one of the languages I've ever tried to speak. Although the smattering occurrences of some Malay words that I happen to know made it slightly easier, on the whole I'm stumped at all the more nuanced pronunciations and some assimilation of vowels and whatever else.

Sometimes I like to listen to foreign languages praise albums! Although I haven't much of them, I've got one album of Hillsong Kiev but that doesn't really count because it's mostly familiar Hillsong songs translated into Ukrainian, so I do know in some sense what they are singing about. I've got a few albums from True Worshippers, courtesy from now Lt Fiona's brother who passed them to me the last time I was at Kuching. I don't know what they're singing or praying about, but I do know that it's got something to with worshipping God and giving praise to Him hahahaha. It's like reading a Bible verse at some international service in your mother tongue, or like that time at Tamil camp and I couldn't understand a single word! Always amazing to know how the same God connects across different languages and cultures.

2011-05-18T01:48:00.000+08:00

Been practically lazing my days at church now, because if I stay at home I'll just be on the computer the entire day doing nonsense and rubbish stuff. At least I'll find some company there even if I have nothing significant to do. But I do have to prepare for some stuff like lessons and message and worship, and I am kinda neglecting them because it feels like work and studying all over again and I really just want to take a very very long break! I'm doing shopping and watching movies and catching up with lost friends and spending more time with cell people. Which explains the first cell outing to Escape Theme Park today. I've never been there before, and in all honesty I don't think I've been missing much because the rides are kinda kiddy and there were just about one or two main attractions.

I can't wait for June to come because I've signed up for a slew of camps to fill up my summer vacation! I've decided that I will not want to take up any work this holiday, I want to just eat and sleep and wake up at anytime when I want hahaha. But yeah back to the camps, the most recent upcoming one is Malaysian youth camp which I'm really excited for! Usually all the stuff that I do with Malaysian corps are always a reminder of how blessed things are back in Singapore, and how God is constantly at work everywhere. Actually I'm excited for all the camps la, I want to go into them ready to rah rah garh garh and be expectant of the good things to come. But for the time being I need to learn how to sing a Indonesian worship song! Cannot get the correct pronunciations ahaha probably will need help very very soon.

And if cell group members have taught me anything these two weeks, it is how important youths are to the church and how that huge responsibility sometimes falls on their cell leaders (me) to nudge them in the right directions. Big shoes to fill. Recently I've been talking to a couple of their younger siblings, and some of them are borned in the year 2001 or 2002 and so on! Gosh I'm from the 1980s, and they are actually from this side of the millennium!! There's a ten-year age gap between my youngest cell member and myself. People sometimes ask me if I plan to stay at sec 1 and 2 cells for the next two years too, but without realising it I've been in this lower secondary cell group for the fourth year already and I'm still enjoying the challenges everyday.

Now, off to bed, because I want to wake up early tomorrow to get my straggling work to order.

2011-05-09T03:32:00.000+08:00

The end of exams have been wonderful, I'm happily enjoying the first few days of my carefree life! It's only been about two or three days only, but I feel like I have nothing to worry about and I can go anywhere I want and I have no work to do! Of course, the no work to do is a bit subjective hahaha. But I've found a new source of entertainment: Tintin comics! Huge thanks to Andrew (my cell one) because he came to church on Friday with one of those 3-in-1 collection books, and I was like AAAHHHHHH can I borrow please please please then he said he has the entire collection and he's memorized every plot! Tintin is like my primary school favourite read, apart from Harry Potter I think haha. I remember getting to the school library to borrow every single Tintin comic that they stock, and I always hate the fact that they have missing titles from their collection! Heh but now it's nostalgia time as I indulge in them all over again.

And the General Elections came and went! I'm upset that my Bishan-TP GRC is still PAP-governed. I'm all for change and progress haha! And I admire Chiam See Tong's endearing spirit for a cause that he believes in. But the voting electorate has decided that they favour PAP, and I'm just glad my vote represented my voice in this political stake. Elsewhere, I think the results for Aljunied were woots!!! As I'm writing now, I hear that there are petitions and protests for a by-election in Potong Pasir, for Tin Pei Ling to be removed from Parliament, for George Yeo to be exchanged for someone else, blah blah. I think it's a bit silly, if petition all these then we vote for what? Cmon man, accept the results as indicative of the voter's choice. Never mind that Lina Chiam lost by 114 votes, it was a fair game even if it was a close fight. Much as the GRC system is to be blamed, and I really really think TPL don't deserve a seat in Parliament, but the fact is people still willingly voted for her and her party! And it is at this point that I risk Jolene calling me an ugly Christian again hahaha but I really think people like TPL and Vivian Balakrishnan don't deserve to be my politicians at all, I don't like them, and if I'm in that GRC I will not vote for them in even if they're bunched together with MM and SM and PM! No means no, blame the GRC flaw, and if people really didn't want TPL, they would have voted against her party. I would if I could.

Now I can't wait for the next elections. Hahaha I wanna go rally!

2011-05-06T04:27:00.000+08:00

So I ended exams today, with what must be the worst semester ever since I first got into university. Getting crappy assignment grades, not really keeping up with course readings, skipping a good half of the lectures for two modules, left almost everything to last minute! But it's all over now, this semester will be a bare scrape-through, although I generally think the final exams were much better than what I expected. I was very sorely tempted to write forbidden stuff for my final paper today! It's a geography module on gender and the prof's a feminist academic who is generally a nice lady, but I don't really like how she always makes small insinuations like "guys just never listen" or stuff like that. I find it extremely ironic that she keeps going on about how women are always typified into the private and reproductive home-spaces because of hegemonic essentialist ideals, but she peppers her lectures with stuff like that probably out of zest or for entertainment's sake, but I take offence grr grr grr! So I was on the verge of writing "for the sex worker, the night-time is the best chance for her to get laid" which would be a) derogatory b) not gender-neutral language c) colloquial language d) un-feminist in every single way! Okay maybe not the most witty line I could think of, but I wanted to rile her up haha. But I couldn't bring myself to write that down and I probably would be in heavy guilt and can't sleep for days, so I tamed the diction down. Anyway my respect for sex workers has increased tenfold since visiting Amsterdam last year, and another a hundredfold after taking this module.

And consequently I missed most of the General Elections' activities because of exams! Was busy revising and couldn't spare extra time for all the rallies. Which is a shame really, I'm really excited to vote and exercise my choice/voice and just when my exams ended, the next day is cooling-off day. I think I really disagree with them threatening to my vote with lift upgrades and covered walkways and a fresh coat of paint for my block. Dislike the general arrogance and hypocrisy of the incumbent. I think I behave exactly like a spoilt young brat, there is really a generation gap hahaha! But they just issued a unprecedented apology. On the other hand Chiam See Tong is really admirable. Oh well anyway I head into the voting station on Saturday practically nonpartisan, because to date I have not gone to any rallies, and neither PAP nor SPP candidates have ever visited me on their many walkabouts they seem to be doing all day, well everywhere except my block. For all they claim that they've been serving here for years and blah blah, I really really never see any of my MPs in my entire life before. All I got is the PAP manifesto and many lorries driving around shouting garbled speeches.

2011-05-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

I'm studying hard for my remaining two papers and my choice of location for most of my revision time is the church office! It's almost always noisy there over the weekend, but it's the place where I can be most productive as long as I don't bring my laptop along. I really cannot study at home because there's always the laptop or computer tempting me to go online and waste time, and then there's my comfy bed which gets me asleep in approximately 3 minutes flat. The lighting in my room is not the best too because I am lazy to invest in a study lamp and the my head keeps casting shadows over my notes!

And thanks to Tyrus and Andrea, I've listened to more radio in the past three days than I've ever had in the past three years! They've been blasting 98.7FM through some old left-behind radio in the office. I think I almost never tune in to the FM radio stations on my own free will, because there's already the iPod with a few thousand songs and I'm constantly listening to Christian music anyway hahaha work hazards of a worship leader. But the radio is good, sometimes I need to hear people talking amidst all the songs, only thing is that 98.7FM's song library probably ranges around fifty, because they just keep playing the same songs over and over again every few hours or so.

Okay just found out that internet can stream radio stations! I thought they cancelled it the last time. Okay am I slow or what.

2011-05-01T03:05:00.001+08:00

Right in the middle of exams now, I have two more papers left and they're the content-heavy ones. I feel like I haven't really done much work this semester because of all the unfinished readings and last minute revisions! If there is any term to scrape through, it would have to be this one because of all the disappointing assignments and my tardiness. But exams has been quite fine so far, were quite manageable considering that these were modules that I skipped majority of the lectures or I didn't really follow with the readings. Aargh I'm a lousy student this sem, really horrible. I don't know what I did with all my time.

Elsewhere, general elections is round the corner! I'm off the age of 21 already and glad for the chance at some semblance of political say in my country's governance, because there's some contest in my area! Never been much interested in political news till now, and I always recall shooing Khairul away whenever he starts one of his tirades. Now I am able to empathize with some of the stuff that he fights for, and I realize I really really cannot stand the arrogance and ignorance of some of the stuff they claim over the biased media! But voting is secret and political slants are personal so I shall take this topic off blog spaces hahaha. I shall give more for church offering this week, thank you Grow and Share package.

2011-04-23T11:06:00.000+08:00

So after last night's gave-it-all Good Friday youth service, I'm now in some state of atrophy because I'm really just very exhausted! I wonder how do the pastors and worship leaders of churches with large congregations do it, week in week out they have mega services with just about the same level of high energy! Read somewhere that Mondays are sometimes a bad time for a pastor to take a break from the weekends because of all the adrenaline high and they will feel like they will want to keep going on! Haha I think I definitely won't fit into that bill, I'm so tired and drained out.

The service was massive, I'm really glad to be part of the church with people who are genuinely sincere in loving God. Was battling cough and cold and couldn't sing most of the stuff that I want to sing, but somehow somewhere I could hear people who just kept on singing and singing and singing even though I stopped telling them where to go next, and they were basically just leading for me. Haha maybe it was the rest of the vocalists aiya I'm not sure I only know it sounded angelic and nothing like I've heard before.

And it's only Saturday today. Weird thing about having a public holiday on Friday automatically makes it feel like it's Sunday. I'm thankful for the speedy and timely recovery, even though I still feel unwell slightly. And it gives me a breather for Sunday to make some semblance of the entire Easter significance.

2011-04-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

Just came off a super high fever, I hit 39.1 degrees last night and it was quite scary because I remember hallucinating slightly and kept tossing in bed and couldn't sleep! But the fever broke this afternoon, I'm now in a race to get fit for tomorrow. Leading worship for Good Friday tomorrow, and probably think that I cannot reach the high notes because my voice is quite affected. Haha will see how tomorrow.

Revision is in shambles because of this dratted sickness. But I shall catch up!

2011-04-13T10:33:00.000+08:00

I'm not doing particularly very well this semester, haha majority of the assignments and tests and essays that I've gotten back so far were a huge SIGH. It almost makes it not worthwhile to have spent so much time on it. But aargh whatever, it's time to study for exams! A few days ago I just learnt that you cannot S/U those modules that are within your own faculty!! All along I thought that you only can't S/U the major modules only, and I was still happily thinking that if anything I can make use of that option because I haven't S/U-ed anything since I started my undergraduate course! Oh my gosh all of a sudden I have to study really hard and not be complacent. And I have two more small assignments which are bothering me. I just can't wait to get them over and done with, but at the same time I feel like I want to ace them because of all the poor results so far, so it's taking longer than usual.

Minor updates of the weekend included Gracehaven worship service, which as always is ever a blessing for me to be there. I think the dynamics of Gracehaven changed a lot since I first went there, but it's still great to be part of something greater. And the topic for that evening was the 40 Days of Purpose topic on how we were each made to last forever, so I said something like "life is a dress rehearsal for the Kingdom of heaven". But Colonel Downer went up and said something to the effect of "life is not a rehearsal because you only get one chance at it, so live it well". Hahaha I am slightly puzzled at the antithetical conclusions! Both makes sense to me and I don't think she was rebuking me when she said that, but it got me panicked slightly because I almost thought I said the wrong thing! Anyone with the theology to help me hahaha email me please.

And the last update have to do with the cell members. Been trying to go out with them for breakfasts and dinners as much as my time allows. It's supposed to help me slightly too, because I'll ask them out for breakfasts before Sunday service, hence it forces me to wake up earlier and be on time for service too! And have been trying to support in prayer and in all the "pastoral visits" as much as I can. Sometimes I think it's a burden and a chore, other times I thank God for the opportunity to be a part of their lives. I think the greatest joy comes from growth and positive influence, and when they begin to trust you for the little things it makes it all the more worthwhile. Someone told me somewhere that cell leaders have to get down and dirty with the members all the time, so would the meal times be considered down and dirty? Heh! At the beginning of this year I said will commit to one more year (or was it one last) of cell group leading, which will most likely extend beyond that I think hahaha but I'm refusing to think any further than the end of this year. Because it forces me to think of how much I can achieve within this time that I have, and it's more effective and more goal-oriented and such..

2011-04-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

It's been a three week hiatus for this blog space/place haha, but I'm just coming off the busiest times for almost every NUS undergrad! Was crazy with loads of last minute essays and projects and presentations, but have managed to plough through all of them. Yesterday night I went to bed at 10pm for the first time in weeks or months I have no idea. It's real funny how when I was younger I refused to go sleep at 10pm ever, but now if I ever do get the chance to sleep that early I'll gladly grab it. My to-do list seems to be never-ending it just keeps adding to itself! No sooner have I cleared the list for the night, the next night it just adds on a new set of stuff that needs to be completed.

Thoughts that are going a lot through my head are how I'm really rusty in worship leading and guitar on-stage, how I have stopped reading any of my notes since the mid-term break, how to keep reaching out to the cell group, whether I should buy more frivolous stuff like shades or a really cool film camera, and so on.

Revival's in the air.

2011-03-14T12:15:00.000+08:00

So I took to the stage yesterday with my guitar, after two months of not leading worship ever. Not the longest break that I've had I think, but it definitely made me feel like it was all very unfamiliar. And gosh I realised how rusty I've become! Playing and singing and leading seems so daunting all of a sudden, and I really struggled to get my act together haha! But Gracehaven was great, it's always a blessing to be there.

Thoughts and prayers are with Japan as they weather through all the natural hazards. It wouldn't have meant as much to me if I hadn't met people from the Salvation Army corps in Japan previously. Their territory is quite small, but I remember being very inspired by their territorial commander Commissioner Makoto Yoshida when I was in Hong Kong.

2011-03-11T19:08:00.000+08:00

I've been kept really busy for most of March, had quite a bit of assignments and tests and whatever. Still surviving, but now that it's almost middle of March, I'm losing a bit of steam and motivation. Woke up this morning feeling like I really don't want to do anything, and it's really the wrong day to have this sort of depressive emo moods, because I have a 10% test today! But I kinda woke a little too late for it, and instead of studying last night I was knocked out cold on my bed for 12 hours straight. So I kinda took it as a sign that this mid-term test is not meant to be. And the worst of it all was I forgot that there was a practical submission today! Which was really stupid because I offered to do so but I didn't go school today, and it was a miracle my project mate was still in school, except that it was a late submission. UGHH I will work harder for this module for the rest of the assignments and for the final exam I don't like physical geography modules.

And just about the most interesting thing that happened this week was getting to see fruit flies twitching under a microscope! They anaesthetised it to sort of make them immobile so that we can examine them, and I have to say that the experience is really very surreal, because the fly was really hugely magnified and I can even see the individual hairs and it's red eyes and feelers and abdomen and all. It's like right in front of my face and I can reach out and touch it. And the worst part was there were a few which started wriggling their legs, which was just hugely amusing haha! Okay I think it was just fascinating to me because I've never taken any life sciences classes in my life before, and the opportunities to use the microscope during my primary and secondary school days were really once in a blue moon. So I started examining my pen, my phone, my paper under the microscope haha!

In other news, I'm going to Pulau Semakau tomorrow morning, and it's like my first Geography field trip with NUS. Funny thing is that even though I'm majoring in Geog, I hardly do anything Geog-ish with the department or with the Geog Society outside of the school curriculum. Semakau was because I missed the chance to go during JC days, and this was too good an offer to miss. And, I ordered the Shure Super 55 through Amazon! It was an absolutely don't-think-just-click purchase, because I really have no strong use for it except for its stunning looks. But we shall see, I'll vindicate a use for it when it arrives in the post.

I shouldn't let a bad day today affect my mood. Gaarfffgghhh.

2011-02-28T07:42:00.000+08:00

Not too long ago I really was very tempted to get a Gibson SJ-200, but it retailed like $8000 plus plus at Swee Lee and there was no way I could convince myself spending that much on a guitar. Recently I found out I could get it at $4000 odd if I go to other guitar retailers overseas, but still what a significant amount of money! But look at the beauty. And now I'm looking at the Shure Super 55 because it looks so retro and fun! And coincidentally Elvis Presley uses both of them, guitar and mic! The Super 55 is way more affordable, should I should I should I?? Frivolous buy, but awesome looks!

2011-02-27T03:16:00.000+08:00

I think I actually prefer it when lecturers give page limits instead of word limits for their assignments! So far, all the written essay assignments that I've had to do all included a pre-stipulated maximum number of words. And that sort of became my criterion for judgements on what is required of that essay? Hahaha for 1000 odd words I don't need to put in that much effort for originality, because the number of words just do not allow for a lot of personal interactions; and for 5000 words I need to borrow a truckload of books because I need to show that I read a lot for the essay and I am capable of personal thought and blah blah.

But this semester I have, for the first time in my life, page limits instead of word limits! I have no absolute way of gauging how much I have to put in for four pages, with a 1.25 inch margin all around, 12 font with double spacing. But I realised that it actually allowed my thought processes to flow better than all the previous essays I've ever put my guts into. After I'm done with all the margins and spacing and whatever requirements, I just type and type in some stream of consciousness that is surprisingly coherent. Maybe it's because I don't have to keep running the word count function, and maybe because with a word limit then I would go "I'm halfway through a thousand words", and I would be aiming to cut down my number of words, because I almost always exceed the word limit.

But with page limits, filling the pages with words seems more logical and more proper, if it is even considered proper. Haha alright, back to the essay, it's flying and taking form quicker than I imagined it to be.

2011-02-26T09:23:00.000+08:00

Here's a small unknown fact that will probably just go unnoticed in church as time goes by. About close to four months, I told the Sunday worship leaders over a meeting that I wanted to take a break from Sunday service worship for the next two years or so. Mainly for reasons to focus more on cell group and co-leaders. It was quite a tough decision to make, but at the same time it did not take too long for me to come to that conclusion either. Tough decision, because I have really enjoyed being a part of the music that happens on Sunday services, and I've been in a wonderful team that helped to sharpen me spiritually and musically. And relatively fast decision, because I think at the start of this year I really wanted to be more focused and I felt that cell group with the addition of two new co-leaders had to take priority.

A couple of years back I did a similar stepping down from Friday youth service worship team, at that probably because I really couldn't take my increasingly hectic worship schedules. Hahaha I remember those back-to-backs when it seems like there's never-ending songs for me to plan, sing, practice or play. No sooner had I finished one service, I have to go back and plan for the next two. Haven't had crazy periods like those since then, and more so even now. I used to think that my involvements in the worship ministry was kinda superfluous to everything else that I'm doing in church, that it was not one of my main core ministries, that if I ever wanted to offload then worship would be the first. But I think God kinda winged that back at me and helped to affirm and anoint whatever that I've been doing with my singing or my guitar playing.

Worship still continues with or without being on stage, and I thank God for all of the experiences and talents and blessings and rewards all these years. Eh nope, guitar won't be rusty too, I've just got the latest Gracehaven worship schedule, and Min Jie just asked if I can do Good Friday's service.

2011-02-24T03:16:00.000+08:00

There's this German confectionery brand called Ritter Sport, you should have heard of them chocolate bars, I think they are relatively common in Singapore. They have quite a few varieties like dark chocolate or milk chocolate with hazelnuts or with almonds or something. And in my opinion, the best thing about Ritter Sport is that each variety comes with its own special colour! Call it my cheap thrills or whatever, but I really enjoy going into some supermarket and seeing green and red and white and blue in neat rows on the display shelves, and knowing that I can pick any one of those colours (or variety) should I ever feel like having a Ritter Sport chocolate snack.

But for all the colours and types at my choice disposal, I almost always fall back on the one with the yellow packaging which says 'Cornflakes' on it. Hahaha I like choices and I like being able to deliberate on my chocolate decisions. For most parts of it, that is a good thing to me, except that my final purchase would almost invariably be dear old 'Cornflakes', reason being it's my favourite among all the choices! And actually that's a slight misnomer, I can't really put claim to it being my favourite, because I don't exactly remember trying the other varieties at all! Once upon a long time ago I tried 'Cornflakes' and I liked it so much that it became my default purchase among the smorgasbord.

Okay this post makes me sound a bit air-headed, but everytime I look at all those choices on the shelves I tell myself one day I shall try this and another day I shall try that, but the impulse of the moment is always to reach for the one that I'm most familiar with. Kinda like never ever stepping out of my comfort zone right? Hahaha and here's the twist in a really dark sense of humour, cos on Valentine's Day I received two Ritter Sport chocolate bars, in any other colour but yellow! One of them is 'Raisins and Hazelnut', another is 'Dark whole hazelnuts'. It's cruel because I don't really like my chocolates to have nuts and raisins and fruit bits! The two of them are currently residing in my fridge and earning my deepest suspicion, because I seriously doubt if they are anywhere as good as 'Cornflakes'. But then again if I didn't receive them as presents, I probably would never get around to trying these varieties ever.

In the purest of all honesty, I was very tempted to give them away for the next friend who celebrates a birthday hahahaha. But no. I will try them and eat them.

2011-02-10T14:54:00.000+08:00

A oompletely non-related and slightly random observation, but I'm completely enthralled whenever I see a keyboardist/pianist using a Nord Keyboard, from the Swedish company Clavia! I can't remember when I first noticed someone using the keyboard, but you really can't miss it because I think most of their keyboards are an electrifying red, and it's really difficult for me not to like it for its colour. They've got several models I don't really know how to determine if a particular keyboard is good or not because I'm not adept with a piano. But I used to think that when it came to analogue or digital keyboard sounds or synthesizer or padded sounds, I thought the ones to beat are the Yamaha Motif series and the Korg M3s and even the Rolands.

Again, I have to emphasize that I know next to nothing according to keyboards! Ask me about guitars and I might hold a better conversation on that topic. But I like it because it's visually stunning (RED!) and makes a bold statement. When we were up in Stockholm last year, I think one of the keyboardist was using one. Think the keyboardist at Taylor Swift concert was using one too. It sounds kinda shallow to just like a gear because of its appearance, but I would be pretty sure the keyboards could hold well the layering and the holds and whathaveyou, was never a keyboardist/pianist, and probably won't be in the near future. But if I'm one, I'll be soooo tempted to fetch one for a princely sum.

2011-02-10T01:20:00.000+08:00

Just back from Taylor Swift's concert, I'm not a terribly crazy fan of her but I like her music, and was mostly there because Joanna couldn't find other people to go with to the concert! Joanna was like my personal DJ, she hollers to me the name of every song that they're playing. Don't get me wrong I've listened to Taylor Swift's songs before, and to "prepare" for this concert I listened to the new album a few times, but I just don't put the corresponding titles to the familiar music/lyrics, hence Joanna kept "how could you not know what song she's singing!" But it was a great show, I really love the way she flashes her mega-watt smile! Happiness came from great music, awesome guitars, nice animated displays... And more than anything now I'm inspired now that ukulele can be a stage concert instrument.

2011-02-07T09:29:00.000+08:00

I suppose this post will be quite personal, but it's been something that has been on my mind quite a fair bit and it never really showed signs of abating completely. Something triggered the entire "family church" thingy that I took great lengths to resolve in the past two years. After service yesterday, Vivian suddenly decided that she wanted to draw a family tree of our church youths because she was enlightened by a lot of familial relations suddenly made known to her! Most parts of it went like "are you sure they are siblings" and "didn't know they are cousins", and she had to put all the relationships down on paper to make sense of it all! So she grouped immediate family members together, drew curly lines for cousins, linked all those who were in love... etc. Then the trouble came when we had to fit certain individuals who comes to church regularly, but their parents or their siblings do not attend any of our services. In the end we circumvented the problem by drawing isolated smiley faces for each of these people.

People like me.

I should clarify a bit that my parents used to attend church, way back in the 1990s when I first started attending Sunday School. My sister was with me all the way till her mid-secondary school age or so. But yep they stopped coming sometime somewhere. And the questions I tend to get a lot in church is, why did they stop coming, or what happened, or are they still attending some other church? I know it's pure concern more than anything, but I recall growing up in church in my teenage years, that everytime someone asked me those questions, I wished they would ask more about me who is the one attending church, rather than about my family who doesn't attend church. Of course that was my attention-seeking and young self muddling my way about my first forays into church ministry. A few years later I'm not the most wisest, but I think back and I see the difference in my thought processes.

I used to be quite envious when people share about how their families pray together at home, or how they've got cousins and aunts and uncles worshipping in the same church and they see each other every week. Then there were families who go to church together on Sundays and maybe two or three of these would be closer families and their children will grow up from young playmates. And the clincher was festive occasions like Christmas or Chinese New Year, where different families would visit one another or gather at a common place and all seems merry and dandy. Sure, this sounds slightly idealistic, but when my parents aren't that close to anyone in church and when my sister doesn't come, it sure feels like I'm all alone every Sunday and every Christmas and every CNY. My family is awesome and I love them very much, but there are times when I really wish we were all going to church together every week.

Okay this is not all negative, that is not to imply that I did not meet great mentors and friends who took me in easily and looked out for me like we were somehow related. I'm grateful to all of them who prayed for me constantly, or they were people I could cry to asking for help, or they gave invitations so readily that it sometimes made me feel almost embarrassed to accept it. I know church is the family of believers, but bottom line is I still feel like I stick out like a sore thumb when almost everyone has parents or siblings somewhere in church to call their biological family.

Enough rambling, I've tried to bring in my personal experiences into my cell group ministry, showing more interest in their lives and giving them more time outside of church. And even more so whenever I go to Gracehaven because I am constantly reminded of the need for reaching out and acceptance and social justice. And I've realised that if a person like me, after more than a decade and a half in church and I still feel left out, what more for newcomers into church. Need to show love, and till then I'm still a separate smiley face in Vivian's tree, but if not for my church family of believers I wouldn't be where I am today too.

2011-02-06T03:13:00.000+08:00

It's Chinese New Year, and have been visiting quite a fair bit in the past three days. For most of the years my grandma's place (dad's side) is usually the only place my family visits on the second day. And even at that, lunch is just seven of us squeezed into a small table, perfunctory and almost methodical, which is also why I think my grandma's cooking pretty much defines most of my CNYs every year. There were more houses visited this year, and if I have to be specific in my lingo, the "more houses" would belong to friends, whereas my grandma's place are the relatives.

Somehow it seemed as if my time freed up a lot. I haven't really done much since the start of this year. In the past few years it felt like I was constantly running back-to-back races; no sooner had I just finished one, and I have half a sight on the next finishing line. But the first month of this year creeped by without much significant events, and I'm rested for the better. A lot more free time to take it a leisure's pace.

I need to catch up on my extremely delayed readings.

2011-01-23T01:19:00.003+08:00

Yesterday night at youth service and cell group was a huge encouragement and a very very big testament of how God works in marvellous ways through each one. During testimony giving time, it was just person after person after person thanking God for something in their lives, and it's not very frequent that we've had such forthcoming responses. It was to the point where my iPod played finish one entire Hillsong album, and we're still not done. But what made it particularly satisfying and edifying to me was how quite a lot of those from my old/new cell group came up to share! If somewhere throughout the week something good happens in one of their lives that makes them excited enough to tell me, I will usually tell them go up and give testimony on Fri, and then they will be like "oh nooo cannot I shy I scared blah". But most times they do anyway, as long as I make the right bargains like buy them bubble tea heh!

Standing up and being visible and displaying thankfulness is something that some of my friends firmly believe in, it kinda rubbed into me overtime throughout the years. But nothing beats seeing your own cell group people gathering courage to stand up there and testify of the Lord's goodness. Okay la it only works for me and my cell haha because I'm so old and they're so young. But I have to say, even though I always encourage and force and coerce and plead and bargain with them to give testimony, when they eventually stand up there in front, none of them has ever said anything resembling Guan You told me to come up. Okay it's unexplainable the joy and elation that I feel haha.

Vivian's testimony included being happy to come to church and looking forward to Fridays and Sundays. I need to start going about in that same attitude too, not that I pull a long cucumber face in church, but I need to keep reminding myself to be expectant of God's miracles.

2011-01-20T19:28:00.000+08:00

Alright here's one tiny confession about reading and books. I quite like receiving books for presents, and I do enjoy reading. But thing is, the books that I usually leave on the shelves unread are the ones that I get from presents! And they usually stay there for months and months until I need something to read, then I will remember that I have that book and hence the birth of a new read. Those are my "low priority" books, my high priority ones tend to be school-related or I need to finish this literature novel for my class or this textbook. Then the middle and in-betweens tend to be the books that I buy for myself, because when I spend money on something then I will have a higher impetus to make it worthwhile.

And when I do buy books for other people, I tend not to get familiar books or books that I've already read before. That's cos I am usually bewildered whenever I step into any library or bookshop, there's too many books at my choice disposal, so I usually end up getting books which I am interested to read, or books that look interesting. In that process I'm also hoping that when this particular friend finishes the book, they can lend it to me!

Now you know what to do if you received books from me before, or if you receive books from me in future!

2011-01-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

Something I never got around to blogging, was the previous combined territorial youth service's worship. For all of last year, every combined meeting or camp that the Youth Dept organised, I was among the musicians/leaders singing and playing. That in itself is a pretty amazing opportunity which I had the privilege to be a part of. And ministry work always works out into huge blessings for me; I sing and I hear the congregation singing back to God, which kinda makes worship leading such a pivotal role to me. But at the same time I don't get to be part of the congregation and most times I don't get to experience worship from the pews! So it was with much relish and delight that I wasn't part of the music team two weeks ago, presumably cos I was already giving a short sharing. And I've gotta say, whoo hoo! Great atmosphere, it was just electrifying. That's not to say that the normal Sundays and Fridays and whatever other services have lacklustre atmospheres, cos I am trying to learn how to worship from the heart and not from the music I hear now, hence I can't put myself down to such comparisons.

School's into its second week, I gotta start to focus now.

2011-01-11T02:33:00.000+08:00

Ten or eleven days into this side of the 2011 new year, and nary a blog post! Surely my life isn't that uneventful. Okay, the last things I recall doing over the weekend that just passed included a 10-minute message at territorial combined youth service, and leading worship on Sunday service. I haven't shared any messages or sermons in a long time, so to foreground a 10 minute speech I have to prepare like 10 hours? And same goes for leading worship; of late I have been forgetting lyrics and getting the jitters when I'm midway singing. But again, it's always His grace at work, and my words and my songs are not worshipful if they are not His, so ughhh more preparation more planning more practice.

I am, in most manner of things, excited about the new things this year. New cell group, new lessons in school, new books, new ventures... I am also trying to plan a holiday in June or July! Hahaha shall see where that will take me.

2010-12-31T05:03:00.001+08:00

I'm five hours into the last day of 2010, and I generally think that my thought processes flow best after midnight if I want to write something. I mean, look at the assignments which I have to do for school! The bulk of almost every essay's content that I did for this year was written when everyone in my house is asleep and snoring. So I kinda figured that now's a good time for me to write my traditional reflection post on the year that is passing, in the light that the newer year is coming. I have a strange suspicion that I missed the last two years' worth of reflections, because I've either been too busy or I just wasn't as bothered to sit down in front of the computer. But tonight, the stars are in the right alignment, I've found the right position in my seat, the keys tapping away on my laptop make for nice accompanying sounds this late into the night... So a long blog post to toast a great year!

I think the biggest highlights of this year were the extensive mileages that I've clocked for my passport and for myself! It was the first time I've been to so many countries and cities in a single year. Was in Bangladesh getting all flustered to meet my World Vision adopted child for three years, and battling heavy rain in the Sundarban mangroves. The new friends I met on the trip were some of those who taught me the greatest lessons in life, although I have not been so faithful to attend the gatherings after the trip because of worship leading at Gracehaven! Both times! Was also in Europe getting to Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam, Stockholm, and a 5-hour transit in Brussels cos of train delays, getting to all the must-gos and must-sees and must-dos, which included streets, cathedrals, monuments, buildings, blah blah. Great company from David and Yurong! And spectacular Salvation Army youth conference in Stockholm which pretty much justified my initial doubts. I don't really travel a lot unless there's a utilitarian function to it, and holidays with family are once in a blue moon. But now I think I really do need that kind of break to be totally away from everything and to just soak! Okay where shall I go in 2011 for personal holiday?

Without a doubt, I have to say something about my cell group again. I can stamp my foot down to say that they are some of the best people I've met in my life thus far, and it's my awesome privilege to be a part of their lives for this year (and for some of them, almost three years!). There's a previous post dedicated for them already, but I still want to emphasize the impact they have on my life and my ministry, because I really was this close to leaving everything this year, but commitment to them comes almost above everything else that I do in church, and there's no way I can leave them floundering. Blessed beyond words for all the lives that I've met, and nope, fifty new friends in those three years is not a misnomer. They just keep bringing their friends and new people just keep coming and I keep having to learn new names and be involved with new things for each person's life. Last cell group outing two days ago had 16 people cycling or blading, without full attendance! It's quite a joy watching them grow in faith, grow in maturity, grow in size/height/weight over the years, and the silly things they do or the weird hairstyles they had when they were younger. Okay I was once like them too haha. A huge thanks to them for all the fun and laughter and meaning and purpose and lessons learnt. And a very special mention to Jolene for doing all the things that I didn't do, for being the cheerleader, supporter, counsellor, mother, teacher, scold-and-scolder... Haven't spent as much time and effort with you as I would like to, but I assure you you're doing a great job, it's an absolute delight all these years and you're still important in my life!

And there's the other major role that I do at church, which put simply requires me to go onstage to sing and play guitar at the same time. Except that I often forget it's as much a leadership position that requires me to also draw people to the mercy seat, to connect people with God, to turn eyes to Jesus. I didn't lead worship as frequently as I used to do this year compared to in previous years, but still there was a very marked change in my perspectives and style and musicianship. Mind-blowing at the territorial youth camp which was just hours and hours of praising and worshipping, and in part also to very good mentors and advisors that I've met this year, and also in part to the huge amounts of time that I used to devote to doing chordsheets!! Hahaha what an unlikely source, but in the past I used to twiddle with the keys of a song a lot, and I would transpose songs into different keys for hours on end just to try, which was also when I wasn't a very good guitarist. Then all those efforts paid off now when I can look at a chordsheet, decide that I want to do capo 7, then right on the spot transpose and surprise myself by getting 80% of the chords right. The other 20% is a murk. At the start of the year I felt like God was getting me to mentor people in this area as well, and I thought okay well one or two will be cool, I can mess up their lives a bit hahaha, but they came in droves and there's five of them now that probably show far more potential than what I can teach them with. Corps youth camp worship deserves their credit, I didn't do much at all.

I usually don't have anything good to say for school, but sometimes being a Geography major gets you somewhere in life, because I learn about so much social things and quite a bit of current affairs and other heady ideological stuff, that it helps me to pretend I'm smart at some things. But yeah, I'm probably one of those students who study just enough and skip the additional readings, get decent and respectable grades and whoohoo. Either I'm really smart and brilliant for this year, or I just happened to study the correct things right before exams. In any case, I want to be a better student next year! I'm getting like mostly B+s for everything, but I shall resolve to do better than that because I know I have the time and the discipline to study more if I just managed my time better.

More time for other things.

And that basically sums up my entire year... With a bit of what I want to do next year. I think top priority goes to the new cell group, the new mentees that are coming under my charge, to worship leading and where it will take me. Family's right there near the top too! Okay it's time for bed, it's been a blessed year.

2010-12-30T10:31:00.001+08:00

Cell group outing yesterday! Kinda envisioned it as a conclusion to this year, and before they all disappear to other cells. Hence it was a lot of pregnant, poignant moments that made me treasure each of them for the person they are.

We were at East Coast Park cycling or roller-blading the whole afternoon, then Parkway for dinner, before we all decided to go Andrea's house, with the werewolf game and with lots of chili and black pepper crabs!

Okay cell group, great times being your leader.

2010-12-28T01:41:00.000+08:00

The Christmas weekend was a good respite from everything. It kinda felt like I hadn't got a proper holiday yet! Since my last exam for last semester, everyday went something like wake up, rush for this, rush for that, do this do that. I want a day where I'm just home (and prefably in bed) just lazing and taking things at a snail-leisurely pace to do irrelevant things without any pressure or deadlines. I led worship on Christmas morning, which kinda came hot on the heels after youth camp, so I was quite exhausted of having to prepare for yet another worship set.

Of course, one of the eagerly-anticipated traditions that we do every year, is the after-service gifts and cards exchange! Usually I receive gifts that require me to eat them, but this year I think I've got a slightly more percentage of stuff that I can use/display/read rather than stuff which I have to consume. Hahaha either way, thanks to all those who gave me presents and/or cards for Christmas! I expect the guilt game to continue every year, because I've decided about a few years back that I shall not go down the road of writing cards and giving mass presents to everyone. So this year was just cards to leaders, some presents to certain individuals, and long essays in cards to cell group people! And, managed to hit town a few times this December for the glimmering lights! Which, in past years, have been rather non-existent because of various commitments.

I've got about two or three more weeks before school starts again. I'm looking to read productively, although at the rate that I read, I probably will give up whatever novel I'm embarking on once the school term kicks in.

2010-12-23T03:19:00.000+08:00

Back from our corps youth camp! God's been great, it was a lot of fun and a lot of learning. Might have only been 3 days, but I felt that it was long enough to do quite a lot of things! I think half the campers were 15 and below, so that means they fall directly under my cell group or to-be cell groups, and my prayers are answered! Everybody's integrated and mingled and mish-mashed and jumbled up, waaay younger people talking to waaay older people blah blah. It kinda feels weird for me to be a gatecrasher with not much responsibilities, I'm neither an active participant nor am I a full-fledged group leader for camp hahaha! Worship was great, with the very talented team of new leaders on board. They sorted out their own practices and songs and music while I was away at ICT last week, so I had to find something to play on the guitar that didn't clash with them. My guitar capo was my lifesaver for three-quarters of the songs, and a lot a lot a lot of on-the-spot transposing in my head oh my gosh I should go memorize the Nashville system really soon. Or just play everything by ear, which might be slightly faster.

Alright, I'm kinda just rambling, real tired out from insufficient sleep.

2010-12-19T00:58:00.000+08:00

My mind goes towards the testimonies and affirmations that Jolene suggested we do during cell group time on Friday night. Last Friday was the last youth service for the year, and poignant because three-quarters of my cell will be "graduating" and moving into older cell groups next year. Think I've mentioned it before, but this is the first time in quite a few years that another cell group of mine is breaking up. So Jolene decided we should give thanks to someone within the cell for whatever influence and impact that helped shape our personal lives. And sitting there listening to each of their sharings, I realise how much I'm going to miss this bunch of people. It didn't seem like it at the start of this year, but I think all of them changed a lot a lot, became wiser and older and more intelligent and more responsible. Small things that didn't seem to matter a lot to me at that time suddenly meant so much more, which is real ironic because once again I underestimate the significance and the weight of what God can do with my brokenness.

Anyway, I'm trying out my last grasps of reaching out to them where I can! A bit belated but I have been too busy this whole year. Writing cards and wrapping presents now. Have to put up a disclaimer for this Christmas, cards for the cell group and for the youth leaders! And presents only for the mentees and camp worship leaders hahaha. Cell group presents already given out. I'm running out of time to write cards, and I firmly believe that each card should come with an essay, so it's gonna take some time. Hahaha okay that's all back to work!

2010-12-18T12:24:00.000+08:00

I'm back to work! A week-long break in army kinda distanced me from everything, but it was great meeting up with the old friends again. Yesterday I went shopping for stuff I will need for the youth camp! Haha so exciting to be buying shampoo and toothpaste and whatever else. Usually I would do this extremely last minute, and most of the times I would have them already at home, but my stay in army camp kinda depleted all these toiletries so I had to buy. Excited!! I can't wait for it, the worship leaders have been very active in my absence, but I have not even printed out their chordsheets to practice yet! Shall do it tonight, which means it will probably get to a very late hour.

I am staring at the amount of Christmas cards I have to write, and I need to do a lot of things for a lot of things. I wish I have a personal assistant for this haha.

And off to Lynn and Min Jie's wedding in a bit!

2010-12-13T01:03:00.000+08:00

It seems like the past few days were jam packed with activities. It was like one after the other, meetings and practices and services and meeting up with people or going out with some of the cell members, then at night rushing home to complete everything that needs to be done. I've always believed in the wonders of technology, for all of it's simple and cheap/free interfaces for all forms of communication! So it was emails and SMS and MSN galore, tonnes of things to do. I actually meant to finish writing my Christmas cards, but I have not even started on any one thus far.

Andrea sent a rather thought-provoking message today, because she was deluded in her Pluto-world. But she said something to the effect of when you get into space and you float by all the giant planets and stars, it's only then you realise how small you really are. It kinda brought me back to earth, because sometimes due to pride or whatever, it is just so easy to ignore the smallness of myself. I can slog my guts out with all the stuff to do, but if I'm not mindful of the larger schemes then I'm missing the point.My early new year resolution is to be a better cell leader and better worship leader.

Okay, off to bed, I'm away for a week at ICT, army, camp, training, reservist, whatever you call it. This is both welcomed and unwelcomed, because it forces me to take a breather from whatever I'm involved in, but at the same time this is an extremely wrong timing for me to be away. But oh well, nothing to be undone.

2010-12-10T13:16:00.000+08:00

Was doing Christmas kettling and hanging out with Jeremy Hee Jeremy Kwan Jing Yang and Andrea yesterday in town! This year's kettling at AMK Hub is dissolved, we went to Centrepoint to help with Gracehaven's slots instead. But what's more remarkable is, the company that I did kettling with, they're people from my cell whom I seldom contact outside of the weekend! I think it's cos they're guys, and I always think it's harder to SMS or MSN them casually hahaha. The girls are more chatty hahaha. Anyway, we had a four hour break where we went to play shooting games hahaha kudos to Andrea for joining us. And it was a good time catching up with them, I should do this more often!

And Christmas is coming, which means I'm spending tonnes of money on presents and gifts and cards. Easily spent like half a thousand this week alone, and I don't dare to look at my bank account balance! Okay some of it will be claimed, but Decembers are money-drainers haha. I think showing appreciation is very important, and the end-of-years always gives a nice reason to wrap things conclusively.

Alright, I skipped today's kettling and let them go do themselves instead, but going to meet them later. Now to get some work done!

2010-12-05T03:58:00.000+08:00

3am now, and I'm not asleep because I'm thinking about my cell group. Hahaha lookie I'm so dedicated! But yeah, there is a reason why they are keeping me up. It's coming to two years and a half since I first took the Sec 1 cell, and it didn't seem not too long ago? Back then it was only just Sam and Celine; I now have over ten people in the cry room at any one Friday. I reckon if I were to sit down and count every single one of those Sec 1 to 3s that I've met in my term as their cell leader, including those that used to join us but have since moved on, including their friends of their friends, I'd have easily chalked up FIFTY new people whom I've had the awesome privilege to meet over these years. I make every effort to invite them over on Fridays, most of them came over once, and sometimes I try to think how my cell group would be like now with fifty instead of the fifteen now, had I been totally successful in trying to retain all the Sec 1 to 3s in my church and in my cell. Hahaha they say numerical growth is one of the indications that you're doing something right and you're adding believers into your meeting. I'd sure love to do that, I mean, it should be every church leader's desire for more believers right? But just imagine, fifty!! I speak spake spoke to all of them before! If I were half as enthusiastic I would have twenty-five now. I really really can go form my own youth group hahaha.

Numbers aside, it's with some form of nostalgia and regret that we're moving into new territories for next year. There will be new additions, because this year's Pri 6s are moving up, and already I've met some of them. Kinda letting go of three-quarters of my sheep now and giving them graduation rights! And it is when we let go, that all the last-minute regrets come sinking in. Like, I wished that I had done more for this person, why does it feel like I don't know him/her at all, why didn't I did this at that time, why hadn't I done this till now, etc etc. All of a sudden I feel like no no no I don't want to let go yet, God please give me an extension of my holidays and give me six more months with them! I feel like I haven't done enough, feel like I could have been a better cell leader, feel like I didn't accomplish much, feel like they're growing up faster than I could catch up.

Of course there are times when they irritate me to death, or when there's just this idiosyncratic thing for their maturity which refuses to bow over, or whatever you associate with younger ages. That's not to say they're entirely childish and immature, because they probably don't know how much of an encouragement they are to me, for every single "right" and "correct" thing that they do. The best part is sharing in their joys when they passed exams or win some competition which you've been praying for them for. Have to let them clambour over my head shouting that I'm old and expired and naggy, but also have to try and get into their world to influence them and shape their attitudes if I can.

It's been quite an exhilirating journey. I don't really want to put it down just yet. But the year's ending and I should make use of the remaining time I have, and learn from the has-beens. Looking forward to next year!

2010-12-02T00:20:00.000+08:00

One thing which I never got around to sharing, was that several eventful things happened on Gracehaven night last Sunday! First prominent and promising thing was Tim's first worship leading, and with nice bass playing to boot too. And second were the testimonies and affirmations and thanksgivings by some of the people there. Got to catch up with old/new friends cos it was one huge gathering. And last thing was, the youth that I prayed for during appeal accepted Christ! It kinda just felt right to ask him about his salvation after praying for him, so the second prayer involved him reciting my garbled sinner's prayer! WHOO HOOOO it is a good feeling.

And was at a SNYO concert last night at Esplanade. Made me feel like picking up cello and double bass. I'm kinda just doing stuff that I haven't had the time to do when I was busy studying. Of course top of the list is sleep! Elsewhere, I'm getting down to guitar shops to snoop around, changing guitar strings, etc. Shall do my own guitar tomorrow.